Get Mad And Stay Mad About Stephen Miller’s Nazi Border Policy #KeepFamiliesTogether

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

I am not going to be so sanguine as to suggest the Stephen Miller policy on the border in regard to immigrants will, in real terms, do anything to slice the festering boil that is the Trump Administration. The country is too divided and negative polarization on the Right is way, way, way too potent a force for that to happen. I will note, however, that Trump and his fellow would-be Nazis have kind of painted themselves into a corner.

This is because the more you know the fact of what’s going on, the more difficult it is to wave your hand and tell people like me to “enjoy the humming economy” and “get laid.” There’s a real humanitarian and ethical crisis taking place on the border and the question is, are we willing to do something about it in real terms, or is this just another frightening example of how the United States is lurching towards a not-so-quasi authoritarian state.

There is, at least, as small possibility that we’re headed for an enormous confrontation about the future of our nation on a historic scale. Now Trump is extremely fickle and given how easy it is for him to relieve any pressure on his administration by simply revoking the policy this could be a non-issue. And Trump is so completely devoid of shame that he could very easily wake up one morning, watch Morning Joe, and tweet out some bizarre rationale for ending the policy that blames the Democrats with maximum pandering to his base.

And, yet, there is also a chance that this policy plays so well to the base and Trump is so completely devoid of empathy that he’ll dig in for the long haul. He’ll pick this, of all things, as his hill to die on. If that happens, one of two things will happen. Either his typical, “Look! A squirrel!” approach to governance will succeed, or it won’t. If it does work, then the pot is officially boiling and we’re fucked. If it doesn’t, however, Trump is playing with fire. The fact that some religious leaders have begun to speak out about this policy — despite how Trump, personally, is ensuring the Rapture happens sooner rather than later — indicates there is a least a small possibility the Trump Administration, may, for once, get burned.

Unfortunately, it will take time for the burning to happen. We may be in a political siege of sorts as the two sides wage a slow-motion war as we simply hunker down and wait for the 2018 mid-term elections to roll around. I am very doubtful at this point that there will be a “Blue Wave.” I think while the Republicans may take surprising losses, they will maintain both houses of Congress and Trump will not only survive, but prosper. The economy is doing too well and The Resistance, at least right now, too nebulous and lacking leadership for anything of any substance to happen. And, yet, if we get mad and stay mad about this most basic of issues — the right of parents to stay with their children, regardless of the reason, we might have a small chance.

Too many MAGA people have too much invested in its continued success to even give a little ground on humanitarian grounds to the libtards they are so determined to “own.” In my own dealings with MAGA people on this subject, they either deflect or rhetorically bob and weave to such an extent that conversation with them is pointless. There are also some MAGA sympathizers who take a macro approach and say the United States needs better control over its borders and let the chips fall where they may. That neither one of these groups can’t show some compassion on the face of it once you describe to them what’s going on with this policy is pretty frightening.

What’s so disturbing to me is how MAGA people conflate the issue. They talk about how we need to enforce laws and how this happened under Obama and then they walk off and enjoy the humming economy, go to church and raise their kids. But as I mentioned, this isn’t a law, this is a policy enacted at the behest of White House adviser Stephen Miller’s demented mind. It’s a matter of policy, not law that this is happening and if we hone in on this point and use it as a rhetorical bludgeon on anyone who will listen, then maybe, just maybe something of note will happen.

The Big Lie only works so much. If every time a Trump supporter regurgitates a Big Lie talking point you flatly and politely tell them the facts of the matter and point out how devoid of compassion they are on a personal level, there’s a chance eventually they’ll feel the heat enough that Trump may feel obliged to do the right thing for a change and revoke the policy.

But Trump wants his “big beautiful wall” so bad and the base loves this concept as a form of deterrence so much that we’re in for a historic game of political chicken. It all will come down to the mid-terms. That’s it. The fate of the Republic could hinge on flipping Congress and finally putting a check on Trumplandia. I’m very doubtful this will happen, however. I just think there’s too much dark money being throw at the problem by the Right, not to mention the very real possibility of new, improved interference on the part of the Russians.

So, if you love America, if you love that idea of it being a “city on the hill,” our best hope is that you get angry and stay angry about what’s going on at the border. Take a stand. Be willing to lose Facebook friends over it. Hell, be willing to lose REAL friends over it. If Trump wants to play chicken, let’s play chicken. Just be prepared to hit their car if they don’t blink and swerve away.

