Am (Almost) Querying: Worrying About Liberal White Women Literary Agents & What They Will Think Of My Novel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The worst thing anyone else said about me was that I am a “delusional jerk with a good heart.” That was said to me by the late Annie Shapiro while we were in the process of untangling our hearts and minds from each other at the end of ROKon Magazine.

The late Annie Shapiro and me in better days back when I was cute.

She had a point.

But, I’ve had a brain transplant since that statement, said many moons ago. I’m a much more humble, stable person.

And, yet, here I am, about to plunge into the cold, dark waters of querying — in a few months, maybe more — and I am worried about what the liberal white women who make up the vast majority of agents will think of me and my novel.

The novel itself is problematic because even though it’s really good, the idea that a smell CIS white male would write such a novel might make some liberal white women blanch.

My novel is about a part-time stripper obsessed with owning a rural community newspaper in Virginia.

Or not. I just don’t know. I can’t help how the story I worked itself out of my emotional system. It has a lot of spicy scenes but it does, in fact, tell a compelling story about one woman’s obsession to own a small town community newspaper.

It tells a complete, compelling story. And, what’s more, it leaves you wanting more. It is written in such a way that the audience will want to know what happens next. I have a second novel in the series in the hopper — I just have to write the third draft. So it’s at least possible that I may have TWO novels done this year, ready to query.

But that’s a little bit down the road. I need to chill out for a little bit today then sit down and start writing again. It sucks so bad that I have to do all of this sober, and yet, that’s the reality I face.

Ugh.

Wish me luck.

I Finally Understand What My Novel Is About

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

For a long time, I thought this novel was a murder mystery like Stieg Larsson’s The Girl Who Played With Fire. Because of this assumption, I spent months — years — spinning my wheels, struggling to figure out how to make the story work. It wasn’t until I realized that the first novel in this series is actually more foundational than that that things began to click.

My novel is about a part-time stripper who is obsessed with owning a community newspaper in rural Virginia.

This novel isn’t about a murder, it’s about one woman’s struggle to own a community newspaper. Throw in that the woman is a part-time stripper and a few people do die during the course of the story and you got yourself a pretty good shot at a novel that is interesting enough to actually get published the traditional way.

What’s more, this is meant to be part of a six or seven novel series that ends with a NEW series about a Lisbeth Salander-type woman. So, in a sense, my vision for these novels is you get to see how one Salander-type woman had such a fucked up youth that she would turn into someone you want to read a lot of books about.

Writing a novel as accessible and popular as Stieg Larsson’s The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo is my dream.

That’s the thing about Salander, from my point of view, the reason she was the way she was is she had a really fucked up upbringing. Had she had the opportunity have a normal youth, she might not have gone bonkers the way she did.

So, now that I understand the nature of this first novel in the series, I find myself dwelling seriously about how successful I will be when it comes to querying this novel. At the moment, I honestly don’t know.

I’ve never queried a novel and it could be that despite all my hard work that over the years that, lulz, I’m still not good enough. But I know I’ve accomplished one thing — I’ve written a novel that at least won’t embarrass me.

Just…*About*…At The Midpoint Of The Alpha Release Of The Third Draft Of My First Novel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Editor: I need a stiff drink. Too bad I’m sober.

Anyway, I’m just a few scenes away from reaching the midpoint of the alpha release of the third draft of my first novel. This novel is a lot — A LOT — more spicy (and funny!) than Stieg Larsson’s original Millennium series of books. And while I just am not as good as he is when it comes to structure and POVs, I do think that, in general, the story flows a faster clip than The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.

Nathalie Emmanuel pretty much looks literally like my heroine in this picture. So much so I’m worried someone is going to steal a march on me creatively!

And, in a sense, I do feel that I’ve finally, FINALLY, developed and written a novel that has the same vibe as The Girl Who Played With Fire. It’s not fan fiction — it’s its own thing — but the influence that novel has on my work is pretty obvious in the sense that if you pick up my novel after having read the original Millennium series of books you’ll think, “Oh, I get it, this is like a Stieg Larsson novel set in America.”

That is the general goal of things in my mind.

But, in real terms, my novel is creatively its own thing other than a few stylistic choices and a few Form Follows Function things I was kind of forced into doing because of the genre.

