‘Do Not Congratulate’ #Lyrics To An Old School Hip-Hop Song

I like the song Bust A Move because it tells a story — or, actually, several stories. So, while I’m listening to that song as I write these lyrics, I’m not trying to re-write that song, but these lyrics are influenced by its beat. If I could find someone to help me co-write this and produce this song that would be pretty cool. But I have very low expectations about such things. I’m just doing this because it’s relaxing.

Do Not Congratulate
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

let me break it down for you

I got elected on a fluke with some Russian help
my staff is a gas full of hotties with no class
I direct my staff to bend to my will now
I’m president and I’m ready to party
on a call with Putin they tell me in big bold letters

do not congratulate
do not congratulate
do not congratulate

I ignore them of course and do just that
I’m the president and I can say what I like
even can tell Mueller to take a hike
and when I do, don’t you know
my staff will write something down
in big bold letters that I’ll ignore

do not congratulate
do not congratulate
do not congratulate

[bridge]
we all have heads on our shoulders
we know the facts of the matter
the Russians help me win the presidency
before this is over I’m going to have to flee

I’m ready to take that flight to the next level
they’re going to call me king or a devil
before this is all over with
if I’m on the level
everyone around me will say with glee

do not congratulate
do not congratulate
do not congratulate

‘Tick Tick Tick’ — #Lyrics To A Woke Pop-HipHop Song

This would be an extremely dancable pop song with some meaning to it. I’m gravely disappointed with how meh pop music is these days when it comes to politics. I’m so frustrated I’m writing lyrics to pop songs that will never be performed.

Tick Tick Tick
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

we’re waiting
waiting, waiting, waiting
tick tick tick
bom
tick tick tick
boom
tick tick tick
boom

what the next big scoop
we’re going to read
when will the cannon go off
we wait in front of our screens
when we read the tweet that states
tick tick tick tick
tick tick tick tick
tick tick tick tick

we’re waiting
waiting, waiting, waiting
tick tick tick
bom
tick tick tick
boom
tick tick tick
boom

when will the final boom
strike this adminstration
that’s what we want to know
meanwhile we wait, wait, wait
tick tick tick
tick tick tick
tick tick tick
tick tick boom, boom, boom

[bridge]
things seem dire
but we’re reaching higher
we’re going to touch the sky
once Trump waves goodbye

we’re waiting
waiting, waiting, waiting
tick tick tick
bom
tick tick tick
boom
tick tick tick
boom

‘Secret Society’ — #Lyrics To An Angry Pop-Rock-Hip Hop song

This song is about how completely delusional Trump supporters are and it seems as though there’s nothing you can say that will get them woke.

Secret Society
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

the first rule of the secret society
is there is no secret society

Trump is a god it’s to you it’s true
I can scream till I’m blue in the face
but I have to deal with your logical disgrace
your girl is willing to shake her rump to Trump
and you lobe your drool my way
but what are we going to do as you toggle the facts
I hate to lump you in with racists
but Trump is a racist it’s a fact
sorry if I have principles that you lack

there’s no secret society
there’s no secret society
no secret that you’re a fool
what am I going to do

you don’t seem to care that I dare you to see
the facts that are as clear as the day
nothing can get you to admit that Trump is not god
you hold the same nation dear that I do
but why is this not as red as the sun
that Trump is a piece of scum
you refuse to admit the shit I know is true
’cause you’re obsessed with a secret society
that doesn’t exist within the government

there’s no secret society
there’s no secret society
no secret that you’re a fool
what am I going to do

[bridge]
wish this wasn’t the case
it would be nice if we could agree
but we can’t agree on the facts
and that’s just sad

now what is all I can say
you tell me I just need to get laid
enjoy the economy
I can get all the humming a man can want
I’ll still be angry as can be
about what I feel Trump is doing to
the nation I love so much

there’s no secret society
there’s no secret society
no secret that you’re a fool
what am I going to do

‘Laid’ — #Lyrics To A Woke Pop-Rock-Rap Song

This is my attempt to write a Kanye West type song. I’m kind of full of rage about someone telling me to just enjoy the “humming” economy and get laid while Trump destroys the nation I love, so this is my attempt to, in verse, give a response. I have no beats and think of this as a first draft, but I think the concept is strong, if nothing else.

