Category: From The Editor

Fuck The MAGA New Right, Or — Untangling The Rhetorical Knot That Is Their COVID19 Talking Points


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Ok. This is going to take some brain power. But, here goes. When it comes to COVID, I think the MAGA New Right thinks (I use that term loosely) that it was designed in a lab in Wuhan and, as such, we should PRAISE Son Of God Donald Trump for the vaccine, but we shouldn’t take it to own the libs.

And, lib, you never know, it’s possible this is all a “plandemic” in the sense that it was big pharma who was funding the “gain of function” research in Wuhan and you don’t KNOW that Dr. Fauchi isn’t profiting personally from it, now do you? Something something something Jewish space lasers

.

Any change in behavior — however minor — to manage the pandemic is a brutal attack on lady liberty because “my body, my choice” and also you’re excited that Roe is going to be overturned soon.

To take the free vaccine would would somehow be a win to the libs and to Red China, so take Regeneron or horse dewormer instead. There can never be “Vaccine passports” or, God forbid, a vaccine mandate, even though there are a variety of existing vaccine mandates that have been on the books for generations.

The difference is mumble mumble mumble the politics are different mumble mumble and fuck you, lib.

Nothing short of reparation from China will do when it comes to COVID. And, if that doesn’t work, then nuke them and let Trump ride one of the bombs like Slim Pickins in Dr. Strangelove.

And, in the end, it’s all about “personal responsibility” and if the fucking lib still won’t shut up, just tell them “no it won’t” and claim that all the facts that they use are “bogus.”

Oh, by the way fuck Jesse Kelly.

Holy Shit — We May Be Careening Towards A Very Dark Future Because of Evergrand & The Debt Ceiling


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’ve been reluctant to write about all of this because I don’t really know a lot about it, but from what I do know….we all need to sit up and take notice. Two events are beginning to bubble up to the surface — one in China, the other here in the good old USA.

So, from what I understand it there’s a huge fucking company in China called Evergrande that has defaulted on a massive amount of loans. Something like $US800 Million. The fear is, of course, that this will cause a massive shockwave throughout the global economy.

Meanwhile, because of fucking MoscowMitch in the United States, there’s a real possibility that we’re going to fail to raise the debt ceiling and we’re going to default on our own payments. (Or something — I’m kind of fuzzy on the specifics of what exactly would happen.)

But the point is — this could all be the set up for a one-two punch against the global economy, already weakened by COVID19. For once, I’m not going to assume the absolute worst will happen.

I do think, however, that at the moment, at least, Republicans are prepared to crash the global economy to “own the libs.” Such a catastrophe would be a setup for a MAGA landslide in fall 2022 and then, fuck you lib, we’ll win 2024 and finally turn the United States into the autocracy we’ve all assumed it would become.

But, I just don’t know. This is really a very dark scenario. And we all know that nothing bad has ever happened to a country because of a depression. Lulz! I wish we skip the potentially scary part and go straight to where we have Truth & Reconciliation Trials in, say, Mobile, Alabama.

All know is, there is the POTENTAL for a massive, stunning self-induced economic clusterfuck this fall.

Yes, Tik-Tok, People Want To Dance — Just Not To Fucking Disco


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Maybe it’s because it’s a song-and-dance app, but I’ve seen a lot of disco-themed dancing on Tik-Tok of late. I generally fucking hate most disco because I’m more of a dance pop rock person. I like at least a bit of edge to what I listen — or dance — to. I’m well aware of the meta-social-gender aspect of how great and wonderful the Age of Disco was because the patriarchy was slayed and everyone was free to be gay and do coke off a twink’s ass.

Ok, I get it. And that’s a valid argument –I still fucking hate most disco.

I want music that’s got a beat and you can dance to it — but of the pop rock variety. We’ve had almost 20 years of shitty music that inhabits a vague space known as “Adult Contemporary.” It’s bland, corporate and non-threatening. And, yet, oddly enough, in just the last few years, it’s clear that a number of huge artists are hot on the trail of The New Sound.

For instance, Miley Cyrus keeps covering old rock and New Wave chestnuts as if she knows what she wants to sing — but she can’t find it in modern music. Her latest album is soooo close to what I imagine Rona Rock, the New Sound, would be like.

