‘End Of Story’ — #Lyrics To A Pop Song

Feh. While I’m content, I’m annoyed. So in an effort to get some creative release I’m back to writing song lyrics. Here’s just me rambling around. This would be like the Avril Lavigne’s Sk8er Boi.

End Of Story
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

he was a fat fuck
she was a bunny
wealthy as can be
he ruled the LA roost
how they met nobody knows

he was rich
she was pregnant
end of story
he was rich
she was pregnant
end of story

she grows with life
calls up Davidson
he says we’ll get you some dough
Cohen helps her man
he’s got a plan
what’s up that anyhow

but that’s what happen
that’s they tell me
I have to believe
it’s plain to see

he was rich
she was pregnant
end of story
he was rich
she was pregnant
end of story

[bridge]
Orange couldn’t be involved
oh no way that’s not true
despite a more than a million reason
to believe he was

now it’s all over
we’re walking away
the facts are obvious to see
but I thought I knew the truth
shows me what I know

The Allegory Of The Hottie

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

I was hanging out in Richmond’s Fan area today sobering up and enjoying the hot afternoon, when I noticed an attractive young lady drinking, eating and talking with her friend. I sat there, looking straight at her and tried to figure out how I could possibly talk to her. She was wearing sunglasses and occasionally she would look straight back at me.

Now, I’m older and jaded so really my interest in her was more about how drunk I was and the fact that she was in direct eyeshot than anything else. I struggled to figure out different ways that we could meet. I thought about what little I knew about game theory and couldn’t think of anything.

Unless she did something really conspicuous to give me some hook, some reason to believe she wanted me to talk to her, I was at a loss. And that was that. I paid my tab, walked right past her, she seemed to subtly flinch when I didn’t talk to her and was on my way.

That’s how I feel about #FOTUS at this point.

Trump’s potential involvement is staring straight at me in the guise of that $1.6 million pay off, but I got nothing. Nothing at all. No evidence that the whole, “He was rich. She was pregnant. End of Story,” thing isn’t true. So, if you continue to read any of my rantings on this subject either you’re a hater who is hate reading, someone who thinks I’m a fool or a sympathetic conspiracy theorist.

But I have to accept that I’m never going to meet the girl. Unless New York Magazine writes a follow up or the SDNY has something up their sleeve, this story is, at last over.

He was rich.
She was pregnant.
End of story.

Guvf vf whfg fcrphyngvba, ohg vf vg cbffvoyr Furen Orpuneq arire unq gur nobegvba naq jung rirelbar’f yrneavat vf fur’f tbvat gb unir n xvq naq gurl jnag gb cebgrpg vg? Gung vg’f Oebvql’f naq fur whfg jnagf ure cevinpl?

Fgvyy qbrfa’g rkcynva gur $1.6 zvyyvba cnl bss. Pbura vf nobhg npprff, cher naq fvzcyr. Oebvql unf ab ernfba gb hfr Pbura fvzcyl gb pheel snibe vs gurer’f ab npprff vaibyirq. Oebvql zhfg unir xabja cyragl dhnyvsvrq AQN ynjlref va YN gung ur pbhyq gehfg. Pbura vf n svkre sbe Qbanyq W. Gehzc, abobql ryfr.

Bgure guvatf.

Bapr lbh pnyy ohyyfuvg ba ure pnfhnyyl orvat ersreerq Xrvgu Qnivqfba gura jung ryfr vf fur ylvat nobhg?

Orpuneq vf na npgerff. Crgre X. Fgevf vf ab qhzzl. Ur pbhyq pbnpu ure gb gryy nalbar jub nfxrq rabhtu gb znxr gurz oryvrir gur pbire fgbel.

Ohg ab bar unf rkcynvarq gung $1.6 zvyyvba gb zr. Lbh pna’g. Gung $1.6 zvyyvba cbcf bhg naq fvzcyl gryyvat zr V’z jebat naq gb fuhg hc qbrfa’g phg vg.

