I have been stuck in neutral for sometime now creatively because I just didn’t know what I should do next. But I’m slowly beginning to get the urge to be creative again.
And, yet, I have to seriously reconsider one element of this — querying. I have begun to get more feedback from readers about the novel and it’s clear I need an editor that I simply can’t afford.
As such, I think I may, in an attempt not to make a fool out of myself, put a pause on the querying front while also plunging forward on the writing-a-new-novel front. The new novel has a lot of promise. But I’m really going to have to lean on AI for developmental backend of things.
Most professional novelists use spreadsheets in some respect to develop their novels and I just don’t think like that. But I can get a chatbot to help me, I suppose.
Anyway. I hope to throw myself into writing a new novel ASAP.
The key issue when it comes to querying this particular novel is I see it as an opportunity to get the lay of the land. I just want to understand better how exactly to query so the next novel I try to query might get a little bit closer to the goal of being successfully bought.
As it stands, the querying process seems rather overwhelming. I just need to get into the right mindset to do it. I need better understand things. As it stands right now, I really have only a limited understanding of what goes into querying.
And, really, if I was all that eager to get the novel into the hands of actual human beings I would self-publish. But I know that would be a failure because I can’t sell for shit and that’s just not my vision for my work.
I would rather not publish the novel at all than self-publish. To me, self-publishing is kind of a cop-out. I understand why people do it, of course, but it’s just not my vision for my works.
Anyway, I’m going to keep reading about querying today and hopefully be a lot more productive than I have been for some time now.
I’ve sort of been experiencing post-partum creative depression when it comes to what I’m going to do next after finishing my first novel. (Actually, it’s my second, but it’s the first novel that I feel is good enough to query.)
I’m hoping writing this out will get me in the right headspace to get back to writing again. I really also, of course, need to bone up on querying. But the last few weeks I’ve just been in a severe funk because I’ve finished a pretty good novel but I couldn’t think of what next to write about.
Thankfully, a new novel idea came to me in a dream. So, the moment I woke up, I rushed to my computer and started talking to Claude and Gemini LLMs about it. After about 20 minutes, I had the basis of a fully-formed novel gamed out.
But, like I said, I’ve really had problems actually doing anything with the novel. Yet I hope I can bootstrap myself back into developing and writing a new novel starting today. I just can’t daydream and be immobilized forever.
The new novel idea comes at the android-human debate from the opposite direction as the last novel. Which is something of a challenge that I like having to work on. I still have a lingering desire to write a trilogy that is an homage to Stieg Larsson’s work…but I just don’t have the time to write a trilogy.
I’m not getting any younger.
Even as it stands, I could be closer to 60 than I would prefer even if everything went right with the novel that I want to query. That really is depressing and discouraging.
But I just can’t change that it took me 20 years to figure out that the only thing I’m reasonably good at is writing fiction. And even that is debatable to a lot of people. (I guess in real terms the only thing I’m natively good at is being a rock DJ or photograph, but neither one of those is a viable option for me right now.)
I have several things I need to do today. I need to read up on querying. I need to read some comp books for my novel and I need to throw myself into development on my new novel.
While I’ve gotten some positive reactions to my novel, I’ve also gotten at least one person who said it sucked and I should start all over again because there were structural, fundimental issues with how I wrote it.
If I was 20 years younger, I would be open to that. But I’m not. The point of querying this particular novel is simply to understand how to query the novel to get some sense of what of how to do it. I’m well aware of the problems with it but I’m not getting any younger and I feel this novel is at least not so bad as to embarrass me.
Someone I respect has read the novel and is supposed to chat with me in person about it sometime soon. Before I got the “it sucks” note from someone I was thinking I might go into the meeting a conquering hero. But, now, oh boy. I think I need to be a bit more humble.
I have no idea what the person is going to say to me about the novel and it could be that he says, “Look, it’s an ok read but I just don’t think you can query it.” It’s going be a gut punch. But I’m going to query it anyway because, like I said, I want to test out the waters for the next novel.
I had a dream that prompted the premise for my new novel. I’m leaning into AI a lot to speed up development. But one thing I’m definitely not going to do is use AI to write any copy. I just see it as a manuscript consultant that will help me speed up structural development stuff.
Meh. I don’t want to do anything today. And, yet, I can’t just keep this up forever. I have to sit down and both read up on querying and start development on a new novel.
I really have to accept that while I may not make a fool out of myself with the novel I’ve finished, I have to understand what it is. It’s just the pathfinder for another attempt with a better novel to query — probably in about a year.
I still like the novel I’ve finished, even if it apparently sucks. It think it’s a nice, easy and accessible read. What it obviously needs is an editor. But I just can’t afford that right now, so I have to take a swing at querying with what I have.
I continue to feel a little uneasy about what the liberal white women who make up up the majority of literary agents will think of me — especially once they read this blog as part of due diligence. They’re probably going to think I’m nuts.
