Some Wholly Unsolicited Advice For AOC

by Shelton Bumgarner

I hate to break it to Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, but she’s hurtling towards a unique position in modern American political history which lies at the confluence of politics, celebrity and, alas, gender politics.

And, as such, I feel like — for no other reason than no one reads this blog — make a few gentle suggestions about what she should do next.

First, I think she needs to accept that her old life is over. She’s no longer simply a House Representative, she’s a cultural figure. She now lives under the rules of a modern celebrity, not that of a lowly freshmen in Congress. The tipping point is rushing towards us where some pretty basic issues about her private life are going to come into focus.

Chief among them being, her romantic status. Apparently she has a long-term boyfriend, which would account for the lack of sizzling bikini pictures being leaked of her. If she had a string of boyfriends in her romantic wake, one of the would have been a big enough dick to release a sexxxy snap or two of her by this point.

But, thankfully, that hasn’t happened yet and maybe never will.

As an aside, it’s amusing that when she wore white for the State of the Union address for political reasons, the white pretty much made it clear she’s a stunning woman. She usually wears dark colors in an effort to hide how drop dead gorgeous she is. The white, however, especially at such a public event, may be looked back upon as one of several tipping points in her career.

And, yet, the issue of how hot she is remains and she’s going to have to simply do some triage on that front rather than ignore it altogether. There’s going to come a point where people are going to want to know her boyfriend’s name, when — and if — they’re getting married and if they plan to have children. (And how many!)

If I were her, I would get way ahead of this issue by getting her PR people to setup a value-free, vacuous profile of her and her boyfriend for, say People Magazine. A huge amount of pressure would be eased once a lot of people on both sides of the political spectrum knew off the top of their head who she was involved with.

As it stands, a lot of horny old Boomer Men are watching FOX News to learn about her because in a very Jungian (Freudian?) way, they are lusting after her because they believe she may be sexually available.

But it’s established she’s dating someone and has been for some time, that will dodge a huge issue for her down the road. Her physical attractiveness is something that is, to date, unprecedented in American politics because she’s of an age where a lot of MAGA Masters of The Universe in NYC could honestly imagine they could play a Mr. Big role in her life, given the opportunity.

As I said, no one reads this blog and I feel reasonably comfortable I can give this advice and no one will listen to me. I mean, they don’t listen to me about anything else, do they?

AOC — #Lyrics To A Rock Song

I’m using the AC/DC song T.N.T as the basis of this one, but you could probably — with a producer and some tinkering — come up with something that had its own beat structure.

Lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
Please give credit if you produce or perform

She’s a girl from The Bronx
Will walk you like a dog
If you don’t get along
Her plan is to help the poor fight, fight, fight
Here’s her name so don’t you forget
She’s AOC

She’s the future I tell you
Going to slay the patriarchy

Bring the spirit of JFK, RFK, MLK to the fore
She’s here to rock and roll
If you have any reason to forget
She’ll remind you of her name, don’t you fret
From the block wearing hoops on her ears

She’s the future I tell you
Going to slay the patriarchy

Maybe she’ll be POTUS one day
But for now she’ll clap back when you attack
Just because you’re stupid
Isn’t her affair
She just wants what is fair
She’s the future I tell you
Going to slay the patriarchy

V-Log – When Is Trump Going To Call AOC ‘Sexy Sadie?’

By Shelton Bumgarner

Trump is so stupid that he probably doesn’t have the cognitive function needed to reference a Beatles song to make fun of AOC. Even then, if he did, after the MAGA dipshits spooged their pants at the use, they would probably realize it was a trap — Sexy Sadie is actually a pretty great nickname, if you’re going to have one

So, I don’t know what the endgame of the nickname game will be. Maybe Trump will continue to ignore her, maybe he won’t. But I tend to believe eventually he’ll attack her for no other reason than her romantic life will become something that the assholes on Gab can’t stop talking about.

