V-Log: #Megxit As An Existential ‘Constitutional Crisis’ For The British Royal Family

Shelton Bumgarner

An observation.

Harry Windsor & Meghan Markle As Modern Day John & Yoko

Shelton Bumgarner

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

It has occurred to me that Harry Windsor and Meghan Markle should announce their new life in New York City by having a Bed In. Harry Windsor should get a picture taken of him replicating John Lennon’s iconic rooftop shot of him with a “New York City” shirt on.

The couple should decide to have minimal security and simply walk around New York City like “normal” people. They should start speaking out against Trump. Right now, I don’t even know what Harry Windsor sounds like.

Or, really, if they REALLY wanted rock the world — post an Instagram photo of Harry Windsor naked next to Meghan Markle like the iconic shot of John doing this to Yoko Ono that was on the cover of Rolling Stone soon after his death.

History Doesn’t Repeat Itself, But It Does Rhyme

Some thoughts.

My Novel’s Structure Is Growing More Mature

Shelton Bumgarner

Some thoughts.

V-Log: ‘A Milestone, Of Sorts’

Shelton Bumgarner

Some thoughts.

‘The Name Game’

Shelton Bumgarner

by Shelt Garner
@
sheltgarner

Mama always told me I was different. As such, when I think up character names, I struggle, really really struggle to come up with names I feel evoke the emotion I want people to feel when they see their name on the page. I have a lot of very arbitrary rules on the matter and as such for the last year names for the characters in the novel I’m attempting to develop have been one of the most difficult things to figure out.

But today, I may have figured out the name of my heroine. Maybe. I like my current given name for her because it’s unique and yet feels familiar. The instant you read her name, you feel like you know her, like you’ve at least encountered someone like her at some point in your life. And, in a sense, her name is a tip off to her native personality — she’s a manic pixie dream girl at heart. But something happened that simply made that lifestyle impossible for her as the story opens.

And, really, that’s a key difference between my heroine and, say, the gold standard for these types of novels — Lisbeth Salander. Salander is just not a very likable person. Men love her because she’s a bad ass, but they probably wouldn’t want to, like, date her. Women like her because she’s strong, complex and dark, but they, too, probably wouldn’t want to be her friend — even if she was interested in such a friendly relationship.

But my Heroine is far different. She’s constructed such that she’s actually rather affable. She’s very focused, yes, and she can easily kick any man’s ass, but she doesn’t have Asperger’s. She’s just a normal young woman who’s had something very surreal happen to her and the story opens with us seeing how that’s warped an otherwise pleasant personality into something much darker and menacing.

I would like to stress, however, that this is all conceit. My writing generally is looked down upon and many people to date have thought it sucked so bad that I shouldn’t even do it to begin with. That’s why development has been so difficult and yet so important. Add to this situation that it’s happening completely in a vacuum and, well, you can begin to understand why it’s taken a year to get to even this point.

Shrug. Rock on.

‘All The Time In The World’

Shelton Bumgarner

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Tonight is something of both a test and a milestone. It’s a test because other than one pretty big issue, I’m like Burgess Meredith at the end of his most famous Twilight Zone episode: I have all the time in the world. The question is, will I figuratively break my glasses or not? If I don’t hit the ground running pretty soon, then, well, I guess we know our answer.

But I don’t think that will happen. So tonight is a milestone. I plan on being a lot more serious with development starting tonight. I may play a little bit by writing on this blog, but I hope to throw myself into development tonight. I have a few concerns — I may have a cavity I have to deal with in the near term — but I hope I can at least wrap up development of the first act this weekend to such an extent that I can start to do a lot more practical research starting now.

I am using Audible to force myself to at least be exposed to some of my mindshare competition — I can’t simply flip through The Girl Who Played With Fire as a textbook forever. And there continue to be some lingering existential issues with the novel that I am very well aware of. The story is great, and, yet, it’s not Network. I name names (in a way) and that is simply not done in Network and other similar political works of art.

Or, put another way, while I’m trying very, very hard to appease MAGA with this novel on an existential level, given that MAGA is a fucking cult and any criticism of Der Fuehrer can never be brooked, well, there you go. That’s probably the biggest lingering existential problem — I could probably take out the conspicuous finger pointing of our current POTUS, and, yet, it’s my abject creative rage against the Trump Administration that has given me the energy to keep going with this novel long after I might otherwise have given up. If I can find a beta reader willing to help me figure out how to lop off the most obvious political aspects of the story, I’m all ears. I want this to be as big a tentpole as possible. As it stands, I got nothing. Introducing our deranged Chauncey Gardner president as a super-massive black hole that comes near to the plot at a crucial moment raises the stakes about as high as you can get. If the stakes get any higher nuclear weapons or aliens will be involved.

