Why Do I Keep Playing The Lottery If I’m Not Going To Win?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I got in some hot water with a bartender recently when I went on one of my regular rants about how much I think playing the lottery is worse than porn. Little did I know that she had a direct, personal, connection to the lottery business.

I felt so bad.

Anyway, as the Mega Millions hovers around $1 billion — again — I decided to play, again, even though I feel extremely foolish doing so. It’s not like anyone from my state ever wins the Mega Millions — or Powerball. It’s usually someone from South Carolina or the Midwest. Virginia just doesn’t have much luck in that department.

But I do have a general moral objection to the lottery because of what a horrible fucking regressive tax it is. Just yesterday I saw some poor woman putting $20, or $40 bucks in the lottery machine in hopes of winning. It’s just horrible. But, here I am, participating in something I don’t believe in.

If that doesn’t say something about my psychology, I don’t know what does.

I think some of the reason why I play the lottery is I have such a hyperactive imagination that it kind of pays for itself in the sense that I do a lot of daydreaming about what I would do if I won about $1 billion. Oh, the “disruptive” things I would do. I would change history if I had $1 billion to play with.

It’s better to burn out than fade away as they say, so, as such, i would think up all kinds of different ways to make some of my harebrained ideas become a reality. I might build out a Twitter clone based on Usenet concepts. I might buy a newspaper. I might start a podcasting network in the vein of Gawker Media.

Did I mention I hate being broke?

My Theory About The Real Problem With Picking A New House Speaker

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I don’t know anything about anything, but my general hunch is the reason why House Republicans can’t seem to manage to name a Speaker is what they really want is a Speaker Trump. Or, at least, a sizable number of House Republicans would only really be satisfied if they could put his name up for a vote.

Speaker Trump

Or, put another way, a big chunk of House Republicans want an actual fucking fascist to be Speaker of the House. But because that chunk isn’t 218 votes, we are where we are now — with no Speaker. Because that’s the general sense I get from the MAGA Nazi chatter on Twitter: they really want a far, far Right Speaker who will burn the whole system to the ground in an effort to move us as close to an autocratic fascist state as possible.

It will be interesting to see how far all of this progresses. It will be interesting to see if we have to wait a few weeks for all of this to get sorted out or if it will wrap up pretty quick. At the moment, it seems as though this particular crisis isn’t going anywhere.

It makes you wonder what we would don if there was a major domestic or international crisis that would require the entirety of the Federal government to be functioning.

It also makes one wonder what a Speaker Trump would be like in practical terms. I think it would be a complete shit show — just like the first Trumplandia — and it would be a lot of Trump thrashing around looking for an excuse to crash the economy and or impeach as much of the Biden Administration as possible.

If An Equitable Answer From A Chatbot Is ‘Woke’ We’re All In A Lot Of Trouble

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

One of the more recent pings from a very dark future is how the intellectual framework for a massive battle over the supposed “wokeness” of chatbots like ChatGPT is now being built out on Twitter in real time.

It definitely seems as though the battle over “woke chatbots” could be the “critical race theory” of 2023 – 2024. The reason why I say this is from just my own personal use of ChatGPT, the answers aren’t really “woke” at all so much as rather equitable.

It’s just that we live in such an era of hyperpolarization that any answer on the part of a chatbot that isn’t hate filled like MAGA itself is considered “woke.” So, in the end, I think one of the aims of the next Republican Administration is going to be to regulate chatbots so they don’t “indoctrinate” people.

I find it darkly amusing that MAGA people go apeshit about how they want free speech, but the moment someone wants to espouse their own free speech that doesn’t fit MAGA doctrine, then, THEN it’s “indoctrination.” MAGA can be so wrapped up in its own bullshit that they don’t even realize what fucking hypocrites they are.

Anyway. Lulz. We’re doomed. Buckle up.

Having An Obsessive Personality Sure Does Help With Writing A Novel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m really pushing my writing ability to the limit with this novel. As such, I find myself being thankful for how obsessive I am. I keep doing the same thing over and over again in a slightly different way in hopes of meeting the very high –and very arbitrary — standards I have set in my mind for elements of this novel.

Writing this novel is existential to me at this point — it’s not like I have much of anything else to do — so I keep working. Everything is going reasonably well, but I really, really am struggling at times with the various Rube Goldberg Machine elements of developing and writing a story as big as a novel.

