Some Final Words, For Now, On Shera Bechard & Donald Trump

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

It appears as though this is it. Either we got it all wrong or we won’t know one way or another if all this weird social media stuff we found from Shera Bechard is just an odd coincidence until the SDNY breaks the news.

But I will say that the logic of it being Trump and not Elliot Broidy who got Bechard pregnant holds up. But anyway. Time to move on to something else, I guess.

‘Call The Cops’ — #Lyrics To A Woke Rap Song

This spawns from my irritation that we seem to be calling the cops on black people left and right while the biggest crook — Donald Trump — is attacking the FBI with various dumb conspiracy theories. I have no beats and even if I did, I don’t have the software to use it or a vocalist. But that’s not the point, this point is to simply relax by being creative.

Call The Cops
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

black and breathing
(call the cops)
go to a Starbucks and sit
(call the cops)
got a hoodie and Skittles
(call the cops)
but you be president and a crook
and what
and what
and what

we got a crook in the White House
(call the cops)
he wants to reverse the black man’s legacy
(call the cops)
he sits on his ass and tweets all day
can’t even spell Melania right
(call the cops)
white people running all around
telling us what’s wrong with the black man
(call the cops)
but they can’t get their own house in order
(call the cops)
the president is a racist pig
but they doesn’t bother them one bit
as long as they keep the black and brown man down
don’t get me started out the sisters
they get the worst of it
fuck

black and breathing
(call the cops)
go to a Starbucks and sit
(call the cops)
got a hoodie and Skittles
(call the cops)
but you be president and a crook
and what
and what
and what

[bridge]
when will we get some truth
instead of these lies
who do I call for some relief
from the racist pig that’s our president

we’re all going to have to fight
pour into the streets
maybe we can be free from this misery
the cops will one day do their job
arrest Donald J. Trump
for all his crimes and lies

call the cops
call the cops
call the cops
call the cops

‘Wide Open’ — #Lyrics To An Old School Rap Song

These lyrics would go to an old school rap beat. I don’t have a beat, but the general vibe would be like the type one might find in Bust A Move. That’s the vision, at least. This song is about a hot chick who’s out there and the adventures she takes a guy on.

Wide Open
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

let’s get into it

she’s the type of girl
you think is sweet and coy
but once you get her into bed
you realize it was all a lie
she’s ready to rock around the clock
leaving you in shock
don’t worry though this too will pass
though you’re going to have to relax
if you want to keep up with her sass

she’s wide open
I tell you
she’s wide open
I tell you
she’s wide open

meet her for a drink
she gets drunk and next thing you know
clothes are coming off and she’s poppin out
you panic don’t know what it’s all about
there’s nothing you can do
she’s determined to show some ass
leaving you wondering where she left her class

she’s wide open
I tell you
she’s wide open
I tell you
she’s wide open

[bridge]
we all know girls like her
she seems perfect for you
you both like to drink and to talk
but keeping her in check is a no go
you just don’t want to blow it with her
’cause she’s wide open

she’s wild as can be
leaving you not knowing what to do
how to control her is your quest
but she’s got nice tits
so you feel blessed
you take one look at her and smile
realizing you don’t care at all that she’s
wide open
wide open
wide open
wide open

‘Melanie’ — #Lyrics To A Woke Pop-Rock Song

I’m just screwing around. I like telling stories in verse and so you get this. That’s all that’s going on. Nothing more.

Melanie
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

a misspelled named is a little thing
I’ll admit that but I won’t forget
the other mistakes of the past
there you are dogging on a porn star
you all but admit it’s true

do you even love me
do you even love me
or do you love Melanie
or do you love Melanie

you should know better than this
I want to hiss
but don’t forget my regret
how you make me fret over my fate
when will I be replaced
with a younger model
is it just a matter of time

do you even love me
do you even love me
or do you love Melanie
or do you love Melanie

[bridge]
when the time comes
when this is all over
will you even remember my name
or will it just be another shame?

the name’s Melania
have to note
who’s this Melanie bitch
you speak of?

V-Log: What Rudy Giuliani Is Up To

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

It’s so obvious that while we’re laughing at Giuliani, in hindsight he may get the last laugh. What Trump wants — and what he may get — is an extreme version of the Iran-contra scandal as his endgame. Everyone knew Reagan had done extra-Constitutional things, but he got away with it.

So, we need to pick our battles.

‘Cannon Fodder’ — #Lyrics To A Pop-Rock Song Advocating Gun Control

These lyrics would go to a beat much like Harvey Danger’s “Flagpole Sitta.” Something really fast and a little bit dancable. But no one cares what I write, so I just do this for a little bit of relaxation. I write these lyrics really fast, so think of this as a ham-handed first draft.

