Tag: literary agents

Absolutely No One Believes In This Novel, But Me

by Shelt Garner
@Sheltgarner

This happened before, with the other novel I was working on — it is very clear that absolutely no one believes in it but me. I continue to be rather embarrassed about how long it’s taken me to get to this point with this novel.

But things are moving a lot faster because of AI.

Not as fast as I would prefer, but faster than they were for years. Oh, to have had a wife or a girlfriend to be a “reader” during all the time I worked on the thriller homage to Stieg Larsson. But, alas, I just didn’t have that, so I spun my creative wheels for ages and ages.

And, now, here I am.

I have a brief remaining window of opportunity to get this novel done before my life will probably change in a rather fundimental way and the entire context of me working on this novel will be different.

Anyway, I really need to wrap this novel up. If I don’t I’m going to keep drifting towards my goal and wake up to being 80 and still not have a queryable novel to my name.

Deep Breath

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Ok, I have to admit that there is an element of sex work in this scifi dramedy novel I’m working on. Figuring out exactly where to introduce it and put it has been the toughest structural part of working on this novel.

These days, I’m imagining my female romantic lead of this scifi dramedy looking like Rachel Sennott.

The key thing was that I initially introduced it too soon it — stripping — too soon and it kind of was a downer, specifically how I introduced it.

But gradually, with a lot of help from AI as my manuscript consultant, I finally figured out the best way to approach things. I’m punting the spicy stuff until the second half of the novel, specifically the “bad guys closing in” part of the novel — the second half of the second act.

I’ve pretty much nailed down the first half of the novel, but the second half continues to be very much in flux for various reasons.

Now, in the past when I had stripping as part of the plot of a novel — specifically the Stieg Larsson homage I worked on for years and years — I couldn’t even get an actual human literary consultant to look at it. The moment they realized what I was doing with the novel, they pretty much told me it was trash and why was I even doing it to begin with.

But this go round, I’m hoping that at least, should I figure out where to find the money, that I can get them to at least read the first few chapters. Maybe?

I have my doubts. Literary types just refuse to take me seriously because they think I’m a drunk kook. And I will admit that at times in the past I have resembled that remark. But I’ve sobered up a great deal. The kookiness, however, remains and I just can’t help who I am.

The High Concept For My Scifi Dramedy Novel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

If I were forced to think of an “elevator pitch” high concept for this novel, I would say, “Annie Hall meets Her meets Ex Machina with a dollop of The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.”

That, at least, is the goal.

My writing, even augmented by AI, is only so good. So, lulz. I have to accept that I going to fall far short of my goals in some respects. And I know that I’m “comping” this novel to three movies. I just love movies and don’t really think in terms of novels when working on a novel.

And, to be honest, if i was 25 years younger, I probably would be in Hollywood, slaving away as a screenwriter. But, alas, that is not to be. I’m stuck where I am at the age I am.

It Is Better To Have Loved & Lost, Than Never Loved At All

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I look back over my life and I sometimes wince. I’m not perfect. No one is, but I worry that maybe my wild life in Seoul may come back to bite me in the ass if I should happen to somehow, magically “make it big” via this scifi dramedy I’m writing.

I didn’t do anything THAT BAD in Seoul (or otherwise) but we live in a very touchy world and some of the things I did do, if seen out of context, might…uhhh…not exactly help me going forward.

But the old Shakespeare quote about it’s better to have loved and lost than never loved at all comes to mind. I’d much rather have a taste of success and have it taken away from me for a dumb mistake in the past than never experience it at all.

The only reason why I even bring this up is I’m kind of pumped about this scifi dramedy I’m working on. It’s not perfect, but it’s definitely shaping up to be good enough to query.

I just hope my life doesn’t collapse before I at least have a shot at querying this thing. It really is that good.

