In This Cold Civil War, The Firing Of Bob Mueller Would Be Fort Sumter

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

While I think a lot of the talk about the potential firing of Bob Mueller is simply white noise to distract us from the numerous ways that Donald Trump is facilitating some pretty horrible things happening to the Republic, it’s pretty clear that it could happen.

If it did happen, it would take my personal engagement in all of this to the next level. I would go back to the white hot rage that I felt on Nov. 9th. In practical terms, that means I would figure out some way to use what few talents I have to do my part to help The Resistance. I might even actually protest instead of just take pictures of people protesting.

The significance of Trump firing Mueller would be it would be the moment that this Cold Civil War lurched into the battle royale of a full fledged Cold Civil War. It would be the end of the beginning, if you will. I compare it to the firing on Fort Sumter by Confederate Forces. Or maybe The Battle of Britain. It would be the moment when everyone stood up and took notice that the two sides weren’t playing games anymore.

If anything, the fact that we’re talking about this at all is a sign everyone realizes we’ve entered a new, dangerous phase of this chronic, slow moving Constitutional Crisis. We just don’t honestly know one way or another if Trump would fire Mueller and that’s exactly what he wants. He wants to keep us on edge and in an state of uncertainty to such an extent that we can’t land a punch.

But remember, the Vichy Republicans won’t do anything if Trump fires Mueller. And that’s what this is all about. Trump is sounding out the Vichy Republicans to see if they’ll object and….I just don’t know. I just don’t know what will happen.

I have my doubts that Trump will fire Mueller. I really do. I think it’s possible, but unlikely. But we’ll see I guess. In hindsight it might seem obvious that he would and the battle will, at last, be enjoined.

‘Fake News’ — Lyrics To A Woke Country Pop Ballad

This would be a lot like Little Big Town’s Girl Crush. That’s my aim at least. And, to some extent, these lyrics are structured like that song. The music to this would be something really slow. The lyrics are menat to be something that isn’t quite what you expect. This is very much a first draft, so take that into consideration. I only even write this because I like the concept and I find it relaxing to tell stories in verse.

Fake News
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

fake news is all ’round town
fake news is saying you left me for good
don’t believe it for one sec
you been lying under oath to those who matter most

[chorus]
fake news is tearing me apart
shouldn’t be feeling this way but I am
I know the truth
I know you ain’t rush’n to betray me
that’s just fake news
that’s just fake news

these are trying times I admit
seems like there’s no one to trust
lots of people got rhymes that make no sense
wish we could settle down and chat
get everything off our chest

[chorus]
fake news is tearing me apart
shouldn’t be feeling this way but I am
I know the truth
I know you ain’t rush’n to betray me
that’s just fake news
that’s just fake news

[bridge]
pardon me if I ask
for a little respect
wish you’d tell the facts
with no spin at all

but what happens next
is anyone’s guess
can’t believe you’d break your oath
that must be fake news
that must be fake news
that must be fake news

The Continued Absence Of A Spy Magazine-Like Anti-Axios Is Curious

By Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

It is very curious that we’re this far into the Trumplandia era and someone, somewhere with the means, motive and opportunity hasn’t founded a Gawker or Spy Magazine for this new age. I just don’t get it. It’s really weird.

The Atlantic, strangely enough, is doing a really good job providing people like me with the thought provoking content that I’m looking for during this Cold Civil War. And Crooked Media, too, with its podcasts is doing a good job giving me content that enrages me, if nothing else. It enrages me because I feel like they’re telling us how Trumplandia is successfully destroying America and there doesn’t seem to be much we can do about at this point. New York Magazine’s site also does a good job, but it’s a little bit bland liberalism for me. And The New Yorker and Vanity Fair continue to do yeomanly work.

But these are general sites, general news organization. They’re not devoted to specifically tearing Trumplandia to shreds. That’s what I want as a reader. That’s what I’m interested in right now. The closest thing I have at this point is Twitter, but that’s just because of who I follow.

Meanwhile, Axios is everything a Gawker or Spy Magazine would be against. It’s access journalism that sucks up to Trumplandia in the effort to get a steady flow of scoops. But there’s no opposite. There’s currently no snarky, rough-on-the-edges journalism site that’s popular enough to get the media world buzzing. Vox is meh.

I want a site like Gawker in 2003 or 2004 that you woke up excited to read. I want a site that really tears into Trumplandia in a way that makes people like me cheer. I have suggested that Playboy might be the news organization to do what I want, but I’ve heard crickets. I mean, I’m a nobody. No one listens to me.