Advice To ‘Sexy Sadie’ — Get Ahead Of The Curve

By Shelton Bumgarner

I don’t know anything and no one should listen to me. Having said that, for my own benefit, here are some thoughts about the issues facing AOC. It seems to me that given how brutal modern American politics is that it’s inevitable that some Right-wing nimrod is going to try to smoke her out about her romantic status out of spite, if nothing else.

The only reason why I call AOC “Sexy Sadie” is an effort to, in my own little way, goad her into taking an offensive stance against her haters who are going to strike her at her weak spot — her romantic status.

I say this as someone who is extremely empathetic to her political views. I am well aware that at this point even thinking about her romantic status is considered “sexist” by Leftists, but she is quickly becoming as much a celebrity as a political leader and it’s excruciatingly obvious that at some point she’s going to be forced to bank right to the center of the spectrum. As such, at some point moderate house wives in the midwest are going to look at their husbands over the dinner table and say, “Honey, do you know if that Hispanic girl has a boyfriend?”

So, the issue is — while I know her romantic status is besides the point, if she wants to have a decades-long career, she needs to get ahead of the curve and at least have a ready answer to that question other than, “None of your business.”

Anyway, it will be interesting to see what happens going forward.

An AOC-Themed Spotify Playlist

by Shelton Bumgarner

I had some spare time on my hands.


V-Log: The False Equivalency of AOC And Sarah Palin

by Shelton Bumgarner

Some thoughts.

Silliness: What Will Trump’s Nickname For AOC Be?

by Shelton Bumgarner

Obvious: Sexy Sandy
Trump is such a fucking misogynist and such a base human being that something like “Sexy Sandy” would see pretty obvious for him. The thing about Trump is he is — apparently — completely obvious to how he helps people’s careers by simply mentioning them, so it seems pretty inevitable that he’ll go after AOC in a direct way sooner rather than later.
Dumb: Silly Sandy
This is dumb, but because it’s dumb it seems like something Trump would come up with. But Sexy Sandy seems like a two-fer for him: he gets to deride her having been called Sandy at one point in her life and he gets to remind his base not to take her seriously because….she’s hot?
Weirdly Pop Music Aware: Sexy Sadie
I really don’t expect this one, but Trump’s of the right age to make a Beatles reference without realizing it and making AOC much, much, much more popular with a single tweet.

While it would be cool, really cool, if Trump and AOC went at it on Twitter for a few hours in 2019…I think it’s just a liberal fever dream at this point. I doubt seriously anything like that would happen. Right? Right?

A Political No-Win Situation

by Shelton Bumgarner

Let me be completely clear — the only reason why I keep talking about this is it’s a minor mystery and it’s…fun. It’s fun to talk about not only why I don’t know who — if anyone AOC is dating as well as what the consequences of her dating anyone would be. So it’s something that fun and doesn’t make me mad or upset, so I keep finding different angles to write about.

The reason why the far Left (I consider myself center-Left) thinks it’s “sad” to even broach this subject is a combination of things. One, they think its sexist that we might be talking about something we wouldn’t talk about when it came to a man — which is true. It is sexist. And, yet, politics for a woman is different than for a man as Hillary Clinton can attest.

Also, they don’t want to talk about the whole situation because they don’t want people thinking about it in the first place because once her romantic status becomes an issue, it’s a no-win for her. Let’s go through why it’s a no-win situation

If she’s single: if she’s single, then there’s a real chance everyone starts to talk about why is she single? Is she gay? Bi? Undatable? Does this mean something broader about her psychology? What’s worse, the moment we know she’s single, then more than a few Mr. Bigs are going to start circling her, hoping to use her as high-powered arm candy. Then the issue is, what’s her type? Does she date a Pete Davidson, or does she date some rando from The Bronx?

If she’s dating someone: if she’s dating someone, then who is she dating? How did they meet? Are they going to get married? Does she plan to have children? Is she going to pause her political career if she does?

So, I totally get why the far Left would poo-poo the idea that someone like me would randomly start to talk about this issue on a blog that about five people reach on any one day.

