by Shelt Garner
I love rock music. Or, more specifically, I love American Bandstand rock music. I was there — as the song goes — watching Madonna make her absolute first appearance on network TV on, you guessed it, American Bandstand.
The one modern musician who really rubs my musical clit is Billie Eilish. That someone who sounds so much like Billie Holiday would be a mainstream success with tweeners simply blows my mind. But, to date, she’s stayed safely within the confines of…ugh…Adult Contemporary.
I would suggest to her brother Finneas that the way to take his sister to the next level is to pull a Amy Winehouse and have her embrace the past in a big way. Cover this song:
If you could get tweeners to belt out such a classic rock tune, there would be an earthquake in pop music — the era of Rona Rock would begin. The reason why I suggest this is Janus and Billie have very similar voices (at least in my view.) They both have a deep raspy voice and they can hit high notes really well.
Eilish already has a huge adult following. If they pulled up the “What’s New” feature on Spotify to Eilish of all people belting out Janus, well, you just sold yourself a shit ton of albums. The only people with more disposable income than tweeners is old people with careers.
I leave you with this. Imagine Billie Eilish covering this song. Gives me goosebumps just thinking about it.