Tag: webstats

The Web Aether Acts In Mysterious Ways

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

A lot must be going on with this Website that I can’t see with the Webstat software that I use. I mean, out of nowhere, all these people started to look very specifically at one particular link as if they wanted to know what the novel is about.

My heroine has the vibe of a younger, more freaky Morena Baccarin. But Baccarin’s general vibe and appearance is my heroine in my mind as I write her.

But there was no hint that this might happen.

It’s all very curious.

And the link they went to the one where I mull conspicuously about the “woke cancel culture mob” not liking my novel because I’m a smelly CIS white male writing about a part-time stripper obsessed with owning a community newspaper.

What the what? What is going on there?

If you wanted to be positive about it, you would say, well, obviously people from the infotainment-industrial complex are intrigued by your novel and are seeing what happens next. If you want to be paranoid about it, you say they’re about to write a screenplay off of what I’ve reveled about the novel and I’ll wake up to find out that while I’m querying, an A24 movie with my exact premise is in production.

My heroine sports a sleeve tattoo similar to the one that Megan Fox now has. Even though I thought the idea up first!

It really could go either way, I suppose. I just don’t know. It’s not like anyone is going to tell me. Ugh.

As I wrote, I continue to worry about the reaction on the part of a sizable portion of the audience about my heroine being a part-time stripper. I *try* to be as empathetic to the female experience as possible — I often write from the female POV — but there are going to be some young women who just can’t handle me doing it, periot, as they say.

But if I could make the novel really fun and accessible, then maybe I might have a breakout hit novel on my hands and people won’t care or notice about my status as a smelly CIS white male. Though, if you’re all that curious about me at my worse — read this:

Somehow.docxDownload

So, I just have to keep writing, racing into the future not knowing my fate. This does, however, make me want to start to work on a back up “second track” novel — a scifi novel specifically — just to have something to piviot to in case my worse case fears become a reality.

Some Of You Need To Touch Grass

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

This is a totally value free observation — I mean, it doesn’t mean anything, in real terms — but a few of you read this tiny, obscure blog WAAAAYYYY too much. While the person in Queens has calmed down some, something really fucking weird is going on in China.

I can’t tell if someone is masking where they’re really from somehow so I THINK they’re in China, or if someone in China is really, really fucking obsessed with me for some reason. I suppose it’s flattering, in its one way, but when all you see in your Webstats is the same domain in China over and over and over and over and over again, it’s a bit alarming.

I can tell it’s a person, but their motives are a mystery. Sometimes, they even want to comment, but they think better of it because I have that feature of the site on virtual lock down. I honestly don’t care. They can look at the site all the want to.

My hope is that either they’re a big shot Hollywood producer who is REALLY interested in my novel, or there some kid I taught English to in South Korea who in a very Korean way is obsessed with keeping up to date with “Shelton Teacha.”

Anyway. I had to get that out of my system. Live long and prosper.

It’s Not A Big Deal, But…

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

This isn’t really a “problem” so much as an indication of how obsessed I am with this very, very low-trafficked Website’s Webstats. I think my obsessive reader is still here, only using some sort of proxy service inside China. Or something.

The person who was in California, then Queens has vanished and has been replaced by someone just about as obsessive who is allegedly in China somewhere. I really don’t care. Whatever. It’s just I have a really hyperactive imagination and all sorts of dark scenarios as to why this person might be so interested in me roll around in my mind.

Anyway, whatever. Leave me a lone. I’m a nobody.

Yet More Mulling The Mysteries Of This Website’s Webstats

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m a nobody at the moment. Sometimes, I feel like I could walk off the edge of the world and it would take a while — if ever — for anyone to notice. So, ANY attention I get is of note to me. But I’m not going to complain about how I have one stalker(?) who obsessively checks this site.

No, I’m interested in those curious instances where someone looks at this Website, but clearly doesn’t want me to know where they’re really coming from. It’s no big deal — whatever — but it is curious that anyone would care enough to hide their domain name.

There was a moment in time, when such things really got me excited. But, now, not so much. I just don’t care. It’s no big deal. The idea that someone of note would be interested in me and would go out of their way to hide their URL is intriguing.

I will note that I find it really interesting when it comes to celebrity’s relationship to social media. I think there is a spectrum, with one end a celebrity being too busy doing dope shit to worry about social media and on the other end you have very insecure celebrities with a lot — A LOT — of burner accounts.

One of the most curious situations is people who not only come out of nowhere, but they find some random link deep in the site. It’s very curious. I sometimes think there is a lot going on in my Webstats that I’m not seeing. I think some of it comes from my Webstat software mistaking some people looking at this site as robots and, as such, I don’t see what they’re looking at.

Or something. Something like that. But, in the end, it’s all value free. It is going to be very interesting to see on the backend once I start querying. Of course I’m going to see a deluge of normal people with real careers and real money look through all the drunken ranting I’ve done on this site.

But I know this novel is getting really, really good. And that’s all that matters.

Magical Mystery Webstats

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I am completely consumed with studying my Webstats. This blog gets very, very few views a day and, in general, I’m just another rando drunk Internet crank. As such, for ANYONE to look at this blog for ANY reason gives me pause for thought.

Of late, I’ve been getting a trickle of traffic surrounding John Mulaney and his ex-wife’s struggles. I haven’t seen his latest special all the way through yet, so it’s doubtful he may any direct mention to the stuff I wrote about. It could be that people are just interested in what happened between he and his wronged ex-wife and so they endup at this dark corner of the Web.

Meanwhile, someone from Washington D.C. showed up in my Webstats this evening and they made a beeline to the posts of January 2021, which makes me think maybe they were curious about what I may have written about January 6th. Then they went back to the first month this blog was in existence. Very interesting and intriguing. The only reason why I even bring any of this is up is I’m a nobody and ANYONE giving my writing ANY interest for ANY reason is a big deal to me at this point in my life.

