They Shoot Writers, Don’t They? — For The Next 3 Months I Plan On Being A Dry Drunk

by Shelt Garner

For various reasons, I’ve made an informal deal with myself — I’m not drinking until I can walk again. I feel pretty comfortable that this deal will be successful because of my relationship to booze.

I will admit that I’ve abused alcohol — especially when I was in South Korea — but I’ve also gone huge spans of time no drinking for various reasons. Usually, because I was simply too poor to buy any.

What’s interesting is, I have been forced to take painkillers because of my severely broken right ankle and — to date — I don’t understand how someone can get so addicted them. So far, the ones I’ve taken have either given me a tiny buzz or no buzz at all. I’m WELL AWARE of how easy it is to become addicted to painkillers and I treat them with a great deal of caution and respect because of that.

But I’m hoping it won’t come to that.

I’m hoping in three months everything will return to normal and I can laugh and laugh at this stupid freak accident that threw my life for a loop in a dramatic and unexpected fashion.

I can go back to drinking rye and ranting on Twitter, making everyone think I’m nothing more than just another Internet crank.

Author: Shelton Bumgarner

I am the Editor & Publisher of The Trumplandia Report

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