by Shelt Garner
Being a kook without any friends, you pay a social tax of sorts. People like me thrash around far, far longer than need be because we simply don’t have anyone to give us any advice. And, yet, there is a specific instance where this is helpful: when you decide to randomly do something because you feel its the best for you.
But given how messy the process of getting to the point where you know what you want to do is, people who are “normal” think you’re an idiot at best and a crank at worst. They just don’t take you seriously because you don’t meet the metrics of the “normal” world.
Or, to put another way, “It’s a creative thing, you wouldn’t understand.”
Anyway, for some time now, I’ve been very publicly and very conspicuously been thrashing around, looking for a second creative “track” to supplement my main track of writing a four novel series. A normal person, say, one with a significant other, would have probably either kept quiet about all this or have far less lofty goals.
But I’m old enough to know who I am. I’m 100% extroverted and I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing with my life. I can’t just “follow the rules” because I have no fucking clue with the fucking rules are. And, gentle reader, the concept of “personal responsibility” to me is bullshit. In general, the phrase in my experience is a code word for being racist. The absolute need for people to take “personal responsibility” doesn’t account for what do you do when there are things out of your control? That aren’t your responsibility? Then what? What are the fucking rules for that?
The net result of all of this is actual, normal adults think I’m a fool. They grow tired of my dreams because it seems like I do a lot of talking and not a lot of hard work. So, when things suddenly change, they are shocked that I actually had it in me.
But back to (fashion) photography.
Photography, along with being a pop-rock DJ, is organic to my personality. The thing that has stopped me from doing anything with my photographic ability has been a lack of, well, equipment. I’ve been so wrapped up in buying books for the novels I’m working on that I’ve not thought much about anything else.
But, recently, as I’ve grown frustrated with the slow pace of the novels, I decided I wanted a second track. I first thought it was going to be screenwriting. And, yet, there’s a problem.
First, the learning curve for screenwriting is so severe that I would have to draw a lot — maybe all — of my energy away from my main track of working on the novels. That’s just not something I’m prepared to do.
So, after a lot of conspicuous thrashing about with different options, I’ve finally settled on photography as my second track because I have an organic ability and I’m using a totally different part of my mind to tell stories in a different way. What’s more I have a real passion for photography.
The only thing standing in my way at the moment is I’m very fucking stubborn and want to buy the best possible camera I can. I don’t really have anything to take pictures of — there’s no rush — so I’m content to bide my time while I save up the money necessary to get the camera I think would be best for me for the type of photography I want to engage in.
But, as I mentioned, the process of getting to this point has left anyone paying attention thinking I’m a (drunk) (bonkers) fool who is all talk and can be safely ignored.
And, yet, as I like to say, I’ll put a move on you.