Meanwhile, Olivia Rodrigo is doing something similar. Her debut album has a lot of wink and nod references to New Wave music. And, yet, it’s still a pretty safe album. It’s pretty much just a pop album full of songs that could be safely played next to an Ariana Grande song on existing Top 40 radio.

It’s Chvrches’ “Screen Violence” album that is exactly what I’ve been looking for. It’s an album that is essentially a throwback to the good old days of dance pop rock by way of Chvrches synth stylings.

More of this!

But the point is — all I would need is the first 10 seconds of “How Not To Drown” and I would play it at Nori in Seoul on a Friday night in late 2006. (Another song from that album, “Nightmares” is a banger, too.) And I think if Miley Cyrus and Olivia Rodrigo swerved in that direction with their next albums that it would be a two-fer: old farts like me would love and the youngins who know jackshit about music produced before cellphones would also sit up an take notice.

And, yet, absolutely no one listens to me.

What The Fuck Is Going On With Tik-Tok?


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’ve stopped thinking Tik-Tok can read my mind. It can’t. But I will note another EXTREMELY SPOOKY co-incidence that took place recently. As part of writing in long-hand scene summaries for the four novels I’m working on, there’s a word (it’s inciting, if you must know) that I write so sloppily that it looks like another word, a word that evokes alarm in my mind.

Tik-Tok is not reading my mind!

Occasionally in the last few months, Tik-Tok has pushed me some very alarming videos purporting from the product of that alarming word. I was aghast that I would be pushed that type of video for any reason and began to question why Tik-Tok’s fucking algorithms would be pushing me such alarming content.

Then it hit me — in my mind, I’m thinking “OH MY GOD…oh, I just wrote inciting…” If you wanted to believe that Tik-Tok had the ability to read my mind, you would say that what was happening was is the reason I was getting such weird videos pushed to me was the alarm in my mind that initial confusion generates within me.

But this is just crazy talk. Tik-Tok can’t read my mind.

Join The Dark Side Of Pop Dance Rock, Kacey Musgraves


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I don’t care what Anthony Fantano thinks — Kacey Musgraves is producing good music. And, yet, there’s something missing. A few songs on her latest album “star-crossed” hint at it, which is she needs to embrace what she really is: a gay pop rock icon.

So, if I had her ear, what I would do is say, fuck country, and hook up with someone like Timberland or Butch Vig and come out with a Rona Rock album that would be somewhere between Nelly Furtado’s “Loose” and, say, a Robyn album.

The songs would be very dance friendly, so much so they could be played at a gay club on a Friday or Saturday night without any remixing. Right now, because she’s straining so much to have a toe in country, she’s producing good — but rather bland — music. It just doesn’t have much personality, even though it’s obviously very imitate and personal.

Here’s what I would do.

Take this song

Then throw in this vibe….

And lastly, pour this into things.

There you go, a huge hit!

Rona Rock: Chvrches’ ‘How Not To Drown’ Is A Bop


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m natively good at a few things. Among them is, apparently, being a pop rock DJ. Just in the last few months, I’ve started to notice an uptick in the type of music I would have played at Nori in Seoul. I call it “Rona Rock” because, well, lulz, that sounds cool.

But the song that hits the sweet spot for a good tune that I would have played at Nori the moment I heard it is Chvrches’ new song “How Not To Drown.” It’s definitely got that pop rock vibe to it. The type of song that you could play in primetime on a Friday night at the bar and people might endup dancing on the tables before it was over with — especially if it was the first time they had heard it and they really liked it.

It’s very danceable and it has that thump-thump-thump bass needed to get people out shaking their grove thang.

Source: Internet

The thing I would note is — whatever Chvrches is doing, they need to sprinkle it in the drinks of Olivia Rodrigo and Miley Cyrus. “How Not To Drown” is exactly the “new sound” those two women seem to be struggling to discover. It’s pop rock, people! People want to dance to rock music! Why is this so hard for the corporate shills of the modern music industry to understand?

That The Cure’s Robert Smith is involved in “How Not To Drown” is a testament to exactly what I’m talking about. It pains me to no end that Olivia Rodrigo and Miley Cyrus and thrashing about, looking for the New Sound and they probably won’t notice that Chvrches has found it.

My Hot Take On Gabby Petito’s Disappearance


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The happy couple?

Editor’s Note: I only write this because the brief video I did on this subject got a whopping 1.4k views. So, here goes.

