by Shelt Garner
Ok, so here I am, a broke ass motherfucker with dreams of dating the most beautiful woman in the world at the moment, Emily Ratajkowski. But how to pull it off?
Here’s my plan.
- Win the $1 billion Mega Millions Lottery
- Fly to New York City and plot
- Send her a dozen red roses every day
- Change everything about myself
- “Accidently” run into her everywhere Mr. Big Style
- Take her out for Korean BBQ and seal the deal at a noraebang.
- Live happily ever after!
All kidding aside, I honestly really do like her. Though I find it rather skeezy on her part the whole “don’t pay my rent” issue she was going through until recently. But I do like how political she is and she is, at least to relative to my world view, The Best Looking Woman In The World.
As an aside, I would buy her Treats! issue, but it’s so explicit — if great — that if anyone discovered it they would think I was an even bigger creepy weirdo than they already do.