Category: Media

Of Burner Accounts


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Very few people read this blog — or pay me much attention. And, usually, those who are paying attention to my rantings have grown extremely tired of me talking about novels that I keep talking about how great they’re doing but they have nothing to read.

Add to this how I seem to misspell important words — even in titles! — or use the wrong word or forget a word, and it’s easy to see how I can easily be seen as an Internet crank.

Yes, yes, I know.

Ok, I get it.

But my momma always used to tell me I was “special,” and, as such, besides being obsessive and prone to hyperbole, I’m also delusional. And, to top it off, as the late Annie Shapiro said when she was mad at me, I’m a “delusional jerk with a good heart.”

So there.

But there is something I do know about myself — I draw attention to myself, sometimes without even realizing it. And over the years, I’ve gotten the sense that maybe (maybe?) a few people of note may have followed me on Twitter using burner accounts. (This doesn’t even begin to address the occasional mysterious person from NYC or LA — or that one person who seems to bounce around the country a lot — who pop up in my Webstats.)

And…yet…I try not to get too worked up about such things. It’s too easy to give things a narrative that doesn’t exist. I’ve done such bullshit before I’m still smarting about it.

Just because you have a vague hunch about something, doesn’t mean it’s true.

This All Ends With Prince Harry Hosting SNL, Right?


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The British like to try to make us believe that they’re so concerned with class that they don’t have time to think about race. But, guess what? Wrong! Just take how often the limey’s across The Pond freak the fuck out about this or that twitch from Megxit.

There are a few things I would suggest to Prince Harry Windsor-Mountbatten do if he really wanted to piss his snooty royal family off. One — look into becoming an American citizen. That would be ha-ha funny.

I would also suggest he host Saturday Night Live.

Though, I know it’s one of those things that sounds really cool on paper….but would probably be a big old dud in real life. It would be historic, but not…very funny.

Anyway. Ignore me. I’m the guy worrying that Tik-Tok may be reading my mind.

Digital Telepathy: I May Have Caught Tik-Tok Red Handed Reading My Mind (Or Something)


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Let me set the scene.

Today, I was walking around and the movie “But I’m A Cheerleader” briefly passed through my mind for some reason.

I resemble that remark.

I never mentioned this event to anyone. I did not write it down. Nothing. No outward indication that this occurred other than I softly chuckled to myself. Flash forward and I’m using Tik-Tok.

And what do I get pushed?

A video about that very movie.

That’s just spooky. If Tik-Tok is reading my mind, it’s not through any magical mystery alchemy — it’s being done using technology that, to date, is the stuff of science fiction. Or, at Arthur C. Clarke would posit, “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.”

So. I’m very, very open to this belief being debunked. And I’m willing to believe there’s something I’m missing, some way that it was just a random co-incidence. Ok, that’s very possible.

But that specific, obscure movie being pushed to me within a few hours of me thinking about it…..is spooky.

MAGA New Right ‘Thought Leaders’ Are Such Fucking Morons — Even ‘Soyboys’ Got Spunk When Things Turn Existential


By Ender

I know that I sound hysterical. I know that seem to love peddling my own version of “fear porn” and “doom shit.” But we have to admit that no one is going to save us. There will be no “boom” that takes down the entire rotten, fetid Trumplandia edifice. (That this is a mirror image of MAGA Far Right discussions on Twitter about The Durham Report should tell you something.)

But one thing that is going on all around us is our politics has frozen up. We’ve reached a point in negative polarization where the two sides are absolutely opposed to anything the other side supports. As such, outside of a few highly educated NeverTrumper thinkers, there is no and will never be common cause against MAGA. There will never be a broad United Front formed to save our faltering democracy.

In short — we’re fucked.

And there are two, maybe three endgames to this. Either we slide peacefully into autocracy, a military junta takes over…or we have a civil war.

It’s this last option that MAGA New Right thought leaders become so giddy over. They keep saying that because “liberals won’t leave them alone,” they are going to have to turn to political violence. Their thinking is — liberal progressives are all soyboy milquetoasts who will be crush by their Alpha Male prowess.

This is such a fucking dumb thing to think.

I say this AGAIN because human nature is such that even a “sissy boy” is going to grow a lot more “alpha” if things grow existential. So, it seems to me the MAGA New Right cocksuckers who think Blue States will “collapse like a rotten door” will be in for a pretty rude awakening if things got so bad that we had a civil war.

But there is one thing to consider — WMD.

If we have a civil war, we’re probably going to bomb ourselves into oblivion.

Good luck!

I’m Beginning To Believe Anna Marie Tendler Didn’t Revenge Fuck Timothee Chalamet


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

While I would be all “you go girl” snap snap snap if she did, I’m beginning to think the blind item suggesting Anna Marie Tendler revenge fucked Timothée Chalamet is a combination of fan service and media mind fuck.

The reason why I think is, it just seems a little bit too on the nose for this tale of star crossed lovers. It seems like just the thing for Tendler Stans to get all worked up about on Tik-Tok. It’s a revenge fantasy for girls like this:

Or not. Maybe I’m wrong.

But I also went through — in a very, very small fashion — a similar high profile breakup (with Annie Shapiro in Seoul) and we were very very vicious to each other within the expat community. It’s easy to imagine her allies planting such a blind item knowing that John Mulaney would see it and it would tear him up.

Again, I’m probably wrong.

The only reason why I keep writing about this is the United States is careening towards a potential autocracy or civil war and, lulz, this is a teeny-tiny bit less weighty than that clusterfuck.