I feel that feel that what seems “sad” right now could very well become a minor political kerfuffle the longer AOC is in the public spotlight. My view is she should get ahead of this and get ahead of it quick. I am very empathetic to her views and wish her the best. The longer randos like me notice this mystery, the likelihood that MAGA assholes will strike and frame the debate in a manner that is the most damaging for her politically long term.

V-Log: Mulling The Black Box That Is AOC’s Romantic Status

By Shelton Bumgarner

I am well aware of how sensitive and delicate this issue is and I am well aware that the Left would prefer if we don’t talk about this at all for as long as possible. But I’m a jerk and I find this fun-interesting to mull for no other reason than I suspect it’s going to be a minor kerfuffle going forward.

AOC & The ‘Mr Big’ Factor

by Shelton Bumgarner

Again, let me be completely clear — I only keep writing about this because it’s fun-interesting and, given how dire the national news is right now, it’s nice, for once, to have a completely ridiculous story that makes me smile instead of want to walk off into the nears river, never to be seen again.

So, having said that, let’s continue to look into the no-win situation that the lovely and talented Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez finds herself in when it comes to some pretty basic things about her life and who she is. As an aside, I just noticed that the top autocomplete for AOC on Google is a search for bikini pictures of her, so it’s not quite as “sad” as Blue Check Liberals might have to believe for the average person to be interested in such stuff.

This, of course, leads into the general issues that I want to talk about. First, there have to be pictures of AOC in a bikini, somewhere. Unless she had the foresight to contact everyone she’s known the last decade and purge all photographic evidence of her being in a bikini out of existence, such pictures exist and they’re going to come out.

Furthermore, the more she draws attention to herself and the more the Right has a big old boner for her, it’s not going to take much mental energy for the insane Right, which is both physically attracted to her and repulsed by her policy views to go from, “I’d date that girl,” to…”Wait, who IS she dating?”

Now, let’s address all of this. The internal logic of the Right is something along these lines: “Because THEY will take her less seriously if they’re bikini pictures of her, then of course EVERYONE will take her less seriously if there are bikini pictures of her.”

And, so, they set themselves up to be self-owned AGAIN. Yes, whenever such pictures come out there will be a national debate on female politicians, a gross double standard and the changing nature of women in American society. But after things calm down a little bit, the center-Left will make fun of the Right for obviously lusting after AOC and the center-Right will believe they’ve finally proven that AOC is just “Sandy” from the block and as such shouldn’t be, in anyway, taken seriously or heard from again.

I, for one, believe barring something really, really unexpected, we’re going to hear a lot from AOC over the next 20 years and beyond.

Now, we come to a very delicate situation that I like to think of as “The Mr. Big Factor.” It goes something like this — as AOC profile increases and we learn one way or another if she’s dating anyone or not (I mean, is she? Is this common knowledge and I don’t know about it? That’s possible. I just checked her Wiki profile and….nada. No mention of a boyfriend.) there’s a good chance things could get a little surreal.

If she’s NOT dating anyone right now, then a lot of “Mr. Bigs” will see her as the ultimate arm candy and begin to swarm her. And, here’s where it gets surreal — a lot of them could be extremely conservative older middle-age men who completely disagree with her political views.

Then is when we’ll know if she’s The Real Thing or not. If she manages to curve their advances and find, say, someone like Sen. Cory Booker of New Jersey as her date to major events, then we’ll know she’s in it to win it. But if she turns around and dates some asshole MAGA Wall Street jerkoff, then, well, there’s that.

The point of all of this is — she needs to get ahead of this. That’s all I’m saying. That’s the only advice I might give her. She’s doing a great job otherwise and I’m beginning to enjoy her policy views. Shrug. It’s not really my place one way or another, but I do hope her the best and it seems as though only by addressing the issues that I have set forth now on a proactive basis instead of waiting for some incel to try to do a gotcha on her that things will work out for the best long-term.

But what do I know, I lead a “sad” life for even talking about all of this in the first place.