Maybe it’s because in the last 10 years or so, the online media world has changed to such an extent that it’s just, in real terms, impossible to start a blog like Gawker. Maybe that’s what is obvious and yet I can’t accept it for some reason. It could be that moment in time has faded and will never return.

Oh well.

Still think Playboy should do it, though. The have the most to gain from doing as I suggest. It would really give them a purpose that the currently lack. They have the name and the resources, they could do something really cool if they came out swinging against Trumplandia on a daily basis.

If such an organization ever did get founded, I would probably bug the crap out of them to write for them in some capacity. They would get a huge amount of buzz and I think the advertisers would come with the associated traffic. It’s just a matter of someone with some vision and resources to actually make what I suggest a reality.

‘Blindsided’ — Lyrics To An Anti-Trump Folk-Pop Song

One of the angriest songs I know of is “Troy” by Sinead O’Conner. I have no beat to go with this, but in my imagination is would be a folk-pop song like Troy. You might give it a pop-rock spin like an OK Computer song. Maybe. Anyway, this really is just a poem meant to be sung. These lyrics are kind of meant to be a response to Ivanka Trump’s statement that she was “blindsided” by the angry reaction to her father’s election. It’s meant to be someone responding to her and thinking back to election night and how that made them feel.

Blindsided
lyric by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

it was fall
the globe was spinning, warming
we all thought we had it figured out
the Mid-West would hold
it would hold tight
we’d be liberated from the foe
freedom would ring
but as the night wore on
things began to turn
we thought we would be blessed
but the light began to dim
our frontal lobe began to pound
it became obvious that our fate was sealed
we were going to be blindsided
we were going to be blindsided
the Mid-West would not hold
Michigan and Wisconsin
Michigan and Wisconsin
how could you
how could you blindside us so
now we’re hurdling towards an unknown fate
we live in shock and awe
of that fall night when
the boom fell
leaving us blindsided
we’re lead by a loon, a buffoon
who lies all the time
his daughter has the gual
the gaul to say
she was blindsided by our fury
when her father brought this on himself
he is not kind
he is not fair
there’s nothing to say I fear
but we must rage on
we’re still reeling
from the night we were blindsided by fate
could it have been hackers
could it have been fools
I don’t know
but the struggle has now just begun
we were blindsided
we were blindsided
we were blindsided

‘Be My Reince Priebus’ — Lyrics To An Anti-Trump Pop-Rock Song

This is just lyrics to a silly little pop song about Chief of Staff Reince Priebus. He has a funny name and seems like something of a suck up so it seems like he would be fun to write about. I have no beat for this, but it would be funny to have a really loud chorus like LCD Soundsystem’s North American Scum. And yes, this makes reference to a well known poem.

Be My Reince Priebus
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

Reince Priebus
born too late
he’s in the thick of it all
he’s the guy with the gaul to suck it all

be my
Reince Priebus
Reince Priebus
Reince Priebus
be my
Reince Priebus
Reince Priebus

Reince Priebus
don’t leave us with the fear
everything we hold dear will be gone
once Trump is done with it all
but to hear you tell it
we’re just going to have it all

Reince Priebus
won’t deceive us
he’s just lance the boil
give us something to roar about
’cause he’s in the thick of it all

be my
Reince Priebus
Reince Priebus
Reince Priebus
be my
Reince Priebus
Reince Priebus

[bridge]
nothing is as it seems
when your bursting at the seams
to tell the world
that your boss is rex
what next, what next

Reince Priebus
let’s just call it a day
the time for lies has ended
the truth needs to be in play

be my
Reince Priebus
Reince Priebus
Reince Priebus
be my
Reince Priebus
Reince Priebus

Talk To Me Internet: Talking About Pointless Lyrics

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

The whole system, the whole industry of writing professional song lyrics is designed to prevent people like me from breaking into it. But it’s fun writing song lyrics, nonetheless.

‘Anything’ — Lyrics To A Woke Anti-Trump Dance Pop Song

This uses found verse from the Access Hollywood tape that somehow failed to sink Donald Trump’s presidential bid. In my imagination, it would have a thumping baseline like Britney Spears’ “Womanizer.” It is sung from a woman’s point of view, kind of directly talking to Donald Trump. It would use a sample from the Access Hollywood for great effect, if done properly. This is definitely a first rough draft, but I like the concept a lot.

Anything
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
sample from Access Hollywood
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

[Donald Trump, spoken]
And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything.
And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything.

think you’re a celebrity
think you can do anything
now you’re our leader
that’s what they say
much to my dismay
much to my dismay

[hook, Donald Trump, spoken]
Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.
Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.
Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.

we live in an era of disorder
the Russians are in the house
flipping things about
you’re a silent lout

now we’re in the streets
wearing our pussy hats
telling you what’s next
your hands are small
we’re see you at the ballot box
the free world we are going to rock

[hook, Donald Trump, spoken]
Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.
Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.
Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.

