Tag: movies

How To Fix ‘Jay Kelly’

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The key problem with the movie Jay Kelly is it’s a movie devoted to explicating rich people problems. And not in an interesting way. The first half of the movie is just a breezy affair where there’s no there there.

There’s just no conflict.

So, if I were to given the opportunity to “fix” the movie Jay Kelly, here’s what I would do. I would infuse some of Woody Allen’s Blue Jasmine movie into the plot. I’d figure out some way to have the hero get out of his comfort zone. Confront that not everyone is thrilled with how fucking rich he is.


I’d do this by either having him go to, say, a Thanksgiving celebration where he met his “loser” brother, or maybe put the hero in a situation where he’s on the cusp of losing everything for some reason. Or maybe have Jay Kelly fall in love with a lower middle class woman with some principle and pluck who he can’t woo by just throwing money at the problem.

I’d do something so there were some…stakes. The actual real movie Jay Kelly has little or no stakes. Things just happen. The second half of the movie does have something happen, but it’s still meh in my book.

I think the movie is a prime example of what’s wrong with Hollywood. Because of the fucking massive structural income inequality in the United States’ economy, the rich people who would otherwise make movies that people might want to actually see are either too fucking woke, or woo or oblivious to focus on telling a good story.

Anyway. I would like to thank Claude LLM for listening to me gripe about how bad Jay Kelly was as I watched it.

A Second Life For ‘Babylon?’

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Even though I walked out just about at the 80% mark because the plot had become way too trite for my tastes, I really did enjoy Babylon. It was very much a spiritual successor to “The Wolf of Wall Street” in the sense that if you liked one movie you are very likely to enjoy the other.

Margot Robbie plays Nellie LaRoy and Diego Calva plays Manny Torres in Babylon from Paramount Pictures.

So, what happened?

What did the movie bomb so bad?

I guess marketing? But from the generally positive reactions to the movie I’m seeing from the hip-central that is Tik-Tok….I think you shouldn’t count Babylon out just yet. It’s possible that at some point the film will organically grow in popularity to the point that 20 years from now we’ll all assume it was a popular movie when it came out when, in fact, it definitely was not.

I don’t know when or how this transformation in fortunes might occur, but I do think that once people can watch the movie in the luxury of their own homes and it will likely grow in popularity. At least to a limited extent.

The movie is too good for it to be forgotten. It’s possible — not probable — that it might be a lot of Oscar nominations and maybe wins that ultimately save Babylon from itself.

Hollywood Should Adapt ‘Fletch & The Man Who’ Next

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I really love the Fletch series of novels because, as a young man, they were short, amusing easy reads with gratuitous sex in them. One of my favorite Fletch books is “Fletch And The Man Who.”

It’s a murder mystery set during a presidential campaign. It’s meant to evoke the book “The Boys On The Bus.” I could see a modern day version of this concept being a lot of fun if the “Man Who” in question was a Trump-type character. That would be a great way talk about the surreal nature of modern American politics in the context of a comic mystery.

And, yet, they need to hurry up.

They need to greenlight such a movie now — hopefully because “Confess, Fletch” is a success. They could probably get such a movie out in time for the 2024 presidential cycle.

As we know, of course, late 2024, early 2025 might be pretty turbulent. We may have to avoid car bombs to get to the theatre to see the movie.

Zendaya & A Rebooting Of The ‘Alien’ Franchise


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

As it stands, almost all the major Hollywood franchises are either bloated or dead in the water from being stripped mined. We’re reaching a moment when a reboot for any of the major scifi franchises could happen and enough people would be young enough that it wouldn’t be seen as the sacrilege that it actually was.

This brings us to the Alien franchise.

What I would do is, be ambitious. I would completely reboot the franchise from the beginning, giving all the principles a three picture deal. That would be one way to assure consistency of tone. The actress I feel would be perfect to play the new Ripley would be Zendaya. She’s tall like Sigourney Weaver and it would take the franchise into the modern world to have a POC like Zendaya playing the heroine.