The biggest issue I have at the moment is there are some structural elements to this novel’s beginning that I have to make seem essential, when they’re pretty much just needed so when Something Finally Happens (the inciting incident) you, the reader are so invested in the characters I’ve come up with that you get excited and want to finish the novel.

It’s just a real pain in the butt to write these structurally required scenes because you pretty much have to make up bullshit out of whole cloth that you know is doing nothing more than engaging the reader for the main event. Maybe I’m being a little to hard on these scenes, but they are a real pain in the butt to make interesting.

But they (usually) have / need to exist.

If they don’t you get to the meat of the story, but the audience just doesn’t care. This is why often time thrillers start off really slow, the kind of simmer for 20,000 or 30,000 words while you establish character, place and tone. Hell, if you’re Stieg Larsson, it’s not 30,000 words it’s 70,000 words you spend building up to some sort of point.

I just can’t afford to do that. I’ve got to balance things.

My Hot Take On The Clusterfuck Going On In The House of Representatives Right Now

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Just from what I can glean on Twitter, it seems as though the crux of the problem when it comes to electing a new Speaker is this: all the momentum is with the fascists, but the fascists don’t have the votes. So, you have a situation where a core group of MAGA fascists won’t be placated unless they elect an actual Nazi as Speaker.

But they don’t have the votes, there is some of a standoff going on between the fascists and the moderates how are queasy at the naming an actual fascist as speaker. It will be interesting who blinks first on this subject. I’m seeing a lot of chatter within far Right MAGA circles around Chip Roy. He makes Jim Jordan look like AOC and, as such, is perfect for what the dyed in the wool fascists want in a Speaker.

Really, what MAGA Republicans want is to cut out the middle man and have a Speaker Trump.

It could be that the House is going to give Trumplandia levels of “entertainment” when it comes to being out of control and generating vast sums of bullshit. Once they figure out who the Speaker is going to be, then the which hunts will be gin about “the Big Guy” and the border “crisis.” The number of people in the Biden Administration who are probably going to get impeached this year will be shocking.

And remember — we’re in for a moderate to severe recession this year and or next, which would be a perfect storm if you want to get the public behind successfully impeaching a president and or vice president for made up bullshit.

There Is A Temptation To Burn It All Down: ‘If You Talk About Destruction, You Can Count Me Out (In)’ {Not Really}

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I talk to my Traditionalist relatives and they are enraged, apoplectic about the soft power of the “woke cancel culture mob.” They really, really are interested in burning the entire system down so they can be “left alone” to believe being gay is a sin, rather than having to worry about pronouns or “woke” movies they believe are part of the homosexual agenda.

Ugh.

The crux of all this bullshit is, of course, our hyperpartisan political environment. And I have come to believe that what’s really going on income disparity in the United States has, at last, reached a critical mass. I say this because higher education is out of reach for a lot of young men from blue collar homes and, as such, they are more ripe for the picking for authoritarian fascism.

And income disparity is only going to get worse with the rise of chatbots that may wipe out what remaining high paying blue collar jobs continue to linger in the economy. And, what’s worse, a lot of creative jobs may also go poof as well.

But I have to say, a little part of me finds the idea of burning the system to the ground somewhat, mildly appealing. But I would becoming at it from a populist and Leftist point of view, rather than the Right wing populism of the MAGA New Right.

And, yet, I’m not really all that interested in any such thing. It is very annoying how fucked up the American economy is — I mean, why to billionaires even exist? — but, lulz, I’m a nobody in the middle of nowhere.

I have a novel to work on.

An Unexploited Podcasting Space

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

As we enter 2023, I can’t help but be reminded of how the podcasting interesting has kind of entered something of a rut, at least to me as a listener. It would be fun if there was a young, hip — and snarky — podcasting network that evoked the early days of Gawker Media.

You would use the same formula that Nick Denton with the Gawker blogs — you setup semi-daily podcasts devoted to a the events around on specific city. So, New York City would be meda, celebrity and finance, LA would be devoted to showbiz and DC would be focused on politics and San Francisco devoted to tech. You hire young, passionate media people just out of college — read cheap — and let them have it.

Now, here and there you find podcast networks that have elements of this, but not all in one place. Some of the podcasts that Crooked Media does have potential, but they’re not really the focus of the Crooked Media network. If the podcasting network I propose became a success, you could direct listeners to blogs produced by your media company.

I have a feeling the money for such a dream has come and gone. Maybe if it was 10 years ago, you could pull this idea off. But podcasting pretty mature now. So, lulz. What do I know.