[bridge]
people in the streets
dancing around with pride
I pass on by with a smile
knowing we’re going to have victory
soon enough baby

you think you can do anything
but that’s not true
that’s not true
won’t know what hit you
when we’re done with you

[hook, Donald Trump, spoken]
Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.
Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.
Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.

‘Vortex’ — Lyrics To A Woke Dance-Pop Anti-Trump Song

I have toyed with the lyrics to a song called “Vortex” for some time now. I think it’s a great title to a “Toxic” type song and for no other reason than I have some time on my hands, I thought I’d write some lyrics to a “woke” dance-pop song using that title. It’s just fun trying to tell a story in verse, so you get stuff like this. Actually, if you study pop songs like Toxic, they’re really tough to write because they use words so sparingly. Regardless, here you go. This is very much a first draft, so take that into consideration. But it’s promising. It’s an interesting concept for a dance song.

Vortex
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

it seems everyone around me is complicit
there’s a swirling around the king
where will this all end
I sing and sing
wait a moment more will come
this vortex has just begun

[Pre-Chorus]
the talking heads demand we listen
will the airbags open up
will this vortex suck us in

[Chorus]
weather’s getting worse
a tornado is on the loose
we’re going to have to hold on tight
someone is going to testify again
time to batten down
the vortex is getting stronger
time to batten down
the vortex is getting stronger

we’re all worried for our fate
what will happen to this ship of state
the vortex is swirling around

[Pre-Chorus]
the talking heads demand we listen
will the airbags open up
will this vortex suck us in

[Chorus]
weather’s getting worse
a tornado is on the loose
we’re going to have to hold on tight
someone is going to testify again
time to batten down
the vortex is getting stronger
time to batten down
the vortex is getting stronger

‘Daddy’s Little Girl’ — Lyrics To A Slow Anti-Trump Ballad Protest Song

In my imagine nation, the music to this would be similar to Little Big Town’s “Girl Crush.” Something slow, melodic where the words are clearly sung so slowly that you understand what’s being said. That’s just my imagination. No one cares about any of these lyrics I’m writing, so this is just me venting over Trumplandia.

Daddy’s Little Girl
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

she’s daddy’s little girl is what we all say
she’s daddy’s little girl is says with a smile
she’s as beautiful as they come, I won’t deny

but in the end she can grin
tell us she’ll get daddy to relent
yet there’s not denying that she’s
complicit, complicit, complicit

we’re all stuck with the cold hard facts
the nation is being torn apart
with obvious delight by daddy’s might
is there anything she can do
when she’s so obviously complicit

now I’d like to think that daddy’s little girl
with Jared silent by her side
will look into daddy’s kind eyes and say
that enough is enough

but in the end she can grin
tell us she’ll get daddy to relent
yet there’s not denying that she’s
complicit, complicit, complicit

[bridge]
there’s nothing we can do or say
that will get daddy’s little girl
to do what we all wish
which is to deny her father just once

we’re all going to have to wait
until this era ends
we’ll be able to look back with chagrin
that daddy’s little girl was
complicit, complicit, complicit

‘Stay Woke’ — Lyrics To A Pop-Rock Anti-Trump Protest Song

For once, Lorde has written a song that seems to tell an obvious story — Green Light. I really like that song and in honor of it I write these lyrics that are meant to go to music similar to it. I thought about making this a rap song, but decided to go with a more traditional pop rock song for no other reason than I like that genre better.

Stay Woke
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

everyday we seem to be outraged
the news brings with it new things to fight
the powers that be seem full of delight
bringing down the nation with the words they write

[Chorus]
all I can say is in this era of dismay
don’t be afraid to
stay woke, stay woke, stay woke
we’re all doomed if we don’t go for broke

people demand change in a rage
the range of voice is broad
the election of 2016 was hacked
we were robbed, we were robbed

now is the time to defend freedom
this will be a long struggle I believe
when will this era of pain end
when can we go back to the bliss of yesterday

[Chorus]
all I can say is in this era of dismay
don’t be afraid to
stay woke, stay woke, stay woke
we’re all doomed if we don’t go for broke

[bridge]
we’re all going to have to fight
stave off the darkness of the night
nothing will change if we don’t
stay woke

the leaders of the day
don’t seem to comprehend
the young are willing to defend
what others aren’t phased about
we’re going to stay woke
we’re going to stay woke