Tag: I Love Hollywood

I’m At A Loss As To What I’m Going To Do About Querying My First Novel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m well on my way to finishing the third draft of my first novel. The novel will tell a coherent, cohesive story. It’s not the story I thought I was going to tell when I started this process a few years ago — but it tells a story. And, what’s more, it ques up a number of successor novels in the same universe that will be really compelling.

The heroine of my novel looks like Morena Baccarin.

At least, that’s what I believe.

I am soon going to wrap up the “actively delusional” part of this journey and enter the world of reality where I have to convince liberal white women who make up the majority of literary agents that I can tell a good story about a part-time sex worker who is trying to buy a community newspaper.

At least I can explain the story a lot easier than before. It used to be that the story was a lot more muddled and difficult to explain. Now, I understand what the story is about.

But there are A LOT of problems.

Like, what novel do I “comp” this novel to? What genre is this novel, since the murder doesn’t happen until well into the second half of the story. I just don’t know. And, when you add how bitter people seem to become whenever they enter into the land of querying, well, lulz, oh boy.

My heroine sports a sleeve tattoo similar to the one that Megan Fox now has, even though I came up with the idea first.

I’m going to have to shift gears bigtime once I finish the novel and start to query seriously. So much so, that I don’t even know if I can continue to write, even though I know I have to. Querying is a job and struggle unto itself, it seems.

But I do have a number of other stories I want to work on while I query the first novel. And I hope to have the second novel in the series I’m working on — one that is a traditional murder-mystery-thriller done pretty soon as well. It will have most of all of the same characters as the first novel and a few new ones.

It will definitely be interesting to see how things work out. I’m sure I’m going to make many, many, many, many mistakes and probably have already made a lot by just being me.

Daydreaming About A Trip To LA

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’ve only been to LA once and that was about 20 years ago on my way to South Korea. But, now, just about 20 years later, I find myself pondering a return to LA once I finish my novel.

Now, obviously, instead of one novel, I should have three solid scripts finished before I head to LA. But, lulz, I never do what you’re supposed to and I’m very, very, very delusional. What’s more, it could be years before I can afford to get anywhere near LA and I will be even more fucking old than I already am.

It’s all very depressing.

But if I did go to LA, I would have to figure out where I would stay and for how long. I would also have to figure out how I would get around since I wouldn’t have a car and I wouldn’t feel like renting a car to drive in the horrific LA traffic. That is one reason why I love NYC so much more than LA — you can walk anywhere you need to go in NYC — or take the subway.

Anyway, the reason why LA is so enticing is I know I’m a good schmoozer. I know that, through sheer force of will, it’s at least possible that I might be able to talk my way into a cocktail party and have a loud, interesting conversation that catches the attention of some mover and shaker.

Again, did I mention how delusional I am?

And, like I said, this is all potentially years in the future. And a lot could happen in just the next 18 months that will….uhhh…complicate any such plans. It’s difficult to travel anyway, much less LA if the United States is bombing itself to rubble because of a revolution / civil war.

And if we turn into an autocracy, I could be dying in a Trump-branded concentration camp, rather than looking for opportunity in LA.

The Point Is To Tell A Good Story

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

So, my first novel isn’t going to be a murder mystery thriller. It’s a novel essentially about a power struggle over a community newspaper that will serve as the cornerstone of what could be a open-ended seven novel project. But, given how fucking old I am and how even if I stick the landing I could be in querying hell for years — I’ll just be glad to finish A Novel.

The heroine of my novel looks like Morena Baccarin.

As such, I’m zooming through the third draft of my first novel.

Though, I will note one annoying thing about all of this — way too many people get all excited and promise to read a chapter here or there only to ghost me. I can never figure out if this means they hate what I gave them and don’t want to give me ANY opinion, they realized they just didn’t want to anything and ghosted me or there’s some third thing going on that I don’t know about.

Anyway, I’m very pleased with the state of this first novel and I’m really beginning to think about the second novel in the seven-novel project as well as a few scifi novels that will serve as a “back up” option in case something happens with the main creative track.

My heroine sports a sleeve tattoo similar to this one that Megan Fox has now. Even though I thought of the idea first!

I still refuse to even think about self-publishing. While I play pretend and give myself five years from the point when I start to query to get traditionally published before I self-publish….I know that’s just a dumb thing I tell myself instead of the truth: I’m never fucking self-publishing.

Human Hollywood Is Going To Need Legal Carveouts To Survive In The Age of Generative AI Like Sora

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I think we’re one (severe) recession — or less — away from Hollywood being reduced to two types of people plutocrats and programmers. And, given how fast LLMs are approaching the ability to wrote code — Hollywood may just be plutocrats who license their content to LLM companies.

It could all happen a lot sooner than any of us want to think about. It could be by the end of the decade that we just don’t really have a “human” Hollywood anymore, to the point that the far Left and the far Right will come together in some new anti-tech MAGA movement that demands legal carveouts for human workers in entertainment.

Or not. What do I know. But I, in general, the trends do seem to indicate that Something Big is going to happen with “human Hollywood” in the near, near future.

I Have A Villain Problem

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Watching “House of Cards” about a decade after everyone else has really opened my eyes to how piss-poor the villains of my novel are. I know what’s happening — my writing and storytelling ability is really getting a lot better so some things I didn’t really think about at first are coming to the forefront of my mind.

House of Cards

The villains of Stieg Larsson’s novels are horrific, while mine are just…there. There’s nothing really scary or notable about them. This is all happening so late in the process, of course, that I have only a limited amount of time to improve their characterization.