I would grab a good horror director and be on my way. The new Alien and Aliens would be simply modern reinterpretations of the originals, while the third movie would be what we were promised at the very end of Aliens — it would be set on earth.

The point of all of this is it seems to me that Hollywood is so wrapped up in trying to stop 9/11 via superhero movies that they are growing more and more disconnected from their audiences and what they want. People don’t want “woke” movies and they’re growing tired of superhero movies.

It’s time Hollywood went back to basics and told good stories with mass appeal.

Movie Pitch: Margot Robbie Should Produce A Reboot Of ‘Picnic At Hanging Rock’ Staring Millie Bobby Brown


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Hollywood is completely devoid of new ideas. Why not at least reboot interesting concepts instead of, say, “Car 54, Where Are You?” Accordingly, one of the best Australian movies of the last 50 years is “Picnic At Hanging Rock.” It has a mysterious, ethereal quality to it. Given what it deals with — the mysterious disappearance of a bunch of young Commonwealth girls, it seems a perfect fit for Margot Robbie to do something with in conjunction with Millie Bobby Brown.

It would be a perfect chance for Miss Brown, Ms. Robbie and a bunch of other Commonwealth actors to gnaw on the scenery for about two hours. It’s a much beloved movie Down Under and so it seems a logical choice for Ms. Robbie.

But what do I know.

How To Reboot ‘The Terminator’ Franchise


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Ugh. Where to begin with this one. What is it about early 80s scifi movies connected to James Cameron turning into shit 30 years later. So, we have a problem.

The Terminator franchise is a very beloved one. It has a really passionate, built-in fan base, a sizable chunk of which is willing to rush to the theatres to see the latest incarnation.

But the last few Terminators have been real stinkers. The premise is tired. Played out. Here’s how to fix it and make a lot — A LOT — of money.

Again, just with the Alien franchise, there’s an issue of consistency of tone to deal with. So, much like the James Bond franchise, I would get the best director I could find willing to do three movies and attach them to the project.

Then I would do something to the basic premise of the movies that would infuse it with a huge amount of life. Instead of constantly sending Terminators to kill John Conner over and over again, why not shock the audience in the first film by having him die at the end of the first movie in the series.

The twist is — the whole thing is a different timeline from the one that send the Terminator in the future. (I haven’t seen the last few Teriminators, so if I’ve stumbled across one of their existing plot twists, sorry.)

Anyway, you would need to reboot the entire series from the beginning. Give it a three picture arc with the same director and rake in the money. The issue would not be “here we go again,” but a journey through different timelines.

Or something.

There is a risk, of course, that the entire premise is so played out as to make any reboot meaningless.

My Novel Is A Screenplay In Hiding & How Phoebe Waller-Bridge Inspires Me



by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m a very visual person. And I love movies. I love how a good movie — or film for that matter — can become a totem for the era in which it was produced. Movies, with their combination of music, writing, cinematography and acting are artistic time capsules waiting to be discovered by new generations.

As such, the novel I’m developing and writing is pretty much a screenplay hiding inside a novel. I can’t help myself. I reference a lot of music. In fact, music is pretty crucial to understanding the whole thing. And the story (two novels, one story) is jammed packed with scenes that I look forward to writing and I know, given the opportunity, that audiences would crave to see on the big screen.

But the point of this post is the actress Phoebe Waller-Bridge. While, again, my expectations for this novel are painfully low, I do continue to see Ms. Waller-Bridge when I imagine my female romantic lead. She’s the right age and British. The female romantic lead is an amalgam of a number of women who have caught my eye over the years. The biggest inspiration is, of course Alexa Chung, who is, oddly enough, just about Ms. Waller-Bridge’s age.

It’s interesting how much of a struggle I’ve gone through to make my original vision of this novel a reality. My writing ability was sorely lacking when I started this process. But, finally, I feel I’ve pretty much figured out how my doofus hero might be able to snag a woman who is, at least in part, inspired by Ms. Chung.

As I’ve said before, I find it extremely amusing that my female romantic lead has an Asian surname, but — plot twist! — doesn’t look Asian. It’s all very amusing because I could see a lot of Twitter liberals who hadn’t read the book getting extremely angry that a Caucasian would play the character, not knowing that, lulz, she doesn’t even look Asian as described.

