by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner
I was listening to the “Fly On The Wall” podcast with David Spade and Dana Carvey where they interviewed Spade’s’ ex Julie Bowen and I have to say it was kind of hot. Bowmen is a very, very funny woman — and seemingly something of a beautiful handful — and there definitely was some “rizz” between Spade and Bowmen.
The reason why I bring this up is Spade and I share some personality — and physical -traits. We’re both kind of short, in other words. He, of course, is far, far funnier than I am, but if you get me liquored up I do tend to talk a mile a minute about some very thought provoking, interesting things.
My problem I have is may have “rizz” but it’s not very focused and, as such, I can’t score with chicks on as anywhere a near a regular basis as Spade does. But there was a brief moment in time in Seoul where I was something of a man about town and some…interesting…things happened to me.
Now that I’ve entered a new phase of the process of writing a novel, I do again find myself wondering if I blow up with my novel money if I might go back to my old drunk fast talking ways.
I have my doubts.
Even if I really blew up as a first time novelist, I would be so fucking old that the experience wouldn’t be anywhere near as much fun as it was back in Seoul. It would be extremely creepy to hang out with women in their 20s or 30s, no matter how badly I might want to. (Ugh.)
So, it would be totally different than what happened with Seoul. I would be so fucking old that even if I did what I want to do — become a very conspicuous, thought provoking “bi-coastal” celebrity that does humble brags about taking the Red Eye….it just would be different than if I was, say, a normal fucking person and became a success in my early 30s.
In other words, even if I get what I want, I don’t get what I want.
I keep writing about this because I have to manage my expectations.
