Category: From The Editor

This is Hilarious: Allegedly, Kaia Gerber & Cara Delevingne Were Back At It After The Oscars

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Pete Davidson may get all the PR for his “big dick energy,” but it’s Cara Delevingne who is the DL MVP of Hollywood’s collective sexlife. The woman can not be stopped.

Just “friends.”

But her amazing ability to bed female celebrities is obscured because Hollywood doesn’t want us Poors to know what’s going on. If the Hollywood press was clear about what they knew of Delevingne sapphic exploits, it would raise a lot of questions from us Poors that they the Powers That Be would just rather not be asked.

The issue — we Poors just can’t process that the amount of bi-sexualism found in the upper ranks of society. This is especially the case for women. The Elite hold we Poors in such low regard, that they actively gaslight us whenever Delevingne beds yet ANOTHER high end Hollywood starlet.

What I care about is not so much who Delevingne beds, but the fact that the Hollywood press is gaslighting us. This is really grating on my nerves when things like this happen — apparently, Cindy Crawford’s daughter might be hooking up with Delevingne, despite having a “boyfriend.”

The rumor mill has it that the two women were all over each other at some post-Oscar function. I first became aware that they were OBVIOUSLY fucking when I saw a picture of the two women in a two-person cardigan gifted to them by none other than Taylor Swift of all people.

Given that fucking Delevingne is some sort of rite of passage for any hot woman in Hollywood, the idea that the Hollywood press would wilfully not mention what was going on between the two women when the picture was taken is very, very annoying to me

Just tell the fucking truth, people.

Holy Shit

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Writing it may take me longer than I hope, but I’m really feeling great about the state of my second draft. It’s actually professional-grade storytelling. I’m really leaning into character this go round.

I’m ecstatic.

A lot and I mean A LOT could still go wrong. Writers are known for dying unexpectedly for dumb reasons. And, yet, you know, you have to have hope. After years and years of spinning my wheels, I finally, finally feel like I’m living up to my “potential” that the late Annie Shapiro claimed I have.

At 50, I’m old as hell, but, fuck you. (wink.)

My hope is, of course, that now things will speed up significantly. I have the cornerstone of the story, so the rest of it SHOULD flow really fast.

I hope.

A Darkness Looms

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

We have all feared that there might some sort of moderate-to-severe recession in America in 2023 for a variety of reasons. With the demise of Silicon Valley Bank and the risk that the United States may default because Republicans are cocksucker, it definitely seems as though those fears may be realized.

My overarching fear is, of course, that all the conditions are being established for a massive political and historic clusterfuck in late 2024, early 2025 as I have long predicted. If the American economy is in some sort of Great Recession 2.0 on Election Day 2024, the probability that MAGA Nazis will seize power in the United States once and for all.

Or, of course, Blue States refuse to bend a knee to autocratic MAGA fascism and we have a National Divorce and, as such, a civil war. So, it’s going to be Blues, not Reds, who start any civil war we may have in the future.

There is, of course, the small possibility that somehow, someway we’ll punt the massive structural problems that America faces down the road.

But I have my doubts.

It definitely seems as though we face the existential choice of MAGA autocracy or civil war. That’s it. One of the two. Either or or. And if the United States is suffering from a moderate or severe recession at the time we all go to the polls definitely seems as though we’re pretty fucked.

But the issue is that I simply can’t predict the future. I have no idea what is going to happen, I just am working on hunches and gaming out macro factors down the road.

‘You Don’t Have To Leave’ — #lyrics to a #Pop #rock #ballad

‘you don’t have to leave’
written by @sheltgarner
Please give credit if you produce or perform

I want to believe
that you don’t have to leave
here we are face to face
fighting through this disgrace
in the end no matter what
you don’t have to flee
you don’t have to leave
you don’t have to leave
you don’t have to leave

I want you in my face
a kiss would be great
but just a sneer would suffice
if that’s in the dice
you’re all I hope
and can expect
just in the end
don’t grin on your way out the door

you don’t have to leave
you don’t have to leave
you don’t have to leave

(bridge)
the booze is too much
stay another night
’cause no matter what
we’re in it to win it
that I believe
no matter what
the outside may believe

you don’t have to leave
you don’t have to leave
you don’t have to leave
you don’t have to leave
you don’t have to leave
you don’t have to leave

‘Something Of My Own’ — #lyrics to a #Pop #Rock song

‘something of my own’
written by @sheltgarner
Please given credit if you produce or perform

no need to run
no need to hide
I’m here all alone
hoping to have
something of my own
something of my own
something of my own

they all say
much to my dismay
how much we should ally pray
if we want to have another day
but all I want I must confess
is something to call my own

something of my own
I moan
something of my own
I moan
something of my own
I moan

let’s have another drink
before there’s a stink
girls without tops
pull out all the stops
when you’re building something true
’cause
all I want is something of my own
I moan

something of my own
I moan
something of my own
I moan
something of my own
I moan

(bridge)
I’m no slave to you
I’ll do what I do
owning your heart
is just a start
I confess what’s making blue
you are just confused

something of my own
I moan
something of my own
I moan
something of my own
I moan

‘I Don’t Read’ – #lyrics to a #pop #rock song

I Don’t Read
please credit @sheltgarner

I don’t read
but I can read your legs
the ones a mile high
that make me bite my knuckle
not knowing where they end

