What Fresh Hell Will August Bring

by Shelt Garner

August is the worst month of the year, in large part because all the “powerful people” are out to lunch on vacation. So, as fate has it nearly every year, some huge breaking news happens while they’re sipping margaritas somewhere remote and secluded that forces them to pay attention again.

Slate has an article they re-publish every year about this very thing. They propose abolishing the month altogether it’s so bad.

Anyway, let’s think up some bonkers scenarios for August.

While Trump is obviously going to ultimately steal the election in an extremely brazen fashion, he’s such an insecure idiot — and self-own artist — that it would be very easy to see him go way out of his way to provoke a war with either the DPRK or Iran. The conventional wisdom is that as long as a war with the DPRK didn’t go nuclear, the whole thing could be wrapped up in about three months — which would place us at just about when Election Day happens. People would be humming Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless The USA” on their way to the polls and Trump breezes towards an easy (legitimate) victory. Iran is a lot trickier and less likely to be wrapped up in time. The DPRK is so crazy, of course, that they could very well engage in a limited nuclear exchange with the US which Trump might be blamed for and, well, that might help his re-election chances. There is the long shot chance that the United States and China might go at it, but that’s a pretty scary proposition.

World War III
In this scenario, it’s not just the United States and the DPRK or Iran who have at it, it’s the entire world. One way this might happen is the Russians, fearing Trump might somehow magically lose despite their best efforts to help him steal the election, decide to grab as much of Ukraine as they can while the going’s good. This destabilizes the world in general and some major hotspots flair up all at the same time. Several regional wars happening at the same time would be marketed as WWIII by the press. This is a very unlikely scenario — I mean, the Russians know they’re going to be successful hacking our election — so, lulz. But you never know. It is interesting, of course, to speculate on what the reaction among Americans would be to a general war between the Russians and the Ukrainians — would people even notice?

The Durham Investigation
Republicans have absolute bloodlust when it comes to the Durham Investigation into the origins of the TrumpRussia probe. They get all excited just thinking about it. What they want, of course, is a repeat of 2016 when there was an air of criminality surrounding Hillary Clinton for various reasons. While Durham is a good little thug and will likely wait until the weekend before the election to indict the entire Obama Administration including Biden, there’s a chance he might drop that particular turd in August to let it linger in the national consciousness for a few months.

The Second Great Depression Officially Starts
As you may know, the Republicans are dicks and simply refused to do anything about propping up the economy because, lulz, Trump’s going to indict Biden anyway, so fuck you. But there’s a chance, at least, that the economy, which has struggled the last few months (to say the least) will finally crater because of the lack of an extra $600 in the unemployed’s pockets, no $1,200 stimulus check and lack of eviction protection. It could be that by the end of August, the economy will finally be so bad that the mouthbreathing knuckle draggers of MAGA might, at last, sit up and take notice. If Trump’s approval rating begins to drift down towards 30-25% on a consistent basis, when the Russians hack our election systems as part of Trump’s quid pro quo with them (his part being removing 1/3 of our troops from Germany) the disparity between the polls and votes might be so dramatic that someone, somewhere might begin to ask questions. (This is, of course, a lulz, because fuck you, Bill Barr is going to make sure that’s not an issue and House Trump is able to consolidate power through a second term Constitutional Convention.)

Trump Finally Snaps
This, in a sense, is the absolute worst case scenario. But just as death be not proud, going bonkers be not proud. It’s not like when someone goes bonkers that they say, “Well, this is really going to hurt Republicans, so I’ll go bonkers now.” Nope. While, in general, I believe Trump will, in fact, inevitably go bonkers, it could be well into his stolen second term when it happens. But if this happened in August, just about the time he’s set to be formally nominated by the Republicans, it would be a political crisis of an unprecedented nature. The system is simply not designed for something that dramatic this late in the process. The issue about Trump going bonkers is at first we wouldn’t even notice it because he’s generally bonkers as it is. If he finally snapped, it would have to be REALLY BAD. So bad, so depraved, so offensive, that the entire country would grind to a halt while we figured out what to do. CNN would be giving us minute-by-minute updates as to what was going on. With this one, there’s simply no known endgame. It’s very possible that after about 24 hours of silence, Republicans would bounce to his defense, no matter what. They’re a death cult and they honestly would rather Trump nuke us all to hell than risk the abstract dangers of Communist progressive liberals attacking the sanctity of marriage. If Trump’s bonkers behavior go so absolutely bad at some point in August that Republicans simply, at last, had no defense of Trump other than “fuck you,” well, who knows what might happen.

