The Possible Iran-Contra Endgame For #TrumpRussia

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

For all the liberal fever dreams about how Trump will eventually be impeached by the House and convicted by the Senate, we have to accept that by the time Robert Mueller finally presents his conclusions to the Congress, things could be so completely muddled that it will be a moot point.

Add to that the cold, hard fact that Trump’s poll numbers are creeping up and Trump could very well pull an epic wag the dog by starting a preemptive war against the DPRK and you have a recipe for a Iran-Contra type endgame for #TrumpRussia.

It’s a classic instance of history maybe not repeating, but definitely rhyming. Iran-Contra was a huge Constitutional clusterfuck for several different reasons and the president at the time, Ronald Reagan managed to escape relatively unscathed. So, it’s very possible that if the economy continues to do well along with a strategic and timely war with the DPRK (and maybe some painful, uncharacteristic groveling) Trump could not only escape serious political harm, he could manage to prosper enough to have a second term.

The only reason why I suggest Trump might do the required public self-flagellation needed for the Iran-Contra endgame to come to be is what he did as part of the Access Hollywood tape scandal. He said he was sorry and he was able to go about his business. And, if Trump does, in fact, find himself at risk of being impeached, I have a feeling he’ll bend his knee to the public to save his job.

Though, I have to note, presidential second terms are not known for being all that great. The usually are pretty shitty compared to energetic first term. Usually, by the middle of the second term, Americans begin to grow unhappy with an president and weird things begin to happen. Trump, himself, is a manifestation of this. So, should Trump slouch towards a second term, some seriously fucked up shit might happen.

My biggest fear is that America’s already broken democracy is finally shatter altogether and there’s no going back. We will finally enter an era of fully “managed democracy” like they have in Russia. I used to think that could never happen, that America has too much spunk. But I’m afraid I’m beginning to lose hope. I’m beginning to fear that we’re fucked. I’m beginning to fear that there will never be a free and fair election in the United States in my lifetime. Or, if a Democrat wins it will be because of a really bizarre fluke.

It’s all very unfortunate, very sad and tragic. The major problem is we’re in an extended Civil Cold War with no end in sight. In fact, I might suggest that only a real civil war might end this turmoil. But the greater tragedy may be that when push come to shove there won’t be a war at all. The states will split peacefully for no other reason that they have, at last, nothing in common.

‘Hoe That Row’ — #Lyrics To Hip-Hop / R&B Song

This is an allusion to something I once saw Erykah       Badu once mention about the type of guy she likes. Anyway, this would be a hip-hop R&B song that had a beat and you could dance to. At least, it would be if I had any beats to go with it. I’m just screwing around. No one cares about any of these lyrics, though I may be annoying a few people by writing so many of them. These lyrics are from a female point of view because it’s more amusing that way. I like this one. It’s fun. Still a first draft, but it was fun to write.

Hoe That Row
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

don’t care what kind of guy you are
you can be short or tall
smart or dumb
all I care is when the time is right
late at night
you know how to

hoe that row
how that row
how that row

some people may complain
say I’m insane
that I don’t demand enough
from the men in my life
but what’s the point
if I don’t quibble with how I get delight

love is hard to come by
difficult as can be
the right kind of guy is apt to flee
leaving you alone to be
but all I know if
you can hoe that row
you’re the man for me

hoe that row
how that row
how that row

[bridge]
if you hoe that row
hard enough who knows
love may bloom
and my heart may spring forth
with the glow of the sun

it’s ok to get dirty
that’s why I believe
so if you hoe that row
just right you won’t mind the mud

‘Overtime’ — #Lyrics To An R&B Song

This is my homage to the great song “Primetime.” This song is about a couple who both work overtime so much they’re too tired to fool around. This is meant to be them talking about their struggle to get romantic. That may end up being too difficult to write, but we’ll see.

Overtime
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

[her]
have to work hard to pay the bills
too tired for any thrills
we’ve got two babies to feed
sometimes it’s difficult to make ends meet
but you still put me in heat

[him]
break my back that’s a fact
trying to put food on the table
sometimes wanna take you on the table
as you walk on by
you still make me hot as can be

[both]
overtime we have to work
every day it seems
overtime is where the money is made
but it gets in the way
of our love

[her]
we’ve been together for years
we’ll be together till the end
our love will always burn bright
no matter how many times we work overnight

[him]
my love is strong
I know you’ll always long for me
just as I want you late at night
when I need to sleep
we’ll make our ends meet

[both]
overtime we have to work
every day it seems
overtime is where the money is made
but it gets in the way
of our love

‘Extra’ — #Lyrics To A Pop Song

This is my attempt at just regular old pop song. I have no beats — and can’t afford any — so I just find existing music I think fits the concept and run with it. If I had a co-writer and new beats, I probably could do something cool with this. As always, consider this just a first draft.

