Tag: Saturday Night Live

A Proposed SNL Sketch: The Cat’s Favorite

I’ve had this idea for an SNL sketch in my mind for years and finally turned to Gemini Pro 2.5 to write it.

Characters:

  • GARY (40s): Dad, increasingly bewildered and desperate.
  • LINDA (40s): Mom, blissfully unaware, utterly devoted to the cat.
  • CHLOE (16): Teenager, perpetually unimpressed by Gary, adores the cat.
  • LEO (10): Youngest child, sees the cat as a furry deity.
  • WHISKERS: The cat. Played by a remarkably unimpressed actual cat, or perhaps a very still prop cat that occasionally gets swapped out.

(SCENE START)

INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

The family is gathered. LINDA is meticulously brushing WHISKERS, who is sprawled regally on a plush velvet cushion on the coffee table. CHLOE is filming Whiskers with her phone, cooing. LEO is dangling a feathery toy, which Whiskers occasionally bats at with supreme indifference. GARY is on the floor, struggling to assemble a complicated piece of IKEA furniture, a single bead of sweat on his forehead.

LINDA: (To Whiskers, in a baby voice) Oh, does my little fluffnugget love his brushing? Yes, he does! Such a handsome boy, yes you are!

CHLOE: Mom, he’s literally glowing. Like, his aura is pure gold. Gary, can you move your leg? You’re in Whiskers’ optimal lighting.

Gary shuffles awkwardly, nearly toppling the half-built “KALLAX-imus Prime” shelving unit.

GARY: Right. Wouldn’t want to disrupt the… majesty. Just trying to build this… you know… vital storage solution for the family.

LEO: Whiskers doesn’t need shelves, Dad. He has the world.

Leo dramatically sweeps his arm, nearly poking Gary in the eye with the feather toy.

LINDA: (Gasps softly) Oh, Gary, careful! You almost stressed Whiskers. He’s been a bit on edge since you bought that new, aggressively scented air freshener. The lavender-vanilla is not his palette.

GARY: It was on sale! And I thought it smelled nice. I live here too, you know. Theoretically.

Chloe lowers her phone, looking at Gary with disdain.

CHLOE: Dad, Whiskers’ olfactory senses are like, a thousand times more refined than yours. It’s science. He probably smells your existential dread.

GARY: (Muttering) My existential dread is starting to smell a lot like Fancy Feast.

(MONTAGE SEQUENCE – FAST PACED, SNL STYLE)

  1. DINNER TABLE: Linda places a beautifully arranged plate of salmon with a sprig of parsley in front of Whiskers (who has his own tiny, ornate chair pulled up to the table). Gary gets a slightly burnt casserole.
    LINDA: (To Whiskers) A little brain food for my clever boy! (To Gary, handing him his plate) Don’t pick at it, Gary.
  2. BEDTIME: Whiskers is nestled between Linda and a sleeping Gary, taking up three-quarters of the king-sized bed. Gary is teetering on the very edge, one arm dangling. Linda is spooning Whiskers.
  3. BIRTHDAY PARTY: A banner reads “HAPPY 7TH BIRTHDAY, WHISKERS!” There’s a tiered cake made of tuna, presents wrapped in paw-print paper. Leo is wearing a party hat with cat ears. Chloe is live-streaming. Gary stands awkwardly in the corner holding a single, sad balloon.
    LINDA: (Clapping) Make a wish, my sweet prince!
    (Whiskers stares blankly. Chloe blows a party horn near his face. He doesn’t flinch.)
    CHLOE: He wished for world peace and more organic catnip. What a king.

(END MONTAGE)

INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER

Gary is now staring intently at Whiskers, who is meticulously grooming a paw. Linda is knitting a tiny sweater, presumably for Whiskers.

GARY: (Slowly) You know… I’ve been thinking. Whiskers contributes a lot to this family.

Linda beams. Chloe looks up from her phone, surprised Gary said something intelligent.

LINDA: Oh, Gary, that’s so lovely of you to say! He really does. His purrs have such a calming effect. Dr. Henderson says it’s like sonic therapy.

GARY: Right. Sonic therapy. So, I was thinking… what if I tried to contribute more… like Whiskers?

Chloe snorts. Leo giggles.

CHLOE: Dad, you can’t just become Whiskers. That’s appropriation. And frankly, a little creepy.

GARY: No, no! I just mean… emulate his… qualities. For instance… (Gary suddenly drops to all fours and tries to arch his back like a cat, emitting a strange grunting sound.) Meee-yow?

Linda and the kids stare in stunned silence. Whiskers stops grooming and looks at Gary with what can only be described as profound disappointment.

LINDA: (Concerned) Gary, dear? Are you… alright? Perhaps you’re working too hard on that… shelf thingy.

GARY: (Still on all fours, voice strained) Just trying to… connect. Be more… present. Look! (He spots a dust bunny under the couch and “pounces” on it, batting it clumsily with his hand.) Got it! A… a house mouse! Am I a good boy? Do I get salmon?

