‘The Talented Ms. Hicks’ — #Lyrics To A Woke Power Ballad

This is meant to tell the theoretical story of Donald J. Trump and his communicates director, Hope Hicks. I have my suspicions that they’re, um…doing it and because it’s a really screwed up situation it seems like great fodder for a power ballad that, say, Bernie Taupin might write.

The Talented Ms. Hicks
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

she directs communication late at night
telling her man he has the world
in his very, very, very large hands
what Melania doesn’t know what hurt her
Donald is of the flesh and weak for
the talented Ms. Hicks
the talented Ms. Hicks
the talented Ms. Hicks

the talented Ms. Hicks
brings with her vitality
she’s perfect as can be
makes the darkness flee
even at night she shines bright like the moon
her touch is ever so smooth
what’s a man to do

Donald doesn’t care what the press will think
he’s above the law
at least he thinks
he’ll pardon himself if need be to be with her
what happens in the Lincoln bedroom or
the Oval shouldn’t matter to anyone
when you have the nuclear codes

the talented Ms. Hicks licks her lips
moves her hips just a little bit for kicks
she has Donald wrapped around her thumb
who knows what fate will bring with it
in the end it will just be she and The Donald

‘Firebomb’ — #Lyrics To A Woke Power Ballad

I like songs that tell stories. So, this tells the story of a “firebombing” at a retail store in the era of Trump. It would be topical and draw upon what’s in the air right now. That’s my goal at least. This one did not turn out nearly as well as I had hoped.

Firebomb
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

it was the week before Irma hit ground
the quiet before the storm
we didn’t know what was going to hit us
nature was hissing at us with fate
it was obvious to see
what was going to happen soon

with the Koreans in thew news
we knew a firebomb was on its way
the staff was going to be gone soon
after the open interviews took place
the firebomb was on its way
the firebomb was on its way
the firebomb was on its way

moral was at an all time low
soon we would have to all hit the road
we weren’t welcome anymore
the store was about to change
if it survive the storm that is

firebomb, firebomb, firebomb, firebomb
what is going to happen to us
where will we turn I cry out
there’s nothing we can do
but lock the doors behind us in dispair

‘Lady New York’ — #Lyrics To A Pop-Rock Song

This is just an ode to New York City. It would be a pop-rock song. This would be an upbeat response to LCD Soundsystem’s New York I Love You, But You’re Bringing Me Down.

Lady New York
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

lady New York
I enter you on the ChinaTown bus
the wifi sucks and works not enough
see you in the distance calling my name
knowing if I could stay
you’d be my ticket to fame
I only get to be your lover for a weekend
don’t get to stay
know you wish it could be some other way

lady New York
love you when I can
lady New York
you’re waiting for me
lady New York
lady New York
lady New York

your streets and bars
are there to inspire me
it’s clear to see
if I could be with you forever
things would never be the same
but it’s never to be
it’s obvious to me

lady New York
our time together is a blast
but it doesn’t last
we always have to part
just as we’re about to start
maybe one day that will change
but I fear such thoughts are in vain

lady New York
love you when I can
lady New York
you’re waiting for me
lady New York
lady New York
lady New York

[bridge]
I know you’ll one day be mine
I know it will be so fine
we’ll grow old together
and I’ll get to raise a family with you
lady New York
lady New York
lady New York

but it’s all a dream
it all has to end
when we will me again
I just don’t know
lady New York I’ll be in you again soon
lady New York
lady New York
lady New York

‘Programmable’ — #Lyrics To A Slow Pop R&B Song

Again, these are found lyrics by Erykah Badu. She ¬†tweeted the hook. Whatever. I’m just enjoying the day writing. No one cares about any of the lyrics. This is relaxing.

