Tag: writing

Feeling Better About The Novel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

A number of things have come together that give me renewed confidence with the third draft of the novel I’m working on. The last few days, since an editor I was hoping to work with begged off after they read this blog, I have been feeling a great deal of existential angst.

But things have changed for the better.

I feel a lot better. One thing that happened is a random woman I gave the first three chapters of the novel to read it and didn’t say she hated it. In fact, she said, “keep writing.” That makes me feel a lot better. I was really sweating it there for a little while because I gave it to her and she had not emailed me back any reaction.

Another is, I was reminded yet again that just because ONE person thinks I’m too much of a freaky weirdo to work with, doesn’t mean that it’s totally impossible for me to find someone, somewhere who will find my kookiness endearing.

Or something. Something like that. I just can hinge everything on rejection from one person — even if I fear she does give me some sense of what “liberal white women” might think of the premise of the novel. As I’ve said before, I got no beef with liberal white women, I just see it as something of a running gag.

Anyway. With all that in mind, I’m going to throw myself back into writing the novel. *I* really like the story I’ve come up with, even if some members of the woke cancel culture mob (wink) might be aghast that my heroine is a part-time stripper. Ok, I get it. But I do think that if you give the story a chance — which I know is, unto itself, a big ask — that you will enjoy it.

Having said all that, I am really going to work hard to use some of my spare time to develop the backup scifi novel that I have been working on some. It’s really cool and I just don’t feel comfortable putting ALL my creative eggs in the lone basket of the main novel.

I’m not getting any younger.

But the key thing remains — I have to prepare myself for rejection –a lot of it — as I get closer to the querying process.

Contemplating Failure

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I have decided that as part of the process of adjusting my expectations with this novel, I have to accept that there is a chance I will fail. It’s possible that not only is this novel just too “racy” for both the liberal white women who make up the majority of literary agents and the “woke cancel culture mob” but that I’m just too old and weird to ever be a published author.

Mood.

It’s possible that, by definition, anyone who does due diligence on me will want nothing to do with me — even if they like my novel.

This is bitter pill, but one I have to prepare myself to swallow. It could be that I’m a little bit *too* unique for my own good. No amount of meaning well or being self-conscious and hyper aware of my kookiness will change the fact that “normal” people with careers and money just will be aghast at what they find out about me when they do the obligatory due diligence.

This is very disheartening. My only consolation is I’m gaming out a future that may or may not come about. But I have to prepare for such a nightmare. The fact that the very thing I feared would happen — someone I wanted to work with decided they wanted nothing to do with me once they read this blog — did, in fact, happen, has left me rattled.

And, yet, as I keep saying, this novel is existential. I write because I have to, not because I want to and, as such, I want the satisfaction of knowing that if people would just give me a chance that they would see that I am, a good writer and that I don’t suck.

I also am going to TRY to work on my backup novel so there’s a chance that if someone doesn’t like how “racy” main novel is, I will at least be able to show them a scifi novel with littler or no sex. The scifi novel would also fit the modern conventions of novel writing.

And, come to think of it, if I was, like, 25 years younger, I might take the idea of screenwriting a lot more seriously. But the learning curve for that is just too sharp. Would take me years to get to the point that I am now with novel writing. So, I’m kind of in a corner.

Novel writing it is.

That’s One Way To Fix The Problem

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I am going through some scenes in the first half of the second act of the third draft of the novel and as I do it, I realize that, if nothing else, *I* like this novel. And since I’m the one actually fucking writing it, the squares and narcs who can’t handle my heroine being a part-time sex worker and just fuck off.

Believe.

Wink.

The story is interesting and compelling. Yes, it’s a bit “racy” as one Reader told me, but, so, too, is Boogie Nights and that’s one of the best movies of the last 30 years. I’m not comparing my novel to Boogie Nights, but the concept is the same.

And what is the point of a story but to be thought-provoking and interesting? Most of all, this novel, if I write it correctly, will make you feel something. You’ll — hopefully — become emotionally invested in my heroine’s obsession with owning a small town newspaper.

I hope to write a novel as popular and successful as The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.