But I’ve at least realized it now, rather than when I try to pitch the novel.

I really need to dig deep — fast — and think up ways to make my various villains memorable and hateful. This is going to be really difficult because my usual way — which is to drift towards my goal and daydream until I come up with a solution — just isn’t going to cut it.

If I use that method, it could be next year before I nail down everything and I just don’t have time. Around July 22 – 23 is my deadline and that’s what I have to work with. If I don’t get where I need to be by that point, I’m really afraid that the window of opportunity I have to sell this novel will close and we’ll all be consuming AI generated entertainment, or the fucking Fourth Turning will happen — you name it.

Anyway. Onward.

The Name Game

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I try to do what is right, I really do. And when it comes to developing and writing a novel, there are all the unexpected landmines floating around that you have to avoid.

Lisbeth Salander is the type of name that is so great I wish I could think of something as strong.

One is the subject of names.

In general, I feel pretty safe with all of my character names. And YET it is inevitable that somehow, someway along the process there might be a hitch. There is one character — a huge character in the project six book series, in fact — who has a surname that MIGHT be a problem.

S1-D13-_-Pang-_-mysterious-postcard-RCL-work-day-1Download

But I’m really, really being paranoid, all things considered.

And I’m not attached to that specific name. If I have to, I have a few backup names I’m willing to switch to. I’m very pragmatic about such things, I just want to be a published author and if it requires a significant rethinking of some element of the six novel project to become one, so be it.

In general, things are going pretty well with this first novel. I’m rather pleased. I just have to press forward. I can’t keep just driving towards my goal. I have to give my life focus and structure if I’m going to wrap this thing up by no later than around July 22th.

Is Tyler Perry The Canary In The Hollywood AI Coalmine?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

As someone who fancies himself something of a “creator” — more specifically, an aspiring novelist — I have to blanch at the news that Tyler Perry has decided to shelve an $800 million investment because of the advent of technology like Sora.

It definitely seems as though This Is It.

It seems possible that we’re about to swerve into a totally unexpected future where our Her-like Personal Digital Assistant, on the fly, shoots out a personalized move in an ad hoc manner because it knows you so well that you don’t even have to tell it what you want to watch at any particular moment.

Things like “writing a novel” will be replaced by someone feeding a few lines of prompt into some future AI and that, as they say, will be that. But I do think I have a little bit of a window of opportunity.

A lot can still go wrong, but a lot can still go right. I just have to press forward. I have to believe in myself. And, if the absolute worst happens, then I can least use the writing and storytelling skills I’ve built since I starting working on this novel to work on something even better.

That’s the current delusional that allows me to get to sleep.

LA or Bust: I’m A Good Schmoozer

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

If, for some reason, my otherwise ho-hum, boring — and broke ass — life ever gets upended in some, fun, cool way, I will have one advantage despite being old as fuck: I’m a good schmoozer.

Me at a Hollywood party in 2028.

And now that I’ve vowed to be sober (to the best of my ability) I might even be able to use that element of my personality without coming across as just a drunk crank. The one place I could see me using my schmoozing ability to the best purpose would be in LA.

But a LOT would have to change in my life for me to get anywhere near LA. I would need a lot more money than I have at the moment. So, it’s at least possible that if I manage to sell the mystery-thriller I’m working on then I might be a position to travel to LA and schmooze my way into a three picture deal.

That at the moment is, obviously, very delusional.

And, yet, lulz, most of us wouldn’t be alive without a bit of delusional now and again, now would we?

But there is a major obstacle to me finding any success schmooze — I’m just too old. So, in a sense, what might happen is, I go to a cocktail party in LA, become the center of attention….and then nothing. I’m just not young and cute anymore.

I really need to accept this reality. I can’t keep pretending that I’m still in my 20s or 30s. People will judge me a far more differently than that now that I’m in my 50s.

Ugh.

Ah ha! I’ve Finally Figured Out What Hollywood Star My Heroine Looks Like — Nathalie Emmanuel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’ve finally found who I’m thinking of in my mind as I write my heroine and her adventures in my first novel — Nathalie Emmanuel.

Nathalie Emmanuel

My hope is, of course, that I will write a heroine who is as interesting as Stieg Larsson’s Lisbeth Salander. It will be interesting to see how things ultimately work out. A lot of writing a successful novel is just dumb luck. So, lulz, I could write The Bible and because I’m a smelly CIS white male writing from a female POV at times….the woke cancel culture mob will pillory me.

The dream is to write a character as interesting as Stieg Larsson’s Lisbeth Salander.

I Suspect Hollywood Will Love The ‘Part-Time Sex Worker’ Element of This Novel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Whenever I get a little nervous about having my heroine be a part-time sex worker — stripper — I remind myself how freaky most Hollywood actresses are. And, what’s more, I don’t even really have anything all that bad happen to my heroine compared to, say, what Stieg Larsson puts Lisbeth Salander through….Jesus Christ.

So, I think that while a certain portion of the reading public will be turned off by this particular element of my heroine’s character, the people who might actually one day adapt it into a movie — if it ever became that popular, natch — will really dig it.

Having her occasionally strip to relax adds a lot of complexity to her character and evokes an emotional reaction of some sort, which is what all good storytelling does. I am well aware of how some people will want to throw the book across the room the moment they realize that it’s a smelly CIS white male writing from a female POV instead of an undocumented trans woman, but, lulz, slings and arrows and all that.

It will be interesting to see what happens, regardless.