I Have Some Questions About That ‘ET’ In Miami

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Something curious happened in Miami the other day and it leaves me with a lot of questions. So, here’s what we know — a HUGE number of Miami police officers rushed to the scene around one of the malls in Miami. They apparently went to the scene because a bunch of teens were causing trouble and shooting off fireworks.

Ok, here’s where things get weird.

There is footage — in the dark, natch — of some sort of “creature” walking around the scene as well.

But here’s the catch — that’s all we got. There’s no up close, clear footage of such a huge creature walking around the middle of a major American city. You’d think SOMEONE would have a cellphone with a camera and have recorded the incident in a far less ambiguous manner.

And if there was some sort of space alien involved, where was there ship? And what happened later that night? Was the creature taken into custody by the police? And you mean to tell me that the single biggest event in Human History — Hard First Contact — just happened and everyone lulzed it? No leaks? No people screaming at the top of their lungs that aliens have landed?

It’s all very curious. It does give us a sense of what might happen if Hard First Contact did actually happen. I think you’d be surprised by how blasé people would be once it was clear that the ETs came in peace. I think (most) people would just shrug and move on to the next thing.

Of The New York Times & Class

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m reading the new book “The Times” about the recent history of The New York Times and I’m taken aback by how aspirational working for The Old Gray Lady continues to be in my mind.

I’m too old for it to be any such thing, of course. And, what’s more, reading the book keeps reminding me of the issue of class. For all my ability to fake a good conversation with someone who works at The Times, there is no denying that in the end, they would dismiss me because of — if nothing else — my socio-economic status.

I’m broke as fuck.

Which, of course, raises the issue of what might happen if my novel is some sort of break out hit (this is just a daydream at the moment). I think, in fact, that being a best selling author would be just about the ONLY WAY that anyone who worked at The New York Times might take me seriously.

Even then, I would be an outsider. I just have to accept that as the old saying goes, “You take yourself wherever you go.”

‘Hard First Contact’

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Imagining what would happen if Hard First Contact happened is a good thought exercise because it gives us a chance to game out what might happen if Something Big happened in the conditions of the modern world.

For the purposes of this scenario, I’m going to assume that the aliens that contact us know everything about us, rather than be elusive God-like creatures as seen in the movie 2001.

As such, it seems as though if there was some sort of Hard First Contact that these well-versed aliens would probably want to talk to the UN first. Or maybe not, maybe they would want to talk to the leaders of the G20. But that’s besides the point.

The United States is so fucking divided at the moment that I fear not even something as momentous as Hard First Contact would do squat to unite it. After the shock wore off, the two sides would go back to their individual echo chambers to process the event.

The center-Left (of which I’m a part) would probably see Hard First Contact as an opportunity to unite the globe, solve issues like AI and global climate change and any number of other global issues. They would see Hard First Contact as an opportunity to take the human species collectively to the next level of human evolution.

MEANWHILE, the ding-dong MAGA people would freak the fuck out and want to nuke them or convert the aliens to Christianity. There would be some MAGA people who would see Hard First Contact as a chance to trade and as, such, make a lot of money.

But, in general, MAGA would probably turn its eyes to malignant ding-dong Trump to see what he thought about the issue. And, yet, as I mentioned, I suspect eventually, inevitably, MAGA evangelicals would grab a cross and a Bible and start to demand the opportunity to spread the Good Word to the galaxy.

Of course, there is also a chance that New Age potheads would start to begin to form some sort of dumb cult / religion around the aliens because they’re dumb and high.

Anyway, the point is — the United States is hyper divided and we’re fucked. It’s one of those things where it definitely seems as though 2024 – 2025 could see us going to the show.

I Really Like Rita Ora

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

In this weirdly puritanical world we live in now, it’s nice to see a woman like Rita Ora not be afraid to show some skin. And, from what I can tell, she’s got a great personality, too. And she’s a talented singer. She’s the complete package.

Rita Ora

In short, I’m a fan.

