Could Phoebe Waller-Bridge Be The Next James Bond?

by Shelt Garner

I’ve heard some chatter here and about that Phoebe Waller-Bridge might be tapped to write and direct the next James Bond movie. She already did a touch up of the No Time To Die script and she apparently really impressed the James Bond family in the process.

Given the dynamics of Hollywood, it’s at least within the realm of possibility that Waller-Bridge might not only write and direct the next James Bond, but BE James Bond. How they would pull this particular hattrick off, I don’t know, but that’s why they pay them the big bucks.

They did kill James Bond off in the last movie, so anything is possible. Even though Waller-Bridge would do a great job as James Bond, if a woman was James Bond every “anti-woke” crusader worth their talking head status on Fox News would freak the fuck out in a very, very public manner.

And, remember, there were rumors that the producers of the next Indy movie wanted to use time-travel to reboot the franchise so Waller-Bridge would be the next Indy. Apparently, at least according to the dubious YouTube movie grapevine, that idea has been shelved.

Anyway, it will be interesting how things develop going forward. Waller-Bridge definitely is a very talented woman and of all the people I could think of who might bring back the good olde days of campy James Bond updated for modern sensibilities, Waller-Bridge is definitely at the top of the list.

Have I Accidently Red Pilled Myself?

by Shelt Garner

So, I decided to buy JK Rowling’s self-indulgent mystery tome out of spite towards the “woke cancel culture mob.” I have a feeling, given my dissipated youth that if I manage to miraculously sell my first novel, I’m probably going to get canceled pretty quick.

But, who knows, maybe I’ve overthinking things.

Something about why Rowling has been so vehemently “canceled” doesn’t set well with me. Her “cancelation” because of viewpoint that a lot of average people have is very troubling for a number of reasons. It’s because of shit like that that we got Trump.

When the average person begins to believe they risk their entire life being ruined for holding a view that seems pretty obvious and simple — then you have a serious problem. That’s when they start to doubt the very legitimacy of democracy and fascism becomes more and more appealing to them.

And I say all of this as someone who fucking hates the MAGA New Right. I suppose you might call it a little bit of political tough love. In the end, I think the “woke” era is going to end either when we have a civil war or when we turn into an autocracy.

Judge A Man By Who Blocks Him On Twitter

by Shelt Garner

“We have all fallen short of the glory that is God,” is one of my favorite Christian saying, even though I’m no Christian. None of us is perfect and we’ve all screwed up to varying degrees because we’re mortal and human. Before liberal darling “Mueller, She Wrote” blocked me on Twitter for being “terribly negative,” the most notable person to block me was Nick Denton. That hurt because, in a way, I really admired Gawker in its heyday.

But, given how obsessively I was tweeting him at one point, I guess I deserved it.

Yet, let’s go back to Mueller, She wrote. As I understand it, she’s based in Sacramento and, lo and behold, I got a ping to this very obscure, rarely viewed site from…Sacramento. The person seemed very interested in the posts I did laying out my concern about being “canceled” for my bad behavior in South Korea nearly 20 years ago.

I am notorious for taking a little bit of information and running with it to absurd lengths, so I’m mildly curious if maybe Mueller, She Wrote is not only extremely easy to trigger, but also a little vindictive. Did she want to laugh at my concern about potentially being “canceled?” Is that what that was all about?

I have no idea, and, honestly, not only is there little I can do about it, the more I learn about the woman behind Mueller, She Wrote, the less I care that she blocked me. She seems very, very sensitive to the point that she blocks and mutes people for the dumbest of reasons.

And I’m well aware that by me saying that, I’m a CIS white male part of the patriarchy who should be, by definition, “canceled.” If I was still irrated by being blocked by Mueller, She Wrote, this is the point where I would tell her to fuck off.

But, you know, she’s just not worth it. She comes across as one of the stereotypical “woke” people who is always canceling people for their human foibles and wants us all to be robots with no emotions that don’t fit the woke mob’s orthodoxy. Now THAT is something I can say can fuck off.

So, live long an prosper Mueller, She Wrote. The only thing that annoys me now is I keep fucking seeing Twitter liberals using eye emojis on her tweets that I can see because I’m blocked. I, unlike her, am not easily triggered and so that’s something I can live with.

So THAT Is What Taylor Swift’s ‘All Too Well’ Is About?

by Shelt Garner

Ok, so what I suspected is apparently true — the reason why Taylor Swift is so worked up TO THIS DAY about her relationship to Jake Gyllenhaal is he punched her v-card.


