Fuck The MAGA New Right, Or — Untangling The Rhetorical Knot That Is Their COVID19 Talking Points

by Shelt Garner

Ok. This is going to take some brain power. But, here goes. When it comes to COVID, I think the MAGA New Right thinks (I use that term loosely) that it was designed in a lab in Wuhan and, as such, we should PRAISE Son Of God Donald Trump for the vaccine, but we shouldn’t take it to own the libs.

And, lib, you never know, it’s possible this is all a “plandemic” in the sense that it was big pharma who was funding the “gain of function” research in Wuhan and you don’t KNOW that Dr. Fauchi isn’t profiting personally from it, now do you? Something something something Jewish space lasers


Any change in behavior — however minor — to manage the pandemic is a brutal attack on lady liberty because “my body, my choice” and also you’re excited that Roe is going to be overturned soon.

To take the free vaccine would would somehow be a win to the libs and to Red China, so take Regeneron or horse dewormer instead. There can never be “Vaccine passports” or, God forbid, a vaccine mandate, even though there are a variety of existing vaccine mandates that have been on the books for generations.

The difference is mumble mumble mumble the politics are different mumble mumble and fuck you, lib.

Nothing short of reparation from China will do when it comes to COVID. And, if that doesn’t work, then nuke them and let Trump ride one of the bombs like Slim Pickins in Dr. Strangelove.

And, in the end, it’s all about “personal responsibility” and if the fucking lib still won’t shut up, just tell them “no it won’t” and claim that all the facts that they use are “bogus.”

Oh, by the way fuck Jesse Kelly.

Second American Civil War Scenario #4: A Creative 2023 Coup Attempt

by Shelt Garner

While I spend a lot of my time pointing to January 2025 as the most likely moment in time that the United States might buckle into a “hot” civil war, there is another January that might be just as bad: that of January 2023.

As I keep saying, America’s political system is so rotten, so fucked up that literally the only thing holding everything together is we’re kind of in an Era of Meh. Biden believes in the norms and principles of a liberal democracy such as ours and no unexpected thunderbolt has put undo pressure on the system.

But — and this is a big but — we have the looming 2022 midterms to worry about.

There are a number of different ways this could play out, but the one that is at the forefront of my mind is the totally bonkers — but totally on-brand — ploy on Trump’s part to get himself third to the presidency by becoming Speaker of the House. He would like this idea because he would be in charge of any impeachment proceedings that took place AND all he would have to do is just show up to be named Speaker.

Now, I know, I KNOW this sounds like my usual “hysterical doom shit,” and given that Trump has proven himself such a fucking idiot that he can’t do even the most basic of autocratic plays, this may be just something that people like me worry about while “normal” people raise their grandkids and think of the next concert they’re going to.

So, it’s very possible I’ll be wrong AGAIN about Trump.

But it is very easy to imagine Trump becoming Speaker, impeaching both Biden and Harris and then inciting violence on the part of the MAGA New Right to such an extent that Senate Democrats feel forced to convict them “for the sake of the nation.”

Then Trump comes back early and we’re right back where we started from in January 2021, with Trump demanding to stay in office forever because of “lost time.”

And, yet, it’s possible that what got us into a civil war in the late 2022 – early 2023 timeframe would not be anything as creative as Trump being named Speaker. It could be that when it become clear that Republicans on a local level will nullify any election they don’t like, then, lulz, all hell will break loose. And we have a civil war not in early 2025, but early 2023.

And, yet, I’m being “hysterical.” Even though everything I see points to our current political limbo being untenable. We’re all going to face an existential choice between now and January 2025.

Do you have a passport?