I find it so annoying how shy some of the smoking hot women in the public eye these days are. Though, it is equally interesting how some high end models like Kendall Jenner seem like if Playboy was still culturally relevant they might be willing to do a spread for it.

Showing skin has ALWAYS been a flex for women in the upper strata of society. I mean, there was once a woman hundreds of years ago who had a dress designed specifically to show off her best breast in public!

Just thinking about the cultural demise of Playboy makes me feel very, very old. The rise of Internet porn and OnlyFans has really fucked up what was a pretty useful social construct. It used to be, when I was growing up, that it was quite an honor for someone like Rita Ora or Kendall Jenner to do the occasional Playboy spread if they were either in the mood or had something to promote.

Now, ugh.

Though, the case could be made that when MAGA “catches the car” and bans online porn that we may see a return to print editions of men’s magazines like Playboy. Or we just might see a lot of people using VPNs and nothing will change.

But back to Ms. Ora. She’s so cool. She isn’t a prude like Katy Parry who has a smoking hot body — and incredible breasts — but will never, ever show them. (Do I sound like a dirty old man? Probably.)

I dunno. The issue for me is any society that doesn’t give smoking hot women in the public eye at least a venue to show some T&A is fucked up. But, here we are. It’s kind of sad.

Things Are Going Really Well With The Third Draft Of My First Novel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

As I am apt to do, I talked a lot about my novel today at both a bar and while I got my hair cut. And while I got a mixed reception from both my bartender and my haircutter, I think third parties listening to me describe the plot of the novel were quite interested.

They didn’t say anything, but they looked at me in a weird way.

Don’t know what to make of that.

But I hope to move pretty fast with this novel. And I also hope to start to read, watch and develop more as well. I’m really feeling my age these days.

Wish me luck.

Our Coming Moment of Historic Truth

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

For me, the issue is not if Trump wins or loses in 2024, but what happens after that. It is easy to imagine that either way, Trump could very well cause a civil war, if for different reasons. He might cause a civil war if he loses because he demands a National Divorce to keep himself out of jail.

Meanwhile, he could cause a revolution THEN a civil war if he wins because he will simply be such a ham-handed tyrant –a Red King, if you will — that the country will be brought to its knees.

As such, we have to start to think about what happens if we’re pushed to the breaking point as a nation. Is it possible that for the Traditionalists who are the backbone of any stable democracy, there is no red line when it comes to Trump? Is is possible that they are soooooo anxious about the browning of America and the rise of women with more reproductive and economic agency that they will ride the pony of fascism all the way down?

I would like to THINK that the Traditionalists I know would at least have the Red Line of the personal. I would like to think that would happen. And, yet, who knows. It could be that they’ll simply become Good Germans and keep their heads down and just shrug if weaponized ICE agents come after me because I won’t shut the fuck up about what a piece of shit Trump is.

That moment of truth is really the issue at hand. The fate of the United States will be determined by Traditionalists. I say this because they are the people who are center-Right and provide the stability of the United States. If they actually are riled up by Tyrant Trump’s either demand for a National Divorce in 2024 because he loses or if he goes totally bonkers and tyrannical in 2025 should he win…then, well, freedom in the United States will have a fighting chance.

It could go either way, though. It really could.

Dave Chappelle’s New Netflix Special Leaves Me Conflicted

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I loved Dave Chappelle’s Netflix special “The Dreamer.” He’s probably the best storyteller alive and he knows how to tell a joke. And, yet, he continues to think “edgy” means “bigoted” when it comes to the trans community. Whenever he made one of those type jokes, I thought about what would have happened if some member of the Rat Pack had made a racist joke back in the day.

But, I suppose, the case can be made that gender isn’t race. Or something. Something like that. The whole thing makes me very uncomfortable in more ways than one. I think there’s room enough room in this world for all God’s chillens and there’s no need to pick on transgender people.

What’s more, I just discovered that one of my favorite new artists Ethel Cain was born a dude with the name Hayden Silas Anhedönia. (Though I suspect Cain’s “male” last name is made up, given how close the surname is to the word for the inability to feel pleasure.)