But, in general, I’m a big fan of Ms. Waller-Bridge. That girl has creative brass ovaries. She inspires me a great deal because she looks at the audience without blinking and challenges them. My novel, too, pretty much wallows in some very controversial subjects and demands the audience dare to look away.

Or, put another way, that’s what’s going on in my mind as I develop and write the novel. The whole thing is so diffused that, lulz, you probably wouldn’t even notice what the fuck I just said in the actual product. The novel I’m writing is a very breezy, accessible read.

Anyway. Who am I fooling. I can’t even get anyone to read this blog, much less read a novel in the 145,000 to 165,00 word count range. But, like I said, this a novel that has some serious screenplay envy.

Some of the scenes would knock your socks off on the screen!

My Webstats Suggest Someone Is Developing a ‘Big Chill’ For The #COVID19 #Pandemic #Trump Era



by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I wish I had the resources to do it, it’s so obvious — a quickie, updated version of The Big Chill set in NYC during the current COVID19 Pandemic. The plot writes itself — a group of six 40th somethings (and one younger person) come together for a series of COVID19-related funerals and talk about the modern world.

Pretty much all you have to do is find a decent screenwriter and some high-end movie equipment and you have a movie. It could be super timely and it would give you the opportunity to explore — and maybe have some catharsis — about the current fucked up Trump Era.

I say someone is producing this movie because twice in the last few weeks someone has looked at a post I did two years ago suggesting such a movie. But now that funerals are starting up in NYC, well, it’s very easy to see an indie movie about what I’m proposing popping up.

You could do it really, really fast and maybe even get a well-known actor to be a producer and pay for the whole thing as well. You need six people. I tried to come up with a dream cast, only to realize if everyone (expect one person) is supposed to be in their 40s, you’d have to think about who would play which character and I’m not really into putting that much energy into this post.

Anyway, good luck people who are writing and producing the movie I thought up two years ago.




Of #Hollywood, #Acting & The #Novel I’m Developing

Some thoughts.

‘Burn, Hollywood, Burn’ #COVID19

It’s going to suck.
Shelton Bumgarner

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Hollywood, we got a problem. It’s at least within the realm of possibility that not only will all entertainment production shut down soon because of a pandemic, but people will stop going to the movies for a solid year. If you work on the assumption that for about a year — until a vaccine is finally approved and mass produced — some fundimental assumptions about everyday life will be suspended then Hollywood as we know it is a Dead Man Walking.

By the time things go “back to normal,” we may not even have a traditional Hollywood anymore. “Immersive media” in the guise of VR and AR may pop out of the rubble and take over the entertainment world. But another thing to remember — when will the crisis reach such levels that there aren’t live studio audiences for late night talk shows? Or everyone on TV starts to wear a mask? The issue is if you see the coming pandemic in the United States as a process, not an event, a “new normal” will happen at some point where we move past the “event” stage into the “process” stage where everyday life begins to come back, albeit in a dramatically different form. It will be surreal, at first, but it will have to be done.

The whole thing is going to suck. But at some point The Powers That Be are going to encourage “normal” TV to come back for no other reason than to make the life of pandemic — where everyone has to stay inside — at least a bit more bearable. Remember, whatever the pandemic is called will be, will said in the same breath as the Civil War and World War 2. So, eventually, inevitably, we’ll figure out some way to go back to “normal” while we wait for it to end.

But one thing that will be interesting to look at will be the rise of Immersive Media. How fast will that happen? Telepresence will be a huge growth industry in the middle of a pandemic. It will be interesting to see how that will work out specifically.

I am curious what will happen to music. Will someone write a pop song that alludes to the effects of a pandemic? How would they pull it off? I’m tempted to write some doggerel. But I see writing song lyrics a huge waste of time when I have a novel to develop and write. But someone should start thinking about that.

In the end, even with a pandemic all around us, life will go on. People will have sex. Babies will be born. People will die.

Life will go on.