I can’t help that the fucking “woke cancel culture mob” wants us all to live in a sexless world where nothing ever troubles their tender sensibilities. The novel I’m working on tells a really compelling story — despite being “racy” — and, as such, I’m willing to throw myself into it so I can see it to completion.

I will worry about the reaction of the Real World once I’m done. And I’m fine with it never being published because of its controversial subject matter. Me getting anything published at this point would be something like winning the creative lottery, so, lulz.

‘User Error’

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Now that it’s clear that *I* am the problem going forward if anyone should do due diligence on me when I query the novel I’m working on, let’s go through what might be problematic.

Mood

My Comments About Transgender People
I will occasionally write something on this blog about how if I was a “twenty something undocumented transgendered woman” then selling my novel would be easier. I can see why such a quip might alarm some people who are easily “triggered” by statement that doesn’t fix the orthodox that has developed around trans people. What bothers me is that I am not being serious when I say this. I’m just pointing out the obvious — as one would-be reader of my novel (who promptly ghosted me) said, “The demographics aren’t on my side.” I’m not picking on trans people by my observation, just being realistic. And, I think, the bigger issue is that I even bring up this fact of life — even if it’s meant in jest.

My Comments on “Liberal White Women”
Another running gag on this blog is the idea that my novel will offend “liberal white women” and, as such, I’m screwed. I honestly don’t know one way or another what this mythical demographic will think. I just occasionally find myself full of angst over the part-time sex worker nature of my heroine and as part of that angst, I mention liberal white women. Just like with my comments on trans people, it’s more a testament to my sense of humor than it is me picking on the group. But we live in a humorless age without any sense of nuance, so I guess I have only myself to blame.

My Political Ranting
My politics generally fit within the center-Left “media narrative,” but I guess it’s possible that some of my edgier hot takes might alarm some people. You can never tell these days. People are just to touchy about any and everything that it could be that some people doing due diligence on me would think my political rantings are just yet another sign of what a fucking crank I am.

My Angst Over The “Woke Cancel Culture Mob”
If someone gets upset over this, then, I dunno what to say. My ranting about what I fear the “woke cancel culture mob” MIGHT think about my novel is just me being my usual angst-ridden self. And, I can see how if you were a “liberal white woman” with a clear set of goals for a story that me ranting about how much I fucking hate the Bechdel Test might be a serious turn off to the point you wouldn’t want anything to do with me.

The Part-Time Sex Worker Angle Of My Novel
This is a tough one. I find myself vacillating wildly between being overcome with self-doubt about this element of my heroine and thinking it’s pretty cool. It’s an interesting way to have built-in conflict for my heroine and helps with character development. And, yet, by definition, doing such a thing at all as a smelly middle-aged CIS white male is loaded and provocative to the tender sensibilities of some “liberal white women” who might be, in general, members of the mythical “woke cancel culture mob.” (wink.) I will note that I was doing some some editing today and re-reading the novel gave me renewed hope that maybe I’ve stumbled across a really interesting story.

Miscellaneous Kookiness On My Part
This is difficult because it’s not something I can pin down. There’s a chance that someone with, like, a career and reputation could read this blog and just blanch. They just wouldn’t like the vibe I give off. Add to this how much I retweet pictures of hot chicks on Twitter and…oh boy…I could totally see some “normal” person being turned off by…ME.

Existential Angst Over My Novel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I find myself really struggling with the fact that my nightmare of someone not being willing to work with me after doing due diligence on me has come true and its implications.

I keep wondering if I’ve made a huge mistake by having my heroine be a part-time sex worker. Talk about self-doubt! And, yet, the key thing for me is the story is coherent and cogent. There is a logic to why I’ve decided to do this. I feel as though it makes the story really different and unique — just like me — and I feel as though fuck it, it’s the story I want to tell.

But I have to accept that between the inclinations of liberal white women — wink — and the “woke cancel culture mob” I’m not doing myself any favors by doing such a thing. It’s a risky thing to do, especially as an aspiring first-time novelist.

Mood.

And I only add to this problematic situation by using more than one POV and writing from a female POV at times.

But I have my vision for this novel and I am too stubborn to do anything about it.