So, as of right now, things are going good-to-great. A lot, A LOT, can go wrong now. But I hope all the potential disasters can simply delay, not end, my quest to write a timely political guilty pleasure techno-thriller allegory for woke Park Slope Brooklyn moms. If I manage to write an American response to The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo AND give the Latinx community a fictional folk hero AND tell MAGA to FUCK OFF, all the fucking better.

Let’s rock.

‘Remain’ — #Lyrics To A Pop Ballad Ode To Brexit

Shelton Bumgarner

The point of this is it’s supposed to be vague enough that it might be about a couple’s break up on a romantic level. There’s a bit of deflection for poetic effect. I have no idea why write these lyrics. It’s a complete waste of time. I don’t know anything about music and, besides, the entire system is designed to prevent people like me from breaking into it — especially at such an “advanced” age. But this idea came to me and I thought I’d share. Maybe someone, somewhere, can do something with hit. I would, at least, like credit.

Remain
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@sheltgarner
please give credit if you produce or perform

things were never good
but never this bad
it’s breaking me up
making the dust scatter
as my state of mind feels a death rattle
I just want you to remain
remain
remain
remain

remain
it’s not a complaint
just a statement of faith
remain, remain, remain, remain

we’re going buckle the order
and sow discord
just because of the lies we told
my health is getting worse
no funds to pay for an upgrade
why did it have to end this way
I just wanted to say
remain
remain
remain

remain
it’s not a complaint
just a statement of faith
remain, remain, remain, remain

(bridge)
I’ll leave ’cause I must
my heart has spoken
but my mind is a bust
this union end’s is hard
no deals left to make
I just wish we’d remain
together

remain
remain
remain
remain

Development In A Vacuum

Shelton Bumgarner

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner


Today is crucial because, in a sense, it’s a new era in the novel’s development. I’m going to try to wrap up the scene summary on a scene-level ASAP. No later than my birthday in late February. But this could be a pretty rocky point in the year for me for a number of reasons and everything could be thrown out of whack in an rather dramatic and unexpected manner.

Or not.

One thing I’ve noticed about Stieg Larsson’s first book, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo is that the first 132 pages or so are dead boring. Once you get past that point, however, the rest of the series is a lot of fun and zooms past at lightening speed, much to the detriment of your sleep schedule. I don’t know what happened at that point in the writing of that first novel, but something changed. My guess is he wrote and re-wrote those pages over the years to such an extent that it completely drained the work of any entertainment value. He came back to what he had written at some point with fresh eyes and simply used what he had when things started to work far, far better.

But that could be complete bullshit. Who knows.

That’s unlikely to happen to me because I’m doing so much development instead of “just writing” as so many people want me to do. I think if you were to study the structure of the completed novel — whenever that happens — you will definitely see how much work I put into the first act. I’ve obsessed over the first 20 scenes so much that there is an exacting sequence of events that get us to the inciting incident.

Anyway. I have no idea what I’m doing and I haven’t even really started writing seriously on the first-but-really-second draft yet. I have no idea how successful any of this is going to be because, well, I’m doing it in a complete vacuum.

The Day Before

We’re fucked.
Shelton Bumgarner

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

It is growing more apparent on a daily basis that Trump is losing his fucking mind. Now, if he was still a Right wing celebrity Twitter troll then this would not be a big deal. It would be dealt with in private and Access Hollywood might made a passing reference to Trump retiring from public life to “spend time with his family.”

But, fuck, man, the guy’s president. So, it does not take much to pace out a scenario where Trump is so out of it that out that out of sheer incompetence there’s some sort of “limited”nuclear exchange between the DPRK and the States. The only reason it would be “limited” is if for some reason Russia and China sat on their hands and watched the whole thing go down.

It could go down like this — Trump is so totally out of it that he boxes in Kim for no damn reason. Things get really, really tense and Kim feels he has no choice on an existential level but to take down as much of the States as he can. Kim lobs a few ICBMs at the States, maybe blowing up — if he’s “lucky” LA, Chicago, DC or NYC. I have my doubts on how many of the intended targets would actually be successfully struck. Remember, it’s generally assumed that the DPRK has H-Bombs, so in theory we’re talking a citykiller bomb exploding over Hollywood or Wall Street.

Trump nukes the shit out of the DPRK and that’s that.

Several million (5+) people are dead and we, at last, end Trump’s reign. Though, it is just as likely that we’re already in the dystopia and, well, even though Trump gross incompetence was the reason for a few million American deaths, this will be used to abolish the Constitution and, well, we’re just as fucked as we would be anyway.

All I know is it’s self-evident, at least from Trump’s Twitter feed, that he’s not well and he’s getting worse every day.

Now what.

Given today’s unsettling news, I suggest you watch the very beginning of this trailer for the “scariest movie ever made.”

Remember, war doesn’t happen in a vacuum. If, say, Iran and Israel go at it and Israel uses a few nukes on Iran, that would likely be such a staggering historic event that both the Indian subcontinent AND the two Koreas may go poof (and take a us with them.)