Programmable
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

[hook]
I am not programmable
I am not programmable
I am not programmable

if you try to input your code
into my node
I will tell you what to go
because I know for sho
I am not programmable
I am not programmable
I am not programmable

you think you got
my mind mapped out
all the words in my head
and what is about to come out
but I know for sure
I am not programmable
I am not programmable
I am not programmable

[bridge]
the information that you feed me
makes this machine confused
because you’re all wet
and nothing you say is set

we’re all in this alone
even when we’re in the zone
this isn’t Westworld
at least not yet
let me tell you again
I am not programmable
I am not programmable
I am not programmable

‘Somebody’ — Lyrics To A Slow R&B Song

So, I’m a big fan of “found verse” and I’m also a fan of Erykah Badu, and I’m listening to Jhene Aiko who inspires me, so you get these lyrics. I’m just having a relaxing afternoon on a rainy day. Just trying to tell a story using a writing prompt from a tweet by Ms. Badu. This would be a slow, melodic R&B song like you might find done by Ms. Badu or Ms. Aiko.

Somebody
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

somebody should have taken my device this morning
somebody should have see this coming
somebody save me from this life
somebody bring me some delight

somebody is all I need
somebody who makes me sing
somebody who makes my bell ring
somebody, somebody, somebody

somebody is what we all need
somebody with a nice smile
somebody for whom we’d walk a mile
somebody to bring us a smile
somebody maybe who is kind

somebody never seems to come
somebody always seems late or on the run
somebody is all I ask for
somebody you cares

somebody is all I need
somebody who makes me sing
somebody who makes my bell ring
somebody, somebody, somebody

[bridge]
will anyone, somebody hear my plea
for a little love for little old me
all I ask is somebody hear me now
somebody who might dare me to risk it all

somebody I know is out there for me
somebody who will love me for everything I am
somebody to bring me to my personal truth
somebody, is it you?

‘Your Man’ — #Lyrics To A Slow Pop R&B Song

I really get a lot of inspiration from Jhene Aiko, so in my imagination, the music to this song would be much like the beats associated with her music. But, as usual, this is just me telling a story in verse. Make of it what you will. The lyrics of this song kind of went a little bonkers, but I am just doing free verse off the top of my head.

Your Man
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

your man has your head
but I want your heart
your man has his head in the sand
he thinks he’s got you forever I understand
but he doesn’t know the love I could bring
if you would just swing by my way

your man is younger and cutier
your man is in a band
but your man won’t treat as well as me
I wanna be your man
your man
your man

your man seems so content
who knows who he’s running with
your man may be perfect
but we all know nothing’s perfect
and your man ain’t shit

your man holds you tight
late, late at night
your man may have it all
but before it’s over with
your man won’t have you

your man is younger and cutier
your man is in a band
but your man won’t treat as well as me
I wanna be your man
your man
your man

[bridge]
I can see when you get near me
the spring in your step
indicating that it’s just a matter of time
before you change your rhyme

nothing is as it seams
your relationship may be weak
and I’ll cruise right in
before spring

Why Trump Blocked Me — #Lyrics To A Slow Woke R&B Song

I’m listening to Jhene Aiko and she inspires me, and the hashtag “#WhyTrumpBlockedMe” is trending, so you get this. I’m just screwing around. I like to tell stories in verse and so you get this. This, as always, is a poem meant to be sung.

Why Trump Blocked Me
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

was it something I wrote
that the president gave time to note
my otherwise obscure existance
I didn’t even say
anything that would cause dismay
but Trump obvious is showing
he’s trifling even to this day

why Trump blocked me
is a mystery to me
why Trump blocked me
it’s got my scratching my head baby

the most powerful man in the world
is so insecure he can’t handle me tweeting
to him a few hurled insults
he is good at rhetoric it’s true
but, really, dude

there’s so much I could say
so much for me to ponder
but it’s not worth it at this point
just wish Twitter would block Trump
from Twitter if he is so easily out of joint

why Trump blocked me
is a mystery to me
why Trump blocked me
it’s got my scratching my head baby

[bridge]
I can see that you’re just
as perplexed as me
about what’s going through
Trump’s head

but one day this nightmare will be over
one day soon
we’ll have a new president
after the Senate gives it view

‘Newer Model’ — #Lyrics To A Woke R&B Pop-Rock Song

In my imagination, the music to this would be a fusion of R&B and pop-rock. I don’t have a beat, just writing a poem mean to be sung. This is a first draft. This is meant to be a sly allusion to my theory that Donald Trump is either banging Hope Hicks or on the verge of doing it. I have no idea if they are in a relationship, but given how batshit insane virtually everything else is in Trump’s life, and the fact that he’s on wife number three, it would make sense.