So, I suppose, the whole issue with the “scarf” is really her talking about how he took her innocence? Is that what the fuck she’s complaining about? So, just from a brief glance what may have happened via a very lazy Google search — Tay-Tay wanted to keep her virginity until marriage and she was so smitten with Gyllenhaal that she gave it up after three months.

The thing about stories like this is you can never figure out how much of it is image management and how much of it is true. Swift has so much potential to be a really great pop star…and yet she is so wrapped up in fan service when it comes to her music that she continues to produce just…meh…music.

And, I get it. All her fans are woke and they publicly rant about how much they hate men then turn around and date the biggest fucking assholes they can get their hands on. So, they see Tay-Tay as a vessel for that idologiy. If only evil Jake Gyllenhaal had kept it penis to himself, then Tay-Tay could have kept her v-card and maybe even never had heterosexual sex and live happily ever after with Karli Kloss like she was meant to be.

Jesus Christ.

What I think really happen — as a CIS white male who should never say anything about anything — is was fucking inevitable that Tay-Tay was going to have sex and some of her complaining in “All Too Well” is kind of like her version of Meatloaf’s “Paradise by The Dashboard Light.”

Swift is very sensitive and awkward and she struggles with what it means to be a woman who’s had sex and so she writes 10 minute songs about it.

Woke Cancel Culture Is So Corrosive to Democracy

by Shelt Garner

This is an example of if I would sell my soul to the MAGA New Right I could be up there with Jesse Kelly. But for my self-respect, I could be having dinner with Trump, plotting how he is going to win re-election in 2024.

Jesus Christ, fuck that.

I say this because I’m capable of enough empathy to understand why being “canceled” is at the forefront of my conservative Traditionalist relatives’ minds. Even though Blue Check liberals have moved on, the average Traditionalist is still very, very concerned that through some mishap, they will slip up in public because of their conservative sensibles and a recording of the event will go viral. They will then have their life ruined simply for being conservative.

Now, on the face of this, this is bullshit.

The vast majority of people who are “canceled” are malevolent racists, or mysognists or bigots. But my Traditionalists relatives miss that part. Things are far more simplistic for them — if you’re conservative, you risk having your life ruined in a very public manner.

And the reason they think this is the thought leaders of the MAGA New Right know they can use that fear as a bludgeon. They scare the shit of out Traditionalists about being “canceled” in hopes that they won’t really get woke and make common cause against the MAGA New Right and the rise of fascism.

Anyway, the point is — we’re fucked.

The are only so many bolts left on American democracy. There will come a point, no later than 2024 – 2025, when we face the existential choice of autocracy or civil war. I keep telling my Traditionalist relatives that their side is ascendant and they will get everything they want politically if their only patient.

But, lulz, because of the thought leaders of their side being so fucking blood thirsty, we’re fucking doomed.

The ‘Woke’ Agenda Is Extremely Corrosive To American Politics

by Shelt Garner

Let me be clear — I fucking hate the MAGA New Right with a white hot rage. And think of the following as gentle advice to people I otherwise agree with. I’m far more anti-MAGA than I am liberal, progressive or Leftist. But I’m willing to make common cause with liberals, progressives and fuck, even Leftists if that’s what I have to do to destroy the MAGA New Right as an American political movement.

But we have to talk about how corrosive the “woke” agenda is to American politics. It’s corrosive because it’s being used as a political bludgeon by the fucking fascists to destroy any chance that Traditionalists will ever do what is necessary to save American democracy — make common cause with anti-MAGA forces.

In fact, in a way, I fear that ship has sailed. The MAGA New Right is ascendant and dominate when it comes to the hard power of passing laws. As it stands, in real terms, woke people are just annoying. But we have to address that a lot of well meaning Traditionalists feel that because of the “woke agenda” they risk being “canceled” — having their lives ruined — simply because they’re conservative.

This is a real concern on a personal basis for the conservative Traditionalists in my family. The idea of something they say or do being recorded then going viral and they having their lives destroyed is constantly at the forefront of their minds. This ever-present terror is one of the central reasons why they will never, ever make common cause with Anti-MAGA forces.

So, in a sense, we’re fucked. Fucked. Fucked. Fucked.

The two sides haven hardened their stances to the point that either we become an autocracy or we have a civil war. In either stance, I suspect the whole “woke agenda” will drift out of existence and into the aether. Being woke is a luxury of peace, prosperity and a properly functioning Western democracy with a civil society.

If you’re too busy either evading ICE or bombs, well, quibbling over your pronouns isn’t something that’s as at the front of your mind. Twitter is to blame for this cluckerfuck, to some extent.

Twitter always takes the most extreme position of any issue and then people on either side have that have to fight over it. I just don’t see any “normal” ending to all of this.