Cannon Fodder
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

another day and shooting
children’s blood pools on the ground
I scream into the sky looking for hope
but we all know the truth
if you push for change all you get is rage
the wise men in suits will tell you a lie
but the facts are they think
mass murder is

the price we pay for freedom
the price we pay for freedom
our children are just cannon fodder
’cause that’s the price we pay for freedom
’cause that’s the price we pay for freedom

now just wait a second I have to yell
can’t we dwell on solutions
other than more mass murder
can’t we try to fix the problem
isn’t there another way
are you simply not able to be swayed
much to my dismay

the price we pay for freedom
the price we pay for freedom
our children are just cannon fodder
’cause that’s the price we pay for freedom
’cause that’s the price we pay for freedom

[bridge]
will nothing ever change
no matter how much I shout
can’t I get something done about this
why does this happen so often
it’s all so painful to contemplate

but I’d like to think
that this stink will be washed away
our freedom from death and despair
will be repaired
mass murder simply can’t be

the price we pay for freedom
the price we pay for freedom
our children are just cannon fodder
’cause that’s the price we pay for freedom
’cause that’s the price we pay for freedom

‘Doors’ — #Lyrics To A Woke Pop-Country Song Advocating Gun Control

I just like Kacey Musgraves’ vibe so this would be a mid-tempo pop country song where you could hear the lyrics really well. She’s really good a stuff like that. Regardless, I just like writing stories in verse and this is relaxing, so there you go. These lyrics allude to the fact that someone recently said it was too many doors in a school, not, like, uh, too many guns, that were the problem with school shootings.

Doors
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

we’re all demanding changes
too many children have died while learning
but you demand more locks on the doors
why can’t you see my friend
the lies you’re spewing aren’t true
it’s glocks not locks we should be thinking about

don’t tell me about
doors
don’t demanded fewer
doors
doors
doors

things don’t seem like they could get much worse
wish people would hear my cry
I don’t care about doors in the schools
we need to fix the problem with guns
locking doors isn’t going to help
when you’ve got an active shooter about

wish it wasn’t this way no way
I wonder if things will ever change
but I’m afraid I know the answer
we’re stuck with what we got
no matter how many locks we get

don’t tell me about
doors
don’t demanded fewer
doors
doors
doors

[bridge]
wish I could change our fate
even at this late date
I’m afraid there’s nothing to say
much to my dismay

when it’s all over
the history of this time is written
what will they say
was the problem too many doors
or too many bores who didn’t care
about the fate of the children

How To Update The #UX #UI Of A Usenet Client To ‘Kill’ Twitter

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

Below is the general idea of what I want to update for modern social media needs for a Website that would be marketed as a “Twitter killer.” You’d have to update the concept a lot, but the general concept is there. You’d have at least three panes you would be able to interact with.

The key thing is in the pane that you would use to write posts, you would have a fully WYSIWYG editor and the ability to in-line edit. This opens up a lot of really interesting possibilities when it comes to content distribution online. What if you could inline edit in the context of a threaded discussion? That would be a really powerful new feature for newspapers and magazines online. It would definitely change how people interact with content online.

The thing about it is, this is a pretty well developed concept, so it wouldn’t really take that much to update it for the modern Web. Throw in a modern newsfeed, a feature rich profile page and various other things people expect in social media and you have a real chance to bring down Twitter.

But as I keep saying, I have no money, can’t code and don’t want to learn, so this is just a daydream.

Idle Mulling Of The #UX #UI Of A ‘Twitter Killer’

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

If I was going to design a startup to “kill” Twitter and maybe disrupt content distribution online, the below is what would be my stepping off point. That’s pretty much my vision for how to do it, only updated significantly for modern social media users needs.

So, that’s my vision. I wish someone would take me up on it, but because I have no money, can’t code and don’t want to learn, no one ever will. But I feel there is still a minor window of opportunity to do such a startup. I wish I could get some traction on this. It would be so cool if I could.

There are some pretty big issues that would have to be address. Chief amongst them being how would you manage an enormous amount of people using the service. The only thing I can think of is you would limit who could actually post to the service in some way. You would have to earn the right to do that.

A lot of people probably wouldn’t like that, but that’s the only way you you base a service on the old concepts of Usenet and have it work. But one issue is, I think the below is what people actually want Twitter to be. They want a real discussion platform. Which, sadly, Twitter is not.

‘Starlight’ — #Lyrics To A Pop-Rock Song About Selma Blair

I’m the first to admit that my lyrics are comically bad. But I’m feeling inspired and something on my mind is how kind in a very minor way Selma Blair has been to me on Instagram. I’m a nobody, but she’s been, in her own way, quite gracious to me. So, in honor of that, here are some lyrics that express my gratitude. The general beat of these lyrics would be a Brit-Pop song. Enjoy.

Starlight
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

we’re all made of stars
that’s what they tell me in school
when a star shines your way
if even for a moment
it’s enough to give you pause

she’s not know for her smiles
but she’s a star nonetheless
bright as can be in the summer sky
or on the silver screen

starlight is a powerful thing
starlight is a sight to see
can change the fate of your day
starlight, starlight, starlight

we all live for a moment in the sun
for us to get some of that flavor
of a star’s favor
when it happens to us we smile
knowing it’ll pass soon enough

when all is said and done
just enjoy it while it lasts
don’t get too full of yourself
sass will get you no laughs

starlight is a powerful thing
starlight is a sight to see
can change the fate of your day
starlight, starlight, starlight

[bridge]
starlight shining from up on high
makes mortal men sigh
knowing we can see but never touch
the starlight shining down on us

starlight is her name
she’s got all the fame
she’s an ageless beauty
that’s her claim
starlight, starlight, starlight