‘Mr. Wittes’ Baby Cannon’ — #Lyrics To A Woke Pop-Rock Song

Benjamin Wittes has a “baby cannon” he shoots whenever there’s some big news in the whole Trump Russia imbroglio. So, with that in mind, here are some lyrics to a “woke” pop-rock song about it. As usual, this is just a first draft and I don’t really have a beat so, it’s more of a poem intended to, at some point, to be sung.

Mr. Wittes’ Baby Cannon
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

it may be very small
but it has a powerful shot
tells us when the next revelation has arrived
whenever it goes boom
you know Trump is rushing around the room
not knowing what to do

Mr. Wittes’ baby cannon
tells you the time of day
Mr. Wittes’ baby cannon
it’s time for the Post or Times
to drop some news into our lap
and that’s a fact

what will it be today
all we know is there is a drip, drip, drip
that needs to be released in a powerful way
each day seems as though we’re going to be blown away
Mr. Wittes’ baby cannon let’s us know
we’re growing closer to the truth
soon enough it will go boom with one last gasp

we’re not going to have to wait long
soon enough the cannon will be all grown up
and Trump will feel the cannon’s roar in his rump
but until that day
we have to feel the pain of Trump’s reign

Mr. Wittes’ baby cannon
tells you the time of day
Mr. Wittes’ baby cannon
it’s time for the Post or Times
to drop some news into our lap
and that’s a fact

[bridge]
one day this cannon will go off
for the very last time
history will turn on a dime
return us back to when things were fine

until then we wait
debate the meaning of it all
trying to figure out
where these cannon balls will fall
I would try to tell you
but I don’t have the gaul

Mr. Wittes’ baby cannon
tells you the time of day
Mr. Wittes’ baby cannon
it’s time for the Post or Times
to drop some news into our lap
and that’s a fact

Apocalypse 9/11 Redux: The Moment War Starts In Korea, Everything Changes

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

For those of us who were alive and politically active on that Tuesday, Sept. 11, 2001, we remember what was going on when we opened our eyes that morning before the towers were struck. The Bush Administration was coasting on fumes as was the economy. It seemed as though we were about to enter a recession and Bush would get blamed for it.

Then everything changed.

We woke up eight years later and realized we had been in a waking dream, a nightmare we couldn’t escape.

Now, about 20 years later, we find ourselves on the cusp of a horrific war with the DPRK (North Korea.) Estimates are that 500,000 people would die the first month of such a war and who know how many could die if the war became protracted. And that’s working on the assumption that WMD aren’t used at some point. The DPRK has made it clear that they don’t even consider chemical and biological weapons WMD in the first place, so if they felt cornered they probably would use both gratuitously not just on South Korea but on Japan as well.

What makes all of this really scary is the United States has an unhinged president looking for an opportunity to fire Bob Muller, who may finally get to Trump’s tax returns. So, given how batshit insane the political calculus of the Trump Administration is, it wouldn’t take a lot to think they wouldn’t blink an eye at a cost of life and property needed to have the cover to fire Mueller and assure not only keeping Congress Republican, but come within shouting distance of winning re-election in 2020.

But, really, who knows.

It could go either way. But Trump’s behavior is sufficiently unhinged that it’s enough worry about. It’s enough to think seriously about a monumental wag the dog situation that would be a tragedy of unprecedented levels.

Korean War 2.0: DPRK, TrumpRussia, Ukraine & A Possible WWIII

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

Something’s up. My spidy senses are tingling. I have grown very jaded and cynical about anything having to do with North Korea, but the curious statements coming out of the Trump Administration the last few days about the DPRK make me scratch my head a little bit.

I see the North Korea situation as a major gimme for Trump. It’s his huge backup fail safe should the TrumpRussia problem finally go China Syndrome and look like it’s going to end his administration. It may very well be that nothing happens. It could be that Trump will leave office in four to eight years and the DPRK will still be there and this long-term problem we have with them will be kicked down the road for another long bit.

Or…the Trump Administration is singling that they’re going to strike the DPRK in some way and let the chips fall where they will. Now, remember, the DPRK is very unpredictable and they very much want to survive, so the States might do some limited bombing and, well, nothing might happen.

