My Sure Fire Plan To Woo Emily Ratajkowski

by Shelt Garner

Ok, so here I am, a broke ass motherfucker with dreams of dating the most beautiful woman in the world at the moment, Emily Ratajkowski. But how to pull it off?

Here’s my plan.

  1. Win the $1 billion Mega Millions Lottery
  2. Fly to New York City and plot
  3. Send her a dozen red roses every day
  4. Change everything about myself
  5. “Accidently” run into her everywhere Mr. Big Style
  6. Take her out for Korean BBQ and seal the deal at a noraebang.
  7. Live happily ever after!

    All kidding aside, I honestly really do like her. Though I find it rather skeezy on her part the whole “don’t pay my rent” issue she was going through until recently. But I do like how political she is and she is, at least to relative to my world view, The Best Looking Woman In The World.

    As an aside, I would buy her Treats! issue, but it’s so explicit — if great — that if anyone discovered it they would think I was an even bigger creepy weirdo than they already do.

Author: Shelton Bumgarner

I am the Editor & Publisher of The Trumplandia Report

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