Things are going to get bumpy, staring the moment Republicans take the House and Senate in January 2023.

How The ‘Woke’ Era Ends

by Shelt Garner

It’s self-evident that not enough people remember how much war really is hell. Over two generations of Americans have gone without the fear of a draft. As such, we’ve grown too fat and sassy.

We quibble about the stupidest shit. The Left, rather than making common cause with Liberals and NeverTrumpers to defeat the rise of fascism in America are willing to die on the hill of TERFs, pronouns and transgender kids. (Not that those aren’t all valid things to be concerned about in the modern world, but we do have honest-to-God fascists to deal with at the moment.)

My point is — woke culture is a luxury provided by decades of living in a stable, peaceful liberal democratic nation. The moment things grow existential for people in the center-Left, be it because we turn into a civil war or we transition into autocracy, all of the more annoying elements of being woke will simply burn off.

I keep thinking about how we seem to be at the end of an era. While I’m still not convinced that the Fourth Turning is a real thing — seems like a reversed engineered pseudoscience to me — we definitely are running on fumes as a nation. And that sense of running on fumes applies to both culture and politics. We’re at the end of one era (Turning?) and just about to begin another.

As such, it would make a lot of sense for everything to change one way or another between now and January 2025. If we turn into an autocracy, then there’s a good chance that Hollywood will decamp, en masse to Great Britain or Australia. I keep saying — Perth would be perfect for New Hollywood. It is in the middle of nowhere, but everyone I’ve ever met from Perth was extremely creative and interesting, just the type of creative pool of people that a moved Hollywood want to tap into.

And, God forbid we have a Second American Civil War, everything really would be thrown into the air. The nightmare endgame is the country doesn’t re-unite and we just bomb ourselves into the Stone Age for no damn reason other than Traditionalists are afraid of losing political power to secularists, scary brown people and economically liberated women.

Anyway. I just don’t see the Woke Era lasting beyond 2025. Something’s gotta give. When you’re worried about ICE blowing your head off or a race war because a civil war has broken out and WMD are being used, then, well, the issue of pronouns won’t be QUITE so urgent.

The Woke Critique Of Storytelling Enrages Me

by Shelt Garner

Here are three things that woke members of the audience are always harping on that really fucking get on my nerves. If you want to know why so much we watch and read fucking sucks, just look below.

This is the idea, essentially, that any time a woman is murdered in story it’s a trope and there for must be eliminated. Or, you have to hold your mouth just right and get approval from Twitter Liberals before its ok to have it. I don’t know the specifics, but fuck all of this. As with all these woke criticism, this is often used by lazy people who don’t — or can’t — create anything to snipe at a story to make themselves feel better.
Manic Pixie Dream Girl
I understand where this is coming from — a lot of writers are lazy and simply use what’s floating around in their personal life to come up with characters — but too often this is invoked by people who have no talent, no vision, or are an intern at VOX who has 800 words to fill. It’s not like the average writer is fucking dating Captain Marvel.
Bechdel Test
I refuse to take seriously a story critique that was proposed in a comic. I’m going to tell the story I have to tell, fuck any fucking “test” that forces me to do this or that thing because some fucking comic came up with some half-assed metric as to what makes a good story. It should be about your characterization of your female characters, not if two of them have a conversation where they don’t talk about a man. Fuck that.

‘Fake News’ — Lyrics To A Woke Country Pop Ballad

This would be a lot like Little Big Town’s Girl Crush. That’s my aim at least. And, to some extent, these lyrics are structured like that song. The music to this would be something really slow. The lyrics are menat to be something that isn’t quite what you expect. This is very much a first draft, so take that into consideration. I only even write this because I like the concept and I find it relaxing to tell stories in verse.

Fake News
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
please give credit if you produce or perform

fake news is all ’round town
fake news is saying you left me for good
don’t believe it for one sec
you been lying under oath to those who matter most

fake news is tearing me apart
shouldn’t be feeling this way but I am
I know the truth
I know you ain’t rush’n to betray me
that’s just fake news
that’s just fake news

these are trying times I admit
seems like there’s no one to trust
lots of people got rhymes that make no sense
wish we could settle down and chat
get everything off our chest

fake news is tearing me apart
shouldn’t be feeling this way but I am
I know the truth
I know you ain’t rush’n to betray me
that’s just fake news
that’s just fake news

pardon me if I ask
for a little respect
wish you’d tell the facts
with no spin at all

but what happens next
is anyone’s guess
can’t believe you’d break your oath
that must be fake news
that must be fake news
that must be fake news