I am, however, going to really begin work on my backup scifi novel. I’m proud of the main novel I’m writing — risks and all — but I’m smart enough to know maybe it’s time to accept how difficult pitching such a “racy” novel may be. I’m going to start working on the characters for the backup scifi novel ASAP.

‘I Can’t Go On, I’ll Go On’

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Despite being an extrovert, I general lead a pretty isolated life. So I go about my business without a lot of interaction with people to give me some sense of how others perceive me. So, when my nightmare of someone deciding not to work with me on my novel after they did due diligence actually happened…it really rattled my cage.

I keep wondering if this is a sign that I should just give up. But the moment I think that, I am reminded that the problem probably isn’t the novel I’m working…but ME. The (young?) woman who did due diligence on me while considering being my editor probably didn’t like my musings about liberal white women or my ranting about this or that thing.

While, yes, obviously the fact that my heroine is a part-time sex worker probably made her blanch, the key issue is she thought I was a freaky weirdo. So, in a sense, there’s not much I can do — I’m going to have this particular problem no matter what type of novel I write.

So, in a sense this is kind of freeing. As long as I know the obstacles I face in my quest to get traditionally published then I can proceed as I was before. But I have to realize that, in a sense, I am creating just for the sake of creating. There’s pretty good chance that because of ME, I will never be published — ever.

Of course, despite this, I will have the personal satisfaction of having written a novel that *I* know is good, even if me being a kook prevents anyone with, like a career and shit, from ever giving me a chance. It helps that I have a huge chip on my shoulder about my writing ability and I want to prove the haters wrong.

Having said all that, I am determined to use some of my time on a backup scifi novel. Something that isn’t as “racy” as the main novel and fits the conventions of the modern novel better. It’s going to be difficult to do because, lulz, the main novel has completely consumed my life.

But, let’s rock.

Maybe I’ll Be A Published Author After I Die

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Maybe once I shuffle off this mortal coil, people will judge my work on its merits and not on what a kook I am on a personal basis. I can just see me having a completed novel or two done it’s only after I’m dead that they get published.

My only consolation is that all of this is existential. I want to prove a point — that I can write a novel that someone, somewhere likes enough that they read the entire thing. I’m well aware of how delusional I am about all of this.

It’s clear to me now that once I leave my bubble of delusion and try to query this novel I’m come up with that I’m probably going to fail in a stunning, catastrophic manner for a number of reasons. Everything from me, personally, being a kook to how I’ve on occasion teased liberal white women in this blog could be my downfall.

Add to all of this the fact that my novel involves a heroine who is a part-time stripper during the course of the story and…oh boy.

But, fuck it, every problem is just an opportunity in disguise. As long as I understand what I’m getting myself into, let’s rock ‘n roll. Even if I deleted this blog, the Internet is forever and it’s inevitable that the very things I’m concerned about people reading would be the very thing that everyone would jump on me for down the road.

So, lulz, all I can do is manage my expectations — and actually spend some time on my backup scifi novel.

Freedom’s Just Another Name For Nothing Left To Lose

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Oh boy.

I feel really sad, like a cute girl I was interested in told me to “scram.”

My nightmare about this novel has happened — someone did due diligence on me by reading this blog and didn’t like what they saw. This has really rattled my cage because it’s exactly a fear I’ve had for some time.

I called it.

I called what might be a problem when I start to talk to people outside of my delusional bubble — the moment they look into who I am, they will get turned off.

This event has focused my mind. I am going to keep going with the novel, but my expectations have been adjusted considerably. AND it hits home that I need to start working on a backup plan. The scifi novel I have rolling around in my head seems a lot more important now.

I need a novel that is a lot more marketable and fits modern reading conventions as opposed to one that is modeled after what Stieg Larsson did. Hopefully, I can juggle the two different projects without too much trouble.

But the key take away from this debacle is the issue of expectation. It’s clear I’ve shot my self in the foot making jokes about liberal white women. When actual liberal white women read this blog and see my silliness they take it a lot more seriously than it was intended and are repelled.

As such, I have to go into the next step of this novel writing journey with my eyes wide open. There is a very good chance that I am going to fail in an astonishing, catastrophic manner — because of who I am.

I don’t quite know what to make of this. The thing I’ve assumed would happen — that my freaky weirdo personality would turn off people who read this blog — has actually happened. This is a very alarming development because just like my age, I can’t help who I am.