Or, all hell will break loose and 500,000 people in Seoul and beyond might die in the first month of the conflict. Such an enormous regional war would have a dynamic all its own and some pretty amazing things might happen. It doesn’t take too much to think maybe Trump might use the DPRK to wag the dog. He might attack the North Koreans, sit back for them to freak out and in the ensuing chaos use pardon the hell out of people left and right and maybe even fire Bob Mueller along the way. There simply would be so much going on in Washington D.C. and beyond that the press wouldn’t be able to keep up. Add to this the possibility that Trump doing this might be seen by Russia as a green light to attack Ukraine in a big way — not to mention whatever Iran might cook up — and you have the makings of something that would be marketed by the American press as WWIII.

Or not. I am so jaded that I have a feeling the whole kick-the-can-down-the-alley option is what is going to happen with the DPRK. It would be so callus, so transparent if Trump wagged the dog with the DPRK at this point that, well, I don’t quite know what to think of that prospect. That Trump would use the potential death of half a million people — at least — as political cover to save his own presidency kind of blows my mind. But it would make a lot of sense. By the time the States finally got around to winning the war in three to six months, TrumpRussia would be a forgotten scandal and Trump would be in a strong position to win the mid-terms and potentially a second term.

But so much could go wrong with a war with the DPRK that I just don’t know. I just don’t know if I’m reading too much into all of this or what. I can’t get a handle on it. I think everything is going to work itself out and nothing is going to happen. The alternative is to horrible and bloody to brood on for too long. I mean, the Chinese and the Russians could get involved, the DPRK could attempt to bomb Japan. Or they could attempt to nuke Seoul in some sort of blackmail situation. Wars are easily started and difficult to end as the old adage goes and Korean War 2.0 would be no different.

Only time will tell, I guess.

Ok, Intelligence Community: You Say, ‘Time To Buy Popcorn’….But Why?

By Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

So, all these people seemingly in the know are atwitter on Twitter about Something Big about to come out. Something big enough that we should all buy some popcorn to enjoy it with. It seems a lot of people know about it from a wide spectrum of types of people because people on both the Left and the Right are kinda beginning to freak out.

That makes me believe that either there’s something floating around in secret that’s about to pop out, the intelligence community knows something we don’t, or some reporters are about to break a big, big story. What this super-secret information could be, however, remains a mystery.

I’m thinking it has something to do with TrumpRussia. If I got way too excited, I would go so far as to say it was the notorious “pee tape.” But, more likely it’s something that can easily be rationalized out of existence by the Sean Hannnity’s of the world. Or not even rationalized out of existence, just spun so hard that they will collectively shrug their shoulders and tell us it’s both fake news and no big deal even if it was true.

Regardless, it seems as though both sides know about it and are prepping their respective audiences for it to drop and drop soon. I have no idea how “soon” it is or how big it is. But it’s coming. It will be interesting to see how entertaining and important it actually turns out to be.

Let’s Talk Trump, Collusion & What Happens Next For The Resistance

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

It pains me to say this, but the Right is, in real time and right in front of our eyes, processing the fact that Trump probably really did collude with the Russians and by the time the process is over they will say they’re cool with it and we should just move on.

Let that sink in for a moment.

So, if you think that when and if collusion on the part of Trump and or his “satellites” is proven that we’re all going to hold hands and collectively get rid of Trump, you got another thing coming. There won’t even be a moment of silence on the part of assholes like Sean Hannity. They won’t even skip a beat. They will have their talking points prepared, they will rationalize it out of existence and for them, at least, there won’t even be a hiccup.

Let that get through your haze of fury when it is one day — maybe sooner than you think! — proven that Trump is, relative to previous standards of such things a fucking traitor. The Vichy Republicans are going to suck Trump’s treasonous cock so hard that they’re going to gag. All they care about is power. All they care about is winning the argument of the moment. They don’t care about the country, they don’t care about you and your patriotic feelings. They just care about keeping Trump president for as long as possible.

I used to think that there would be the Pence Pivot if Trump was proven to be a traitor. But given what’s going on with the Right right now, that won’t even happen. They’re going to stick with Trump until the sun burns out. And, given the evils of gerrymandering, it’s possible nothing will ever happen to Trump. He will not only survive, but prosper.

He will prosper because people like me will waste months of our time being furious about Trump’s collusion as he pushes through insane Federal judges, even more insane legislation and executive orders. So, really, we’re fucked. The only fucking thing that’s going to save our sorry asses is some sort of magical Blue Wave in 2018. Think of all the horrific damage Trump and his ilk can do to the nation between now and — at the earliest 2019. That’s only if we’re able, as The Resistance, to overcome some big hurdles.

