Tag: existential angst

I’m Such A Pop-Culture Snob

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I struggle, I really struggle to consume rather than produce media. Pretty much all of my media consumption at this point is done passively via Facebook and Twitter.

And, yet, I know if I’m going to have any hopes of being a creative success — even at this *late(er)* moment in my life, I need to consume someone else’s media. They say if you have time to write you have time to read, so there.

What’s more, I really need to get out of neutral when it comes to both starting up a new novel and reading about how to query. In the last few days, some of that passiveness has changed….so maybe going forward I finally get some work done on both of those fronts.

Time will tell.

As an aside, it’s interesting that I listen to female pop-rock acts while a direct relative of mine listens only to angry young man rock music. Shows two people can be related and yet very different.

There’s A Disturbance In The Force, It Feels Like

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Something feels off at the moment. I can’t quite figure out what it is, but it feels like something just isn’t doing what it should out there in the aether and it’s making a weird noise.

I hope it’s not some terrorists plotting a big attack or something. That’s what Trump and MAGA want, of course. They want a big terrorist attack so they can seize control in a big way — by probably canceling the 2026 midterms.

Uh.

Anyway, hopefully this will pass and it won’t mean anything.

I’m Really Struggling With The Premise Of My Next Novel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m working on a short story, but what I really want is a new novel to start working on. I have two strong contenders, but neither one of them is fleshed out enough to actually start working on them.

One is an homage to Stieg Larsson’s stuff that is in the same universe as the series of novels I’ve struggled with for some time. The only problem with it is I’m afraid it’s too complex — even with the help of AI — and I’ll be 60 years old still working on it.

Meanwhile, there’s another one that is much more clear cut. In some ways. In some ways it’s a real pain because I don’t know the plot yet. I just have a general flow of the story. And I *definitely* know how it ends.

But what I should be doing is working on querying the novel I’ve finished. I think what I’m going to do is sit down and read it one last time before I query to fix any last minute screw ups.

I’m really impressed with myself for having written a novel over 100,000 words long — even if that’s too long, in some sense — for a first time novelist’s first submission.

But the whole point of the novel was to just see how far I could get. This is by far the farthest I’ve ever gotten.

The Day The Earth Will Stand Still: The Singuarlity

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I spend a lot — a lot — of time thinking about history in the macro. And right now it definitely seems as though America is willfully drifting into tyranny and it’s all a very dumb lulz.

And, yet….and YET…there is something we just can’t plan for: the Singularity.

If an ASI pops out in the next few years — say before Trump leaves office — that would be like alien First Contact in its historic scope. And fucking Trump so unpredictable that you just can’t figure out what might happen.

I think up these “peace in our time” scenarios when it comes to ASI and the Singularity, but that is more about me be a native contrarian than anything else. It could be that fucking SkyNet really is our fate when it comes to ASI.

Anyway, the Singularity would be The Day The Earth Stood Still whenever it actually happened.

Psyching Myself Up To Query

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m definitely in the “now what” phase of things when it comes to this novel. My ability to count on my beta readers is iffy at best and as such I have to just bite the bullet and start the process of preparing to query — even if it means I haven’t had effective beta testing.

But the whole point of this specific novel is just to see how far I can get. It could be that this is going to be a disaster no matter what because I have no idea what I’m doing.

And, yet, at least I will push the edge of my experience with such things a little bit further than I have before. So, the next novel, which I hope to start soon, I will know a little bit more about what is expected of me when it comes to ultimately querying it.

I continue to worry about what literary agents — many who I assume are liberal white women — will think of my social media output. It could be that they will think I’m too big a kook just in general to even consider being my agent. But I am who I am, so, lulz?

Just thinking about querying puts me on edge because it will be me going from the realm of just being a daydreamer who likes to write to actually slamming into the wall known as “The Real World.” People who are normal. People who maybe will take one look at me as part of due diligence and either laugh or run away at what a fucking weirdo I am.