The Big Problems With Modern American Politics

  1. Compromise Is Weakness
    This is a very corrosive development that has caused the effective death of American politics, full stop. When you realize that any effort at political comity is a waste of time, then, lulz, what’s the point of talking about politics in the first place. When you realize that any political debate will turn in a screaming match, what’s the point?
  2. Conservatives Have Permission Structure To Be MAGA
    Even bedrock conservatives who claim to not like the excesses of MAGA vote for MAGA now on a regular basis. They have an extensive permission structure to vote for MAGA — and, soon, Trump without Trump — and so the rise of fascism in the United States is now an immutable law of American political history –we’re fucked.
  3. Systemic Republican Radicalization
    On a basic, systemic basis, the Republican Party is growing ever-more radical to the point that by 2024 white nationalism and political violence will be seen as a lulz. They will do whatever necessary to take and keep power forever. Prove me wrong, people who think I’m “hysterical” with my “doom shit.” What do I get if I’m right? A prize? Or a bullet in the back of the head from a ICE agent. If you “play by the rules” and are a Good German, you have nothing to worry about. But I’m a loudmouth who will never shut up about what a fucking cocksucker the autocratic of the moment is, so….I might have a little bit more to worry about then the “personal responsibility” rule followers who everyone seems to love?
  4. Negative Polarization is All-Powerful
    As part of the aforementioned permission structure, negative polarization is so all powerful now that it’s impossible to make common cause with conservatives who claim they aren’t MAGA. What they don’t like is Trump — they love MAGA to the point that they totally embrace the “cruelty is the point” nature of the movement in general. I think this is the main difference between MAGA and the New Right.
  5. Personal Political Interactions Have Broken Down
    I’ve completely stopped talking about politics with my far more conservative relatives because the risk that either they’re freak out on me or we’ll start screaming at each other is too high. This. Is. Not. Good. This is how the “bad guys” win. You’re just a brief jaunt away from a civil war if your individual, personal politics have locked up that much.

DeSantis’ ‘Blip’ Is Driving Me De Bonkers

by Shelt Garner

Unfrozen Caveman Governor Ron DeSantis said recently he did not want to hear a “blip” from Biden about his COVID response until Biden addressed the border crisis. (This is whataboutism bullshit, but, lulz.)

Ron DeSantis

But it’s his use of the term “blip” that really bothering me. Why did he use the strange phraseology? Usually, one would say, “I don’t want to hear a word…” about this or that thing.

DeSantis’ team must have workshopped that statement because of this “blip -> flip — > fuck.” So, in essence, DeSantis, with a wink and a nod was saying, “I don’t want to hear a fuck…” in a very round about way.

Anyway, fuck — or blip — DeSantis. What a fucking autocratic piece of shit.

Modern Problems: The Paradox Of The MAGA New Right’s COVID19 Media Narrative

by Shelt Garner

From what I’m able to glean, the MAGA New Right wants us to believe that COVID19 is just part of modern life now AND they want to attack the Biden Administration for “not doing as well” as the Trump Administration did handling the pandemic.

My reaction to the MAGA New Right’s views on COVID19.

As such, the MAGA New Right is absolutely against mask and vaccine mandates and changing people’s lives in any way to address the lingering COVID19 crisis — and yet also wants to scream bloody murder that Biden hasn’t solve it, which apparently Trump was on his way to doing but for the evil Deep State “stealing” the 2020 election from him.

Now, I have to note that for the time being, this working — and may ultimately work to the extent necessary to flip Congress for the MAGA New Right in 2022. So, in essence, this paradoxical media narrative will be a success.

And, yet, the MAGA New Right has a problem — there is a real risk that the metrics that matter most will start to hurt their political chances. If it becomes clear that something, anything has to be done to mitigate the COVID19 uptick currently happening in Red States, then there might be a frantic too-little, too-late struggle to reverse course in mid stream.

This will be even more the case if some variant pops out that blows past our existing vaccine regimen and throws us back to square one.

But as it stands, Republicans literally would rather have a lot of people die of COVID than miss a chance to “own the libs.” To that extent, the MAGA New Right is a literal personality death cult.

If people like Ron DeSantis have a come-to-Jesus moment about COVID19, it will be so sudden, so unexpected that we will all be left in shock. And, honestly, the only way that will happen is if they see some sort of political advantage — a way to “own the libs,” if you will — by doing so.

Why Unfrozen Caveman Governor Ron DeSantis Is Willfully Killing De Voters

by Shelt Garner

Ron DeSantis

I continue to see a lot of shock and puzzlement on the part of Twitter liberals as to the behavior of putative 2024 Republican presidential nominee, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis. But to me, DeSantis’ behavior seems completely logical relative to his goal of being elected president. Here’s why:

Negative Polarization Is Now Absolute
I can’t stress enough how absolute negative polarization is now in the United States, at least from my practical experience. It’s so absolute that the base of the Republican Party would rather people die than accept that COVID19 is a national health crisis. So, in a sense, yes, the MAGA New Right is a personality death cult. The wild thing is that, on an individual basis, the average MAGA New Right person doesn’t see themselves as being racist or misogynistic or any of the things that collective the MAGA New Right obviously is.

2022 (Or 2024) Is A Long Ways Away Politically
DeSantis is calculating that given how popular being an autocrat to “own the libs” is with the base of the Republican Party that he can actively work to kill voters and by the time 2022 (or 2024) rolls around it will all be a lulz. The pandemic will be over and the only thing stopping him from slingshotting himself into the presidency will be the 300 pound sack of shit known as Donald Trump. Lulz!

