by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner
The biggest thing I have to worry about when thinking of querying is, well ME. I’m a loudmouth crank and I always do the wrong thing, at least when it comes to zigging when “normal” people would expect a zag.
So, that’s the main thing I worry about when I think about the practical nuts-and-bolts of querying this thriller. I’m really concerned that the moment I start to send out query letters that this Website will be pinged by literary agents who will roll their eyes at me being such a fucking kook.
In the past, I’ve really had a problem with literary types taking me seriously. And the fact that my novel is rather…spicy…and has a part-time sex worker as its heroine is not exactly going to help me any.
I’m just too opinionated in ways that might offend the “woke cancel culture mob.” The great irony is, of course, is if I could meet any of these hypothetical literary agents in person, I think they would find me quite personable.
But, just like how I can never get anyone to swipe right on me on a dating app, I suspect I’m zooming into a huge, catastrophe. The literary agents that I contact will probably roll their eyes and laugh at me.
It wouldn’t be the first time something like that has happened, so, lulz. I just want to go through the actual experience of querying to see what happens. I’m bound to make oodles of mistakes, but as long as I go into the experience with extremely low expectations, I should be fine.