Leo bursts into tears.

LEO: DAD, YOU’RE SCARING WHISKERS! AND ME!

Chloe is filming again, a horrified grin on her face.

CHLOE: This is going viral. #DadBreakdown #CatEnvy

LINDA: (Rushing to comfort Leo, then looking at Gary with pity) Oh, Gary. You poor thing. You’re clearly just overwhelmed. You know what you need?

Gary looks up hopefully, a piece of fluff stuck to his cheek.

GARY: Acknowledgment? A slightly bigger portion of dinner? Maybe someone to ask me how my day was?

LINDA: (Smiling warmly) You need to spend some quality time relaxing. With Whiskers. He’ll calm you down. Why don’t you try a nice nap together? He loves it when you’re very, very still.

Linda gently scoops up Whiskers, who purrs contentedly in her arms, and gestures towards the couch.

LINDA: Go on. Snuggle up. He’ll share his velvet cushion. If you’re good.

Gary stares, defeated. He slowly crawls towards the couch. Whiskers is placed on the cushion. Gary lies down stiffly next to it, not daring to touch the sacred velvet. Whiskers looks at him, then deliberately turns his back.

GARY: (Whispering to the cat’s rear end) So… we good? You… you think they’ll ever notice if I just… slink away to a shelter? They have three hots and a cot, I hear. Less judgment.

Whiskers flicks his tail dismissively.

(FADE TO BLACK.)

(APPLAUSE SIGN LIGHTS UP)

The Lorne Michaels Biography Is Really Good

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m maybe half-way into the book “Lorne” and it’s really good. The Not Ready For Primetime Players come across as very human. And the early years of SNL is up there with Rumor’s era Fleetwood Mac when it comes to kooky and wild love connections.

The best SNL sketch.

Anyway, I’m really enjoying the book. It’s not really telling me anything I didn’t already know through various other channels, but it’s focus on Michaels definitely is a hook to keep you engaged.

As an aside, my one encounter with a Michaels-like figure, one within the Virginia press industry, was a total catastrophe. But that says more about who I was at that moment in my life, than anything else.

Once a failed journalist, always a failed journalist.

I do have one question going forward — given how much detail the author has given the early years of SNL, she’s going to have to gloss over the next 45 years of the show. It’s enough to think that maybe there should be a three part book series on the show that would really get into the nitty gritty of the ups and downs of the show over the last 50 years.

Also, I have to note that I think modern SNL is probably the best it’s been outside of the first five years. The show is very modern and yet such a staple of Americana that it’s difficult to imagine life before or after its existence.

But, given how fucked up Trumplandia is, I’m sure Trump will figure out a way to pressure NBC to end the show whenever Michaels retires.

The SNL 50th Anniversary Show Was Bad

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I did not like the SNL 50th Anniversary Show. It felt really long and slow and didn’t give the show’s 50 years on TV the justice it deserved. I would have either broken the 3 hours into eras or just live streamed a five hour extravaganza that gave each era a full hour to be contemplated.

I suppose they did the best with what they had. But they’ve been planning this thing for years and to give the audience such a limp-wristed show celebrating half a century of entertainment is just….wait, what?

What’s worse, the show ended with a Paul McCarney performance that was really bad because there was something wrong with his voice. I had hoped that maybe Ring might pop out…but, no.

Late Night TV Is Probably Going To Be Purged Soon

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

As Trump and Musk’s putsch continues to rampage through the U.S. Government and society, it seems that inevitably they will turn their attention to late night TV. As I understand it, Putin purged Russia’s late night TV as he consolidated power in the early years of his regime.

I don’t know exactly how it will happen, but it seems clear that something we take for granted — a free and open society, is about to implode into tyranny. And, as such, I think in a few months all the late night TV shows — including Saturday Night Live — will either be canceled or neutered in some way.

This is inevitable. It seems like a political force of nature at the moment. There’s just nothing we can do. We’re going to wake up and America won’t be free any more. And I suspect it’s going to happen a lot sooner than you might think.

It could be days or weeks, not months.

But, so many people are just happy to see “scary brown people” in camps that they’re willing to put up with just about anything, I suppose.

A Lazy, Spoiler Free Review of ‘Saturday Night.’

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m too lazy to give you much detail about the new movie “Saturday Night,” but I can give you a general sense of my views on the movie. I thought it was really good, all things considered. The third act felt like a TV-movie in some respects, but the overall movie is definitely a “crowd pleaser.”

I really enjoyed the movie as a life-long fan of SNL. I remember watching SNL live as a little tyke. The show had such buzz that i stayed up in the late 70s, even though I was under ten at the time. So it was nice to see some of the lore of the series on the big screen.

But I do have a few quibbles. I don’t get why one actor played two different rolls. And there were elements of the third act that were rather cringe worthy. I think if the movie was a bit more droll in its delivery — or even just more consistent in tone — it would be, in general, better.

