The Quiet Before The Storm: Daydreaming About Hollywood On A Dull August Evening

by Shelt Garner

Usually, August is good for one good astonishing surprise. But, so far, things have been exceedingly meh. It’s normally just about now when breaking news event forces all the Beautiful People drinking pina coladas on the a Seychelles beach have to rush home because everything has changed.

If you’re an astute media consumer, you will notice that the Beautiful People let interns take over the office and we end up with some very earnest, very dumb articles that leave you asking, “How did THAT get published?”

Now, I’d prefer if some Big Event happens in August that no one gets hurt and it’s “fun interesting.” But, as of right now, it seems as though August is simply going to be the quiet before the storm of the fall when we’re going to have the double wamny of a the flu season smashing into the COVID19 pandemic and a pitched battle to see who POTUS is going to be.

For my part, I find myself thinking about starting work on the development of a screenplay. I’m already cruising along with a novel and this weekend I had something of an existential moment when I realized I do not have a Plan B. As such, I think I’m going to use a number of things I’ve learned from developing this novel to begin working on a screenplay. I’m going to use Star Wars as my “textbook.”

Now, I know I’m being delusional. I’m too old, for starters. I’m far my likely to sell a first novel given my specific circumstances than I am a screenplay. But something about having the adventure of developing and writing a screenplay (or two) then traveling all the way to LA to see if I can accidentally-on-purpose run into a producer or some other Hollywood type is very enticing.

In fact, my personality is probably the only thing I have going for me on that front at this point. I’ve got solid talent, but, as I mentioned, I’m kind of old to get into the screenwriting business. But, again, I know that if I have a screenplay finished that I have the wherewithal to fly to LA (on the other side of the country) and hit the pavement. The idea of “somehow” being invited to a Hollywood party while I’m in town and “somehow” catching the attention of someone of note at the party is just the long-term project that appeals to me on a very basic level.

I know myself well enough to know that if I “somehow” was to find myself in a Hollywood party that all I would have to do is get liquored up and before you know it, I’d be Quentin Tarantino in the movie “Sleep With Me” pontificating on a wide range of thought provoking ideas and ending up with a three picture deal before it was all over with. (This is an extreme romanticized dream on my part. Probably none of that would happen, but, lulz, this is a very dull August evening.)

So, as such, I’m going to try — try — to have a Plan B, C and D that I can turn to if and when disaster strikes and I simply can’t continue with the novel I’m working on. The novel itself is really, really good (at least relative to my abilities) but I’m growing nervous that I’ve put all my eggs in one basket and I need to have a few backups in case something out of my control happens.

Anyway. What else am I supposed to do as House Trump consolidates power and turns us into a fascist state?

Author: Shelton Bumgarner

I am the Editor & Publisher of The Trumplandia Report

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