Some Theories For The Strange Things Happening In My Webstats

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

It makes no sense whatsoever that anyone from Automattic would give a shit about me. Why would the people who run my publishing software care about what I’m writing on this obscure Website? So, let’s go through the theories.

1.) I’m Going To Be Deplatformed Soon
This theory is that all my drunk ranting has caught the attention of someone at Automattic (or maybe Mueller, She Wrote) and they’re going to deplatform me because of it. All my drunk ranting got me deplatformed from Facebook, so I guess it’s possible it could happen here, too.
2) I’m Going To Be Featured Somehow
With this theory it’s the opposite — all my ranting is interesting and, as such, I’m going to be praised somehow by Automattic for using their platform to be thought provoking.


3) I’m Looking At Things Wrong
The last theory is it isn’t anyone from Automattic at all, but rather someone is simply accessing my content in such a way that it registers with my Webstat software as the Automattic domain name being the point of access. This is the most interesting of the theories. Who could it be? I don’t know. NSA? CIA? Someone from Hollywood interested in my ramblings about my novel now that I’m getting closer to wrapping up the first draft of the first novel?

Who knows.

Not To Brag — Too Much — But I’ve Come Up With A Really Good First Novel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m just about to wrap up the first draft of my first novel and I’m pleased with the general concept and plot. I still have a lot and I mean A LOT of work to do to get anywhere near being good enough to get published.

But, in general, the concept of this first novel is really good. It’s interesting and thought provoking and I think it will be a really good calling card for the rest of the universe I’ve come up with.

At a minimum, I at least won’t embarrass myself. That’s the goal, at least. And so there you go. I have a huge amount of writing to do. We’ll see how things work out.

At ~110,000 Words: Writing The Last Few Scenes Of The First Draft Of This First Novel Are A Struggle

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarn
er

I’m at ~110,000 words with this first draft of the first novel in what is projected to be a five novel project. And, for some reason, writing these last few scenes are a real struggle.

Some of it is I want to rush through these last few scenes, and, yet, I don’t want to. I don’t want to because I have so much slack in my schedule of development that I don’t have to rush — I still have all of May to wrap up the last few final scenes.

But they say the first draft is meant to be a your “vomit draft” so I need to get over the hump and just write something, anything, so I can turn my attention not just to other books in the series but reading a lot.

Anyway, I need to just do it. I need to get over myself and just wrap up this first draft. Yet is comforting that I’m ahead of schedule and I have a week or two where I can kind of chill out and not force myself to write if I don’t want to.

Manifesting Success: I Aim To Query This First Novel In Spring 2023

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

While it’s still a few steps down the road, I’m beginning to think seriously about the querying process. Apparently, there are two seasons for querying — spring and fall. I’m not making spring 2022 or fall 2022, but I have a decent chance of beginning to query in spring 2023.

I’m so close to wrapping up the first draft of the first novel. I’m getting really excited. As I may have said before, I’m going to pause for a month then write the second draft.

I think if I can factor in the amount of time necessary to write a second draft and to get beta readers to read the second draft THEN writing a corrected third draft, well, that’s around spring 2023. I suppose I may get pushed into fall 2023, but if that happens, I’m going to have the first three of the five novels in the project completed (at least.)

I believe I have a decent shot of actually doing what I set out to do — successfully going through the process of selling my first novel (or more.) I can’t believe it’s been three or four years since I started this process.

But I have to believe. I have to just have to believe that somehow, some way I’m going to not only querying my first novel, but get an agent and then sell it. That’s it. That’s the dream.

Rounding The Bend

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m just about to wrap up the climax of my first novel. Then I have two final chapters and then I’m done with the first draft — at last.

Once that’s finally done, I’m going to finish up printing out the entire thing then give myself about a month to just read, daydream and develop the other novels in the five novel project.

I have, in general, a lot of reading to do.

And, for some strange reason, this specific chapter has been really, really tough to sketch out. I find myself moving things around and changing them like I did for ages with the first act.

But anyway, I’m very, very close to wrapping all this up. I’m getting excited about reading a lot and throwing myself into developing the second novel in this five novel project. A lot –and I mean A LOT — could still go wrong. But, lulz, I’ve gotten this far, why not keep going?