Shelton Bumgarner is a writer and photographer living in Richmond, Va. he may be reached at migukin (at) gmail (dot) com.

Uncle Shelton’s Tales: ‘Little Hands & The Bear’

This is me trying to explain to a child what happened during the 2016 presidential election. I think I did a pretty good job.

Uncle Shelton’s Tales: ‘Little Hands & The Bear’
by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

Uncle Shelton and Midnight were fishing at a pond one day when Midnight found a odd bird drinking water. It was made of clay and was very mean to him. He grabbed the clay bird with his mouth and took it to Uncle Shelton.

“What’s this?” Midnight asked.

After a moment of looking at the clay bird, Uncle Shelton patted Midnight on the head and said, “Let me tell you a story…”

One upon a time, the forest creatures held their regular election to see who would be king of the forest. Usually, forest creatures picked between different eagles. Eagles had long been rulers of the forest and kept forest creatures safe and at peace. This time, however, was different.

A nasty, hateful orange troll called Little Hands wanted to control the forest and make all the forest creatures scared of the outside world. He claimed the only way to prevent Man from taking over the forest was to build a big, big wall around it. The forest creatures were not happy with the eagle they had to pick from this time — she was boring — so they were interested.

Little Hands was clever. He talked to the bear, who had long wanted to control the forest because he envied the eagle. Little Hands and the bear came up with a idea. “I have troll magic, let’s make fake birds to tweet and tweet about me to forest animals as they decide who will be the new ruler of the forest,” Little Hands told the bear.

The bear grunted and smiled.

“I know lots of mean things about the eagle that we can tell the fake birds to tweet,” the bear said.

Soon enough, forest creatures large and small didn’t know what to believe. They were scared and confused because of all of the tweets the fake birds were chirping about the eagle. In the end, Little Hands won.

Being mean, he slowly began to turn the forest into a dark and scary place. But the forest creatures were smart and strong and eventually overthrew Little Hands peacefully. How they did it, however, is best left to another story.

“But what happened,” Midnight asked. “How did they over throw the mean troll?

Uncle Shelton sighed deeply and petted Midnight’s head.

“It’s a very funny story, but we need to get back,” Uncle Shelton told Midnight. “It’s time for dinner!”

Shelton Bumgarner is a writer and photographer living in Richmond, Va. He may be reached at migukin (at) gmail (dot) com.

Uncle Shelton’s Tales: ‘Little Hands Meets The Honey Badger’

The point of these tales in general is to try to explain very adult, very timely news events in a manner a child might understand. They’re meant to be about 500 words and something you might read to, say a six-year-old. I’m no expert on the matter so there may be some wiggle room on that matter. This story is meant to explain the inhumane treatment of immigrant families on the border on the part of the Trump Administration.

Uncle Shelton and his pet cat Midnight were walking through the forest when they heard the birds above them tweeting very loudly and quickly. Uncle Shelton, who could understand animals, paused for a moment as he listened to the tweets and looked down out Midnight. He picked his kitty up and gave him a tight snuggle.

“What’s wrong Uncle Shelton?” Midnight said between purrs.

“Let me tell you a story,” Uncle Shelton said softly.

Once upon a time, there lived an evil orange troll named Little Hands who overthrew the eagle as ruler of the forest. He was cruel and mean to everyone who disagreed with him. He kept the eagle in a cage and poked it now and then so he could laugh. His dream was to build a wall around the forest to keep outsiders out. But summer came and animals from outside the forest wanted to drink at a large pond in the middle of it.

Little Hands, being mean, made a rule that animal families who came to the forest without his permission would be torn apart. Mommies and daddies wouldn’t be able to see their children anymore! The animals of the forest grew so angry that they gathered in secret to figure out how to fix the problem.

“I wish the eagle wasn’t in a cage!” said a bear cub.

“Well, we can’t wish. We need results,” said a boar. “We need a honey badger!”

A hush fell upon the gathered animals. Honey badgers were well known in the animal kingdom for having no fear. The animals gathered all the gold they could find and summoned the honey badger. The honey badger came to the kingdom and there was no stopping him. He broke all the little animals free and even freed the eagle! There was much rejoicing on the part of the animals as Little Hands ran away, crying.

