So. My Celebrity Crush Alexa Chung Is 40.

by Shelt Garner

The older I get the less I care about celebrities. I’m just glad to be alive. To have air in my lungs and a warm bed to sleep in. But apparently, witty “It Girl” Alexa Chung turned 40 this year.

Alexa Chung
This is of note to me for a number of reasons.

One is, her phenotype is the sweetspot for women I like. And the idea that even someone like her is now too old to have children (realistically) gives me pause for thought. I realize how fucking old I am and how I’m never going to be a grandfather, even if somehow, magically, my novel is a breakout hit and I somehow manage to right my otherwise loser life.

Also, I’ve come up with a number of characters in the six novel project I’m working on that are, in large part, inspired by the beautiful and talented Ms. Chung.

I continue to have a lowkey fear that the FBI is monitoring this site because they think I’m some sort of fucking stalker — I’m not, I swear! — but that the type of pings that would lead me to believe that haven’t happened of late, even when I gratuitously mention Ms. Chung in an effort to see what happens.

Anyway. Welcome to middle age, Ms. Chung. I had no idea you were so young compared to gray beard me. I’m sure your 40s will be great!

Author: Shelton Bumgarner

I am the Editor & Publisher of The Trumplandia Report

Leave a Reply