Autocracy Is Popular

Even though most MAGA people don’t really think in terms of autocracy, they definitely support it. My fear of a white Christian ethno state based on “blood and soil” is their dream — they fully embrace the “cruelty is the point” of Trumplandia. Of course, what will happen is autocracy will arrive and they will be shocked when a family member is murdered in cold blood by ICE or they can’t say what they like freely in a bar. But by that point, it will be too late and they, at least will have “owned the libs” forever.

The National MAGA New Right Electorate

What DeSantis is doing is the political equivalent of finger banging the national MAGA New Right base. They love, love, LOVE all his “lib owning” and autocratic, thuggish behavior that puts him on the national stage. They want MAGA without Trump so everything is strictly a policy debate. If that’s the case, then they win because they can both sides everything or simply shrug and say fuck you, lib.

Twitter Liberals Are Looking At Unfrozen Caveman Governor DeSantis All De Wrong

by Shelt Garner

Sometimes, I grow very frustrated with Twitter liberals. They went to Harvard and shit and yet relative to what I, a mere hayseed rube Internet crank rando believe, they are completely clueless. A prime example of this is what’s going on with Florida Governor Ron DeSantis.

Ron DeSantis

All his thuggish behavior that is putting the lives of his own electorate in danger is exactly what not just the MAGA New Right base in Florida wants, but the NATIONAL MAGA New Right base wants in the abstract. The more thuggish he is, the better in their eyes.

They want autocracy. They want to “own the libs” no matter what the consequences are. And the more DeSantis’ political fortunes improve because of him being a demonstrable autocratic cocksucker, the more every elected Republican official who sees the next president when they look at themselves in the mirror in the morning will feel obliged to one up him.

Autocratic thuggery is now the sweet spot of modern Republican politics. Negative polarization is so absolute, so extreme now within Republican ranks that even the most overheated MAGA New Right fascist rhetoric could very well become policy once a Republican inevitable becomes president again. Then all my “doom shit” won’t look so hysterical.

Anyway, DeSantis knows what he’s doing. At this point, the only issue is if Trump co-ops him or the two of them have a political deathmatch to see who gets to be the first American autocrat.

Of course, 2025 is a long ways away. There are about a dozen other would-be autocrats who are going to fight like hell to get the chance to come to power in 2025 and….just never leave office for any reason. As such, DeSantis doesn’t have a complete lock on being our first true American Autocrat, but he’s definitely at the moment the chief contender.

We are so fucked. So very, very fucked.

I have no ready answers for you. I have no VOX Tik-Tok video spoken in formal Twitter liberal received English. I just have my two eyes and ears and simply “doom shit” logic to use.

We’re going to have to have some sort of United Front or hope we can get the type of radical moderate behavior that happened around the time Lincoln decided to free the slaves. Something gotta give. Something big has to happen, otherwise, DeSantis will become an American Augustus and establish a American Empire.

Unfrozen Caveman Autocrat: DeSantis Is Going To De Win In De 2024 Unless Trump Freaks De Fuck Out

by Shelt Garner

Way too many people have pinned their hopes on somehow everything magically going back to normal if we can just destroy Trump politically. In a sense, Trump has done all the damage he needs to do. Because he’s such a fucking idiot, he was a transitional figure.

Now that your typical ambitious Republican pol knows the conditions of the New Normal after studying Trump, we have about a dozen would-be autocrats who are chomping at the bit to finally put our undead liberal democracy out of its misery.

The current front runner for America’s Putin is Ron DeSantis. He is EXTREMELY POPULAR with my conservative relatives. Liberals hate DeSantis, so the “own the libs” box is checked. And, I’ve gotten to the point where I struggle to understand why Twitter liberals try to ascribe any logic to MAGA New Right cocksuckers at this point.

White Nationalism has gone mainstream within the Republican Party, as has autocracy and fascism. So…lulz? The historical momentum is now such that there is an open path for DeSantis to be Trump’s successor, become an autocrat through a MAGA Koch Brothers Constitutional Convention and that’s it — he’ll be POTUS for 40 odd years.

Ron DeSantis

As I keep saying, I keep vacillating wildly thinking we’re going to slip peacefully into autocracy and thinking we’re going to have a civil war. If DeSantis is the GOP’s 2024 nominee then we’re definitely going to slip peacefully into autocracy. From what I can tell, he’s proven himself an adept governor — other than killing his electorate by seeing the COVID health crisis exclusively through the lens of partisan politics — and, as such, he could easily shepherd us into autocracy.