#FOTUS — He Was Rich. She Was Pregnant. End Of Story. (The Final Assessment)

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

Given everything I know as of this point — and the non-publishing of a follow up by New York Magazine — as of this moment I have to give up. There was no cover story. Elliot Broidy got his lover Shera Bechard pregnant. He gave her a $1.6 million payout and that, as they say, is that.

Continue reading “#FOTUS — He Was Rich. She Was Pregnant. End Of Story. (The Final Assessment)”

#FOTUS: ‘Wilson’

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

My plan today is to wait until about 11 a.m. and walk to the nearby Mexican restaurant, drink a Miller Light and drink a tequila or two, come home, take a nap and contemplate going to Richmond’a Fan district this afternoon to take pictures. Relative to me, as of right now, I have no reason to believe anything of note is going to happen other than waking up on the wrong side of the bed. I feel a bit of out sorts and I don’t know why.

Having said all that, I don’t know what’s going to happen.

I don’t want to speculate that anything of note on the #FOTUS front might happen anytime soon. I have too much of a vested interest at this point to be objective. I only say that because I’ve really put myself out there. A lot depends on how airtight the Broidy cover story is. If it’s a cover story at all. If it’s a cover story and when a journalist or two throws a rock into the Big Black Void and nothing pops out saying shut up, it Bechard was dating Broidy and here’s proof, then TrumpCohen has a problem.

A big problem.

And, let me note, the only reason why I even bring up “Wilson” as I think of it — named after the Cast Away volleyball — is that $1.6 million NDA payoff. You can explain everything else away. You can say that the reason why Broidy picked Cohen is he knew him through the RNC and he wanted to keep the matter private. That’s a perfectly logical explanation.

Except for the $1.6 million.

I still believe that’s an enormous sum for an NDA payoff, even if you say Broidy was extremely embarrassed by all of this and he was feeling exceptionally generous. Throw in that Bechard was represented by TrumpCohen best buddy Keith Davidson and that Broidy, Davidson and Cohen had every vested interest in screwing over Bechard by lowballing her and something does not add up.

It so does not add up that just like when I was walking around work on Wednesday and the skies opened and a thunderclap of realization struck me, you have to stare into the Big Black Void and scream: WILSON.

Everyone’s lying. Or at least screw with people’s minds.


Wilson is to me that moment when you have taken your shoes and watch off and the plane abruptly goes into a tailspin. Everything changes and you have to hold on for dear life. But I have so often ventured out beyond the horizon of the known so many times only to be completely embarrassed that it’s very possible I’m delusional. It’s very possible that Broidy really was paying off a babydaddy issue and Trump was completely unconnected. That’s a real possibility at this point.

As I have said more than once, everything we know says Trump’s the babydaddy, and everything we don’t know says it’s Broidy. It doesn’t take too much for me to wince at how ridiculous I’ve been in my speculation. But the continued silence on the part of the Big Black Void is…odd.

I’ve been really conspicuous on this Website talking about this and add to that the New York Magazine articles and I, of all people, would have been poked by someone, telling me I’m being a dick and to shut up. That would be enough to shut me up pretty quick. You could say that the people who know the truth, that it’s Broidy, either are constrained by the NDA or don’t care enough to correct me.

So, we wait.

I’m looking forward to my tequila.

This Is America

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

It was inevitable, given the ebb and flow of American political history that someone like Trump would become president. Trump just has put his own idiosyncratic spin on things. It’s not like if Hillary Clinton had won that we’d be in much better shape, given that the entire Right is based on a hysterical belief that it’s being oppressed.

I have said for two years that Trump is an existential threat to America and it definitely seems as though he’s getting worse. He’s starting to figure out what being president means and he’s kind of a surreal, malevolent version of Bill Clinton at this point. Clinton, too, had a lot of chaos at first in his administration and then he figured out what he was doing.

