Month: July 2017

Will Gen. Kelly Become Trump’s ‘Regent?’

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

The question right now at the forefront of my mind is are we entering a significant new phase in the Trump Administration where its malevolence is no longer tempered by incompetence. Is it possible that by naming Gen. John Kelly as Chief of Staff, Donald Trump will right the ship of state by effectively naming Gen. Kelly the “regent” for the mad king?

This is one of those things that we just won’t know the answer to until Gen. Kelly actually stars the job. It could go either way. Either this fish will continue to rot from its head, or Kelly will crackdown on all the craziness and things will start to get done. I worry that by “start to get done” that will mean “America becomes a fascist state as Trump’s vision becomes reality.”

The really weird thing about Trump’s Administration so far it simply can’t seem to stay focused on what made it so popular with the base in the first place. I mean, if Trump had some focus and really, really pushed for a wall in conjunction with mass amnesty for the 20 million illegal aliens who are already here, then such a massive public works effort is something I might ironically be willing to get behind. Though were all the workers to do such a job would come from remains a mystery.

I do think there is a decent chance that Gen. Kelly could “fix” the Trump Administration to such an extent that though it will continue to be loathsome, at least the trains will run on time. We may all look back on his appointment as the moment when everything turned around for Trump. His administration got focus, and all was well again in realm.

One unnerving thing is this could all be a set up. Maybe Trump knows something we don’t know? Maybe we’re headed toward a major war with North Korea and Trump wants a general effectively in charge by his side to make sure that war is managed properly? Regardless, we’re entering a potentially much more dangerous stage of the Trump Administration for no other reason than they can now actually implement their odious vision for America.

Stay tuned.

Talk To Me Internet: Progress Report On Covfefe Magazine #zine #RVA

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

You may have to turn your volume up if you’re all that interested in hearing this one. But I may do another one later today where I can speak louder.

‘The Mooch’ — Lyrics To 50s Pop-Rock Song

For some time, I’ve struggled in my mind to understand what The Mooch’s name reminded me of, and today I realize it was Mack The Knife, especially with him saying he’s a “front stabber” not a “back stabber.” So, with that in mind, this is a homage to Mack The Knife in my doggerel style.

The Mooch
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

The Mooch tells you what he thinks
never mind that this fish stinks
he’s the guy who’ll tell you the truth
won’t stab you in back, that’s a fact

he’s a front stabber
keeps his blade sharp
to defend his boss
no leakers will survive on The Mooch’s watch
he’ll rough’em up
just for kicks

this show is never jumping the shark
he’s got to communicate that to the masses
the fake news just better shut up
’cause once he’s done with’em
they won’t know what hit’em
it’s The Mooch — POW

but just you wait and see, dee’re
The Mooch is on the scene now
the drama of the past
is just prelude
now we’re going to see something new
The Mooch is for you

we’re taking it to the next level
bring your pop corn folks
The Mooch is here
doing all the front stabbing
he’ll tell you what he thinks

Kellyanne Conway, Stevie Bannon & Jared
you ain’t seen nothing yet
I got you covered
the boss will be singing The Mooch’s praises
everyone in this nation will know the name
of The Mooch
of The Mooch
of The Mooch

‘Reince Priebus’ — Lyrics To A Pop-Rock Song

This is meant to be a homage to The Bare Naked Ladies Brian Wilson. Just screwing around, as always. Feeling a bit inspired. This one turned out to be a first draft mess, but it was fun to try to tell a story in verse.

Reince Priebus
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

refreshing Twitter
I see on my screen
news that’s so depressing
ebb and flow of history has its way
of grinding you into pulp
especially with this government
run by a dolt

soon enough I got a chuckle
hearing of Reince Priebus
having to crush a fly
for the guy with the fake hair
who tweets all day
putting us all on edge
that the end is near
suddenly I heard a cry from
the other room

I rushed into the room
rushed into the room
like Priebus to crush a fly
like Priebus to crush a fly
for that horrible guy
for that horrible guy

I discovered it was nothing
someone had just squealed
when the TV had announced
The Mooch was a lout
and Priebus was on his way out
oh this that all I said
you scared me for a moment
you had me rushing into the room

like Priebus to crush a fly
like Priebus to crush a fly
for that horrible guy
for that horrible guy

I worry for the fate of the Republic
thinking this may be the end
is it possible we’re autocracy
not as free as we were before
before the golfer grifted his way
to the Oval office where Priebus

[bridge]
where Priebus rush into the room
to crush that fly, crush that fly
but I’d like to think that’s not the case
I’d like to think we’ll be free again
we’ll all have to rush into the room

like Priebus to crush a fly
like Priebus to crush a fly
for that horrible guy
for that horrible guy

so we’re doing to have to defend our freedom
like a sad sack crushing a fly
quick as can be belief you me
we’re a city on a hill
at least that’s my view
if we have to rush into the room
like Priebus to crush a fly
that’s already by me

‘Covfefe Rhapsody’ — Lyrics To A Trump Era Power Pop-Rock Ballad

This one is done for no other reason than I think The Mooch is funny and like how is name is similar to a word in Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody. So, with that in mined, here’s a dumb attempt at something like that song.