Extra
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

nothing can be done
that can’t be done well
so dwell on this
if you want to be mine
you’re going to have deal
with me
and my inclination
to be little extra

nothing is simple
with me in your life
just wait for the delight

I’m going to be extra
no matter what you say
extra is just my way
extra is just my way

you think you got me figured out
understand what I’m all about
but me being extra is not act
that’s a fact you’ll have to see
when you’re alone with me

nothing is simple
with me in your life
just wait for the delight

I’m going to be extra
no matter what you say
extra is just my way
extra is just my way

[bridge]
you think you can understand me
think you can impress me with bling
but you have to know
my extra is me to my core
so don’t be a bore

when the lights are down low
you’ll know why you put up with my shit
you’ll get my drift cause I’ll make it simple
I’ll go the extra mile
to put a smile on your face

‘Hell In Heels’ — #Lyrics To A Pop Song

Really, this one is just me trying my hand at writing a pop song after studying pop songs for a little bit. I’m sure I could speed up the process if I learned how to play guitar and read a book on songwriting. Might even get laid. But fuck that. I just like to write and it’s not like anything will come of all this lyric writing I’m doing. It’s just relaxing. It’s times like this when I wish I had beats.

Hell In Heels
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

she got that strut
knows you like it rough
makes you sweat as she walks on by
the gyrations of her hips
makes you think she’ll give you the slip

those heels make her legs bring you to your knees
she looks at you and at once
knows she can do as she please
she ain’t stupid oh not at all
she knows you want a piece of her
but she is going to make you work

she’s hell in heels
hell in heels
are you willing to make a deal
with the devil in high heels
she’s hell in heels

nothing can compare to her in that short skirt
those heels are to die for
she’ll make you kill yourself with lust
thinking of what might be
but those heels are made for walking
she’s a devil it’s for sure
she’s hell in heels
hell in heels
hell in heels

she’s hell in heels
hell in heels
are you willing to make a deal
with the devil in high heels
she’s hell in heels

[bridge]
nothing can compare
to the devil when she makes a dare
are you ready to go where she demands
when you see her come your way
you know it’s true
you’ll do what you do

hell in heels won’t say no
you know she’s got you in her sights
she’ll give you delight or a slight
depending on her mood
what can you do
she’s hell in heels
she’s hell in heels
she’s hell in heels

‘Black Yoga Pants’ — Lyrics To A Pop Song

I just write song lyrics because it’s relaxing and it’s interesting to see how, exactly, it’s done. I like thinking up a concept then playing with it in verse. So, I like the notion of someone talking about black yoga pants because, well, they’re generally hot. I have decided to write this from the female point of view, because, well, it’s hot and both sexes like women talking about sex. I’ve used this concept before, but I’ve come back to it because it’s fun.

Black Yoga Pants
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

I strut down city streets
knowing I’m making a scene
making a scene in my black yoga pants
all the boys can’t believe
what they’re seeing
but let me tell you buddy it’s all true

black yoga pants
black yoga pants
I got you in my sight
I know you want to touch
but what’s the rush
what’s the rush

I got the world in the palm of my hand
some things can be seen and not said
the stories I could tell, I could tell
would leave you still in your tracks
while I walk by in my black yoga pants

other girls ain’t got what it takes
they may make you smile
but me in my black yoga pants
will blow your mind
not knowing what will happen next
with every swing of my hips

black yoga pants
black yoga pants
I got you in my sight
I know you want to touch
but what’s the rush
what’s the rush

[bridge]
you think you’ve got me figured out
but I hate to break your heart
you don’t know what you’re saying
I’m your worst nightmare
and your fantasy come to life

my black yoga pants
are where your dreams come true
make you drool
what are you going to do
what are you going to do
what are you going to do

‘Your Sweetness Is My Weakness’ — #Lyrics To A Pop Song

Let me state from the beginning that these lyrics are mindblowingly stupid, but I find the concept too inciting not to explore. The music to this is a homage to Janelle Monae’s astonishingly stupid song Yoga. These lyrics are embarrassingly stupid, but I just can’t help myself.