J4J6: Don’t Make Me Come Up There

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Ugh. Fucking Insurrectionists. I live within driving distance of D.C. and now I have to think about being “forced” to drive up to the nation’s capitol to see if those idiots have it in them to do it AGAIN.

I only didn’t go to the January 6th attack because it was — wait for it — too cold. And, long term, it was that attack that has caused me to want to buy the best digital camera I can buy so maybe I can take The Picture I know I have in me. Something for the ages.

But I’m still debating things. It could very well be the whole thing will be a dud and I will have wasted all that time, energy and money for nothing. (By “nothing” I mean, thankfully, no second attack on the Capitol. As of the moment, I think I’m not going. )

Back to the future.

I’m going to wait this one out.

There will always be another historic event within driving distance of me, and by that point, I will hopefully have the camera I want / need. I will note, however, that I’m notorious for saying that, only to turn around and do the exact opposite thing when the time comes.

But maybe not this time. I want to hold tight until I have that camera. I just don’t see much point in going up to DC with just my smartphone. If I’m going to cover a potentially big event like that, I’m going to do it with a great camera that will serve me well.

Wait, Did Anna Marie Tendler Fuck Timothee Chalamet?


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

When she’s not posting devastating post-break up images to Instagram, is it possible that Anna Marie Tendler has time to bang every wine aunt’s wet dream Timothee Chalamet?

I find this suggestion very dubious. But, maybe? Stranger things have happened, I guess. And either the sex was great or it was VERY BAD. There’s no way someone could be going through as break up as horrific as Ms. Tendler’s without one of those two results being the endgame.

It’s not like it would have been just revenge sex. It would either have been Oh My God, What Have I Done Sex, or Revenge Sex. No in between. Anyway, it’s all very curious. This whole thing continues to get more and more messy.

Wargaming A Sept. 18 Capitol Catastrophe


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Do I really have to do this? Apparently, so, since I’ve gotten at least one ping from some rando in Texas who definitely seems interested in making my fears about Sept 18 come true. (I think they may have shared my recent post on the subject.)

Given that, let’s run the worse case scenario for what might happen this weekend.

There are a lot of known unknowns. One is, the amount of organization on the part of the protesters and their intent. Do they intend to do a replay of what happened on Jan 6th, or are they just angry and what to prove a point? The key issue is how organized they are and if they have it in them to storm the Capitol again.

A fence is being up around the Capitol, so if this weekend’s protesters freaked out, at least they would have to get past that. It could be that they just want to, in general, fuck shit up. That they don’t want something as grant as taking the Capitol, just cause problems.

So, a lot — A LOT — of problems would have to go wrong for the Capitol to be seized again. And, really, if they took the Capitol, the key issue would what they did with once they got it. If they take the Capitol again, they would need a security perimeter around the Capitol. And from what I can tell, they just don’t have the people to establish such a perimeter.

As such, I think while there may be violence this weekend, relative to what happened on Jan 6th, will be a dud.

I hope.

Who Would Be A Better Babydaddy For Megan Fox, MGK Or Conor McGregor?


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Editor’s Note: What was I thinking????? Still not a fan of MGK, but at least he’s not as deranged as Conor McGregor. Carry on.

First, I don’t care. Lulz. Second, I’m hard at work on the first of four novels I’m writing simultaneously and I need a bit of a distraction while I do that. So, let’s talk about the real important issue of the day: who would make a better babydaddy for Megan Fox, Machine Gun Kelly or Conor McGregor?

The potential love triangle in question.

I totally understand why Fox is banging MGK. I get it. She’s an older woman who wants to fuck a younger guy — one young, dumb and full of cum with a huge cock, fame and lots of money. Ok, ok, that makes sense. It’s just…he kind of looks like a twink that was pushed into a vat of testosterone.

Megan Fox is a brunette, so it would make a lot more sense for her to date Pete Davidson than MGK — and Davidson has become Mr. Home and Harth of late for some reason. I think he could probably get talked into being Megan Fox’s babydaddy.

But, it’s Conor McGregor who is our other option.

He made his move at the MTV Video awards. He made his point — he got Fox’s attention. That’s all he had to do. Now, he waits and sees if Fox slides into his DMs on the DL, as the kids say.

It just seems, to me, a rando, that Fox and McGregor would make a much bigger celebrity power couple. McGregor gives off Jason Statham vibes — even if he’s a bit more twitchy — but if he was Fox’s babydaddy, the event would take them both into another level of celebrity. And, I think, McGregor is man enough that he would at least TRY to stick around should Fox become great with child.

Or not. What do I know.

The Right Wing Protest Sept 18 Can Only Be So Bad, Right? Right?


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The key issue with the January 6th attack on the Capitol was the element of surprise. It just did not even occur to anyone outside of far Right circles that anything was even possible. So when it happened, there was not enough security and what security there was, was not prepared and was easily over run.

As such, I seriously doubt there will be anything like what happened on January 6th at this weekend’s Sept 18th protest near the Capitol. I guess it’s still possible, it’s just not probable. And, really, if they did manage to do it again, they really need to put some more forethought into revolt’s security around the Capitol once they seize it.

If they can just have some order to their bonkers Hail Mary Pass move, they could join the Paris Commune in the history books as surreal political events. But these guys, thankfully, remain just a political grunt. And if they’re that organized to think about things like that, then we’re REALLY in trouble.

So, what I think will happen is the whole thing will give us PTSD from January 6th, but in the end it will be a lulz. That, at least, it what I think — hope — will be the maximum extent of any problems.