And it’s very possible that should we manage to get anywhere close to impeaching and convicting Trump that the real crazies will pop out of the woodwork, go mainstream and demand a few states leave the Union. I’m being completely serious. It’s possible that, like President James Buchanan, Trump’s the only thing stopping a real secessionist movement from happening now instead of later. In hindsight, just like the late 1850s, we will say that the late 2010s were obviously the moment in time when the nation was about to tear itself apart, it was just a matter of the conditions being right.

So, for the duration we are stuck with Trumplandia. We live in a dystopian present. Nothing is going to happen. And it’s very likely possible that it could be four or six or maybe never before Trump is impeached and convicted. And if he is, there could be consquences far beyond what we ever imagined.

I don’t have much hope in the short term. We’re fucked. Even if there is proof that Trump colluded in some way, the Right will have already processed it and moved on to something else. This is not fiction, this is reality. This is what’s really going on in America right now and there doesn’t seem to be much we can do about it for the time being. I would thus suggest we all take a deep breath and figure out ways to engage, not rage.

There doesn’t seem to be much other course of action for the time being.

‘Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick….?’ What Gives, Benjamin Wittes?

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

Is something big about to drop today, or nah? Benjamin Wittes, someone in the know, as they say, is being rather coy with a ticking tweet. It’s all very frustrating. What could that possibly mean? Is it something big-good like Jim Comey has tapes that back him up or something big-bad like Justice Kennedy retiring?

It’s all very frustrating.

I want answers, I need answer.

Maybe it’ll happen today, maybe it won’t.

We’ll see, I guess.

Watch & See, Trump Is Totally Going To Fire Bob Mueller

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

All the conditions are there for Donald Trump to fire special council Bob Mueller. Trump is laying down the groundwork to do it, at least. He’s complained that Mueller and former FBI director Jim Comey are too close. And he’s generally made it clear that he’s thinking about it.

I am not one of those who thinks anything will happen should Trump fire Mueller. Though there would be an instant Constitutional crisis, as I understand it, it was about a year from when Nixon did something similar to the point when things came to a head in the Watergate scandal. And that was at a point when things were a lot less partisan than they are now and generally both sides did the right thing when they were called to do so.

So, there will be a lot of gnashing of teeth. A lot of people like me be furious. But, in the end, this bloody, pitched political battle will continue. It could be years and years before the right thing happens and the Special Prosecutor law is brought back again, and that point, Trump could almost be out of office.

And, so, in effect, he will win.

The Elements Of Trump

By Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

One of the things that makes Donald Trump so difficult to understand is he has all kinds of influences and elements that are rolled up into one flaming dumpster fire full of shit that can be difficult to understand. Here is my modest attempt to make sense of it all from my novice presidential historian point of view.

1. President James Buchanan
Trump definitely has elements of President Buchanan to him. He seems like the kind of guy who would let states peacefully leave the Union simply because he felt he didn’t have the power to stop them legally. He seems like on a basic level, his presidential instincts really are that bad. And, given the rhetoric of some of the surreal, extreme Right wing people, should Trump lose in 2020, he definitely might have the opportunity to prove one way or another if he would let states leave the Union.

2. President Richard Nixon
Trump has a heaping helping of the self-defeating paranoia and tendency to double down and triple down in the case of a screw up. Especially in the case of the non-existent tapes Trump definitely has a Nixonian tendency to shoot himself in the foot. One aspect that Trump doesn’t have is the smarts that Nixon had. Trump has Steve Bannon, but that only goes so far. A fish rots from the head and Trump for the most part is way, way, way, way in over his head with regard to most issues.

3. President Bill Clinton
One thing Trump shares with Bill Clinton is his willingness to admit defeat in an effort to save his skin. So, it is very possible that should in a few years it look like Trump’s goose is cooked, he could very well say he’s sorry and save his own political hide. Nixon would never say he was sorry, so he lost the presidency. But it’s very possible Trump could save himself on a political level by simply admitting his “satellites” did, in fact, collude with the Russians.

Of course, there is a little bit of Chauncey Gardner from Being There in Trump. He’s just the right dude in the right place at the right time. And he absolutely refuses to give up, no matter what. So, I suspect barring something really awe inspiring politically, that we’re stuck with Trump for four to eight years. We just have to accept that.

