#Novel Update


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

  1. After about two years of struggle, the novel is finally where I want it to be. My story telling ability has finally improved to the point that I can “just write” as people kept telling me two years ago.
  2. Things are moving very, very, very fast now. Any delay will simply be that it takes physical time to write a novel as long as I intend this one to be.
  3. Wish me luck.

James Bond Has Really Let Us Down In The Gadget Department


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

My novel is growing far more scfi in nature far earlier than I predicted. Or, put another way, my heroine’s interaction with advanced technology is beginning to become a central part of the plot sooner than expected.

Right now, I have two major issues to deal with — how often we get to see the heroine’s POV and how often the “embraced and extended” gadgets of James Bond I’ve given her influence what she does as part of the plot. I also have the issue of the nattering nabobs of negativism at VOX waiting to pounce on my pop-lit novel if it doesn’t fit their corporate liberal metrics.

But I’m being both “delusional and stupid” about even selling this novel at this point. I’m an untested, unknown male author who probably comes off as just a well-meaning Internet crank if some lit agent looked at my online ID at this point. I can always self-publish if need be.

Anyway, I’m very pleased with the gadgets I’ve come up with for my heroine. They’re very innovative, next generation and kick ass. And, in the second book, some REALLY cool things are going to happen because of them. I’m really into flipping the script as much as possible, so a lot of themes one might expect in a novel such as this are implemented in an unexpected fashion.

I at least hope so.

The point of all of this is I feel the folks at Eon have let James Bond — and us — down. Bond is about girls, gadgets and guns. While the girls are still hot, the gadgets these days are so so. Just turn on the TV for your inspiration. There’s some seriously cool things being cooked up in tech right now, why not use it?

I guess some of it is producers and screenwriters just aren’t woke to some of the cooler things being designed right now. So, I guess, in a sense, I have my in to entertain readers in an unexpected fashion. I’ll put a move on you, as they say.

Male Author Angst


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m beginning to wonder if, by definition, a man writing a story involving women is “problematic.” I say this as someone you is center-Left and extremely empathetic to many Leftist causes.

It’s just when I see that there are actual people who like crap like “Booksmart” it makes me wonder if I just have to suck it up and do whatever the fuck I want with my novel, damn the consequences. I hated Booksmart with a white hot rage for a number of reasons. One was out Olivia Wilde went way, way, way out of her way to make sure her heroine was a plain Jane. I felt this selection was an insult to the audience.

We go see movies — or novel — for escape. We want to see hot people do hot things that make us laugh, or cry, or have personal catharsis. When someone who is hot like Olivia Wilde specifically picks a plain person in an effort to prove a point about Hollywood and beauty it really fucking grates on my nerves

Hollywood is an industry. “Doubledees, doubledees” as the old SNL skit goes. Or, to put another way, sex sells. I really like Olivia Wilde. She’s smart, attractive and talented woman. But give me a break, lady, you could not possibly have been so na├»ve as to think the moment you started your career in Hollywood it wouldn’t be more about T&A at some points than your acting ability.

The reason for the above rant is the novel I’m working on. I just want to entertain people. I just want to give them a thought-provoking, allegorical thriller that wallows in Trump Era tropes. But I often find myself mulling some pretty dumb things. Like, why can’t I have a hot heroine? Why can’t she be sex positive? How do I have a really interesting woman without haters at VOX simply telling me I’ve created a thinking man’s “sexy slutty assassin?”

Ugh. Fuck Vox. They’re why we can’t have nice things.

It’s very frustrating. I just can’t win because I’m a member of the patriarchy. Or, put another way, I’m self-aware enough and look at enough Twitter to know that even if I do what I want to do — create strong, interesting female characters — that because I’m a man who hasn’t — uh — lived my life according to the media narrative that I’m inevitably going to be “canceled” for some bullshit reason.

And, yet, all that’s just me venting. I’m really sensitive at times, especially when it comes to my art. I know I’ve come up with a great, great pop-lit novel. If that means I have to endure the slings and arrows of outrageous woke fortune, so be it.

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Secretary Of State Mike Pompeo Wants To ‘Force’ The Rapture By Instigating A War Between Iran & Israel.


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner


If you work on the assumption that people like Mike Pompeo one think Trump is the anti-Christ and two think they can literally “force” Jesus to come back by starting a war between Iran and Israel, then, well, we’re pretty much fucked.

Like, The Day After, Threads and Testament fucked.

Or, put another way, it definitely seems as though with the recent Israeli assassination of Iranian nuclear scientist Mohsen Fakhrizadeh that the Trump Administration is trying to box Iran into a war so one blows up between now and January 20th.

Such a war would be huge, huge enough for either Trump to pull a fast one on us and stay in office through use of the Insurrection Act or just general fuck things up as much as possible before the Biden Administration comes into office.