Midnight was so excited at the end of the story that he climbed on top of Uncle Shelton’s head!

“I love that story!” he said. “Is it true? Is that what the birds are tweeting about?”

Uncle Shelton paused, took Midnight into his arms and kissed him.

“If only it were so, my little furry friend,” Uncle Shelton said with a tear in his eye. “If only it were so.”

Shelton Bumgarner is a writer and photographer living in Richmond, Va. He may be reached at migukin (at) gmail (dot) com.

Uncle Shelton’s Tales: ‘Naborat Jeebus & The Gennies’

When I was in South Korea teaching English, there was this cute little kid who completely mixed up the New Testament with the movie “Constantine.” It was so cute and surreal that I used it once when I was writing EduTimes fairy tales for this or that surreal little story. So, with that in mind, here’s my effort to explain to a child how fucked up Jeff Sessions’ efforts on the border are. And, as an added bonus, we get to use gennies as a symbolic warning — they’re a poor man’s alarm system as I understand it.

Uncle Shelton’s Tales’ Presents:
Naborat Jeebus & The Gennies

Uncle Shelton took Midnight a farm one day and the moment they got there, there was a horrible noise! Birds were running around everywhere, squawking and causing trouble.

“What are those, Uncle Shelton?” Midnight asked.

“Those are gennies!” Uncle Shelton said. “They make a lot of noise, they warn you when you’re in trouble. One time they saved the land from a horrible orange troll!”

One upon a time, an evil orange troll named Little Hands overthrew the lion as the king of the land. He had become friends with the birds who tweeted his commands down on the animal kingdom. Little Hands had promised so many things to the animal kingdom using the birds’ tweets and for a while there was peace in the land as he grew in power. One day, the Little Hands awoke to a horrible noise! The kingdom was being invaded by gennies! They are a very loud birds and they made it so Little Hands couldn’t sleep. He was very lazy and liked to sleep all day long!

Little Hands decided to use magic to get rid of the gennies. He summoned an evil elf. He told the elf to do whatever it took to get rid of the brown, noisy gennies.

“Yes sir Little Hands!” the evil little elf said. “Right away sir!”

Using his magic powers, he summoned the most powerful magical creature he knew of, Naborat Jeebus! Naborat Jeebus was very old and long ago had left the land to live with his father. The evil little elf told Naborat Jeebus many lies about the gennies, so many lies that Naborat Jeebas cast the gennies into a big pin! He even tore genny familes apart!

The noise of all those gennies being moved into a big pen was ever so loud. Loud enough that Naborat Jeebus took note. He paused for a moment and asked a genny why they were making so much noise.

“We’re just gennies!” one said. “It’s our job in the animal kingdom to make noise, to product people from danger! We meant no harm!”

Naborat Jeebus looked at the evil little elf and got angry.

“How dare you summon me to hurt the innocent!” Naborat Jeebus yelled.

And with that, Naborat Jeebus freed the gennies and turned both the evil little elf and Little Hands into toads and went back to be with his father.

The End.

“See,” Uncle Shelton said. “Sometimes, the good guys win!”

“I know,” Midnight said. “But not always, right?”

“No, Midnight, not always. But if you make enough noise like the gennies, you’re more likely to do so.”

Shelton Bumgarner is a writer and photographer living in Richmond, Va. He may be reached at migukin (at) gmail (dot) com.

Uncle Shelton’s Tales: ‘The Bird King’

In this one, I’m trying to explain to a child Trump’s use of Twitter. So much of what Trump does is nearly impossible to explain to a very young child because how abstract it is. But if you break it down into concepts they can understand, you can get the point across and make yourself feel better. This one is ok, I guess. There’s something there that could be used to tell the story I want to tell, it’s just not nearly as focused as it could be. But I wrote this one VERY FAST.

The Bird King
A Fairy Tale by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

Uncle Shelton was walking through the woods with Midnight. Midnight raced around every once in a while, trying to eat the birds, but they were too fast and could fly.

“I wish I could be a bird,” Midnight told Uncle Shelton. “That would be so cool!”

“Are you sure….” Uncle Shelton said.

Once upon a time, an evil orange troll named Little Hands lived under a bridge. He was greedy and stole from people as they cross the bridge. He loved shiny things and thought one day he might get some gold to love. Because we all know if there’s one thing trolls love, it’s gold!