Ugh. Trump’s Such A Fucking Liar

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

What gets me is Donald Trump can lie to his supporters’ faces repeatedly and he faces no consquences. What is up with that. His most recent lie — one that he just admitted to — is that there are no “tapes” as he called them. If he hadn’t tried to threaten Jim Comey in the first place by tweeting that, then Comey wouldn’t have released the information in his memorandum and there’d be no special council.

Which, come to think of it, may be why Trump has admitted to this lie in the first place. He wants to fire Mueller and this gives him a pretext to do so. He can say there were no tapes, this was all a big misunderstanding, let’s move forward. He might even pardon a few people along the way.

It’s all very frustrating.

The Resistance Has To Accept The New Normal Of Trumplandia

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

It is too easy for members of The Resistance to get caught up in the moment and think that Donald Trump is going to resign or be impeached and convicted anytime soon. If the Washington scandals of the past are any indication, we have, at least, a year of this imbroglio ahead of us, if not far longer.

The American system of government is such that it really is nearly impossible to impeach and convict a president. It just doesn’t happen. And, really, given how partisan things are and how complicit the Vichy Republicans are in TrumpRussia, even if collusion is proven between Trump “satellites” and the Russians, there is a real chance that the Vichy Republicans will just shrug and tell us that the truth is now known and we should just move on.

That doesn’t begin to address the very real possibility that a year from now when the mythical “blue wave” seems about to come crashing down on Congress, that Trump may address the nation, apologize and admit to what happen then pardon and fire everyone involved and ask the nation to move on. He did something similar during the Access Hollywood tape incident and there’s no reason to think he won’t do it again. When he knows he’s trapped, when he knows there is absolutely no way out other than apologize, he has no problem doing just that. A lot of people on the center-Right would be appeased and because of gerrymandering, it’s possible that would be enough to prevent the Congress from flipping. That doesn’t even begin to address a major terrorist attack or a wag the dog type war with Iran or North Korea.

One thing that really bothers me is how some on the Right say they want to vote for Trump again even more whenever people like me get upset and outraged over something Trump has done. It makes it very difficult for us to have any type of discussion at all.

Another thing that really bothers me is that even if I should get what I want — which is Trump’s impeachment and conviction — the very moment it becomes obvious that that, in fact, will happen, there will be the “Pence pivot” on the part of Republicans and they will say they wanted Mike Pence to be president all along. It is a very sad commentary on how things are these days that we have to deal with such surreal partisan ways of thinking.

At this point, we just don’t know how history will look at this point in time. It could be that it will be seen as a hiccup like Iran-Contra, or it could be see as something significantly more important like Watergate. We just don’t know. We are in the middle of a bizarre and unprecedented era. This new normal is taking some getting used to because the center-Right wants to keep re-litigating the 2016 election and the Obama years, while the center-Left just stays apoplectic over the latest incredibly bonkers thing that Trump has done.

As such, it is very possible that Trump will not only survive, but prosper. The Resistance could be split in 2020 and he could walk right through the middle of it. Trump is a moron, but he’s strangely politically adept in a ways that I don’t fully understand. So The Resistance really, really needs to stop getting outraged so quickly and so often and focus on the real issues at hand, not the scandal outburst of the moment. It’s too easy to get distracted from the horrific things Trump is doing policy wise because of the latest shiny bauble of an outrage.

Having said all of this, The Resistance as part of this New Normal needs to keep an eye on what’s really at stake. Trump is forcing through completely bonkers people to be put on the Federal bench, Obamacare is being replaced with secret legislation and overall it seems as though 20 years from now the consquences of Trumplandia will only slowly be understood.

All I can say is what I always say at this point — stay engaged. Don’t get worn down by Trumplandia. Don’t tune out. Don’t let it all become white background noise. Stay focused. We’re going to have to suffer for a few years, but hopefully, despite everything, we can eventually get things to swing back to some sort of normal situation again.

But maybe not. It could be, like Watergate, that TrumpRussia will usher in a new, dark period in our political history that will reverberate for decades to come. That is something we really need to take into consideration. It’s very possible that that is what is going to happen. That is painful to think about, but it’s very real possibility.

Shelton Bumgarner is the editor and publisher of The Trumplandia Report. He may be reached at migukin (at) gmail.com