I don’t read
but I know what matters most
I don’t read
but quench my thirst
I don’t read
but so what you’re the best
for this man whose the worst

your inner though
is divine
there’s no excuse
for me not to stare
when you walk into a room
your little black dress
makes me want
to carress your ass
with a bit of sass

I don’t read
but I know what matters most
I don’t read
but quench my thirst
I don’t read
but so what you’re the best
for this man whose the worst

(bridge)
the snow is pure
when you’re ready lure
people to their doom
don’t you worry one bit
I won’t let you fret

I don’t read
but I know what matters most
I don’t read
but quench my thirst
I don’t read
but so what you’re the best
for this man whose the worst

‘Every Lie Is True’ — #Lyrics To A #Pop #Rock #Ballad

“Every Lie Is True”
Please credit @sheltgarner

every lie is true
when you’re in love

there’s nothing you can do
to change the course of fate
when I’m in love with you

every lie is true
every lie is true
every lie is true
when I’m in love with you
when I’m in love with you
when I’m in love with you

can’t say it enough
I know you like it rough
but loving you ain’t easy
when every lie is the truth

every lie is true
every lie is true
every lie is true
when I’m in love with you
when I’m in love with you
when I’m in love with you

let’s skip to the part
where we make love in the dark
having you by my side
just makes me sigh
and remember that

(bridge)
the facts are the facts
and that’s no sass
I look you in the eye
knowing it’s all a lie
it’ll all come to an end
but I’m willing to sin
when every lie is true
when I’m in love with you

every lie is true
every lie is true
every lie is true
when I’m in love with you
when I’m in love with you
when I’m in love with you

‘Back To Me’ #lyrics to a #pop #rock #ballad

Back To Me
lyrics by @sheltgarner
Please give credit if you produce or perform

it was a long time ago
and no one cares anymore
but I do
I do
you were my everything for a moment
in time and now you flee

what can I say
what can I do
to bring you back to me
to bring you back to me
to bring you back to me

nothing is the same
I fear
since you bid me adieu
threw my heart into the sea
despite my best efforts to beg
for a repeat

what can I say
what can I do
to bring you back to me
to bring you back to me
to bring you back to me

(bridge)
close as can be
there’s nothing more you can say
to me
I have to accept
that this is the end
no more love to be found
I’m down on the ground

what can I say
what can I do
to bring you back to me
to bring you back to me
to bring you back to me

Welcome To The Resistance, David Sacks

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Well, well, wel, welcome to the woke cancel culture mob David Sacks. So, here I am listening to a VERY GOOD emergency “All-In” podcast that is about the SVB debacle and it definitely seems as though Sacks has gone woke when it comes to the government stepping in to help his sorry ass.

If you are opposed to canceling student loan debt because of the “moral hazard,” you can’t turn around and beg for a bailout just because things you care about are involved. Sacks did a big rant about why the government should step in and bail out SVB investment in an effort to obscure the fact that “moral hazard” is the entire basis of the free-market system.

But that’s obviously not what’s going to happen. Sacks is not only a fascist, but a hypocrite. He wants help from the government because things he cares about are involved. But if some 20 something has $100,000 in student loan debt that is not only crushing their dreams but their ability to be economically productive, he wants to tell them they’re shit out of luck because of the “moral hazard.”

This is all a prime example of how ridiculously divided America is and how we’re destroying ourselves because of “vibes.” There are no easy answers to any of this.

There is a real chance that this crisis will lead to a contagion to the point that if you combine this with the US potentially defaulting on its debts because Republicans are cocksuckers it seems very possible that we’re careening towards late 2024, early 2025 being the perfect storm I’m afraid it might be.

Woke Hollywood Is Sexless Hollywood

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

One of the reasons why I’m so pleased with the appearance of the movie No Hard Feelings is it’s a saucy, spicy “hard comedy” like I remember back in the 1980s. With the rise of Hollywood’s bifurcation into Woke and Comic Book genre movies all the sauciness has been drained from the movie going experience.

I fucking hate this woke test.

It’s all very strange.

Most people explain it this way: with the rise of abundant online porn, the #MeToo moment and “intimacy co-ordinators” Hollywood has just given up on giving adults the type of entertainment they once had.

I definitely believe there is credence to this idea, just like there is credence to the idea that all the angry young men who might otherwise start a punk or rock band now are keyboard warriors on Reddit.

And, yet, the case could be made that if we go from the success of Cocaine Bear to an equally successful No Hard Feelings that all the quibbles that Hollywood has had about saucy, raunchy hard comedies will fade away.

Hollywood as it should be. Wink.

But the thing I’m worried about is sexless the “woke cancel culture mob” is when it comes to entertainment. Gen Z apparently wants everyone to be “realistic” (read: unattractive) in their media and they also totally “over” any sort of sexxy time in entertainment for some strange reason.

So, we have no sex and we have no rock and the only thing we have left is drugs.

It’s all very curious. But there is a market for adult-oriented, saucy entertainment like The Wolf of Wall Street, The Wedding Crashers and The Hangover.

So, there is a possibility that if No Hard Feelings is a hit that Jennifer Lawrence will join Tom Cruise as someone who “saved Hollywood’s ass.” I do wonder how much the pandemic is responsible for this New Era in Hollywood in the sense that it scared the ever living shit out of movie studio executives to the point that they decided to go back to basics.