I also quibble with its portrayal of John Belushi. There was so much to work with and they went with that? I will note, in passing, that Kaia Gerber did a surprisingly good job in a small roll.

Overall, I really enjoyed the movie and recommend it — not that anyone listens to me. I will note the future of SNL is still up in the air. I wrote some about this in the past, when I was under dumb assumption that last year’s season was its 50th — it’s a testament to how much I live in oblivion that no one noticed I got the year wrong for that particular situation.

Anyway, in general, I really liked the movie.

Saturday Night Dead — Is SNL…Bad?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I know we’re in one of those periods in Saturday Night Live’s existence when it’s kind of at a low point because while I look forward to it when a new episode is scheduled, I don’t actually watch any of it. That this lull happens just as we’re all holding our breath to see if it continues past its 50th season is…not good.

Sydney Sweeney was on SNL recently.

When the buzz around the show is so potent that I actually watch it, then I will know it’s “back.” The show has been on for so long that there is a well known ebb-and-flow to its quality. Just about when everyone thinks its down for the count, some amazing new cast member swoops in and saves it from itself.

The thing about SNL is it serves a very, very important meta cultural function — it introduces young comics to older, more established entertainers for a week. That generates professional relationships that can last a lifetime.

But all good things must come to an end, the show has been on for a long time and Lorne Michaels is getting old…so lulz? It could be that SNL will end after its 50th season and that will be that. Something new will take its place and we will all move forward.

I just don’t know. Just as we find ourselves facing autocracy or civil war / revolution a political basis, and the AI transformation on the technological side, it could be that traditional entertainment is about to go through a rough patch, too. The end of SNL would be a part of that.

And all of this is happening in the context of even human being torn asunder by our partisan divide. SNL has always been the Bob Hope of comedy and I just don’t know if that play-it-down-the-middle style can survive while the country is not-so-slowly tearing itself apart.

It will be interesting to see how things work out, I will say that.

Too Many Center-Left People These Days Miss The Cultural Point Of SNL

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

In yet ANOTHER sign that the country is tearing itself apart, the fact that Saturday Night Live is trying its usual thing of trying to threat the political needle is causing people on the center-Left to pitch a fit.

The thing about SNL — which is the Bob Hope of TV entertainment shows — is while it definitely leans Left, it has a long, long history of pretty much just picking on whomever happens to be in power. It’s just that Trump stirred the pot to such an extent that the two sides have really, really hardened their views.

As such, people who are too young to remember how things used to be, think it’s the end of the world if SNL features Nikki Haley or brings back the very, very popular Right wing comic they fired even before the season began a few years ago.

It definitely seems as though all of this is yet more sign that the greatest nation in the world is tearing itself apart over “vibes.”

What The Fuck Is Going To Happen To SNL?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m no expert when it comes to SNL — I once totally screwed up when the 50th year of the show is — but I still am concerned about its fate. Saturday Night Live serves an important cultural purpose and it has so much love built in that I suspect that it will survive, even after Lorne Michaels retires.

I have heard a rumor that Netflix is interested in starting it’s own live sketch show. It could be that the stars might align in such a way that just as SNL is about to change in a big way that Netflix swoops in an buys the expensive franchise off of NBC.

Stranger things have happened.

I do think that next year is going to be very turbulent in more ways than one. It could be that we’re too busy dodging bullets to have a SNL 50th anniversary. Or maybe Tyrant Trump will arrest everyone at SNL before the 50th. Who the fuck knows.

But I do think it’s possible that there might be something of a panic in Hollywood if it seems as though when Michaels leaves that NBC will pull the plug on SNL. That could be the fixation of most of the pop entertainment news media for a few months while everything is unknown.

I honestly have no idea. I will note that maybe we’re in something of a vibe shift and, as such, it could be that the era of SNL is just about to end and Something New is about to take its place. It could be that some combination of immersive media, AI and the Apple Vision Pro will revolutionize media to the point all of this is very moot.

Of Course

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Now, let me be clear — I’m notorious for taking a little bit of information and running with it. But there is, at least, a scenario whereby Saturday Night Live uses the “hook” of how fucking cold it was in Iowa for the caucuses to have a sketch with Unfrozen Caveman Governor Ron DeSantis.

Makes sense to me, at least. I don’t quite know what I would do if something I predicted actually happened for once. I might faint from excitement and joy.

But I’m really, really grasping at straws on this one. I’m know to make shit up. I suppose only time will tell, huh.

I would get a woman cast member to play “Tiny-D” in caveman make up, given how short he is, relative to how tall he should be to run for POTUS.

My Pitch For An Unfrozen Caveman Governor Sketch

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

This is just me being silly. But, in general, I would replace the court room of the Phil Hartman Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer sketches with an Iowa / New Hampshire Town Hall.

Ron DeSantis

Then, the joke of the SNL sketch would be that Ron DeSantis’ actual policy agenda is so dumb and conservative that it’s what you might think of someone frozen during an Ice Age.

I, for one, think that’s hilarious.