It’s all very possible.

But, if nothing else, it all gives me something to do I suppose.

Things Are Quiet — Too Quiet

by Shelt Garner
@shetgarner

Not a lot is going on right now. Things seem very quiet. My fear, of course, is this is a late summer 2001 type situation and something really, really big is about to happen.

But we’ll see.

It will be interesting to see what happens next, I suppose. I have a hunch about some personal issues that might pop out and cause some chaos that might be interesting.

I wish something fun-interesting might happen.

I’m Broke & Need A Haircut

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Oh boy, am I broke. Very, very poor. But I need a haircut. So, lulz, I’m set to get a pretty expensive haircut — all things considered. So, I can’t just spend all my money on energy drinks and other “beverages.”

Once I get this haircut, I’m going to buckle down and wrap up this third to last draft of the novel I’m working on. (This one, color correction one, then post-Beta Reader one.)

Anyway. I’m reasonably pleased with my life at the moment other than the severe lack of funds. I going to be very, very poor for the next fortnight or so. But, like I said, I hope to use that “extra time” to focus on finishing this draft of the novel I’m working on.

I hope to wrap this draft of the novel up by the end of the week. That’s the goal, at least. I really don’t want to rush through things like I have in the past. I really want to methodically go through and write scene after scene until the end of the novel as necessary.

This novel is shaping up to be pretty good, if a little spicy.

Getting Old(er) Sucks

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’ve started going to a new dive bar in my area and it’s just the type of place I could become a regular at without too much trouble. But for one thing — the regulars there sort of have decided I’m not for them.

So, either I press on and try to get into their good graces or I kinda of give up and just don’t go nearly as often as I would like.

But that’s not the real issue, the real issue is that I’m 100% extroverted and see the place as an opportunity to make new friends. But most of the other customers just see me as a middle aged creepy weirdo.

Especially the young women.

Who aren’t even that young! They’re in their 30s!

But, such is life. I’m reminded yet again that I should have moved to NYC when I left Seoul. But I just was not in an emotional state to do such a thing. Now, I think I might be able to pull it off, but for, you know, having no money and being too old and bonkers to do it.

I Fear My Novel Is Way Too Spicy

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I worry that even within the context of my novel being about a sexbot sexworker that it’s too…spicy. That there’s just too much sex depicted. And that that, combined with how old I am and how bonkers I am will make selling this novel traditionally very difficult.

And, yet, it’s a little bit too late at this point to worry about that.

I’m about to wrap up the second act of the latest draft and wade into the third act. Once I do that, I’m going to prepare to work on the NEXT draft, the final second draft, before I let beta readers read the novel.

AND THEN, I’m going to really sit down and think about what my next novel is going to be. What I want to do is go back to working on a homage to Stieg Larsson’s stuff. But there are problems with that idea, at least for the time being.

I would be a male writing occasionally from a female POV. People get confused with switching third person intimate POVs within chapters. The list goes on. So….I don’t know.

I may piviot to another scifi novel once this scifi novel is done. I have two strong candidates. I still have time — unless of course someone swoops in an steals a creative march on me with this novel I’ve been working on.

And I continue to be really uneasy about people assuming “AI wrote it” simply because I’m too poor to get a human editor to help me out in real time. So, meh?

The Dog That Hasn’t Barked

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I must have taught 100s of little South Korean kids while I was there and yet, to date, I haven’t had one of them as a grown up try to contact me. I’m very indifferent about this — it’s no big deal if they don’t.

And, yet, looking back at how fucking weird I was while I was in South Korea, I’m a little worried some day soon, randomly, one of those now very adult little kids will track me down and want to have a long conversation about how I changed their lives.

I think if I was in South Korea still it would be different. But, lulz, I’m very much not and haven’t been anywhere near Asia in close to 15 years now.

It was a long time ago and nobody cares anymore, as they say.