They say intelligence is the ability to hold to contradictory ideas in your mind at the same time and when it comes to Chappelle, I definitely am doing that. I really liked The Dreamer, and, yet, given how amazingly talented Cain is…I also feel angry that Chappelle went out of his way to attack the transgender community.

I dunno. I just feel really conflicted about the whole thing and there’s no easy answer.

Come On, New Jersey, Name Jon Stewart To The Senate & Be Legends — If The Opportunity Arises

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

New Jersey Senator Bob Menendez is in something of a political pickle. It is at least *possible* that he will resign or be expelled before the end of the year. I’ve heard of a few names floated to replace him should that happen, but they’re all dull.

Jon Stewart

It seems to me that as the US could very well be careening towards autocracy or civil war / revolution that it sure would be nice if someone like Jon Stewart was Senator Jon Stewart.

But that’s very much my personal delusion. Stewart has shown no interest in any sort of retail political career, yet I will note those times that he has dabbled in politics he’s been VERY EFFECTIVE.

Lulz, what do I know.

Third Time’s The Charm?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’ve been writing a lot about how we might get rid of Tyrant Trump should he be re-elected late this year. While I’ve blathered on about very speculative ideas about him being “deposed” by the U.S. Military using the 14th Amendment as some sort of legal cover, in reality given American history, what would probably happen is just a regular old impeachment.

I say this because if Trump went full tyrant in a very ham-handed way, that, by definition, would be an abuse power, and as such, an impeachable offence. There is the issue, of course the chief issue is who would be in charge of the House in 2025.

If it’s Republicans, then holy shit would things have to get very, very, very bad before there would be any talk of an impeachment. Meanwhile, if Agenda 47 was implemented the way we’ve been told and Democrats control the House, Trump could very well be at least impeached within a few months of being sworn in.

But there are a lot complications.

If Trump has gone full tyrant when he’s impeached and things head over to the Senate for trail, the country would literally have to be on the cusp of a Glorious Revolution for him to be convicted — especially if Republicans controlled the Senate.

And some unpreceded things would have to be going on for Trump to be convicted. An actual General Strike that was actually in place and working would be the only way I can imagine that Trump would come anywhere near being convicted in the Senate.

And…maybe…if Republican Senators were leaving the Senate in droves to help organize some sort of “rebel” Trumplandia government as all of this was going on then, yeah, I guess it’s possible Trump might get convicted. But he would probably just fly to some safe rebel Red state and plot his revenge.

But that’s all very speculative and just my usual hysterical doom shit. It could be that either Trump loses and MAGA fades in power, or he wins and so many smug, wealthy Twitter liberals will be too busy leaving the country to organize any sort of effective direct action against our new Red King.

Who knows. Not me.

The Heroine Of My Novel Has A Very Messy Love Life

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Things are moving quickly now with the alpha release of the third draft of my first novel. As I move into the second act, I am taken aback by how…messy…my heroine’s love life is. It’s so messy that I could even see that being played up in the marketing should I sell this thing.

In my mind, my heroine looks a lot like Corrie Yee.

One issue I really struggle with is the same-sex relationship aspects of this story which have grown in the third draft. I struggle with it because the novel is set in late 1994, early 1995 and A LOT has changed since then when it comes to people’s perceptions of such things.

With that in mind, I think in the beta release of the third draft, I’m going to try to make the fact that my heroine is in a lingering romantic relationship with a young woman A Big Deal that people mention in a very 1990s way. That will add drama and conflict to the story while making it more realistic. A lot has changed in the last 30 odd years on that front and I can’t pretend that even the less-controversial lesbian relationship would be all rainbows and unicorns for those involved in it.

Anyway, things are going really well at the moment. I’m very pleased. But I still have a lot of work to do to get this third draft anywhere near being good enough to show to a paid manuscript consultant. And, given how fucking broke I am, I am beginning to fear that is an element of my trek towards querying that I just won’t be able to do.

We’ll see.