I Continue To Feel Rattled By The Prospect of Querying In Spring 2026 The Scifi Dramedy Novel I’m Now Writing

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I don’t know what to tell you. Not only am I demonstrably bonkers, I’m old and I don’t handle stress well. So, here I am, contemplating the prospect of querying this scifi dramedy novel I’m hard at work on.

I am going to go into the querying process totally blind. I am going to try to read as many books as I can, but, lulz, that isn’t really going to prepare me for the real thing.

The whole point of working on a novel all these years has been to see how far I could get in the process before it became clear I just wasn’t good enough to get published traditionally.

Looking back at how I got into this specific situation of being, for all intents and purposes, too fucking old to do any of this and one thing is clear — I think I would have wrapped up a novel worthy of querying had I had a wife or girlfriend in my life.

A wife or girlfriend not only might have been a “reader,” she might have also kind of told me “publish or parish.” As it was, I just kind of drifting year after year towards my goal. Then, I actually finished a thriller novel, only to real it just was not good enough to query.

But now, with the rise of AI, I think, no I KNOW, that this novel is going to be good enough to query. And, yet, there are some pretty significant headwinds. I’m old. I’m bonkers. And I can’t promise you that everything I’ve done online will pass the “smell test” of your typical liberal white woman who probably makes up the vast majority of your literary agents.

And, yet, this novel is not nearly as “spicy” as my previous attempt to write a good enough to query. Although, of course, it is kind of white, which is something I worked so hard to prevent with my previous efforts at a novel.

It’s kind of ironic.

Anyway. Wish me luck, I guess.

I Again Worry About What Happens When Literary Agents Do ‘Due Diligence’ On Me

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

You just can’t escape yourself, you know. Or, as my mom would say, “You take yourself wherever you go.”

So, in that regard, I’m kind of saddled with being a freaky weirdo in a very demonstrable manner on the Internet. I bring this up because once I start to query this scifi dramedy novel I’m working on — probably in late spring 2026 — any literary agent worth their snuff is going to search for me online.

This leads me to blanch. I just can’t help who I am and I can’t help what I may have written online over the years. I call this the “kook tax.” It’s the tax that only kooks like me have to pay.

Anyway. I just can’t help who I am. For better or worse, I’m unique and that’s probably going to turn off some of the liberal white women who probably make up the majority of literary agents.

Though, in my defense, most, maybe nearly all, of my political views fall within the spectrum that liberal white women would find agreeable. And, yet, I also know virtually no one takes me very seriously these days for various reasons and so, lulz, kook tax.

I think I’m brooding about all of this because of general insecurity about what it’s going to be like to query. Just from my occasional interaction with literary consultants, it seems as though some literary people — even pop literary people — take themselves a tad too seriously.

But a lot of that probably comes from…they’re just normal? They take the querying process really seriously and, what’s more, the entire querying infrastructure is designed to prevent people like me from succeeding in teh first place…so…lulz?

Querying This Novel Will Be A Whole Different Creative Era For Me

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m going into querying totally, and completely, oblivious as to what to do. Whenever I start to query, all I will have is a finished novel and that’s it. I have a general idea of some of the elements of querying, but, in general, I have no idea what to expect.

Well, actually, I do know what to expect — it’s probably going to suck.

There are a lot of reasons to believe this. I’m too old. I’m demonstrably a kook as my writing on this Website can attest. The list goes on. Also, the closest novel I know to “comp” my novel to is about 20 years old now.

As an aside, I have noticed that the most recent novels put out by the Stieg Larsson estate seem specifically designed to be as marketable as possible…even though I’ve not managed to get through any of them.

Anyway, that was the whole point of starting this process all those years ago — I wanted to see how far I could get before I had to give up and or piviot to a different novel. I’m not getting any younger, so I should be working on a backup novel right now…but what I’m probably going to do is start work on a second novel once I start to query this mystery-thriller.

I write because I have to, not because I want to, so there.