Laid
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

you tell me to enjoy the humming economy
get laid and forget it all

this is crazy, motherfucker
this is crazy can’t you see
Trump is destroying the nation we both love
you want me to flee but I won’t
you tell me to enjoy the hum job
that I’m forced to give
not going to slob Trump’s knob
I’m nobody’s bitch and I don’t snitch
I’m going to fight on the beaches
till the blood is drained from my body
there’s nothing you can say or do
to prevent me from going to the polls

you tell me just to get laid
you tell me just to get laid
like any woman I was with
wouldn’t want to give Trump a fit

the humming economy is Obama’s
I’m not going to slob Trump’s knob
fuck Trump and his ilk
why they tax the solar panels
as the world burns
we’re all in a lump of coal in space
burning fast under the sun’s heat

you tell me just to get laid
you tell me just to get laid
like any woman I was with
wouldn’t want to give Trump a fit

we’re all fighting the good fight
nothing is going to change while we’re in chains
going to the polls to make a difference
my sisters and brothers know the truth
we know what we got to do

you tell me just to get laid
you tell me just to get laid
like any woman I was with
wouldn’t want to give Trump a fit

‘Hoe That Row’ — #Lyrics To Hip-Hop / R&B Song

This is an allusion to something I once saw Erykah       Badu once mention about the type of guy she likes. Anyway, this would be a hip-hop R&B song that had a beat and you could dance to. At least, it would be if I had any beats to go with it. I’m just screwing around. No one cares about any of these lyrics, though I may be annoying a few people by writing so many of them. These lyrics are from a female point of view because it’s more amusing that way. I like this one. It’s fun. Still a first draft, but it was fun to write.

Hoe That Row
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

don’t care what kind of guy you are
you can be short or tall
smart or dumb
all I care is when the time is right
late at night
you know how to

hoe that row
how that row
how that row

some people may complain
say I’m insane
that I don’t demand enough
from the men in my life
but what’s the point
if I don’t quibble with how I get delight

love is hard to come by
difficult as can be
the right kind of guy is apt to flee
leaving you alone to be
but all I know if
you can hoe that row
you’re the man for me

hoe that row
how that row
how that row

[bridge]
if you hoe that row
hard enough who knows
love may bloom
and my heart may spring forth
with the glow of the sun

it’s ok to get dirty
that’s why I believe
so if you hoe that row
just right you won’t mind the mud

‘Shithole Country’ — #Lyrics To A Woke Hip-Hop – R&B Song

These lyrics are supposed to be kind of a murky mixture of Prince’s Sign O’ The Times and a Public Enemy song. No one cares what I write, so I’m just doing this for fun, though I am kind of pissed off.

Shithole Country
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

the black man works with a broken back
trying the best he can
but just walking the streets is a danger
especially when the president is a racist fool
so let me tell you about a shithole country
at least for me
the one I have to deal with
as long as Trump’s name is in the land

shithole country
land of the free
shithole country
the one I live with in
as long as Trump is POTUS
shithole country

why can’t we all just get along
why does POTUS have to divide us along lines
the lines found on our face

what a disgrace
what a disgrace
what a disgrace

shithole country
land of the free
shithole country
the one I live with in
as long as Trump is POTUS
shithole country

[bridge]
we still have hope
maybe we’ll awake
and find that this was all a dream
but I’m afraid
the answer is nope, nope, nope

but we’re going to have to fight
fight for our freedom again
we’re going to have to unite
unite this shithole country

unite
unite
unite
unite

‘But Her E-mails’ — Lyrics To An Old School Hip-Hop Anti-Trump Protest Song

I really like old school hip-hop and I know I’m probably doing this backwards ’cause the music probably usually comes first in such songs. But, I like how you can tell stories with old school hip-hop songs, so you get this. This song is meant to be kind of a quick run down of the disaster that Trumplandia has been in as soft and dance friendly a way as possible.