My heroine has a sleeve tattoo like Megan Fox sports now, even though I thought of the idea first!

In fact, the biggest difference between my work and Stieg Larsson’s is something pretty basic — our personalities. He seems like he was way more serious than I am and had a far more twisted creative sense than I do. I love to laugh and socialize and it’s a real struggle for me to stay serious — or think about dark things — for too long.

Anyway. No one cares.

Should I Be Worried?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Someone from Sweden is interested in my novel — I see them in my Webstats. Now, only because I’m delusional, I automatically fear it’s someone from the estate of Stieg Larsson checking up on me. As far as I know, even though my novel is definitely an obvious homage to Larsson’s work there’s no reason for either one of us to be worried about it.

The heroine of my novel looks like Morena Baccarin.

There are some obvious, clear cut influences between my novel and The Girl Who Played With Fire, but most, if not all, of it is an issue of Form Follows Function and the fact that I used TGWPWF as my “textbook.”

I just am worried that people connected to the late Larsson see me as some sort of threat — but why? — and they’re keeping an eye on me.

My heroine sports a sleeve tattoo similar to that now worn by Megan Fox — even though I thought of the idea first!

Anyway, my novel is on a micro basis is very, very, very different than anything Larsson wrote. And the first novel isn’t even a mystery thriller, but rather about a power struggle over a community newspaper. So, lulz?

But I am VERY PLEASED with what I’ve managed to come up with for my first novel. Things are flowing really well now that I understand what the novel is about. It’s not a traditional murder-mystery, but, rather a character-driven novel that sets up a universe that I hope readers will want to hang out in for a number of novels — as many as seven.

The Vision Thing: Novel Edition

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Barring something I can’t predict, I feel as though I’m going to zoom through the new version of my first novel. This is story I want to tell. What’s unexpected about it is it’s more of a publishing thriller than murder mystery. The second book in the universe I’ve constructed will be a murder mystery.

I hope my heroine is as interesting as Lisbeth Salander.

But I’m really content with this novel.

It seems as though I should be able to wrap up the first novel by no later than, say, July 23. In fact, there’s a chance I could have TWO 100,000 word novels done by that date the way things are going.

And, what’s more, I hope to write a third novel, a scifi western.

I have to accept that I’m just not going to have the type of success that I hoped to have. I may get some success, but it’s going to be the success of a late bloomer who has been a fuck up for decades.

It all sucks, but there’s nothing I can do to change the situation.

I Have A Villain Problem

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Watching “House of Cards” about a decade after everyone else has really opened my eyes to how piss-poor the villains of my novel are. I know what’s happening — my writing and storytelling ability is really getting a lot better so some things I didn’t really think about at first are coming to the forefront of my mind.

House of Cards

The villains of Stieg Larsson’s novels are horrific, while mine are just…there. There’s nothing really scary or notable about them. This is all happening so late in the process, of course, that I have only a limited amount of time to improve their characterization.

But I’ve at least realized it now, rather than when I try to pitch the novel.

I really need to dig deep — fast — and think up ways to make my various villains memorable and hateful. This is going to be really difficult because my usual way — which is to drift towards my goal and daydream until I come up with a solution — just isn’t going to cut it.

If I use that method, it could be next year before I nail down everything and I just don’t have time. Around July 22 – 23 is my deadline and that’s what I have to work with. If I don’t get where I need to be by that point, I’m really afraid that the window of opportunity I have to sell this novel will close and we’ll all be consuming AI generated entertainment, or the fucking Fourth Turning will happen — you name it.

Anyway. Onward.

The Name Game

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I try to do what is right, I really do. And when it comes to developing and writing a novel, there are all the unexpected landmines floating around that you have to avoid.

Lisbeth Salander is the type of name that is so great I wish I could think of something as strong.

One is the subject of names.

In general, I feel pretty safe with all of my character names. And YET it is inevitable that somehow, someway along the process there might be a hitch. There is one character — a huge character in the project six book series, in fact — who has a surname that MIGHT be a problem.

But I’m really, really being paranoid, all things considered.

And I’m not attached to that specific name. If I have to, I have a few backup names I’m willing to switch to. I’m very pragmatic about such things, I just want to be a published author and if it requires a significant rethinking of some element of the six novel project to become one, so be it.

