by Shelt Garner
Because I’m still in my delusional mode of working on these novels, I find myself wondering what might happen if I actually find success as a novelist. And one thing I think about because of that is my past bad behavior. All I can say is, I’m sorry.
Since I’ve come back from Seoul, I’m a very different person. I have a lot of humility and I’ve lived with the grief of what happened to me in Asia for a long, long time. I can’t go back and change what has happened, but I can accept that I’ve learned my lesson and I’m a much better person than I once was. I’ve matured a lot — not that any of that will satisfy the people who might want to “cancel” me in the future.
And that’s where the whole “It’s better to have loved and lost than never loved at all” element of things come into play. So, yeah, it’s possible I might have a brief moment in the sun that will end when my past drunken behavior comes to light, but at least I’ll have a few days (weeks?) where I will get to enjoy things before it all goes to shit.
But I’m being very delusional to even contemplate this at the moment. All I have is a dream right now and there’s no reason to think it will ever come true. I may continue to drift in oblivion until I shuffle off this mortal coil.