If you were to describe how World War 3 actually happened, we would be in the scary montage at the beginning of the story right now. (Maybe.)

Hit It

My writing mentality right now.

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner


I have a huge amount of reading to do. But just in the last few days, things have finally clicked with this novel. Things are going to go very, very quickly now.

‘Rona Rock:’ Miley Cyrus Is Making The Best Pop-Rock Music Out Today


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m shocked how great the music Miley Cyrus is producing right now is. It blows my mind. It’s actual…gasp…pop rock! She seems to have finally figured out how to use her particular vocal style in the pop rock genre. I call this New Sound, “Rona Rock” but that’s just me.

In particular, I really like her duet with Dua Lipa “Prisoner.” That’s what I’m talking about. That’s a pretty traditional pop rock banger. It’s got a beat and you can dance to it, as they say. Keep doing that! Go that direction!

I could do without the allusion to period cunnilingus in the video. Jesus Christ, ladies. But the song itself is great. I love it. I’m probably going to listen to it a zillian times over the next few weeks.

The question, of course, is this just a blip or a trend? I continue to be astonished by the cultural ignorance younger people. It’s like they barely know any music outside of The Beatles that’s older than 30 years old. It makes you wonder what happens if they suddenly discover the entirety of The British Invasion. Or punk. Or whatever. Good music.

Anyway. Keep up the good work Miley!

The Internet Archive Strikes Again


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner


I’m obsessed with my Webstats. I’ve been obsessed with Webstats since at least the 1994-1995 timeframe. Anyway, someone looked at something I just posted on this site using the Internet Archive. It makes me wonder why they would be so interested in the post about why my novel is probably going to be relevant even though the Trump Era is (hopefully) wrapping up.

It’s all very curious.

I honestly can’t help myself when it comes to writing about writing. I’m such an absolute extrovert that I would just be really, really miserable if I went dark on the subject of what I was doing with the novel. So, let the chips fall where they may.

But I’m now moving EXTREMELY FAST with this novel. The first draft should be done — hopefully — a lot sooner than you might think. I keep expecting someone to steal a march on me at any moment. I would be devistated. But I now know how *I* develop a novel, so my replacement project — should it come to that — would not take 2 years to get to the point this novel currently is.

It would be a painful turn around, but it would be very possible to do it pretty quick once I recovered from having this particular dream squashed.

The End(?) of The Trump Era & The State of My #Novel


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner


I can’t help who I am. I’ve always been either “very creative” or just a regular old crank — depending on how much you like me. I just don’t fit anyone’s narrative. For most of a decade, I didn’t do jack crap.

Then the Trump Era happened and suddenly I had something to say.

So, here I am, zooming towards finishing a novel (two novels, one story) that’s supposed to wallow in the tropes of the Trump Era….just as the Trump Era is (hopefully) wrapping up. And, yet, I still think I’m on safe ground for a number of reasons.

  1. MAGA ain’t going nowhere.
    The problems that caused MAGA will linger for years to come and Trump could always pop back up in 20204.
  2. It May Be Cathartic
    This novel may be cathartic for “woke Park Slope moms” in New York City who want to reflect on what happened from 2016 to 2021.
  3. It’s “Just a Good Story.”
    In real terms, the only reason why why Trump is even involved is the actions of his administration gave me the rage necessary to get to this point. All I have to do now is finish the two novels of the story and try to sell them.

Ready To Go


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Things are about to go very, very fast with this novel. While things can obviously still go wrong, I finally have a system step up so I finish the first draft of this novel sooner rather than later.

If I wasn’t such a extrovert, I would go totally dark on the Internet and use all my time on the novel. But for me, communicating is part of the overall development so I just don’t see that happening.

But I really do hope to finish this first draft by my birthday. I still have a massive amount of reading to do. And I don’t know how much time it’s going to take me to write the second, “beta” draft where I really go out of my way to get people to look at the novel to test its premise, extra.

Anyway, wish me luck.

Everyone Take a Deep Breath — Trump May Actually Leave


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner


It’s at least possible that the Trump Era may end not with a coup, but with a whimper. This is not to say that some pretty surreal, unexpected and potentially violent things may not happen between now and January 20th.

But now that the pardons have begun, it’s at least possible that Trump may slink out of Washington doing nothing more than just pardoning himself. Or resigning in January and getting Pence to pardon him then leaving town — or, hell, the country.

There are a lot of unknowns — Bill Barr may pop out of his spiderhole and stage a coup of some sort. There might be some sort of political violence. But as we approach Thanksgiving, I think we can at least give ourselves 24 hours of hope that Mike Pompeo isn’t going to nuke us to hell (via Israel) because he thinks Trump is the anti-Christ.