The Trick Is To Keep Breathing

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The thing I’m learning about writing a novel is that to write one well, you have to be able to write scenes that are simply necessary for structure in such a way as they seem essential. You could very well start the story at the exact moment the story begins — a lot of novels begin that way — but that’s not how you write a novel that is going to be a really big hit.

You have to have some character development on a structural level so when something actually does happen, you are invested enough in the characters that things really start to “get good” at that point. The trick is, you have to build up to that point — the inciting incident — without boring the hell out of your readers.

You also have the demand of making the beginning of the novel interesting enough that a literary agent gets hooked soon enough that they are willing to even consider giving you the time of day. The thing I keep thinking about is how Stieg Larsson was a well known Swedish journalist when he manage to sell three novels.

The more I actually look at those novels as an aspiring novelist, the more I realize I simply can no longer use them as any form of direct inspiration. They’ve served their purpose. The novel I’m beginning to use as my “textbook” is The Silence of the Lambs.

Anyway, whatever book I use, it’s going to be a struggle. I really have to balance the needs of character and structure with the needs of the reader to be willing to wait long enough to get to the point where the story begins. It’s very fun, but also a little bit alarming how much work I have ahead of me at this late point in the process.

I’m not going to live forever, afterall.

The Struggle to Develop An Iconic Heroine

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

As I continue to improve this novel as I transition from first to second draft, something really is hitting me in the face — I’m going to up my game when it comes to the framework supporting the personality of my heroine. The reason is, she can’t just be a Mary Sue that is “strong” because that’s just the way she is. Ripley (below) from the Alien franchise is a good example of the ideal type of “strong female character” in fiction.

I have give her flaws and establish that there are consequences for her being who she is. That’s the thing about Lisbeth Salander — she was very strong but she also was so whacked out that if you met her in real life she would scare the shit out of you.

I know the general plot of the story I’m working on very, very well. As such, I find myself ruminating on some of the crazy things I need my heroine to be able to do. She can’t be any wallflower. She’s got to have true grit. To the point that that, unto itself, will bring with it character flaws and conflict with other characters as she moves the plot along.

I really enjoy developing female characters because it’s such a challenge and is so fraught with the potential for me to make a massive fool and or asshole out of myself as a CIS white male (as the hep cats say these days about people like me.)

I’m beginning to grow a little nervous as to how late in the game this realization is coming to me. I’m going to have to rework a lot of the story so my heroine is moves the plot along and isn’t so fucking passive as she is currently. Anyway, I have a long ways to go and a short time to get there.

Wish me luck.

Life Is Brief

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

As I approach my 50th birthday, it is really beginning to sink in how brief life really is. I go visit my elderly father in a nursing home just about every day and every time I go it really sinks in that quality of life is crucial. You can be alive, but not really living.

So, I’m feeling a severe case of existential dread about where things stand at this point. The only way I’m going to finish my first novel is to force myself to have some sort of structure going forward. I can’t just continue to drift towards my goal as I have for years now. I have to force myself to write a lot, read a lot , use my new Netflix account a lot and generally put my big boy pants on.

I’m very grateful for the unique situation I’ve been in since I started working on this projected six novel project. I am well aware that it just can’t last — all good things come to an end and all that. In fact, the curious thing about this idyllic situation is it may not end with something really bad happening to me so much as something changes (a specific bad event I have in mind that I hope doesn’t happen anytime soon) that causes me to have the funds to be distracted again by things like maybe visiting Asia.

At the moment, I am so fucking poor that I really have no excuse not to focus on reading, writing and watching thought provoking content on Netflix. I have been very, very bad about using my precious days on this planet to the fullest. Turning 50 very much snuck up on me. It’s very deep because I look at my father’s lot in life and realize that if I don’t get something done soon I’ll just be another washed up hasbeen with a lot of dreams that never came to fruition because I didn’t really do anything with my life.

So. I am going to really try to push myself to go outside my rut, my confort zone and really focus on what needs to be done to get this first novel done as soon as possible.

While it’s turning out to be really, really good I continue to feel rather sheepish that I’m so far along in the process and still discovering existential problems with the structure of the story. A lot — may all — of this comes from how I’m developing this novel in a near total creative vacuum.

I have no friends and no one likes me.

So, things are a lot more of a struggle than they might otherwise be. But the obstacles aren’t insurmountable.