This 80s Kid Feels Cheated By The Alien Franchise — I Want My Xenomorphs Running Around Modern Day Earth

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Part of getting older is realizing that the Youngs don’t have the same reference as you do as an Old. As such, there is all established IP that Hollywood could do a hard reboot of that is currently fallow that your average GenZ person wouldn’t eve an blink at.

In other words, as I’ve written before, you could very easily do a hard reboot of the Alien franchise and make a huge amount of money. Yes, a lot of Olds would be enraged that you’ve desecrated not one, but wo great movies — Alien and Aliens — but we’re old coots and so fuck us.

Here’s what I would do — lock in Zendaya to play Ripley for three movies and get the best horror director you can find as well as part of the deal. I mean, I’ve seen the origin story for Batman, like, what six times now? Why not hard reboot the Alien franchise and finally, finally fix some huge fucking structural problems with it.

Let me explain — at the end of the second movie, I was promised Xenomorphs on earth. I never got it. I want it. I was reminded of this promise when I saw the next Jurassic World movie features dinosaurs running around Rome and such. So, what you do is, you somehow rework the third installment of this new Alien franchise such at you kind of get a World War Z vibe to it with Xenomorphs taking over the world and Zendaya having to save the world.

There you go, you can make $1 billion right there.

But, let me be clear, all three movies have to be R rated with lots of horror and gore. If you choke and make them PG-13, then you’re missing the point of the franchise.

Noodling With A Scifi Concept

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I have a fairly decent scifi concept I need to do something with. It flips the script of almost all established scifi tropes. It springs from a scifi scenario I’ve been struggling with for about 10 years. I call it the “Impossible Scenario” because it’s well, impossible to figure out.

But I’ve come us with a version of a solution that still has enough problems with it to generate a plot (problems = conflict = plot.) Anyway, the plot would, in a sense, be a lot like The Last Star Fighter. Sorta. That would sort be the vibe to it.

A video game would be involved, but instead of 80s arcade game, a 2022 strategy game would be involved.

Anyway, I have five novels to work on. This idea is going to, for the time being, continue to be something that rolls around in my mind when I’m bored and struggling for something to think about to fill existential dread. But I’m a lot closer to getting to the point where I could write a short story or something that would deal with a subset of the concept.

One reason why it’s so enticing is you could definitely use it as the basis for a “Don’t Look Up” kind of screenplay. But what I have in mind would not be as silly as that movie was. It would use the concept I’ve come up with as a way to address how divided we are and how even if aliens presented us with an amazing opportunity we would STILL somehow manage to shoot ourselves in the foot.

Never Give Up. Never, Ever Give Up

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

In general, no one takes me seriously. And those people who do take me seriously, often get angry for various reasons. But, occasionally, I put a move on the haters and the naysayers.

I’m very, very close to finishing the first draft of my first novel.

The Dreaded Second Draft Sex Scene

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I once read a quote from someone influential in the publishing industry that characters in novels have a lot – and I mean A LOT – more sex that people in real life. And, as such, I keep thinking about the absence of any real sexxxy time in the first draft of this thriller-ish novel I’m just about to wrap up.

I have a pretty clear path to writing a sex scene in the second draft, but it’s problematic for a number of reasons. One I’m going to be writing from a female POV and, also, lulz, I have no idea how to write a sex scene without it seeming silly.

But I’ve gotten this far. I can figure something out. Stieg Larsson wrote a number of sex scenes from a female POV and so I think I can probably manage to pull something off as well.

I’m really looking forward to writing the second draft of the first novel and the first draft of the second novel.

Now, To Start Thinking About Querying

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I still have a few steps ahead of me when it comes to the querying step of the process of trying to sell a novel in a traditional manner. But here I am, thinking about it anyway.

I have no idea, at the moment, as to the proper manner to do it. But I’m going start thinking about it in the next few days, weeks and months. I haven’t even finished the first draft yet. But once I finish the second draft and get all my Beta Reader response back, THEN I’m going to really have to put up or shut up about querying.

I know that this first novel is good enough to, at least, be within shouting distance of being sold in some capacity. But if it doesn’t work out, I’m just going to self publish and that will be that.

The key thing is I now know how *I* develop a novel and I can always use that knowledge to throw myself into a different novel and see if can sell THAT. Of course, I still am interested in writing a screenplay or two (or three) for no other reason than I think my personality is better suited to Hollywood than that of the lone wolf world of the novelist.

But, we’ll see.

I really believe in this five novel project. I really believe I have a chance at selling all five novels and, for once, not being such a big loser.