The Quiet Bill Barr

by Shelt Garner

One of the strangest political events of the last few years has been the complete abdication of Interior Minister Bill Barr to be Trump’s legal goon. While I’m quite pleased, I can tell from my Webstats that a shit-ton of MAGA-Qanon shithead cocksuckers are very unhappy that Barr hasn’t lived up to his autocratic PR.

Now, the origin of my fears about Barr — and MAGA cocksuckers dreams — comes from how he handled the Mueller Report. What could have been the thing that ended Trump’s reign of political terror a few years earlier pretty much just vanished — or was strangled — by Barr’s loving touch. So, everyone pretty much assumed Barr would step in and make all Trump’s election problems go away because, lulz, autocrats never lose.

But, to date, Barr has done nothing beyond rush to use the Federal death penalty on as many people as possible.

So, what gives?

One theory is Barr was really good friends with Mueller and so he did one thing goonish because, “for the good of the country” he did not want the real risk of Trump being removed from office — or being severely politically harmed — to occur. But Barr has done a number of down low goonish things since just before the election and, as such, it’s all very puzzling for everyone — MAGA-Qanon shithead cocksucker or not.

Therefore, it’s something of a mystery. If Barr were to strike this late in the game, there would definitely be a civil war or revolution because on a political level, the nation has moved on to the Biden Era. But MAGA state legislatures could still nullify the results and or Trump could attempt to go after the actual humans that make up the Electoral College at some point in the near, near future.

We currently have about two weeks for Trump to ratfuck any number of things.

We’ll see, I guess.

The Conditions Exist For Something Extraordinary To Happen In The United States Soon

by Shelt Garner

I find myself thinking about the French Revolution a lot these days. It seems as though while Neo-Confederate MAGA-Qanon cocksuckers are so busy thinking about masturbating to a Second American Civil War, they’re totally oblivious to the possibility of a Second American Revolution.

Or, to put it another way, Trump sliced the seal on Pandora’s Box and it seems as though the question is how bad things are going to get. Now, before I continue, the counter argument is that the Trump Era in itself was something of a Cold Civil War. And, while there’s no going back after that particular clusterfuck, in the end, a new equilibrium of sorts will be established and we’ll gradually drift into the New Normal of post-Trumpian politics.

But we WILL remain in the realm of politics.

In all honesty, that’s definitely what I want to have happen.

And, yet, it’s very easy to imagine a future historian describing the fall of the First American Republic, then revolution then civil war and then the founding of a Second Republic. This would not happen in a vacuum, of course. In all likelihood, there would be a World War 3 because of that particular chain of events.

But what, exactly, would happen and why? There are simply too many variables for me to begin to predict. And, yet, I could see Trump going transactional on Twitter which would incite the violence he needed to invoke the Insurrection Act and hunker down to stay in office the rest of his life. Then the military gets involved — maybe even implodes itself — and initially there’s Balkanization of the United States into different major polities (Texas, California, maybe Florida) and isolated incidents of Revolutionary governments being established in, say, places like New York City and the Deep South.

The whole post-World War 2 liberal order would be destroyed and something new created from the ashes. I mean, if big chunks of the globe are a post-apocalyptic hellscape because Sectreary of State Mike Pompeo thought he could “force” Jesus to return, then, well, things might be a bit different going forward.

As is usual with my worse case scenarios, it’s not like I can predict the future. And even if I did, it’s likely whatever happened would occur within a spectrum. The point is — either things snap back to a New Normal, or everything burns to the ground and it’s every man for himself.

The scary thing is, at this point, I honestly don’t know which one it’s going to be.

The Metrics Of Finishing The First Draft

by Shelt Garner

Now that things are beginning to get locked down, I have mapped out how, exactly, I’m going to finish the roughly 32 chapters of this novel by my birthday.

The hope is that if I have a specific chronology that my native need for deadlines will kick in and I’ll actually finish some sort of first draft far sooner than if I didn’t really have any idea of how things were going to specifically work out.

