Brief, Idle Rambling About The New York City Media Industry

by Shelton Bumgarner

The thing about it is, I’m clue-in enough to know that at this point the only way I’m ever going to work in the New York media industry is if, uh, like I write a huge hit novel and am able to ride off my fame and reputation to do so. And if all else fails, I would have to BUY a publication.

In other words, it’s pretty much never going to happen at this point.

I’m 20 years too late. It’s over. But I guess I can take comfort in the fact that I finally realize I’m not a journalist at all (maybe a photographer, but that’s different story). Anyway, no one cares.

I need work on my novel.

I Was ‘Famous’ Once, And Young

by Shelton Bumgarner

I only write this out of extreme boredom and a love of writing, but let’s talk about that one, brief moment in time when I was “famous.” Andy Warhol famously quipped that in the future we’d all be famous for 15 minutes, so I guess those few months in 2006-2007 in Seoul were it for me.

I’m now doomed to shuffle off this mortal plain in relative obscurity.

But back then, I was a man on fire. I was DJing at the best expat bar in Seoul and was the publisher of the only monthly expat magazine. Really, I was only really all that cool for, maybe, a month. I think it was December. That one month in 2006, to date, has been the apex of my life to date.

Sadly, I wasn’t really even that happy at the time. I was obsessing over not only the magazine I was struggling to run, ROKon Magazine, but a young lady named Annie Shapiro as well. And I was quickly becoming overwhelmed at my DJ gig. So, if you really wanted to get all nitty-gritty about it, I’d say Christmas Eve, 2006 was it. That was the moment in time when I about as good as my life has gotten to date.

I learned a lot about what it’s like to be famous — or notorious — during those brief months. I learned if you’re famous, even in an extremely small pond like Seoul’s expat scene, people not only feel they have a vested interest in everything you do and say, they can eat you alive if you aren’t careful.

That’s why I know should I ever truly become “famous” — and the way things are going right now, I definitely never will — I will zoom from zero to hero back to zero in record time. I’m just too different and outspoken in a weird way for me not to offend entire swaths of the American populace.

But even to propose such a thing at this point is delusional in the extreme. I’m a nobody and always will be the way things are going. I just like to write, even though to date I don’t really write that well relative to the people I would be competing against for jobs I might be interested in. I’m self-indulgent, narcissistic and self-involved as this very post proves. I keep thinking I can figure out some easy, quick fix that will get me out of this horrible situation I’ve found myself in since I came back from South Korea the last time, but, alas, it’s not to be.

I have some structural problems in my life that can only be fixed through hard work, money and lots and lots of luck combined with time. Even under the best of circumstances I’ll be 50 years old before I dig myself out of this hole I’m in and by that time I can’t very well bang hot 24 year olds without being really, really, creepy. (Not that I can do it now, but you live in your delusional world and I’ll live in mine.)

So, here I am.

I barely have enough food to last me until I can get more, don’t have enough gas to do anything that is otherwise free and my life is at a complete standstill. I need to face my fears and get back to working on my novel. It may not make me famous, but it at least will give me hope.

And that, as of right now, is in short supply.


By Shelton Bumgarner

One of the Red White Blue movies — I think it’s White — is about the single worst day in a man’s life.

While I’ve had much worst days than this so far, it is shaping up to be a pretty uneventful, crappy one.

What I wouldn’t do for a little bit of demonstrable good news. Something I could point to and say, “See, life isn’t so bad after all.”

But I got nothing.

Sometimes, things just don’t work out in the end.

What An Uneventful D-Day Anniversary

by Shelton Bumgarner

Today’s a pretty profoundly uneventful day. Absolutely nothing is going on. I need to look for a job. Work on my novel. I wish something fun-interesting would happen. Something to put a spring in my step. But as it stands, I got nothing. I need to focus on my immediate needs.

No pings from the universe telling to be prepared for something. Nothing. Zero. This day seems like it’s going to be just another dull day.

Things Are Pretty Boring

By Shelton Bumgarner

I’m going to have to move on with my life. It’s pretty obvious that barring something dramatic and unexpected pretty soon, that we’ll never get a proper public explanation of what resides in the Big Black Void. That’s fine. If Broidy is the babydaddy I will be content. At least, I have to keep telling myself that.

I have to go to work this afternoon and so I’m going to be off the grid for a few hours. I’ve been so disappointed over the last few years that I’m pretty copacetic about all of this now. Really, as I have mentioned before, it’s not so much proving that it’s Trump who’s the babydaddy as it is giving me a datapoint that proves Bechard and Broidy were lovers or at least romantically attached. But I’m a nobody without any resources that would be expecting way too much.

And the argument could be made that what’s going on is Keith Davidson really is the go-to guy for women looking for representation in an NDA and the Trump connection is more about Davidson knowing Cohen than it is Bechard knowing Trump. That doesn’t properly explain the complete silence from people who are not prevented by the NDA from throwing up their hands and saying, “Look, you shithead, here’s proof!”

So, that’s all that’s going on right now. I guess this is the end. I’m going to probably keep writing about this off an on for a few more days for no other reason than residual cognitive dissidence. But I think tomorrow I’m going to starting thinking serious again about the novel I want to write and I’m definitely going to start actively looking for a new job. I have to. I absolutely have to.

V-log: Trump Supporters Are An American Embarrassment

by Shelton Bumgarner

I could go on at great length about how angry Trump supporters make me, but here’s a video that does just that. Trump is tearing this great nation of ours apart and there doesn’t seem to be anything we can do about it. It’s all very sad. Very tragic.