In general, things are going pretty well with this first novel. I’m rather pleased. I just have to press forward. I can’t keep just driving towards my goal. I have to give my life focus and structure if I’m going to wrap this thing up by no later than around July 22th.

The Final Countdown (For The First Act Of The Third Draft)

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

As far as the first act of the novel goes, I’m just about to the point where there — hopefully – won’t be too much change on a structural basis. As such, that will really aid in editing and writing the rest of it out.

My novel is meant to be a homage to Stieg Larsson’s Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.

Once I reach the second act, then things will slow down again because even though I know, in general terms, what the story is, I’m far from locking things down. But the general “Fun & Games” part of story — the first half of the second act — is, in general terms pretty stabilized.

One structural problem I have is the first half of the novel may be significantly longer than the second half. I don’t quite know what to do about that. And I’ve had at least one Reader suggest that my chapters are too long. While I understand where the person is coming from, they were the only person to complain about the length of the first chapter and Stieg Larsson’s chapters were about the same length — if not longer — than what I showed them.

And, really, shit to do with chapters is something that can be figured out in post-sale, post-production.

I just need to get the story done. And the word count is something I really worry about at the moment. I hope that I can come in at no more than 140,000 words — the length of The Girl on The Train — but I fear it will be closer to 160,000 words, which would be about the length of a Larsson novel.

My heroine looks like Nathalie Emmanuel as I write her.

But, in general, I’m very pleased with what I’ve come up with. One concern is how much sexxy time there is in the first act, so I’ve decided to embrace the issue by suggesting my heroine is a sex addict. So, rather than, being coy about that particular element of the story, I hope readers will simply accept — “Oh, ok, I should accept a lot of sex in this novel.”

The whole second half of this novel is in a great deal of flux. Especially in regards to the third act — I have only the vaguest idea of what is going to happen.

But, in general, things are moving a lot faster than they have been. I have to admit that I’m kind of embarrassed by how fucking long it’s taken me to get to this point. But, I’ve been doing all of this in a vacuum and that slowed me down a great deal.

I Have A Pretty Great Novel On My Hands

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I have very, very high standards for myself when it comes to storytelling. To the point that it’s very, very difficult for me to consume anyone else’s storytelling if it doesn’t meet what I believe is the quality worth my consumption. I’ve just started watching House of Cards and it is one of the few TV shows that actually DOES meet what I think is the “right way” to tell a story.

My heroine looks like Nathalie Emmanuel as I write her.

It joins TV shows like Mad Men, 30 Rock, Mare of Easttown and Fleabag as TV shows that linger in my mind as I struggle to write my novel.

Having said all that, I’ve finally reached a point in the development and writing of the third draft of this novel where I feel I’m coming into my own. This novel is really fast paced and accessible. While there are some obvious issues — it’s still not dark enough and there’s probably too much sex in the first act — the actual characters and what their motivations are really strong, interesting and intriguing.

Now, for me to sprint to the end of the first act, beginning of the second act which was the first act of the second draft of the novel. I’ve been re-writing a lot of the novel as I’ve transition from the second to third drafts and that has slowed me down.

But I’ve gamed out the entirety of the fourth chapter of the third draft and I think I’m going to cool it for about a day so I can throw myself into writing it all as quickly as I can with fresh eyes. I don’t want to “run hot” and overheat and over extend myself.

In general, however, this novel is beginning to shape up in a way that I feel I won’t embarrass myself when I try to query it later this year.

A lot is going to depend on luck now, I think. Given my vision for the total of six novels in this project if ding-dong Trump becomes POTUS again and we turn into an autocracy, then, lulz, I think this is going to be a very successful series of novels.

Ah ha! I’ve Finally Figured Out What Hollywood Star My Heroine Looks Like — Nathalie Emmanuel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’ve finally found who I’m thinking of in my mind as I write my heroine and her adventures in my first novel — Nathalie Emmanuel.

Nathalie Emmanuel

My hope is, of course, that I will write a heroine who is as interesting as Stieg Larsson’s Lisbeth Salander. It will be interesting to see how things ultimately work out. A lot of writing a successful novel is just dumb luck. So, lulz, I could write The Bible and because I’m a smelly CIS white male writing from a female POV at times….the woke cancel culture mob will pillory me.

The dream is to write a character as interesting as Stieg Larsson’s Lisbeth Salander.