This is all very flattering unless it’s not. It’s flattering if some third party in the nattering nabobs of negativism class has made note of my political rantings here. It’s NOT flattering if, like, the FBI or NSA is aware of my existence and is keeping tabs on me.

Then there continues to be that one person in California who is fucking obsessed with me for some reason. I find this persons interest in everything I write starling because I’m just not that interesting. If Annie Shapiro was still alive, I would assume it was her, fucking with me. (She was known to do shit like that.)

I May Have A Tip For Matthew Belloni About Warner Bros. Discovery — Too Bad It’s Dubious At Best

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m something of a media nerd and so I’m a big fan of Matthew Belloni’s podcast The Town. I often pontificate on shit I know nothing about — that’s kind of my thing — and I also am totally completely obsessed with monitoring my Webstats.

Very, very few people read this blog — mostly stalkers and family members who don’t want to admit that they are interested in my rantings — so whenever something curious pops up in my Webstats I take note. I have no idea why a person from Cortlandt Manor, New York would look — repeatedly — at my musings about the possibility that it seems inevitable that Warner Bros. Discovery will merge with NBCUniversal…but they have.

The ONLY reason why I find this both curious and intriguing is where Cortlandt Manor is — just north of NYC in what I suspect is a fairly wealthy part of the state. It would make a lot of sense if some high-powered media person with inside knowledge would be searching the Web about such a merger if it was actually something actively being discussed.

Or not.

Anyway, absolutely no one listens to me — certainly not Mr. Belloni — so, lulz, I’ll just be content in my scenario running abilities if I turn out to be right. Though I will point out AGAIN — if such a merger did happen, what the fuck happens to CNN?

I can think of a few plutocrats who would shell out a few billion for CNN. The general base price would be $1 billion, but I think if there was some sort of bidding war, you could see a final sale price closer to $5 billion.

Anyway. I need to work on my novel.

I See You

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Now, I have made it clear repeatedly that I’m kind of obsessed with the Webstats of this site. Given that I’m living in oblivion at the moment, there really is no reason for anyone to give a shit about me. That’s why monitoring Webstats is so addictive — it’s really entertaining for me to try to figure out why anyone would care what I have to say.

While there is one particular person who is REALLY FUCKING OBSESSED with this site that I find mildly concerning because I don’t know their motivation — given where they are coming from, I’m a little concerned they have some connection to Annie Shapiro’s tragic murder — that’s not what I want to talk about at the moment.

Someone using Google Proxy is looking at this site in the most random of ways. There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to what they’re interested in. Usually, if someone is doing due diligence on me, they root around this or that topic I’ve written about, realize I’m completely bonkers, then run away never to be seen again.

But this person just shows up every once in a while and looks at things now again. It’s all very strange. No harm no foul, I don’t care. Whatever. I have nothing to hide, but it’s very curious.

Paranoia Will Destroya

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The Internet works in mysterious ways. So, some time ago I wrote about how I was “famous” in Seoul. And, relative to the oblivion I live in now, I was pretty famous — at least within the microscopic expat community.

Annie Shapiro and me back in our glory days.

That’s all well and good, but for some reason I keep getting pings on that specific post. I have no idea what the search terms are that bring people to the post, but I’ve had about three people show up in my Webstats looking at that specific post for some reason.

If I wanted to be really paranoid, I would say someone got ahold of the fleshout outline of my novel and they’re now writing a cherry-picked screenplay from it. And because they want to know who they’re screwing over, they look me up and see that post.

While that’s very, very possible…it’s also a tell on my part. I think I’m STILL hurting from how Annie Shapiro screwed me over when she brought back ROKon Magazine without me. And that was a long, long time ago. Once bitten, twice shy and all that.

But, as I keep saying, you have to make decisions on what you do know, not on what you don’t know. So, I’m going to keep on keeping on until something absolutely happens that makes it clear I’m going to have to pivot to a different story.

Hopefully, I won’t get screwed over like I did with ROKon Magazine.

Daydreaming About My Webstats

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I study my Webstats, way, way, way too much. There is just something addictive about seeing that someone, anyone is actually interested in what I have to say given that I generally am living in oblivion. It’s fun to speculate on why someone in, say, Brooklyn, would have this page bookmarked.

Then there are the people who are downright obsessive about this site who I just don’t understand. Are they, like, someone who loves / hates me from my time in South Korea? Or are they, like, some sort of serial killer who really is looking forward to hunting me down and eating me one day? Yikes!

Anyway, it’s all a mystery. I have no idea who anyone is that visits this site. All I know is, in general, where they’re coming from and sometimes the ISP they use. But even that isn’t even the case as much as it used to be. And I have a feeling that a lot of people access this site in a way that the Webstat software I use sees their connection as coming from a bot and is, as such, ignored.

‘Hello?’

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The strangest thing to pop up in my Webstats is the person who randomly show up as if they were searching my name. The reason why it’s odd is — I’m currently living in oblivion and there’s absolutely no reason for anyone who doesn’t know me personally to search for my name.

The late Annie Shapiro and myself in happier times.

So, the idea that someone would want to know more about me because they heard something about me kind of rattles my cage. It does this because I don’t know why. Is it because of something I wrote? Is it something I did on Twitter? What? What is going on?

I think there must be an element of what goes on with this Website that I can see using the Webstat software I use. I — think — that some forms of access to this extremely low-trafficked site is seen as bot traffic even though it isn’t. As such, there is a percentage of the people who view this site that I don’t see.

Anyway, welcome, I guess? If you really want to know who I am, here’s what the late Annie Shapiro said when she was really, really mad at me, I’m a “delusional jerk with a good heart.”