Something REALLY Bad — And Unexpected — Happens
This would be something I simply can’t predict. Something so jaw-dropping that all the fucked up things that have happened so far in 2020 pale in comparison. I’m thinking things like either Trump or Biden grow gravely ill (physically) ill for some reason. The Senate Republicans finally figure out a way to knock Biden out of the race through their investigations of Hunter Biden or, I don’t know, COVID19 mutates and becomes far, far more deadly.

America As Fascist State

by Shelt Garner

Twitter liberals are so clueless. They clutch their pearls whenever Trump zooms past some norm and then come up with elaborate fever dreams as to how this is going to “bring down” Trump.

Trump is never going anywhere. Never.

MAGA wants the very nightmare that people like me fear. They crave it. They lust for it. That’s the whole appeal of the Qanon fucktard conspiracy theory. It gives them a framework for what they want — everyone who disagrees with them in jail or dead.

It’s because of this that darkness has officially fallen. It really happened the moment Trump was acquitted by the Senate. The pandemic kind of momentarily made it seem as though there was a chance for a free-and-fair election, but lulz, that’s over with.

Trump is a tyrant and we’re never fucking getting rid of him. Early in 2021, he’s going to consolidate power in any number of different ways. By about 2023, people — like me! — getting pushed out of windows will become common place and accepted part of life.

The only unknown is Trump himself. Trump is such a massive self-own artist that one could come up with any number of different ways might massively self-own.

But even if he did, it would be nothing more than a pause. The macro trends simply don’t point towards the United States being a liberal democracy anymore.

Maybe in about 40 years, once the last of the Baby Boomers are dead, then, maybe, we may gradually begin to drift back towards the America I grew up in. But, generally, we’re very much fucked.

The #COVID19 #Pandemic & The #Novel I’m Developing & #Writing #AmWriting

By Shelt Garner

Oh, this pandemic. What to do. What to do. The novel I’m developing and writing is set just before the pandemic starts and the second book in the story ends just as the pandemic is about to strike the States in a big way.

There’s so much going on with this novel already, I find myself struggling to figure out how to thread the needle on the issue of dealing with the pandemic. In fact, one of the “benefits” of the pandemic from an artistic standpoint is it gives you a very definite delineation between “now” and “the before times.”

I often ask my sister who consumes a lot of pop art if she would want such art to acknowledge the presence of the pandemic going forward or not and she seems rather blase about it all. Or, put another way, I can’t gauge from her answer if I should put more or less reference to the pandemic in the novel I’m working on.

Given what’s going on with the novel, I think I almost have to address it as soon as possible. I have a very easy in for this discussion and, as such, I’m probably going to use it as an opportunity to talk about what people thought of the idea of a pandemic leading up to its arrival in the United States.

Originally, this novel was meant to be a rumination on the Trump Era about the time of the lead up to The Mueller Report, but development took too long, so I pushed the story forward a year. I don’t feel comfortable pushing the story forward ANOTHER year should development raise the issue of when its set again.

I have a clear time frame because of the pandemic — right before it struck and changed everything. It seems like an ideal time to establish the events of the two books will be taking place in.

But, again, I have no idea if audiences will want that or not. And, yet, this novel is meant to be very timely, so I don’t see how I can’t address the pandemic. And it makes a lot more sense to figure out how to make the novel both timely and timeless in the way it addresses current events.

Things Are Falling Into Place With The #Novel #AmWriting

by Shelt Garner

This weekend has been very productive so far. I wrote the first draft of the first chapter and now I’m doing a huge amount of pre-flight work on the second chapter.

Really, the only thing pausing things right now is inspiration is coming at me hard and fast so I need to make sure my scene summaries are as jam-packed with excitement, plot points and character development as possible. I don’t want to rush things. I want to be methodical.