One day, Little Hands, the orange troll, heard someone above him walking across the bridge. He jumped out from under the bridge and what did he see but a old man and a camel. Little Hands demanded tribute to cross the bridge. The old man, with eternal, wise eyes, looked at the orange troll and shook his head.

“I have no money, just wishes,” the old man said.

“Well give me a wish, then!” Little Hands said. “I demand tribute! I want gold!”

“How about I let you wish to be a bird? You’ll get your gold that way,” the old man said.

Little Hands gave it some thought and finally agreed. He wished to be a bird and the old man passed across the bridge and vanished. Soon enough, Little Hands was a bird! He flew around with all his might, enjoying flight. He realized that now that he could talk to the other birds, he had a lot of power. So he tweeted to the other birds that they were being robbed by the other forest animals who enjoyed their shiny feathers and lovely sounds. He said they should demand tribute! They needed gold!

And the birds attacked the other forest creatures until they got all the gold they wanted. Just as it seemed the forest was doomed, a funny bird appeared out of nowhere. He made jokes about Little Hands, making all the forest creatures laugh and laugh. The power of all that laughter broke the old man’s spell and Little Hands became just a troll again. He lost all his gold, all his power and lived a long life under his bridge, remembering when he was the Bird King.

The End.

“So where did the funny bird come from?” Midnight asked Uncle Shelton.

“The old man with the camel crossed another bridge! This time there was a funny troll!” Uncle Shelton hooted. “The moral of the story is if someone makes your wish come true, they might give your dreams to someone else as well!”

‘The Jester Emperor’ — A Fairy Tale

I’m struggling to tell a child what’s going on right now in America and how we got here. This is inspired by a New Yorker cartoon I saw once.

The Jester Emperor
by Shelton Bumgarner

One upon a time, there lived a well respected, but bored, emperor. He was widely respected by all in the land, but he had ruled a long time and was looking for a change. So he decided to let the people pick a new emperor who would rule at his pleasure and entertainment.

The campaign began for the new emperor. All across the land, different people ran for the office. One was a woman who was qualified, but dull. She was no fun. Meanwhile, the other was one of the emperor’s own court jesters. He was funny and made the masses laugh as he appealed for people’s votes. He attacked any and everyone. He would say bad words and his growing numbers of supporters were mean to anyone who disagreed with him. While the emperor began to grow alarmed at the race, he felt he was wise enough to keep control and he allowed the race to continue. The race ended and to everyone’s surprise, the jester won.

The Jester Emperor, as he was now known, quickly used every power he had to stir up the population. He attacked the old emperor with great abandon. Whenever he spoke from the imperial keep, and spoke to the masses below, he demanded he become emperor for life. He said it in such a funny way that no one knew if he was serious or not. It all happened so quickly that the old emperor didn’t know what to do.

Within a month, it all became very real. The masses charged the old emperor’s home and demanded he name the Jester Emperor his successor. The old emperor did so and as he did, the Jester Emperor changed into the imperial purple and looked down on the cowering old emperor.

“I guess no one’s joking now, huh,” the Jester Emperor cackled.

‘Be Careful What You Wish For…” — A Fairy Tale

This is a retelling of one of my favorite stories I wrote for The EduTimes in South Korea. Again, my intent is not to be misogynistic. But this gives you some sense of my state of mind in 2007.
Be Careful What You Wish For…
By Shelton Bumgarner
Once upon a time, two guards were in front of a city gate, protecting it from enemies. The summer sun shone down on them harshly and they were sweating greatly. They grumbled to each other that they wished they were inside, chatting with cute girls. Mid-day came and they noticed a colorful, musical collection of people coming towards them. The closer the joyful parade came to them, the more curious to two guards became.
Soon the caravan stopped and a gorgeous woman stood before the two guards. She smelled wonderfully and was wearing sheer clothes that sparkled in the hot summer sun.
“Hello there!” she said. “My name is Gaia and I’m the leader of this merry band of women who are looking for a place to stay for the night. We come in peace and we’ll make your every dream come true.”
The two guards look at each other suspiciously. How could it be that such a thing was real. They knew for a fact that there were many men inside the city gates who would love to entertain any one of the beautiful women in the group before them. Gaia came very close to the two guards, close enough to kiss them.
After a moment, the two guards thought the same thing together — most of the people in front of them are women, there’s nothing to worry about.
So they opened the gates and let Gaia’s people in.
That night, the city was in chaos. The women of Gaia’s group had seduced every man they could and wives and girlfriends were starting fights left and right. In the confusion, a small group of the caravan’s men snuck into the city’s treasury and stole as much money as they could. The next morning the city awoke to the Gaia and her caravan gone, with much less money than they had before.
The End.