I struggle to understand why the Gabby Petito case has captured the nation’s imagination. It seems pretty cut-and-dried since the couple was video taped having a fight before she went missing.

My best guess is — they had a fight, things got out of hand….and here we are.

But that’s just my hunch. It could be we’re reading way, way too much into things because we’re creating a cliched narrative where one doesn’t exist. But the boyfriend is not doing himself any favors by vanishing.

And, yet, people do weird things for weird reasons. But it doesn’t look good for him at the moment. I think some of the fascination with this case is how stereotypically “happy white couple” they were on social media. It’s like the SNL gag on Weekend Update where the happy couple is anything but.

My heart goes out to her family. Only time will tell.

All Eyes On Texas & Matthew McConaughey


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

First, let me say that I’m not from Texas and don’t know anything about its internal politics. But I do know, on a macro level, that it definitely looks as though there will never be another center-Left state-wide office holder there unless it’s part of a Second Reconstruction in a post-Second American Civil War won by Blue States.

By All-Pro Reels from District of Columbia, USA – Flickr, CC BY-SA 2.0,

But there is at least one wild card at the moment, and that’s Matthew McConaughey. He sort of embodies the spirit of modern Texas (IMHO) and it’s easy to see him becoming governor for the same reasons that Trump became POTUS — everyone imbued him with their hopes and fears, not really knowing anything about him.

And, if McConaughey can just prove himself capable of Not Being Trump in Texas, he will be the de facto shadow Democratic candidate for 2024. Now, things would get really weird if he rans a Republican. But, I find that unlikely because I would be flabbergasted if he was willing to pander to the MAGA New Right base that much.

I don’t think we’re prepared for how much POTUS talk would swirl around McConaughey if he ran and won in Texas. It would be very, very intense. He’s the perfect post-Obama, post-Trump post-Rona candidate. But he has to decide to run and he has to win.

And, like I said, even if he won, the case could be made that Republicans would find out some way, anyway to nullify his win, just like they’re probably going to do in January 2025 with any Biden win nationally.

But it will be interesting, no matter what.

I just don’t see Beto O’Rourke ever having a shot at winning in Texas. He’s always going to be the guy who Should Win, not the guy who Will Win.

‘Once Was:’ #Lyrics To A #Pop #Rock #Ballad


Just screwing around. I feel inspired by the names of Anna Marie Tendler’s photos about her breakup. That’s all that’s going on. Lulz, it’s not like anyone cares. And those who do care think I’m a deranged Internet freak crank.

Once Was
lyrics by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner
Please give credit if you produce or perform

we had dreams for this room
it’s sad by true (now)
but those dreams are dead
ended with a blow to the head (heart)
now I spin my time staring into space
wondering about
a room that once was
a room that once was
a room that once was

I sigh
flick the light off and on
wondering where to begin
or where to end
the light shines into this room
this room that once was
this room that once was
this room that once was
but not into my heart
I’m doomed for the time being
to dwell on how bad things
have become in this
room that once was

(bridge)
things are better
I tell my self
I’m living in the present
having some presence of mind
not going to look into the past
then I have to confess about

this room that once was
this room that once was
this room that once was

‘Nothing Matters:’ #Lyrics To A #Pop #Rock Song


I’m just screwing around. I hope to get all the very pointless and very moot urges to write song lyrics out of my body tonight for the time being.

Nothing Matters
lyrics by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner
Please give credit if you produce or perform

lulz, nothing matters
lulz, nothing matters
lulz, nothing matters

the world is tatters
we’re fighting against catastrophe
but we’re too blind to see
that everything that matters
is slipping away into the sea

I would tell you to scream
tell you to fight
but we’ve made a decision I’m afraid
as a people, as a nation that
lulz, nothing matters
lulz, nothing matters
lulz, nothing matters

so what happens next
you ask with baited breath
come close and I’ll whisper in your ear
everything you hold dear will quiver
when those who think they’re right
point thair bow at our hearts because
lulz, nothing matters
lulz, nothing matters
lulz, nothing matters

(bridge)
everything matters
we’re just to afraid to admit
that we’re all full of shit
sit a spell and let me tell you
what I think and what matters to me
love is the most important
but cruely is the point
now what

lulz, nothing matters
lulz, nothing matters
lulz, nothing matters