I wear my heart on my sleeve and am 100% extroverted. So, generally, if I’m thinking about it, I write about it — somewhere — in a public manner. This unsettling development is a ping from what I should expect when I try to query this novel.

As I keep saying, the fact that I’m too weird for some people — and my novel may be too “racy” for liberal white women because it has a heroine who is a part-time stripper…is very unsettling.

And it’s not just that. Come to think of it, I realize I’ve also waded into the trans right movement controversy and there’s such a strict orthodox about that that I probably violated some really important ideological point at some point and didn’t even realize it. Ugh.

So. The take away is I have to adjust my expectations going forward about what may happen when I query this novel. ALSO, I really, really need to use some of my time on my scifi novel. The scifi novel doesn’t have any strippers and is just a pretty basic scifi novel that will adhere to the conventions

The Kook Tax Strikes Again

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The exact thing that I’ve been navel gazing about since I started this novel project has happened — someone won’t work with me because they did due diligence on me and came away thinking I was a freaky weirdo. I THOUGHT I had found just the editor I needed for this novel, but, fun fact, no. She begged off because she read this blog and, essentially, didn’t like what she saw.

I’m not for everyone.

Now, my gut reaction is that this means I’m doomed. That all my hard work on this novel is meaningless because, well, I come across as a “delusional jerk with a good heart” as the late Annie Shapiro said. Or, more specifically, this specific novel turns off liberal white women. Or a liberal white women literary agent will read this blog — and me writing about liberal white women — and throw up their hands in disgust.

As such, I start to think seriously about my back up scifi novel that is far easier to pitch because it won’t have nearly as much sex in it and will abide by the conventions of the day — single POV that adheres to my gender.

But the moment I think that, I realize that it’s probably not the novel that is the problem — it’s ME. I have a colorful personality and I don’t always follow the media narrative. I could totally see someone who didn’t know me look at the contents of this blog and be totally turned off with any novel I might generate simply because they think I’m a weirdo.

I also got the sense from the woman who turned me down to be my editor that she saw me as maybe too much of emotional investment, like she was afraid I was going hit on her or something. I get it. I validate those concerns.

But, again, it pretty much all boils down to I come across as a kook.

I continue to believe in this novel and am going to finish it and let the chips fall where they may. But this event has also been a swift kick in the ass about what my expectations should be going forward.

I do really need to spend some time fleshing out my scifi novel as a backup plan. It’s really good and it seems like it would be a lot easy to pitch because it doesn’t have the “part-time sex worker” element to it.

Back In The Saddle Again

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

After a bit of self-doubt recently, I’m again working hard on the third draft of this novel. I have printed out the first half of the second act and I hope to get through it pretty quickly.

Believe.

I still have a fair deal of writing and rewriting to do, but I’m confident that I will get to the midpoint of the novel a lot quicker than I had thought. What really keeps me going is not only what an interesting story I’ve come up with, but how the novel tells a cogent, coherent story.

It’s not at all the story I had expected to tell when I started this journey several years ago, but it’s A Story, which is all that matters.

And I’m aware that the story is “racy” at times. And, yet, I don’t think there’s anything about the story I can’t finesse through editing. But just introducing the idea of my heroine owning a strip club introduces an element of “raciness” that I just can’t avoid.

My heroine has the same phenotype as Corrie Yee.

There’s not much point in introducing such a unique element to the story without leaning into it and exploring as many weird angles as possible. I am also very aware that if I magically manage to successfully pitch this novel that the “part-time sex worker” angle of things is all anyone will want to talk about, especially in marketing of the novel.

And that element of the novel might make the “woke cancel culture mob” very, very angry with me. Of course, if I was an undocumented trans woman, they would praise me for how I was showing women using their sexuality in an empowering manner. I just can’t win. I can’t help who I am and I try my best to be as empthetic as possible to the female experience.

But I’m a smelly CIS white male — and a middle aged one at that! — so I should just twiddle my thumbs in bed and stare at the ceiling until I drop dead.

Lulz.

Anyway. I hope to zoom through the first half of the second act and reach the midpoint of the novel pretty soon.