Existential Angst: Navel Gazing A Future In Fashion Photography


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m not perfect. I freely admit that I can come across as a kook if you don’t know me personally. And I have something of an obsessive personality. But as the late, great Annie Shapiro said about me at the height of the emotional war we were engaged in at one point, the worst you can say about me is I’m a “delusional jerk with a good heart.”

Annie Shapiro and I in the good old days.

So, while my long-term plans at the moment are to write four novels and see if I can become a professional fashion photographer, the latter idea is more about giving myself some hope than anything else. There are many, many obstacles to me getting anywhere near having any success as a professional fashion photographer and, really, at this point, me talking about it tantamount to using The Secret to make it happen.

I’m growing paranoid that, I don’t know, Alexa Chung knows who I am and thinks I’m some sort of deranged stalker? I can’t express how bad even the abstract fear of that being possible makes me feel. I’m a lot of things, but a menace isn’t one of them. I’m a kook, crank even, but usually anything I do that is off putting to people comes from me not having much of a mental filter and also having no idea what the “right” thing to do is most of the time.

But I don’t know. Hopefully, I’m giving myself too much credit. I’m a big ol nobody and have been since I left South Korea. Yet, I do have an organic ability to take a good photo. I just want people to give me an opportunity based on my ability, not some misunderstanding about me otherwise.

And, yet, life is not fair. You have to work with the cards you’re dealt, especially when you’re middle aged and no young anymore.

So, again, as I said, at the moment, me talking about being a fashion photographer is nothing more than me giving myself something to think about other than writing four novels.

I don’t even have a camera yet.

But once I do have the camera I want, I’m going to start going out of my way to find things to take pictures of. I am the first to admit, however, that I’m probably 20 years too old and, really, I should just shut up and lie in bed all day so no one knows I exist.

That’s just not my speed. I’d rather go down in a blaze of glory (hence, the four novels) than play it safe. Every moment of life is precious and it’s up to each of us to do the best with what we have.

A Future In Fashion Photography



by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

One of my better shots from Seoul. Such a beautiful subject.

Oh, Jesus am I old to be thinking about trying to break into fashion photography. I’m too old. I live in the middle of nowhere. And don’t really have a background in anything that might give me an “in” to the business. In other words, I’m being pretty delusional to even contemplate it.

But what I do have is talent. A lot of it. And a love of fashion as an art form. As I’ve grown older, I’ve grown a lot more jaded about thinking I’ll be accepted by any of the characters in the industry — without a huge, massive amount of hard work, natch –but I’m notorious for taking a tiny opportunity and running with it to such an extent that I shock the “haters and losers” who think I’m better simply to not talk at all.

An early attempt at fashion photography in Seoul.

One reason why I love fashion photography is the female form is, by definition, art and there’s a lot you can do with it because a woman catches the eye of sexes. It’s interesting, on a creative basis, to toy with expectations and interests that people have about what people wear and the beauty of the female form.

Or, you could say the above is pretentious bullshit and I know I have an organic talent for photography and I like taking pictures of hot chicks in beautiful clothes. All I can say is, welp, you caught me. My entire life, I’ve had an eye for beauty. In the past, I’ve latched on to a subject an event to the point that husbands have gotten annoyed, to put it lightly.

What a great subject. Another shot from the Seoul era.

The key thing is to remember is no one ever got anything from playing it safe. Also, as I approach a milestone birthday, I’m growing very, very nervous that I’m going to shuffle off this mortal coil having not really accomplished anything. And I like idea of having a lot on my creative plate.

Yes, I have four novels I’m working on, but why not throw myself into attempting to break into fashion photography as well? I like a challenge and I like proving people who think I’m just an Internet crank wrong. So, here I am, patiently waiting to save up enough money to buy a Nikon 780 so I can begin to try to establish myself as a fashion photographer.

We’ll see, I guess.

The Quickening: Let’s Talk My Life In Seoul & My Desire To Be A Fashion Photographer

“You’re a delusional jerk with a good heart,” the late Annie Shapiro about me, circa 2007.

Annie Shapiro and I in happier days.


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Oh, Jesus. One thing that really annoys me is when people won’t give me the benefit of the doubt and assume the absolute worst about me and my intentions. I’m WELL AWARE that I can across as an Internet crank to people who are paying attention. The worst thing ever said about me (above), however, was by the late Annie Shapiro while we were emotionally at war over the late, great ROKon Magazine in Seoul.

Annie called me, essentially, an asshole, when I was extremely unhappy with her for bringing back the magazine we started behind my back. It was probably one of the worst experiences in my life, seeing my “baby” back in print without me being involved. I was, on an emotional level, so kneecapped that I didn’t really have any motivation to do anything for ten years.

This is the Annie Shapiro I remember. Photographer unknown.

But, just in the last few weeks, something has changed. I feel the pressure of a milestone birthday looming on the horizon and I want to do something interesting with my life again. This are finally going well with these four novels I’m working on and I feel as though finally, after much trial and error I’ve figured out what my second tract will be — fashion photography.

I’ve always been a late bloomer, why change now?

I totally understand if you’re someone who’s been paying attention to my ranting online over the years and you think I’m nothing more than yet another deranged Internet crank. First, I think you’re full of shit and second you’re totally oblivious to what happened in Seoul.

In fact, I would go so far as to say now that I have both motivation and ambition, there’s a pretty good chance that I may re-create the situation I had in Seoul at my height where I “famous” for more than one thing. In that case, I was an expat pop-rock DJ AND the publisher of the monthly English magazine in the city. So, lulz and fuck you. (Wink.)

Back when I was famous in Seoul for being a DJ and publishing ROKon Magazine.

It’d kind of wild it’s taken me THIS long to make fashion photography my second creative “track.” I thought it was going to be screenwriting — I went so far as to buy Final Draft — but something weird began to happen recently. For some reason, I was really hyper-sensitive to any reference to professional photography that happened around me.

Things came to a tipping point where I realized that like being a pop-rock DJ, I am a good enough photographer on an organic basis that I probably could do it professionally with the right equipment and some study. So, here we are.

Now, I’m just waiting to save up the funds to buy a REALLY GOOD Nikon camera so I can begin to work my way towards breaking into the fashion photography business. I’m being rather — even extremely — delusional to think I can pull such a think off, but it’s better than just lying in bed and staring into space.

Hope is what keeps us alive.

Believe.

As I grow older, I really appricate that life is precious. We’re given a limited amount of time on earth and it’s our responsibility to use what native talents we have to the absolute best of our ability.