Tag: Kook Tax

I Again Worry About What Happens When Literary Agents Do ‘Due Diligence’ On Me

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

You just can’t escape yourself, you know. Or, as my mom would say, “You take yourself wherever you go.”

So, in that regard, I’m kind of saddled with being a freaky weirdo in a very demonstrable manner on the Internet. I bring this up because once I start to query this scifi dramedy novel I’m working on — probably in late spring 2026 — any literary agent worth their snuff is going to search for me online.

This leads me to blanch. I just can’t help who I am and I can’t help what I may have written online over the years. I call this the “kook tax.” It’s the tax that only kooks like me have to pay.

Anyway. I just can’t help who I am. For better or worse, I’m unique and that’s probably going to turn off some of the liberal white women who probably make up the majority of literary agents.

Though, in my defense, most, maybe nearly all, of my political views fall within the spectrum that liberal white women would find agreeable. And, yet, I also know virtually no one takes me very seriously these days for various reasons and so, lulz, kook tax.

I think I’m brooding about all of this because of general insecurity about what it’s going to be like to query. Just from my occasional interaction with literary consultants, it seems as though some literary people — even pop literary people — take themselves a tad too seriously.

But a lot of that probably comes from…they’re just normal? They take the querying process really seriously and, what’s more, the entire querying infrastructure is designed to prevent people like me from succeeding in teh first place…so…lulz?

It’s Comical How Little People Take Me Seriously When It Comes To These Novels I’m Working On

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I have the worst luck when it comes to getting help from people to improve this first novel I’m working on. Some of it comes from the fact that the heroine is a part time stripper and some of it is that well, lulz, people just think I’m a kook.

Naomi Scott as my heroine, Union Pang?

And, you know, maybe I am.

I suppose the dream of every artist is to be judged on the merits of their work, huh.

It’s going to be really interesting to see if I can get any literary agents to take me seriously at all. You know what will happen, of course — they will do due diligence on me, find this Website and laugh and laugh and laugh at what a huge fucking kook I am.

I call this the “kook tax.”

I just can’t help that I’m…different. I’ve always been different, but it’s really disheartening that “serious” “normal” people can’t lower themselves to at least read my novel to help me improve it.

Fortunately, I have AI now. That is really helping me get a little further in the process of improving the novel because the AI doesn’t judge me, even if it locks up whenever I ask it about particularly “spicy” scenes.

I just want this novel to be interesting enough that people finish it and want more. I have two more novels set in the same town and universe. If I manage to miraculously sell these novels, the fifth novel will be set in Asia, I think.

I’ll be 70 years old by the time that one comes out, though. Ugh.

I hate being old. I wanna have fun. I sell my novel, it be a huge success and then run around New York City drinking too much, banging hot 24-year-olds and staying up all night partying.

But, alas, that’s just not in the cards I don’t think. Even though I could probably do those things still, the whole context would be different to the point that it would give me pause for thought. People would look down their nose at me and think I was a creepy weirdo.

Sigh, sigh, sigh.

Some Thoughts As I Potentially Zoom Towards Querying In The Fall

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Looking over the content I’m fusing together, it definitely seems as least within the realm of possibility that it won’t be a year from now when I query my first novel, but, rather this fall.

Four things come to mind as I contemplate this.

  1. The Novel May Be Too Long
    Because I work in terms of scenes, not word count — at least for a lot longer than you might think — I honestly don’t know how long this novel will be. While I’m aiming for about 100,000 words, there is a real chance I may blow past that and be closer to 160,000. That would really put a crimp in my dreams of ever successfully querying, but, lulz, this is a passion project and I just want to experience what it’s like to query.
  2. I’m Kind of Bonkers
    Any literary agent doing due diligence on me is probably think I’m nuts. I may just be too “colorful” for my own good. I just have accept that particular example of the “kook tax” and try to roll with the punches. But it sucks that that and my age may really in a cold, clinical nuts-and-bolts kind of way may prevent me from ever getting published traditionally.
  3. The Novel May Be Too Spicy
    There is a fair amount of sex in this novel, the point that that, unto itself, my turn literary agents off. And the fact that my heroine is something of a part-time sex worker might also cause some problems.
  4. I’m A Middle-Aged White Dude Writing From A Brown Female POV At Times
    There are a number of problems baked into the very structure of this novel from the get-go that may make it a no-go. I often write from a female POV in this novel. There are more than one POV within a chapter. And the chapters are probably a little too long at some points. All of those issues — while true to paying homage to Stieg Larsson — may really make it difficult to sell the novel.

The ‘Kook Tax’ Is So Annoying

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I have a feeling I’m going to suffer the “kook tax” again sometime soon. Just a feeling. The “kook tax” is when people make assumptions about you just because you’re different.

But it’s just a part of my life now. I just have to accept that being a freaky weirdo naturally leads to having endure the “sings and arrows of outrageous fortune” maybe a little bit more than other people.

And, yet, as I keep saying, the worst thing anyone ever said about me was I’m “a delusional jerk with a good heart.” If that’s the worst you can say about me, I guess that’s not so bad over all.

I generally mean well. I’m a good guy, all things considered, but I am, alas, a kook.