Save Us, Miley Cyrus, From Adult Contemporary’s Tyranny

by Shelt Garner

I don’t know what what’s going on with Miley Cyrus. Even though she wants to scream her songs for some reason, she is obviously searching around for a “new sound.” What’s so weird is she wants to do this within the context of the dreaded Adult Contemporary.

Why can’t we have nice things in music anymore, like regular old pop rock? You can update it anyway you want to, but give me a rock sound that’s got a beat and you can dance to. Here are a few songs that I think, if you modernized them, would serve as a great source for the “New Sound.”

Now, let me point something out. There is plenty of rock music out there, I know, but it’s not pop rock and it’s not Top 40. I want that vibe we used to have of a pop rock Top 40 hit. It makes you wonder if the death of rock is existential or if it’s just that our new Lennon is only 13 and hasn’t gotten his heart broken yet.

Or, it could be that I’m just old and all this talk of a “New Sound” is really just my way of telling Zoomers to get off my musical yard. But I will note that it is…odd…that we’ve suffered under the jackboot of Adult Contemporary for so very fucking long.

I wish Miley Cyrus — of all people — would hook up with Butch Vig and come out with a Garbage-like sound. That would be sooooo cool.

Author: Shelton Bumgarner

I am the Editor & Publisher of The Trumplandia Report

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