I honestly don’t know how much of that is just yet another Lucy-with-the-football and how much is real. But I hope — hope — that if I’m actually looking at the calendar as I write that I can wrap up my first draft far, far sooner than I might otherwise.

We’ll see.

What Are We Going To Do If Trump Finally Snaps?

by Shelt Garner

I’m still not prepared to believe that there isn’t going to be a successful court coup or Elector coup or some sort of coup on the part of House Trump that pushes the country into a violent civil war / revolution. It just seems like Trump keeps dropping depth charges and eventually the Kraken of violence is going to pop out of the dark waters of our body politic.

And, yet, maybe that –thankfully — won’t happen.

But as we all know, Trump doesn’t take losing well.

So, it’s within the realm of possibility that we may have something of a bonkers spectrum ahead of us. On one end of the spectrum, Trump goes bonkers on a personal level. Let’s call that “implosion.” He whips his cock out and strokes it during a press conference. He tweets out the N-word to Obama. Really crazy — but personal — things.

On the other end of the crazy spectrum is “explosion.” Having failed to woo individual Electors to vote for him, he goes transactional on Twitter. He literally tells his followers to start blowing shit up and murdering people. Or he does so during a Fox News interview that is obviously NOT a joke.

Then what are we going to do? Is there anything we *can* do? Is that how we descend into what seems the near-inevitability of massive political violence? Actual sedition by the sitting president?

Remember, even if it’s one of Trump’s own followers who causes a Reichstag Fire, it’s still a Reichstag Fire. I honestly don’t what happens. It could go a number of different ways.

#Writing This #Novel Has Consumed My Life

by Shelt Garner

While people have repeatedly attempted to peg me as someone with an “addictive” personality, in reality I have an OBSESSIVE personality. And, as such, I am completely consumed by this novel.

It’s all I think about.

Morning, noon and night, I obsess over every aspect of the novel from structure, to theme to character development to you name it. It’s all I think about. And now, after two years, my obsession is finally beginning to bear fruit. It appears as though within a few days I will lock down “Part One” of the novel and head into the actual story itself.

Part One is pretty much everything from the beginning of the novel to the inciting incident, though a lot goes in these pages as well. It’s not like people are just staring at each other on a smoke break. But anyway. I still hope to wrap the first draft up by my birthday.

In fact, if the first draft is as good as I hope it is, I can show it to people the way I might show a second draft. I might be able to skip a step in that regard. Again, this novel was born out of my absolute, white hot rage at the Trump Administration.

It will be interesting to see what the context of all of that will be once Trump is actually out of office. Hopefully that happens peacefully and we don’t, like, have a fucking civil war. The novel I’m developing and — finally — writing is really, really good.

I look at the outline and then the first three chapters and I’m shocked that at what I’ve managed to pull off. I feel bad that it’s taken me two years to get this point, but at least I’m here.

#Novel Update

by Shelt Garner

  1. After about two years of struggle, the novel is finally where I want it to be. My story telling ability has finally improved to the point that I can “just write” as people kept telling me two years ago.
  2. Things are moving very, very, very fast now. Any delay will simply be that it takes physical time to write a novel as long as I intend this one to be.
  3. Wish me luck.

James Bond Has Really Let Us Down In The Gadget Department

by Shelt Garner

My novel is growing far more scfi in nature far earlier than I predicted. Or, put another way, my heroine’s interaction with advanced technology is beginning to become a central part of the plot sooner than expected.

Right now, I have two major issues to deal with — how often we get to see the heroine’s POV and how often the “embraced and extended” gadgets of James Bond I’ve given her influence what she does as part of the plot. I also have the issue of the nattering nabobs of negativism at VOX waiting to pounce on my pop-lit novel if it doesn’t fit their corporate liberal metrics.

But I’m being both “delusional and stupid” about even selling this novel at this point. I’m an untested, unknown male author who probably comes off as just a well-meaning Internet crank if some lit agent looked at my online ID at this point. I can always self-publish if need be.

