Why Is Everything So Dumb: Is Age Just a Number?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I was browsing Tik-Tok and was pushed a few breathless videos detailing the “very professional” relationship that Millie Bobby Brown had with Henry Cavill on the set of Enola Holmes. One of the videos said it was strange how professional Cavill demanded Brown be with him, while the other one was far more salacious, suggesting the “professional” that Brown kept babbling about was actually a codeword for something far less seemly.

Millie Bobby Brown

You see, there is a LOT of chatter around Cavill when it comes to him dating….uhhhhhh….young women. The rumors are that he’s something of a cradle robber, in fact. Even though Cavill is a massive guy, he is actually a big nerd, playing all sorts of online video games.

Anyway, there is another, far more logical explanation for what was going on between Cavill and Brown — Cavill knew he would be too tempted if he got too friendly with Brown on a personal basis, hence, the demand that they keep things strictly professional.

That makes far more sense that suggesting the opposite.

Another, somewhat similar situation surrounds John Mayer and Mad Men’s Kiernan Shipka of all people. These two are obviously dating and I don’t know what to make of it. On one hand, they’re both adults and on the other hand Shipka is just a baby at around 20 years old.

And, yet, from what I can tell of Shipka she was raised right and it’s not like she didn’t go into this particular situation knowing exactly what she was getting herself into. As such, I find all the alarm over her dating Mayer kind of a lulz. It is unseemly, but…she’s an adult and she apparently likes older dudes.

There is so much worse stuff going on in the world — especially in the celebrity world — that even old gray beards like me can only get so upset if an ingenue wants to bang an older guy. If he makes her happy, then, lulz. Let her sow her wild oats and stop being so jellie.

The Case For Henry Cavill Being The Next ‘James Bond’


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m sure Eon Productions is scanning the Web for posts like this, so let me throw my 2 cents in — Henry Cavill should be James Bond.

I’m well aware that Tom Hardy has allegedly been chosen for the role, but that’s just a rumor at this point. He’s a great pick, but when I think of the modern James Bond, I think of Cavill.

But there are a few obvious problems with Cavill. One, he’s a little too young. Bond is a bit older and grizzled. Also, he doesn’t have the hyper-masculine looks of Hardy, which seems to be what the producers of the modern Bond films are looking for.

And, yet, given Cavill’s stand-out role in Mission: Impossible — Fallout, I think he’s perfect. He’s a big guy and if the producers of the modern Bond films continue to have Christopher Nolan envy, then I think he’s just the guy for the role.