Watch Me Be Bad And Talk About The Obvious About AOC

Shelton Bumgarner

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

Ok, I get it. We’re not supposed to talk about this. We’re only supposed to see AOC as an up and coming leader in the House Democratic Caucus. But let me be bad for a moment and mention the obvious.

AOC is a smoking hot babe.

It’s rather surreal that not even the Right really mentions her physical beauty. They kinda do in a roundabout way, but it’s not like anyone on Fox & Friends says, “Bruh, what a babe!”

What’s even weirder is JFK was seen as something of a hunk in the 50s – 60s and that wasn’t a big deal. So it is possible for a political leader to be considered “sexy.” But ok guys, I know.

That’s off limits. She’s A Very Serious Person with Very Serious Policy Proposals. Shrug. I’ll shut up about it now.

A House Trump Death Rattle (Maybe)

Shelton Bumgarner

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

I’m reluctant to say we’re in any type of late-stage Watergate situation just yet. Watergate’s conclusion came about because of a very specific set of circumstances that, because of a lack of precedent, we’ve come to believe is a forgone conclusion.

As I’ve written before, this is not 1974 and Trump is not Nixon. Republicans have no shame and crave power for power’s sake. As such, even though every other metric could be against Trump, Republicans could simply deny it all and stand firm. It’s hard for a liberal democracy to have a functioning Constitution when one of its major parties believes you can only impeach a president if they gain from it politically.

I guess what I’m saying is — the entire fate of the United States rests on Trump, well, being Trump. I would go so far as to say at this point it would actually be out of character for Trump not to do something so completely indefensible, so completely and demonstrably beyond the pale of any type of normal human behavior, that Republicans will find themselves at last defending the absolutely indefensible. If we’ve gotten this far into this situation and we’re not thinking that maybe the Deep State might be the good guys, well,oh boy.

In fact, I will go so far as to say we’re looking for the wrong signs. We’re looking for a major Republican to be Barry Goldwater. Nope. The best we can maybe hope for is a surreal version of The Pence Pivot. If Trump gets the whistleblower murdered, or tweets out a dick pic or tweets the n-word to Obama, Republican leaders will simply say they REALLY voted for Pence and why are you asking the question.

Even then, they won’t even hold an impeachment trial in the Senate.

Having said all that, I would like to tell AOC and a few other people floating around that there’s a chance that things are going to get so bad, so surreal that they are going to be given a masterclass on leadership in real time. I watched on 9/11 as then President Bush simply deflated. He ran away. The nation, for a moment, was leaderless. For a few crucial hours, Rudy was our president.

All I’m saying is, if things get as absolutely surreal as they look like they may, history is watching. They say one’s character comes out best in extreme situations. A few of our elected leaders may be given the opportunity to tell us who they really are, for better or worse.

But we’re not quite there yet. Maybe Bill Barr has proof TrumpUkraine is all an evil plot on the part of the Deep State. Again, at this point, Chris Wallace might suggest the “optics” on that one might not be so great for House Trump.

Maybe the Deep State is like the Second Foundation? Maybe they’re protecting the Constitution? We’ll see.

Novel Notes For April 4, 2019 — AOC, The Internal Logic Of Movies Versus Novels & County Government Issues

Some thoughts.

Some Wholly Unsolicited Advice For AOC

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

I hate to break it to Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, but she’s hurtling towards a unique position in modern American political history which lies at the confluence of politics, celebrity and, alas, gender politics.

And, as such, I feel like — for no other reason than no one reads this blog — make a few gentle suggestions about what she should do next.

First, I think she needs to accept that her old life is over. She’s no longer simply a House Representative, she’s a cultural figure. She now lives under the rules of a modern celebrity, not that of a lowly freshmen in Congress. The tipping point is rushing towards us where some pretty basic issues about her private life are going to come into focus.

Chief among them being, her romantic status. Apparently she has a long-term boyfriend, which would account for the lack of sizzling bikini pictures being leaked of her. If she had a string of boyfriends in her romantic wake, one of the would have been a big enough dick to release a sexxxy snap or two of her by this point.

But, thankfully, that hasn’t happened yet and maybe never will.

As an aside, it’s amusing that when she wore white for the State of the Union address for political reasons, the white pretty much made it clear she’s a stunning woman. She usually wears dark colors in an effort to hide how drop dead gorgeous she is. The white, however, especially at such a public event, may be looked back upon as one of several tipping points in her career.

And, yet, the issue of how hot she is remains and she’s going to have to simply do some triage on that front rather than ignore it altogether. There’s going to come a point where people are going to want to know her boyfriend’s name, when — and if — they’re getting married and if they plan to have children. (And how many!)

If I were her, I would get way ahead of this issue by getting her PR people to setup a value-free, vacuous profile of her and her boyfriend for, say People Magazine. A huge amount of pressure would be eased once a lot of people on both sides of the political spectrum knew off the top of their head who she was involved with.