But Her E-mails
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

stay woke

now the time has come and we’re ready to dance
but before you shoot a glace at that hottie
let me break it down for you
we’re in a lot of trouble bro
we’ve got a loon for a president
who makes things tough for me and you
this didn’t have to happen
there was another choice that we had
but what did we do we voted for the fool
I want to shout this to the sky
but when I do all I get is sighs
the people who voted for 45
tell me again and again

but her e-mails
that’s what people say
but her e-mails
that’s what people say

45 has alienated our allies in ways big and small
makes you wonder who you’re going to call
who are we going to call when it all falls
45 doesn’t seem ready to lead
he’s a joke for people who are woke
some people complain about our lot
tell me they don’t like it one bit
but what can I say
all I can do is note in vain
there was another way
we could have avoided this pain
yet we all know that wasn’t our fate
thanks Anthony Weiner

but her e-mails
that’s what people say
but her e-mails
that’s what people say

now the president wants to cut the safety net
maybe drive your grandma to an early death
but don’t you fret you still can rock the free world
you’ve still got the right to vote
don’t be afraid to voice your opinion
though some people will get upset
just be sure to laugh and laugh
when someone wants to exclaim

but her e-mails
but her e-mails
but her e-mails

‘Eyes Wide Cuck’ — Lyrics To A Public Enemy-Like Old School Hip-Hop Song

The thing about Public Enemy is they were really directly political in their lyrics and so this would be a homage to their type songs. Again, I just write lyrics like these because it’s relaxing. I know it’s unlikely they will ever be produced for various reasons. This is pretty much a first draft.

Eyes Wide Cuck
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

a demagogue from the Big Apple
has control of the land of the dapper and the sad
Trumplandia is here to say I’m afraid
say it loud but not proud
America is on her knees and
Trump wants her to slop his knob
wants her to kiss his ring, if you know what I mean
we all saw this coming
we were warned, I’m afraid
Trump says he’ll make traffic move
that the buses will run on time
some people believe him so what are we to do
Congress won’t do its job
it’s controlled by Vichy Republican slobs
I look around with my eyes closed and say

eyes wide cuck
eyes wide cuck
eyes wide cuck
eyes wide cuck

America is going to have to fight
fight for her freedom from these chains
what are we going to do I say and say
some people like living eyes wide cuck
they want their freedoms taken away
I say this with much dismay
but with any luck things will change
no longer will we live in Trumplandia
we’ll find some freedom again
people won’t feel the need to flee
the land of the free
but for the time being it seems
we’ll get no relief from these things
Mr. Bannon has the keys to the car
he’s hitting us really hard
it’s going to leave a bruise and a scar

eyes wide cuck
eyes wide cuck
eyes wide cuck
eyes wide cuck

‘Lordy’ — Lyrics To An Anti-Trump Rap Protest Song

These lyrics aim to be something akin to Kanye West’s “Monster.” I am not suggesting that I am nearly as good a writer as the people who produced that song, but I do enjoy telling stories in verse and so this is me trying my hand with rap lyrics. The usual issues of this being written really fast and the fact that the system is built on preventing people people like me from breaking into the industry. Though this is supposed to be a homage to Kanye West, the structure is probably a little closer to an old school hip-hop song.

Lordy
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

hook
(James Comedy at his hearing)
Lordy, I hope there are tapes
Lordy, I hope there are tapes
Lordy, I hope there are tapes

Comey came to the Capitol
not looking to pay
he came to slay
he came to say
the president is a lair
it’s obvious for the blind to see
he may be nascent to the scene
but he’s the worst leader to be seen
we all know there are no tapes
the only tapes that exist
are the ones with hookers pissing on sheets
my life won’t be complete until I see those tapes
cause the FBI got its eyes on this Trump guy
we all know the hooker tapes exist

hook
(James Comedy at his hearing)
Lordy, I hope there are tapes
Lordy, I hope there are tapes
Lordy, I hope there are tapes

so we’re stuck with the insane
this is the new normal I’m afraid
the president and FBI have come to blows
come to rhetorical blows
when two tribes fight
only our enemies find delight
we seem to be out of luck
but we have control of our fate
we could have elected Hillary
yet what do we have now
but a liar and traitor
pushing liberty aside
for whatever reason, you decide

hook
(James Comedy at his hearing)
Lordy, I hope there are tapes
Lordy, I hope there are tapes
Lordy, I hope there are tapes

so when Judgment Day comes
and the Vichy Republicans get a backbone
maybe we’ll find out one way or another
if there are tapes or not
but until that day let’s rage against the night
’cause Trumplandia has conquered America
there’s no fighting back these days
I still have hope though
that one day we’ll get the truth
one day we’ll see the tapes
the tapes of Russian hookers pissing in place

hook
(James Comedy at his hearing)
Lordy, I hope there are tapes
Lordy, I hope there are tapes
Lordy, I hope there are tapes