Trump being a fucking enraging traitor continues to provide the energy needed to develop and write this novel. All I need to summon up some serious motivation is to “doomscroll” Twitter a little bit. One thing I’ve always wanted this novel to be is something of a “Twitter in real life” kind of thing where you see different types of people on Twitter represented as they would be in real life.
So, in that sense, this novel is — and always has been an allegory for the Trump Era hidden inside a breezy, pulpy thriller.

I hope to wrap up pre-flight on the second chapter very soon, maybe this evening. Then, as always, I’ll wake up at about 4 a.m., drink some coffee and write for a few hours. This is just such a huge project — and I’m not on crank like Phillip K. Dick — that even under the best of circumstances, I can only finish a scene or two at once sitting. That slows things down a little bit.

One thing about development of a novel is you never know what the context will be when you try to sell it. But I am trying to be as timely and topical as possible with this novel. The only reason why I will keep it in the immediate past at this point is it opens up really playing up the looming pandemic in the second book which will be set in very early days of the pandemic in the United States.

Anyway, as I keep saying, this novel has no literary aspirations. It’s meant to be a really fast read. Hopefully, you might notice after you finish a lingering sense that I really fucking hate the Trump Administration — and extremism in general.

None Dare Call It Treason #Trump

by Shelt Garner

The issue right now is if things really are as bad as we fear when it comes to TrumpBountyGate, what are we going to do about it? There really isn’t much that can be done as best I can tell. We can’t impeach Trump again until well into his second term. He’ll never resign. He’s going to steal the election with Russian help.

So, I don’t know.

This goes back to something that is central to the Trump Era — Trump is his own worst enemy. So, really, if we have him dead to rights on this issue, the thing that causes some serious accountability to come to him for once won’t be anything but himself. He may finally flip the fuck out.

I don’t even know how that might manifest itself. I think maybe he might finally snap in a really crazy way whereby he starts to tweet out the N-Word to Obama. Or maybe he joins Tik-Tok and starts to do dances there. Things that are simply so outside the bounds of normal behavior that someone, somewhere, finally sits up and takes notice.

But I’ve been let down by Congress so many times that I honestly don’t think anything of note is going to happen. After a few days of teeth gnashing, things will gradually go back to a Trump Era level of normality.

I would keep an eye on SCOTUS and Trump’s taxes. If Trump faces not only a pandemic and accusations of treason but his taxes being forced to be released as well, then, we may, at last, be going to the show.

Fragment: The Big Shrug

by Shelt Garner

“Can I be in it?” Dipshit Mike asked as he opened the door of the anonymous bar. I was leaned over the bar working on my novel — and he knew it, hence the question. Why someone — anyone — would ask such an idiotic question never failed to amaze me.

For a moment, I wished I had a gun on me to make it clear he could not be in the novel I was working on. Dipshit Mike was a college student at Ohio State University and the “partner” of my old girlfriend Angie Gregory who was also at the door with him.

Dipshit Mike always had a shit-eating grin on his face. He was always moving around in a twichy fashion. What Angie saw in him I didn’t know. I just saw him as fucking annoying.

I talked to both of them frequently via the streaming service Periscope and Dipshit Mike reminded me of myself at that age, or at least, all the most irritating aspects of me at that age. He did not listen. He asked cloy, saccharine questions meant to provoke. He made me want to pull a gun on him simply to shut him up.

I pushed these thoughts aside for the moment and gave my ex Angie a kiss on the cheek. We were all back home for a series of funerals associated with the COVID19 pandemic. “Have you changed his dipers today,” I asked Angie about Dipshit. “Your infant seems a little bit more cranky than usual.”

“Do you hate me?” Dipshit Mike said, conspicuously holding Angie’s hand.

I again wished I had a gun, something to make it clear how annoying I found him. What’s a little pistil whipping between friends if it makes a point? Then I remembered Angie was looking at us and sighed deeply.

“No, you fucking dipshit, I don’t hate you,” I said. “I simply find you extremely fucking annoying and get angry at all your idiotic, oblivious questions that could easily be avoided if you just listened.”

We got a table and started to talk about the upcoming funerals. The peer group I shared with Angie had been ravaged by COVID19. I looked at her briefly. She noticed me studying her and she flipped back her wavy black hair nervously. We had sex every time she was in town — Dipshit Mike be damned — but maybe not this time. We were all too sad.