Anyway. It’s kind of too late now. I have to accept that a third party is probably going to see me as a fucking weirdo. But, as the late Annie Shapiro once quipped about me, I’m a “delusional jerk with a good heart.”
And if that’s the worst someone who knows me can say about me, then I think that’s ok.
Just when I was getting a little excited that maybe my novel was…actually good?…I got someone to look at it and they pretty much said start from scratch. And their points were legitimate.
But I’m just not prepared to do that. It could take at least a year to rewrite the novel the way they suggested and it probably would be a lot longer as well. So, I’m going to use this particular novel as the tip of the spear for the next novel I’m going to start working on very soon.
I will admit that I continue to daydream, however. I continue to drift. And, yet, at the same time, I also have the deadline of Sept 1st for when I’m going to start querying the novel I have finished.
So, I guess I need to throw myself into boning up on how to query a novel. I need to do that ASAP. But, to date, I haven’t really been the mood. And, of course, I also need to start to really throw myself into development of the new novel idea I have come up with — in a dream, no less.
I got some preliminary feedback from one of the readers of my novel and it left me excited because it wasn’t just “it sucked.” And the idea that someone would actually finish a novel I’ve written has also gotten me a little excited.
So, today, I hope to sit down and read up on how to query. I think that’s what I need to do so I can focus on getting my head in the right mindspace to do such a thing.
I am under no illusions — I am well aware as to how unlikely it is that I will successfully query this novel. And, yet, that’s not really the point. The point is to see how far I can get with the process so I can get even farther the next go round.
But I am also well aware that I’m not getting any younger. Even if I stick the landing with this novel and it is sold, I could be closer to 60 by the time it hits bookshelves.
Anyway, I guess I’m still looking for beta readers. I still have some slack in my chronology of events before I query.
Today, I’m determined to be productive in some way. I’ve been daydreaming for way, way too long. I’m going to start to move towards querying and I’m going to read / watch TV some and I’m going to, most of all, write, write, write.
All of this come in the context of me knowing my life is probably going to change a pretty dramatic fashion one way or another pretty soon. Elements of Trump’s fucking “Big Beautiful Bill” are directly targeted at me, it seems.
So, as such, I’m going to buckle down and actually get some work done, especially when it comes to querying. My dream is, of course, that I successfully query this novel, it’s a success and I can fucking leave America forever or at least until MAGA is no more (which is essentially forever.)
But that’s very much daydreaming. Even if I got an agent and sold this novel, it would be like winning the lottery just to get that far. But I need some reason, any reason, to find some motivation to do something constructive and productive.
I can’t just daydream for the rest of my life. There is going to come a time when this rather idyllic situation I find myself in will end and I’m going to look back and realize I didn’t use my time as wisely as I should have.
I continue to worry about being “canceled” should I ever have any success. I’m not perfect and I’ve done my fair share of things that might be interpreted poorly under the right circumstances. But as I keep saying, I’d rather love and lose because of the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune than not do anything.
I have to stop moping and get to work not just with my new novel, but amping up the process of querying. I really have been in neutral way too fucking long.
My biggest problem is I didn’t really get much input from my beta readers other than what I had wrote was good. That’s great and everything, but I’m going into the querying process kind of blind.
And, yet, as I keep saying, the whole point of this is to just see how far I can get. Maybe it won’t be this novel that I successfully query. Maybe it will be the next one I’m working on.
But I really need to do something, anything, to get my creative juices flowing again. I have another short story idea that I was thinking about working on, just to get back into the groove of writing, if nothing else.
Now that I’m officially beginning the process of querying, I’m at a loss as to what exactly to do. I think what I’m going to do is keep reading about the querying process for a little bit with an eye to beginning the process of looking up actual agents who might be interested in me.
A “comp” to my novel.
I’m not exactly going the traditional route with this querying because I can’t afford an editor and I can’t afford to pay beta readers. But two beta readers I gave the novel to did give me positive feed back — and they actually finished it! — so that’s enough for oblivious, clueless me to plunge forward.
And, really, that’s always been the point of all of this — I just want to see how far I can get before it’s obvious that even though I did a good job, I’m just not going to get this novel published traditionally.
I do think this novel is good enough to publish traditionally. And I will admit that for structural development issues, I did lean into AI. But when it came to the actual writing I put in so much hard work that I’m going to pop a gasket if people just roll their eyes and dismiss everything I wrote as “AI slop.”
It’s not. I swear.
Anyway, I’m really struggling about what to do next as part of my quest to query traditionally. I think I need to read more about querying. I think. But also I need to maybe read some of the comps that Sonnet 5 helped me discover. Most of all, I have to realize that the clock is ticking for more than one reason.
I’m getting older, my life is probably going to…change…soon…and if I screw around I won’t be able to begin to query around Sept 1st as I hope to.
As an aside, my “friend” from Cuba is back and they still want to leave a comment, and yet don’t. If you really want to yell at me for some reason, you can track down my email address, you know. Or ping me on Twitter.
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