Newer Model
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

she works around the office
communicating for you
she’s got great legs as they always do
we all know one day we’ll hear the details
on the morning zoo

she’s the newer model
she’s a sleek as can be
flies through the night
the newer model has speed control
the newer model is on a roll

when you look into her eyes
and gaze upon her thighs
you know you’d give it all up
’cause she likes it rough
but no one will ever know
if you have your way

she wears no blue dress
there won’t be any such mess
she’s too smart for that
the cat won’t be let out the bag
the hag won’t will this time

she’s the newer model
she’s a sleek as can be
flies through the night
the newer model has speed control
the newer model is on a roll

[bridge]
now we’re all ready for it
the be show
where everyone learns the truth
don’t you know

when the end comes
and we know it will
at least there will be a newer model
rolling off the assembling line
ready for a ride

‘Melania’ — #Lyrics To A Woke Pop-Rock Song

This would be a slow, melodic ballad with cutting lyrics. At least, that’s my vision for it.

Melania
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

you wear your stiletto heels
on your way to meet fate
one day people will grow tired
of you telling us to eat cake
but for now don’t be late
to your photo op
the one where God needs a mop

Melania we know your plan
Melania we know your deal
you’ll get replaced by Hope Hicks
soon enough

but we all have to admit
that you are still pretty fit
we’re waiting for Trump to grow tired of you
and in fit of pique you’ll be gone
Hicks will replace you as queen
I’m not being mean
just being real

though we all know you won’t care
’cause you think you’re going to be Jackie O
but that’s just not going to happen
Trump won’t be a martyr for any cause
he’s just happy as long as he’s the boss

Melania we know your plan
Melania we know your deal
you’ll get replaced by Hope Hicks
soon enough

[bridge]
we’ve all seen the goods
you’ve got it that’s true
but you’ve tied yourself to little hands
babe

we’re all leaning back to think
to see when you’re going to be ditched
for something more pretty
but enjoy it while it lasts
enjoy all that cash

‘I Wanna See Trump’s Pee-Pee Tape’ — #Lyrics To A Novelty Song

These are just bonkers lyrics I feel like writing. They will never be produced, but I feel like telling this story. The music to this would be something like Shelia E’s Bell Of St. Mark. But you would probably with the proper composer not make it so obvious.

I Wanna See Trump’s Pee-Pee Tape
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

Trump was in Moscow doing his thing
it was the Miss Universe Pageant as I recall
he was in his hotel room when a thought occurred
he wanted to besmirch the sheets that Obama had slept on
so he brought some women in to do the job

I wanna see, I wanna see, I wanna see
I wanna see Trump’s pee-pee tape
I wanna see Trump’s pee-pee tape
I wanna see Trump’s pee-pee tape

Trump says he’d never do such a thing
that nothing like this would ever cross his mind
but we all know he’s a liar and this is all true
I wanna see, I wanna see, I wanna see
I wanna see Trump’s pee-pee tape

so we all know in our hearts
know it be true
that the Russians have dirt on Trump
that they’re hanging over his head
telling him what to do from behind the scenes
all because he wanted hookers to piss on Obama’s bed

I wanna see, I wanna see, I wanna see
I wanna see Trump’s pee-pee tape
I wanna see Trump’s pee-pee tape
I wanna see Trump’s pee-pee tape

[bridge]
one day, one day soon we all know
that tape will be released by the Russians
and we’ll see it in all its glory
but until then let me sing with all my heart

I wanna see, I wanna see, I wanna see
I wanna see Trump’s pee-pee tape
I wanna see Trump’s pee-pee tape
I wanna see Trump’s pee-pee tape