The issue now is there anything that can stop him. What’s the end game. Does Trump signal the final lurch of the United States into it’s late imperial stage or he a blip. In other words, is Trump founding a new Trumplandia or is he a Caligula. All signs are he’s growing stronger by the day and we risk losing sight of what really make America great to begin with.

Things are growing more and more dark. I’m the product of a precocious child watching too much Cold War liberal TV news. That’s my frame of reference. Mid-80s TV news liberalism. That’s the America I know and love and I don’t know what happens next. It seems as though the volk has an almost endless ability to process Trump’s dumpster fire of an administration.

When the final history of the United States is written, Trump could be the moment when we finally succumbed to our worst instincts. I like to think the individual rises to the occasion and given the opportunity he or she will show their true colors. They say history is but the biography of great men (or women) for a reason.

What would Lincoln have been without the opportunity and crisis of the Civil War. I mean, hell, Grant was a listless drunk for about a decade before fate happened to tap him for greatness. So there’s still an opportunity for individual greatness in America. Trump hasn’t sapped that out of us quite yet.

But it’s going to get worse before it’s get better — much, much worse.

It’ll get worse because Trump has no shame and will never quit and the Vichy Republican Congress will never impeach him, no matter what he does. So, we’re stuck with Trump for the time being.

Only time will tell if we can save ourselves from ourselves.

V-Log: Idle Rambling About New York City

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

Just idle rambling about New York City.

V-Log: Idle #FOTUS Chat

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

Just me rambling about the #FOTUS theory.

#FOTUS: Gimmie Some Truth ( Dramatis Personae )

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

Let’s go down the list of the individuals involved in this theory.

1. Shera Bechard
She’s a former Playboy model who bounces back and forth between LA and NYC. The origin of her income is nebulous. Alledgly between 2015 and 2017 she has an affair with Elliot Broidy. The baby was conceived sometime in September. Don’t know when it was aborted. We don’t even know beyond a few shreds of information that she even knows Broidy. No proof exists as of this moment of any romantic relationship between the two. She signed an NDA with Broidy for $1.6 million. She’s gotten the first check or two and is out somewhere drinking margaritas in a string bikini.

2. Elliot Broidy
Broidy is a big time Republican money and access guy. Lives in LA. Has a loving wife and also apparently bounces back and forth between the West and East Coasts. We don’t know where he was in September. He got in trouble recently for selling access to the White House to Arabs and even maybe influencing policy that way. A huge thing of his emails was leaked recently as well. He and Michael Cohen are connected through the RNA as I understand it.

3. Michael Cohen
Cohen is so tight to Trump that you could see them as one thing — TrumpCohen. Cohen has one client and one client only, Donald Trump. Now, the argument could be made that Broidy picked Cohen because he trusted him and wanted to keep the NDA with Bechard absolutely secret. But that doesn’t explain how quickly the story popped out when Cohen’s office was raided nor the enormous $1.6 million NDA payoff. My thinking is if Cohen, Bechard’s lawyer — and Cohen best bud — Keith Davidson were all in cohoots because they knew each other so well, they would have ever reason to screw Bechard over money-wise. That $1.6 million is an eye opener for a babydaddy issue, but not so much for an access payment and personal favor to the president.

4. Keith Davidson
Davidson is best buds with Cohen. How Bechard picked him of all people given that he had represented two other women in NDA agreements with Trump through Cohen is a matter of debate. You could say Davidson is the go-to guy in Beverly Hills for that, who knows. Davidson and Cohen are so tight that they email things to each other that they’re not supposed to. So if they were working with Broidy to wrapped up a babydaddy issue up, they had means, motive and opportunity to lowball Bechard down significantly. But they don’t.

5. Donald Trump
President of the United States. We have no proof that he knows Bechard, but he was in general proximity to her at the time of conception. Of all the people involved, Trump has the most to lose if he’s the babydaddy and he could get rid of the problem for free relative to his situation. Someone else — Broidy — foots the bill in exchange for being the fall guy for access to the White House.

