American Nobody

by Shelt Garner

Let me be clear from the beginning that I’m a nobody. I’m an anonymous rando. I could literally drop off the face of the earth at this point and my absence wouldn’t be noticed by anyone outside of my immediate family.

And, yet, I often say that if the apocalypse happened, I’d either be the first person to die or the person who brought back civilization. Well, I hate to break it to you, but we’re on the precipice of a fucking political apocalypse. The reason why I say this is TrumpBarr — even in the face of a landslide at the polls — will never, ever, EVER FUCKING LEAVE OFFICE.

So, therein lies the makings of a historic clusterfuck.

I hope I’m wrong. I really do hope I’m wrong. And, really, it’s not like I have any credibility to lose if I am. But there’s a greater-than-zero-sum chance that not only will the United States implode in a matter of months, I’m going to be driven from my home because of my politics.

I’m going to become just another of the thousands of Blue citizens in Red areas that have to flee in the wake of political violence. If that tragically does happen to me, I’m heading north to NYC. I often say if could crash on a couch in NYC in a home with access to the subway system that within six months I’d be a minor celebrity in the city.

Throw me into what would be, essentially, revolutionary NYC, and I’d have a pretty good chance of finding myself in some rather surreal situations for no other reason than I have the skillset of someone who thrives in the chaos of a country on the brink. I’m good at abstract thought. I’m good in a crisis. And I’m good at the strategic thought associated with mapping out scenarios.

Let me be very clear — I’m a man of peace. A man of ideas. But if things have gotten so bad that I’m driven from my home because I’m a libtard, well, my fate my be foisted upon me. You can’t be a hero unless fate gives you the opportunity to be one.

But, again, all that sounds “delusional and stupid.” And it is. And, yet, I also know that about 90% of the people who should take the lead in such a situation don’t because they’re scared of the risk associated with such a dramatic situation or they have too much to lose.

I really hope I can just finish this novel I’m working on. That’s all I want. I have no desire to do anything but that at this point. But I’m not going to sit on my hands if The Big Ugly comes. I’m going to do something, anything to make the lives of my fellow Americans better.

I just want the liberal democracy of my youth back. That’s all I want.

Author: Shelton Bumgarner

I am the Editor & Publisher of The Trumplandia Report

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