As it stands, a lot of horny old Boomer Men are watching FOX News to learn about her because in a very Jungian (Freudian?) way, they are lusting after her because they believe she may be sexually available.

But it’s established she’s dating someone and has been for some time, that will dodge a huge issue for her down the road. Her physical attractiveness is something that is, to date, unprecedented in American politics because she’s of an age where a lot of MAGA Masters of The Universe in NYC could honestly imagine they could play a Mr. Big role in her life, given the opportunity.

As I said, no one reads this blog and I feel reasonably comfortable I can give this advice and no one will listen to me. I mean, they don’t listen to me about anything else, do they?

AOC — #Lyrics To A Rock Song

I’m using the AC/DC song T.N.T as the basis of this one, but you could probably — with a producer and some tinkering — come up with something that had its own beat structure.

AOC
Lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
Please give credit if you produce or perform

She’s a girl from The Bronx
Will walk you like a dog
If you don’t get along
Her plan is to help the poor fight, fight, fight
Here’s her name so don’t you forget
She’s AOC

She’s the future I tell you
AOC, AOC, AOC, AOC
Going to slay the patriarchy
AOC, AOC, AOC, AOC
AOC, AOC, AOC, AOC

Bring the spirit of JFK, RFK, MLK to the fore
She’s here to rock and roll
If you have any reason to forget
She’ll remind you of her name, don’t you fret
From the block wearing hoops on her ears
She’s AOC, AOC, AOC

She’s the future I tell you
AOC, AOC, AOC, AOC
Going to slay the patriarchy
AOC, AOC, AOC, AOC
AOC, AOC, AOC, AOC

(Bridge)
Maybe she’ll be POTUS one day
But for now she’ll clap back when you attack
Just because you’re stupid
Isn’t her affair
She just wants what is fair
She’s the future I tell you
AOC, AOC, AOC, AOC
Going to slay the patriarchy
AOC, AOC, AOC, AOC
AOC, AOC, AOC, AOC

V-Log – When Is Trump Going To Call AOC ‘Sexy Sadie?’

By Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

Trump is so stupid that he probably doesn’t have the cognitive function needed to reference a Beatles song to make fun of AOC. Even then, if he did, after the MAGA dipshits spooged their pants at the use, they would probably realize it was a trap — Sexy Sadie is actually a pretty great nickname, if you’re going to have one

So, I don’t know what the endgame of the nickname game will be. Maybe Trump will continue to ignore her, maybe he won’t. But I tend to believe eventually he’ll attack her for no other reason than her romantic life will become something that the assholes on Gab can’t stop talking about.

Advice To ‘Sexy Sadie’ — Get Ahead Of The Curve

By Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

I don’t know anything and no one should listen to me. Having said that, for my own benefit, here are some thoughts about the issues facing AOC. It seems to me that given how brutal modern American politics is that it’s inevitable that some Right-wing nimrod is going to try to smoke her out about her romantic status out of spite, if nothing else.

The only reason why I call AOC “Sexy Sadie” is an effort to, in my own little way, goad her into taking an offensive stance against her haters who are going to strike her at her weak spot — her romantic status.

I say this as someone who is extremely empathetic to her political views. I am well aware that at this point even thinking about her romantic status is considered “sexist” by Leftists, but she is quickly becoming as much a celebrity as a political leader and it’s excruciatingly obvious that at some point she’s going to be forced to bank right to the center of the spectrum. As such, at some point moderate house wives in the midwest are going to look at their husbands over the dinner table and say, “Honey, do you know if that Hispanic girl has a boyfriend?”

So, the issue is — while I know her romantic status is besides the point, if she wants to have a decades-long career, she needs to get ahead of the curve and at least have a ready answer to that question other than, “None of your business.”

Anyway, it will be interesting to see what happens going forward.

An AOC-Themed Spotify Playlist

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls


I had some spare time on my hands.

Enjoy.

V-Log: The False Equivalency of AOC And Sarah Palin

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

Some thoughts.

Silliness: What Will Trump’s Nickname For AOC Be?

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

Obvious: Sexy Sandy
Trump is such a fucking misogynist and such a base human being that something like “Sexy Sandy” would see pretty obvious for him. The thing about Trump is he is — apparently — completely obvious to how he helps people’s careers by simply mentioning them, so it seems pretty inevitable that he’ll go after AOC in a direct way sooner rather than later.
Dumb: Silly Sandy
This is dumb, but because it’s dumb it seems like something Trump would come up with. But Sexy Sandy seems like a two-fer for him: he gets to deride her having been called Sandy at one point in her life and he gets to remind his base not to take her seriously because….she’s hot?
Weirdly Pop Music Aware: Sexy Sadie
I really don’t expect this one, but Trump’s of the right age to make a Beatles reference without realizing it and making AOC much, much, much more popular with a single tweet.

While it would be cool, really cool, if Trump and AOC went at it on Twitter for a few hours in 2019…I think it’s just a liberal fever dream at this point. I doubt seriously anything like that would happen. Right? Right?