I am prepared to say that this is gross misinterpretation of the facts but for one thing — the $1.6 million pay off. That’s a lot of money to solve a babydaddy issue, but not a lot to gain access to the White House so you can peddle it to extremely wealthy Arabs.

#FOTUS: All The President’s Hens

By Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

Just call me Martha Mitchell.

She was nuts and she was telling the truth. They even named a syndrome after her.

Ok. Broidy was rich. Bechard was pregnant. End of story.

But explain that $1.6 million pay off to me. That’s just weird. That’s odd. Everything else you can rationalize out of existence. Everything else can be a figment of my deranged drunk mind. But that datapoint pops out. That’s an enormous sum for a babydaddy issue.

Trump paid Story Daniels $130,000 right before an election to shut up about one raw dog event. That story coming out could have cost him the election. He would be just a failed presidential candidate ranting on Twitter at this point if that story had come out. So you’re telling me that given all the connection to Trump that Broidy — a nobody in real terms — would pay out $1.6 million simply to get rid of a babydaddy issue.

I don’t believe. I just don’t believe it.

Give me proof that’s the going rate for a babydaddy situation in LA/NYC and I’ll walk away. I’ll be happy. That $1.6 million lie is out there, dancing naked.

#FOTUS: My Baby’s Got A Fetus And The Wall Street Journal Has Some Splain’ To Do


by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

Alright, I’ll give you this argument — Broidy picked Cohen because he knew him from the RNC and he knew Cohen was a fixer. Alright, that works. Great logic.

But there are at least two, maybe three issues with this airtight logic.

1. Weird how Shera Bechard would pick Cohen buddy Keith Davidson to represent HER.
2. The issue of the $1.6 million payoff.
3. How easily the story came out.

If you’re Broidy and you’re really, really $1.6 million worth of freak out about someone learning about the affair with Bechard and baby, how come that story popped out right after Cohen’s office was raided. They wanted to get ahead of the story, yes, but is that it? Really? Broidy is prepared to spend $1.6 million in secret to make sure nobody ever learns of his sinful ways and the abruptly the whole thing pops out of the dark. What’s more Bechard’s name pops out, too. And it happened in The Wall Street Journal, a very sympathetic paper for the Trump Administration if ever there was one.

Who spilled the beans and why?

Guvf vf whfg fcrphyngvba, ohg vf vg cbffvoyr Furen Orpuneq arire unq gur nobegvba naq jung rirelbar’f yrneavat vf fur’f tbvat gb unir n xvq naq gurl jnag gb cebgrpg vg? Gung vg’f Oebvql’f naq fur whfg jnagf ure cevinpl?

Fgvyy qbrfa’g rkcynva gur $1.6 zvyyvba cnl bss. Pbura vf nobhg npprff, cher naq fvzcyr. Oebvql unf ab ernfba gb hfr Pbura fvzcyl gb pheel snibe vs gurer’f ab npprff vaibyirq. Oebvql zhfg unir xabja cyragl dhnyvsvrq AQN ynjlref va YN gung ur pbhyq gehfg. Pbura vf n svkre sbe Qbanyq W. Gehzc, abobql ryfr.

Bgure guvatf.

Bapr lbh pnyy ohyyfuvg ba ure pnfhnyyl orvat ersreerq Xrvgu Qnivqfba gura jung ryfr vf fur ylvat nobhg?

Orpuneq vf na npgerff. Crgre X. Fgevf vf ab qhzzl. Ur pbhyq pbnpu ure gb gryy nalbar jub nfxrq rabhtu gb znxr gurz oryvrir gur pbire fgbel.

Ohg ab bar unf rkcynvarq gung $1.6 zvyyvba gb zr. Lbh pna’g. Gung $1.6 zvyyvba cbcf bhg naq fvzcyl gryyvat zr V’z jebat naq gb fuhg hc qbrfa’g phg vg.