There are a few known unknowns, however, most of them deal with a 300 lb sack of shit known as Donald Trump. It would be pretty historically ironic if Trump shived DeSantis politically and so disrupted our now near-inevitable transition into a Russian-style managed democracy that we had a civil war instead.

The thing about DeSantis is if you combine how popular he is with the MAGA New Right base with his likely ability to hoodwink liberal soccer moms in the suburbs — he’s got a winning combination. To the point that he might even be able to win the 2024 election outright, no nullification on the part of a MAGA Congress needed.

It’s easy to imagine DeSantis wins fair-and-square and soon enough enough banks hard right into autocrat land and there will be absolutely nothing we can do about it. That will be it. He’ll start ranting about how we need a Constitutional Convention to “pass a balanced budget amendment” and when it is called up somehow, mysteriously “religious liberty” will be codified in the Constitution and presidents will be elected for seven years, not four.

At the moment, that seems to be our fate. People like me will be murdered in cold political blood by ICE — one way or another — and that will just be America until we get so hot that we all have to move to Canada.

Good luck.

The Tokyo Olympics & The Prospect Of An ‘Omega Variant’

by Shelt Garner

Each time COVID bounces from one person to the next, there’s a chance it might mutate into something along the lines of the virus found in The Stand. It’s an admittedly microscopic chance, but it does exist. Throw into the equation people from all over the world in Tokyo at the moment and it’s easy to imagine a Stephen King-size clusterfuck.

So, it’s at least possible that at some point in the next few months (years?) we’re going to have to go through all of this again because an Omega Variant breezes past all our vaccines and starts killing people not in the thousands, but the millions.

But that’s all very speculative. It’s just if the COVID pandemic has taught us anything, it’s that when you’re dealing with a virus, all the narrative management in the world isn’t going to save us.

And, yet, it could be I’m over thinking all of this. I’m often wrong. I hope I am this time, too.

America is Careening Towards The Existential Choice of Autocracy Or Civil War In January 2025

by Shelt Garner

The United States is either just a few years away from descending into full MAGA New Right autocracy or this is a modern antebellum period. Take your pick. You only have those two choices.

Let me state at the beginning that I got a lot — a whole lot — wrong about the Trump Era.

But looking back, most of my errors were miscalculations about what Trump was actually capable of doing. He talked like an autocrat, but he didn’t walk like one. So, I spent all this time thinking up pretty basic autocratic things he could do…and he was just too lazy and stupid to do them. As such, you have a situation where it seemed very easy to me during the 2020 presidential cycle that Trump would steal the election and become an autocrat via a Koch Brothers-inspired Constitutional Convention.

It was a gimme for Trump. All the conditions were there. All the metrics. Everything. All Trump had to do was fire enough people to get someone to indict Joe Biden and have images of him being frog walked at some point leading up to November 2020 and that would be it. What’s more, as late as a few days after the 2020 election, Trump STILL could have stolen the election and he just didn’t have the wherewithal.

So what happened was he panicked. He made a last ditch effort to steal the election by having his angry mob want to “Hang Mike Pence.” But it was always a dumb plan and all it did was give Republicans, on an systemic basis, a heads up as to how to steal future elections.

But back to 2024.

It’s seems a forgone conclusion that in January 2025, either we slip peacefully into some sort of MAGA New Right autocracy because it officially becomes conventional wisdom that the only way a Democrat can become president is if their party controls Congress at the same time or we have a civil war. And my bet is if it happens in 2025, it’s going to be Blue States, not Red States that bounce.

The dead hand of history is on Red States’ side — they have the macro trend momentum — and so when the moment comes and it’s clear we’re going to be an autocracy, there’s a chance that Blue States simply won’t put up with it and we have a civil war.

Of course, there’s one issue I can’t game out: the U.S. Military.

It’s possible that in the end, the military gets over itself and steps in. They depose the MAGA New Right autocrat, form a junta with Jim Mattis at its head and call a Constitutional Convention to fix the problems facing the country. Hopefully, of course, they’ll ensure that it’s not a MAGA dominated convention, but who knows.

All I know is, something’s gotta give. The positions of the two sides are hardening to the point that something’s going to change very soon, within a few years. Things are going to change in a big, historic fashion that a lot of people are simply not prepared to experience.

I can’t predict the future. So I could be wrong — again. But barring something big happening that throws everything out of whack (the LHC is going back online in 2022, so lulz) I just don’t see how we don’t have a pretty massive turning point in American history around January 2025.