Covfefe Rhapsody
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

[intro]
it started off as a joke
(we’re not laughing)
it started off as a joke
(we’re not laughing)
now we’re stuck with the Don
he’s set on robbing us all blind
Jimmy ruffed his hair
now we’ve got the silly tyrant with a dead stare
what can we do now
we’ve got a crazy clown with the nuclear codes
run away, run away, run away

[verse 1]
the Republic is being torn asunder
daily news is so frightening
people run and flee
it seems as though we live in anarchy
but there’s little we can do now
but hope Kelly will be regent
save us somehow
we’ve got to get the strength
to make it through this storm
this vortex that the Don has born

[verse 2]
election night was electric
the end had come by electorate
the red wave turned us blue
what to do
what to do
what to do
life will go one somehow
is what they say
but who know now
what to say
the Don didn’t really want victory
anyway

[verse 3]
Scaramucc, Scaramuccn Scaramucc,
can you save this administration from itself
are we doomed to nuclear obliteration
by the man with the little hands
will we awake to see the mushroom in the sky
after a tweet gone awry
while the dear leader was chasing a skirt
hoping to grab her by the cat
’cause he knows where it’s at
just you wait and see, baby
things are going to get worse before they get better
the Russian bear is out of his cave for spring
and winter is far away
Congress doesn’t care
won’t investigate the Don
even on a dare

[verse 4]
but I still have hope
in our great Republic
still think maybe we’re a city on the hill
what we hold dear will
survive, survive, survive
the Don won’t be around forever
we’re going to thrive again
after he’s gone
but the fight will be hard
difficult indeed
but in the end there will be victory

victory
victory
victory
victory

Talk To Me Internet: Yet More Mulling Covfefe Magazine’s Progress #Zine #RVA

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

Here is me talking about the state of the zine I’m working on, Cofefe Magazine. It’s interesting and worth your time, at least in my opinion.

‘Bedlam’ — Lyrics To A Hard Rock Pop Song For The Trump Era

Apparently Trump said something like, “Bedlam’s been nipped in the bud, nipped, nipped in the bud.” in a speech. Sounds like hard rock song lyrics to me. Something from Limp Biscuit. So, here you go.

Bedlam
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
found verse by Donald J. Trump
please give credit if you produce or perform

when I came to the scene
there was bedlam in the streets
bedlam in the sheets
bedlam in the sheets
but that’s all over now
but that’s all over now
’cause I’m here and there
breaking heads, braking norms and rules

Bedlam’s been nipped in the bud
nipped, nipped in the bud
Bedlam’s been nipped in the bud
nipped, nipped in the bud
Bedlam’s been nipped in the bud
nipped, nipped in the bud

nothing will be the same now that here
everything you hold dear will be ended
no more bedlam ’round here I swear
everything square will be round
and my peg will be in it dear
just watch and see what happens next
I’m in charge now
I’m in charge now

girls let me grab the by the pussy
’cause I’m a celebrity
but I’m president now
I can do as I please
’cause The Mooch has my back
and that’s a fact
and that’s a fact
and that’s a fact

Bedlam’s been nipped in the bud
nipped, nipped in the bud
Bedlam’s been nipped in the bud
nipped, nipped in the bud
Bedlam’s been nipped in the bud
nipped, nipped in the bud

[bridge]
I’m in control
that’s how we role
that’s how we role
don’t you know

all the great powers want me contain
but only Putin has the right to that refrain
I do as I please, do as I please
you’ll see now that bedlam’s been nipped in the bud

Bedlam’s been nipped in the bud
nipped, nipped in the bud
Bedlam’s been nipped in the bud
nipped, nipped in the bud
Bedlam’s been nipped in the bud
nipped, nipped in the bud

Apocalypse 9/11 Redux: The Moment War Starts In Korea, Everything Changes

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

For those of us who were alive and politically active on that Tuesday, Sept. 11, 2001, we remember what was going on when we opened our eyes that morning before the towers were struck. The Bush Administration was coasting on fumes as was the economy. It seemed as though we were about to enter a recession and Bush would get blamed for it.

Then everything changed.

We woke up eight years later and realized we had been in a waking dream, a nightmare we couldn’t escape.

Now, about 20 years later, we find ourselves on the cusp of a horrific war with the DPRK (North Korea.) Estimates are that 500,000 people would die the first month of such a war and who know how many could die if the war became protracted. And that’s working on the assumption that WMD aren’t used at some point. The DPRK has made it clear that they don’t even consider chemical and biological weapons WMD in the first place, so if they felt cornered they probably would use both gratuitously not just on South Korea but on Japan as well.

What makes all of this really scary is the United States has an unhinged president looking for an opportunity to fire Bob Muller, who may finally get to Trump’s tax returns. So, given how batshit insane the political calculus of the Trump Administration is, it wouldn’t take a lot to think they wouldn’t blink an eye at a cost of life and property needed to have the cover to fire Mueller and assure not only keeping Congress Republican, but come within shouting distance of winning re-election in 2020.

But, really, who knows.

It could go either way. But Trump’s behavior is sufficiently unhinged that it’s enough worry about. It’s enough to think seriously about a monumental wag the dog situation that would be a tragedy of unprecedented levels.

V-Log: My Vision For Covfefe Magazine #Zine #RVA

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

This is a rambling attempt to give you some sense of my vision for the zine I’m working on, Covfefe Magazine. It is set to come out in print form in October. But we’ll see. Any number of disasters could strike.

Talk To Me Internet: Update On Covfefe Magazine #RVA #Zine

By Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

I continue to work on my little zine concept, Covfefe Magazine. We’ll see how far it ends up going. I still hope to publish it in early October, but there’s a huge amount that could go wrong between now and then.