Anyway, I’m very pleased with the gadgets I’ve come up with for my heroine. They’re very innovative, next generation and kick ass. And, in the second book, some REALLY cool things are going to happen because of them. I’m really into flipping the script as much as possible, so a lot of themes one might expect in a novel such as this are implemented in an unexpected fashion.

I at least hope so.

The point of all of this is I feel the folks at Eon have let James Bond — and us — down. Bond is about girls, gadgets and guns. While the girls are still hot, the gadgets these days are so so. Just turn on the TV for your inspiration. There’s some seriously cool things being cooked up in tech right now, why not use it?

I guess some of it is producers and screenwriters just aren’t woke to some of the cooler things being designed right now. So, I guess, in a sense, I have my in to entertain readers in an unexpected fashion. I’ll put a move on you, as they say.

Male Author Angst

by Shelt Garner

I’m beginning to wonder if, by definition, a man writing a story involving women is “problematic.” I say this as someone you is center-Left and extremely empathetic to many Leftist causes.

It’s just when I see that there are actual people who like crap like “Booksmart” it makes me wonder if I just have to suck it up and do whatever the fuck I want with my novel, damn the consequences. I hated Booksmart with a white hot rage for a number of reasons. One was out Olivia Wilde went way, way, way out of her way to make sure her heroine was a plain Jane. I felt this selection was an insult to the audience.

We go see movies — or novel — for escape. We want to see hot people do hot things that make us laugh, or cry, or have personal catharsis. When someone who is hot like Olivia Wilde specifically picks a plain person in an effort to prove a point about Hollywood and beauty it really fucking grates on my nerves

Hollywood is an industry. “Doubledees, doubledees” as the old SNL skit goes. Or, to put another way, sex sells. I really like Olivia Wilde. She’s smart, attractive and talented woman. But give me a break, lady, you could not possibly have been so na├»ve as to think the moment you started your career in Hollywood it wouldn’t be more about T&A at some points than your acting ability.

The reason for the above rant is the novel I’m working on. I just want to entertain people. I just want to give them a thought-provoking, allegorical thriller that wallows in Trump Era tropes. But I often find myself mulling some pretty dumb things. Like, why can’t I have a hot heroine? Why can’t she be sex positive? How do I have a really interesting woman without haters at VOX simply telling me I’ve created a thinking man’s “sexy slutty assassin?”

Ugh. Fuck Vox. They’re why we can’t have nice things.

It’s very frustrating. I just can’t win because I’m a member of the patriarchy. Or, put another way, I’m self-aware enough and look at enough Twitter to know that even if I do what I want to do — create strong, interesting female characters — that because I’m a man who hasn’t — uh — lived my life according to the media narrative that I’m inevitably going to be “canceled” for some bullshit reason.

And, yet, all that’s just me venting. I’m really sensitive at times, especially when it comes to my art. I know I’ve come up with a great, great pop-lit novel. If that means I have to endure the slings and arrows of outrageous woke fortune, so be it.

Subscribe to my Soundcloud. Thanks for attending my TEDx Talk.

Secretary Of State Mike Pompeo Wants To ‘Force’ The Rapture By Instigating A War Between Iran & Israel.

by Shelt Garner

If you work on the assumption that people like Mike Pompeo one think Trump is the anti-Christ and two think they can literally “force” Jesus to come back by starting a war between Iran and Israel, then, well, we’re pretty much fucked.

Like, The Day After, Threads and Testament fucked.

Or, put another way, it definitely seems as though with the recent Israeli assassination of Iranian nuclear scientist Mohsen Fakhrizadeh that the Trump Administration is trying to box Iran into a war so one blows up between now and January 20th.

Such a war would be huge, huge enough for either Trump to pull a fast one on us and stay in office through use of the Insurrection Act or just general fuck things up as much as possible before the Biden Administration comes into office.

If you were to describe how World War 3 actually happened, we would be in the scary montage at the beginning of the story right now. (Maybe.)

Hit It

My writing mentality right now.

by Shelt Garner

I have a huge amount of reading to do. But just in the last few days, things have finally clicked with this novel. Things are going to go very, very quickly now.