Psyching Myself Up For Literary Agent Due Diligence On Me

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m determined to start querying this novel either this fall or next spring. I’m tried of writing and rewriting things and I’m prepared once this version is done to call it The Final Version.

As such, I know that the first thing any literary agent who is actually interested in this novel will do is search my name on the Internet.

I just can’t help who I am — I’m something of a kook and that’s just who I’ve always been. So I have to work under the assumption that I could write the great American mystery and, lulz, literary agents will think I’m too big a kook to take seriously and that will be that.

But that’s not going to stop me from trying. I’m going to query this novel anyway and see what happens. It will be fun, in its own way, to watch people who are clearly literary agents that I’ve contact poke around this Website at some point in the future.

It will be “fun” in the sense that I will at least be able to see in real time why it is I can’t sell the novel in the first place.

It’s Comical How Little People Take Me Seriously When It Comes To These Novels I’m Working On

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I have the worst luck when it comes to getting help from people to improve this first novel I’m working on. Some of it comes from the fact that the heroine is a part time stripper and some of it is that well, lulz, people just think I’m a kook.

Naomi Scott as my heroine, Union Pang?

And, you know, maybe I am.

I suppose the dream of every artist is to be judged on the merits of their work, huh.

It’s going to be really interesting to see if I can get any literary agents to take me seriously at all. You know what will happen, of course — they will do due diligence on me, find this Website and laugh and laugh and laugh at what a huge fucking kook I am.

I call this the “kook tax.”

I just can’t help that I’m…different. I’ve always been different, but it’s really disheartening that “serious” “normal” people can’t lower themselves to at least read my novel to help me improve it.

Fortunately, I have AI now. That is really helping me get a little further in the process of improving the novel because the AI doesn’t judge me, even if it locks up whenever I ask it about particularly “spicy” scenes.

I just want this novel to be interesting enough that people finish it and want more. I have two more novels set in the same town and universe. If I manage to miraculously sell these novels, the fifth novel will be set in Asia, I think.

I’ll be 70 years old by the time that one comes out, though. Ugh.

I hate being old. I wanna have fun. I sell my novel, it be a huge success and then run around New York City drinking too much, banging hot 24-year-olds and staying up all night partying.

But, alas, that’s just not in the cards I don’t think. Even though I could probably do those things still, the whole context would be different to the point that it would give me pause for thought. People would look down their nose at me and think I was a creepy weirdo.

Sigh, sigh, sigh.

Some Thoughts As I Potentially Zoom Towards Querying In The Fall

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Looking over the content I’m fusing together, it definitely seems as least within the realm of possibility that it won’t be a year from now when I query my first novel, but, rather this fall.

Four things come to mind as I contemplate this.

  1. The Novel May Be Too Long
    Because I work in terms of scenes, not word count — at least for a lot longer than you might think — I honestly don’t know how long this novel will be. While I’m aiming for about 100,000 words, there is a real chance I may blow past that and be closer to 160,000. That would really put a crimp in my dreams of ever successfully querying, but, lulz, this is a passion project and I just want to experience what it’s like to query.
  2. I’m Kind of Bonkers
    Any literary agent doing due diligence on me is probably think I’m nuts. I may just be too “colorful” for my own good. I just have accept that particular example of the “kook tax” and try to roll with the punches. But it sucks that that and my age may really in a cold, clinical nuts-and-bolts kind of way may prevent me from ever getting published traditionally.
  3. The Novel May Be Too Spicy
    There is a fair amount of sex in this novel, the point that that, unto itself, my turn literary agents off. And the fact that my heroine is something of a part-time sex worker might also cause some problems.
  4. I’m A Middle-Aged White Dude Writing From A Brown Female POV At Times
    There are a number of problems baked into the very structure of this novel from the get-go that may make it a no-go. I often write from a female POV in this novel. There are more than one POV within a chapter. And the chapters are probably a little too long at some points. All of those issues — while true to paying homage to Stieg Larsson — may really make it difficult to sell the novel.