No less than 3 people that Angie and I knew were dead from COVID19, struck down, to use the cliche, in the prime of life. And now a group of us were about to have a weekend-long wake for the fallen before the funerals began.

God help us all.

Some Surreal Possible 2020 Futures

by Shelt Garner

Here are some possible — but reasonably unlikely — bonkers things that may happen still in 2020.

A War In Korea
Weird things are happening in Korea right now. If I was the DPRK, I would shoot my shot right now, both figuratively and literally. The United States is not only extremely distracted and divided, it has a deranged bonkers Mad King as its ruler. If it wants to prove a point — any point — now is the time to do it.

Trump AND Pence Get COVID19
I don’t want this, but if tonight’s MAGA Nuremberg really turns out to be a strategic superspreader event, there’s a good chance both the president and vice president may be temporarily incapacitated. Nancy Pelosi would become acting president and for a few weeks and things would get VERY VERY SURREAL.

Trump Loses It
There’s a chance that Trump really will lose it and all kinds of crazy shit might happen. His criminality and his insanity might fuse and he’ll start to personally attack Electors.

Why Does Everything Have To Be So Dumb? #TrumpTulsaRally

by Shelt Garner

You could not think up a worst beginning for a catastrophe. A bunch of people screaming in an enclose space for two hours, screaming at the president during a pandemic. What’s more, all of this is taking place in one of the worst-hit states in the Union.

It’s all very, very, VERY DUMB.

And, yet, here we are.

Really, all you have to do is have Trump finally snap mentally in the next few days and you pretty much have the absolute worst case scenario. But that last bit is probably going to be saved for the middle of his second term when The Kooch (or whomever) is his Veep. Someone young, organized and capable of shepherding Enabling Acts through a Constitutional Convention.

Trump is just a deranged moron who is extremely lucky.

It will, however, be interesting to see if we reach any sort of acute crisis in the coming days that throws everything out of whack as we head towards Election Day. I do know, however, that Trump is going to steal the election. Autocrats never lose, not even a very dumb one like Trump.

This Weekend *Might* Be The Most Significant In The Trump Era

by Shelt Garner

So, the conditions are there for this weekend being the single most significant weekend in the Trump Era. I say this because of the following:

  1. The Tulsa Rally
    Trump is having an extremely ill-advised (and, as such very on-brand) MAGA Nuremberg Rally in Tulsa, Oklahoma, which is major COVID19 hotspot right now. Since no one is going to wear a mask, he’s putting not only his own life — and I think Pence! — in danger, but the lives of the 19,000 attendees in danger. We won’t know for about two weeks if this what I fear — a COVID19 strategic superspreader event.
  2. The Berman Crisis
    Meanwhile, Trump — through Attorney General Barr — is TRYING to fire a prosecutor connected to the SDNY. Right now, it’s not working. That would be some split screen to have Trump ranting at his Tulsa MAGA Rally on one side and a Saturday Night Massacre type situation on the other.

The thing about this type situation is you just never know. You never know until after the fact that it was obvious that SOMETHING BIG was going to happen. I honestly have no idea what is going to happen this weekend.

Could be nothing.

My Webstats Suggest Someone Is Developing a ‘Big Chill’ For The #COVID19 #Pandemic #Trump Era

by Shelt Garner

I wish I had the resources to do it, it’s so obvious — a quickie, updated version of The Big Chill set in NYC during the current COVID19 Pandemic. The plot writes itself — a group of six 40th somethings (and one younger person) come together for a series of COVID19-related funerals and talk about the modern world.

Pretty much all you have to do is find a decent screenwriter and some high-end movie equipment and you have a movie. It could be super timely and it would give you the opportunity to explore — and maybe have some catharsis — about the current fucked up Trump Era.

I say someone is producing this movie because twice in the last few weeks someone has looked at a post I did two years ago suggesting such a movie. But now that funerals are starting up in NYC, well, it’s very easy to see an indie movie about what I’m proposing popping up.

You could do it really, really fast and maybe even get a well-known actor to be a producer and pay for the whole thing as well. You need six people. I tried to come up with a dream cast, only to realize if everyone (expect one person) is supposed to be in their 40s, you’d have to think about who would play which character and I’m not really into putting that much energy into this post.

Anyway, good luck people who are writing and producing the movie I thought up two years ago.