Fairy Tale: The Dream Box

This is not meant to be nearly as misogynistic as it might seem. It’s just about how being in a relationship isn’t always that great. And I was trying to think of a way to talk about sexbots taking over the world because of the demands of “incels.”

The Dream Box
By Shelton Bumgarner

Once upon a time, a young man named Coy was lonely. He searched high and low for a girlfriend, but he could find none. He was very sad, so very sad. He bumped into an old friend who told him he might find some help finding a girlfriend at the spooky old house where an old inventor lived.

Coy rushed to the old spooky house and opened the door. He found the old inventor tinkering away at his desk. Coy eagerly explained his problem — he wanted a girlfriend. The kind old inventor took one look at the young man and pointed to a large machine. The wise old inventor said that was his latest invention, The Dream Box.

The young man went up to The Dream Box and spoke his wish, “I wish every young man gets a girlfriend from now on! No young man will ever be lonely again!” The inventor flinched and realized he’d made a horrible mistake. Sure enough, The Dream Box opened up and girlfriend after girlfriend came out of the box. The first one to come out of the box made a beeline to Coy.

At first things were great. But within days, Coy, too, realized he’d made a mistake. His girlfriend began to demand he change his life in ways he didn’t like. But because of the wish, he couldn’t break up with her. So, too, did every other young man in the world realize this. So until the sun no longer set, the girlfriends ruled the world with an iron fist.

Fairy Tale: The Peasant

I used to write fairy tales when I was in South Korea. Here’s a new one just for fun.

The Peasant
By Shelton Bumgarner

Once upon a time, there lived a peasant Victor who believed he was destined to be a great hero. He was always looking for his chance to show his valor. While he was working the fields under the hot summer sun, he dreamed and dreamed that one day he would be invited to the emperor’s court and be given a mighty steed.

Victor was walking down a dusty path one afternoon when he was conked on the head by message that fell out of the sky. He looked up and saw a carrier pigeon flying away. He quickly read the message. It was very vague, but it seemed to between a spy telling about the affairs of state to the nation’s enemies. Victor ran as quickly as he could to his best friend Jack and the two men struggled to understand what it meant.

With great passion, Victor prepared to meet the spies at the appointed time as stated in the message, defeat them and be declared a hero by the emperor. Jack was less sure. The message was cryptic and he didn’t want to be seen a fool. He tried to tell Victor this, but to no avail.

The appointed time came and Victor jumped out of the shadows late at night to defeat the enemies of the state and be declared a hero. Alas, the message was not from a spy, but from the emperor’s lover. The emperor and his lover looked at Victor in shock. We don’t know what happened to Victor, but he was never heard from again.

‘Scorpion’ — #Lyrics To A Pop Ballad

This is a reference to the parable of the scorpion and the frog. I just like telling stories in verse. That’s it. I’m just relaxing. No one is paying me any attention and so I’m just challenging myself. I need to be working on my novel.

Scorpion
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

we’re in the middle of the river
once again
you look into my eyes with love
and you strike
as we sink into oblivion
you hug me tight and say your sorry

you’re the scorpion of my heart
the scorpion ready to strike
the scorpion, the scorpion
the scorpion, the scorpion

doesn’t seem possible
that this would happen again
the doors would slam and rings go rolling
but our love seems too solid
for the stinger to be felt

we’re too animals under the sheets
when we have to cross the river though
your instincts kick in yet again
I’ll hop anywhere you like
but I can’t bear to die again tonight

you’re the scorpion of my heart
the scorpion ready to strike
the scorpion, the scorpion
the scorpion, the scorpion

[bridge]
the truth will out
I know your lies
but I can’t deny how I feel
when you’re between my thighs

keep expecting a different outcome
say to myself one last time then I’m done
peeking into my fate I know the truth
you’ll strike again with love in your eyes
soon enough the darkness with abide