Your Sweetness Is My Weakness
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform 

the night is late
we’re on our first date
the clock is about to strike midnight
I can look in your eyes
feel it in your sighs
that you’re ready for us to take
ready for us to take the next step
I whisper

your sweetness is my weakness
I say in your ear
your sweetness is my weakness
your sweetness is my weakness

you sigh deeply
lean into my body and soon I know
I’ll be turning you over
I touch your thigh
your breath grows heavy
we lock eyes and we both know
both know how this will end

we leave your car
open the door to your place
we’re kissing quick as can be
our clothes flee our bodies can’t you see
what happens next you can imagine
I’d like to think

your sweetness is my weakness
I say in your ear
your sweetness is my weakness
your sweetness is my weakness

[bridge]
the night rushes quick as can be
in the darkness our bodies sing
the wetness of our sweat
the only thing we wear
your sweetness is my weakness

the next morning we drink coffee
we smile at each other knowing the truth
this is just the beginning of our fate
we can’t compete with the rush of lust
love is now what we have

your sweetness is my weakness
I say in your ear
your sweetness is my weakness
your sweetness is my weakness

‘Muse’ — #Lyrics To A Pop-Rock Love Ballad

In my imagination, this would be a little bit faster than your typical love balled, but the lyrics would given you an indication of what was up. Or whatever. No one cares. No cares about any of these lyrics. I’m just letting off steam. It’s relaxing to tell stories in verse.

Muse
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

you inspire me it’s true
show me the way with your glow
don’t know what I’d do
without your beauty
you’re my muse
give me fusion power

you’re my muse
bring me to my needs
you’re my muse
the object of my desire
make me want to sing

always just out of grasp
my muse makes me want to gasp
she’s as beautiful as they come
just a glance my way makes me want to run

when I think things are done
and I have lost you for sure
a glimmer of hope sparks my flames
leaving me without anyone to blame

you’re my muse
bring me to my needs
you’re my muse
the object of my desire
make me want to sing

[bridge]
wish you’d come close
leave me with one last wish
you’re always out of reach
with me on your leash

you’re my love
the thing I most desire
love shouldn’t be
something you hire

you’re my muse
bring me to my needs
you’re my muse
the object of my desire
make me want to sing

‘Daddy’s Happy Girl’ — #Lyrics To A Country Music Song

These lyrics come from a chat I had with a guy at a bar about his tour of duties in Iraq and Afghanistan. Sounded like a country music song, so you get this. No one cares about any of this, so this is just me enjoying writing a story in verse

Daddy’s Happy Girl
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

when I went on tour the first time
I saw the dead eyes of children
found myself over and over again
asking if I had been the one
to snuff their life out
that was before I had a child of my my own
on who was daddy’s happy girl

daddy’s little girl
is waiting at home
she’s daddy’s happy little girl
waiting for me to come home
waiting for me to come home
to hug her tight, tight, tight

I came home met might wife
and before I knew it
we were expecting
expecting a child

then again I found myself on tour
when the baby came
I vowed to myself
vowed to myself I never want to see
someone else’s happy little girl
with cold dead eyes

daddy’s little girl
is waiting at home
she’s daddy’s happy little girl
waiting for me to come home
waiting for me to come home
to hug her tight, tight, tight

[bridge]
daddy’s happy girl is always there
alive as can be
waiting for me back at home
I love her with all my heart
would never do her no harm

the last time I was on tour
I walked through the streets of death
and saw child after child with cold still eyes
found myself wondering
who’s daddy’s happy little girl
I was seeing

daddy’s happy little girl
daddy’s happy little girl
daddy’s happy little girl

Kirstjen Nielsen And Tom Cotton Are Liars

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

I can’t get over that both Kirstjen Nielsen and Tom Cotton, otherwise presumably honorable people, are willing to lie to protect our shithead, scummy racist president. And no one seems to care. No one. I blows my mind. It’s mind boggling that this is the case.

The worse part of all of this is that “normal” people are slouching towards his slimy shitty level for white-knuckled political reasons. It’s really nuts. It’s completely bonkers. All this insane stuff is happening and political gravity continues to be suspended.

Donald Trump is a racist, and people like Kirstjen Nielsen and Tom Cotton are protecting him and it blows my mind. It is an outrage. But there doesn’t seem to be any consequence to it. Is America so fucked up that someone as slimy and ignorant as Donald Trump can cause hopefully honorable people are willing to cover for him.

It’s crazy. Insane. And there doesn’t seem to be anything we can do about it.