I occasionally muse about what might happen if I went back to South Korea for a visit. I had a lot of “rizz” as the kids say when I was in South Korea and I’m sure there are a few South Koreans who remember me quite well.
I can just see me walking around the street in Seoul if I went back any time soon and some random Korean from my years there who remembered me popping out of the woodwork and saying, “Hey, man, there’s this perfect job for you at Samsung I know about…”
But there are a lot of problems with such a scenario.
It’s not like I’m going back to Seoul anytime soon — if ever. I could be nearly 60 years old — or older — by the time my lot in life changes to the point that I can even think about a return to Asia.
There are some other issues, but lulz, I don’t feel like talking about it.
I have no plans to return to Seoul anytime soon. In fact, the way things are going, I could be in my mid to late 50s before I have anywhere near the funds to do such a thing. And, even if it did happen today — I’ve waited too long.
It just won’t be as much fun.
I’m too old.
And, yet, there is a little part of me that still wants to return to Asia again just to see how my old stomping grounds are doing. I would like to see Nori Bar and Haebangchon and Itaewon again.
But I know that given how fast things move in South Korea that everything would be different in the extreme, to the point that it would all be a lulz and a huge fucking letdown.
The fact that I’m just too old to enjoy any return trek to Asia weighs heavily on my mind. It’s one of those things you just don’t really think about — that there are things you have access to in your 30s that you don’t when you’re in your 50s.
I don’t really believe in New Age bullshit, but sometimes I do find myself having a curious sensation — that someone, somewhere in South Korea (or connected to it) is thinking about me really hard.
Me, (right) in South Korea around 2004.
I know this is fantastical, but in the past, at least, around the time I have such feelings, someone will swoop in and look at this blog. It hasn’t happened — yet — but someone did download “Somehow” my 30,000 word screed about the crazy days and nights I “enjoyed” between 2006 and 2008 in connection to ROKon Magazine, Nori Bar and the late Annie Shapiro.
I dunno. I just don’t know what to tell you, folks. It’s probably nothing. It’s been about 13 years since I was in South Korea and there’s no reason to believe anyone in South Korea — even a Korean — thinks about me at all these days.
But it is all very….spooky. It does, yet again, make me want to return to South Korea (and Asia in general) one last time to see what’s up. I know South Korea well enough to know that there’s a 50 / 50 chance that if I went back to Seoul anytime soon I’d find myself with a job at Samsung training an AI.
What happened with ROKon Magazine was so long ago that not even I, the keeper of its memory, care anymore other than drawing upon its legacy to write a novel. I know how great a story it is and what could be done with it under the right conditions, but, lulz, absolutely no one else will care or listen to me.
The late Annie Shapiro and me back in our ROKon Magazine days when I was still cute.
But today, out of the blue, someone came to this site through Instagram and made a beeline to what they could find about ROKon Magazine. I am WELL AWARE of how one could perceive my obsession with my Webstats as…creepy…but…lulz, my life is so devoid of anything interesting these days, please give me this one thing.
Here’s what I think happened — someone got wind of me and ROKon Magazine and did a search for me. My Instagram account was the first link they found, then they went from there to this site. Why anyone would give a shit about ROKon Magazine at this point without me prompting them is…intriguing.
My favorite cover of ROKon Magazine.
I am working with some people on a new online literary zine, so maybe someone was curious about me through that? But how they would know about ROKon Magazine specifically if that was the case is a mystery.
But I find the whole thing — while intriguing — a lulz. I’m so old at this point that I only keep breathing out of spite. Sigh.
For some reason, I find myself daydreaming about a return to South Korea sooner rather than later. I have no idea why this is. Maybe someone in South Korea is thinking about me really hard?
Anyway, barring something I just can’t predict, I won’t be returning to Asia for some time. The only known way with a clear timetable for me to return to Asia for a while would be if I sold one or both of my novels and they had some success. But from what I know of the post-production nature of the publishing industry….oh boy. It could be five years before anything like that happens — and that’s if I stick the landing.
So, I am just going to have to stew in my juices I suppose. I am going to be well past my prime by the time I return to Asia and it just won’t be the same or as much fun. And, in all honesty, if I hadn’t blown out an emotional knee after Seoul, I would have moved to NYC to seek my fame and fortune.
But….oh boy….I’m older now. A lot older now. And there is a small, small chance that if I found myself not in Seoul or NYC but in LA that I MIGHT be able to find a modicum of success simply because of my personality.
This summer marks the 20th anniversary of my first journey to Asia. There is a Before Asia me and an an After Asia me, for better or worse. Now, at the moment, the likelihood of me EVER returning to Asia — or even leaving the country — is quite remote.
Me, with my students in the summer of 2004.
I’m very, very, very, very poor.
But things are known to change in a heartbeat and, who knows, I might find myself with a little extra money at some point before I die and, as such, I could journey back to Asia for a visit. At this point, I think I would probably go to Japan, then South Korea, then Southeast Asia then come home.
The entire trip would be no more than maybe three weeks.
My biggest concern will be, of course, that I’ll be walking around, say, Seoul, and some Korean who remembers me from back in the day will all but demand I stay in country to, I don’t know, train LLMs for Samsung or something. That’s how things work in South Korea as an expat.
I don’t know what I would do in such a situation.
A lot would depend on HOW I got the money to return to Asia. If I blew up with my novel money, then I think I would politely just move on along. But if, say, something like the North Korean had collapsed and I was on my way to teach ESL there, then, yeah, I might stop in Seoul instead of finishing my journey to the former DPRK.
Anyway, all of this is just a bunch of daydreaming at the moment. There’s no reason to think I will sell my novel — even if I stick the landing — anytime soon. I could be in my mid-to-late 50s by the time I’m a published author, the way things are going.
But I have to admit that I continue to, on occasion, idly daydream about a return to Asia.
For some reason, I find myself daydreaming about a return to Asia. I was thinking if that became possible that I would land in Tokyo, stay a night, then head to South Korea to visit for about a week. I would go Seoul – Incheon — Ansan then head south on the KTX to see Busan.
2004 me
I would then head to Southeast Asia for a week before heading home.
I’m sure the fucking Internet has ruined everything to the point that such a trip just wouldn’t be what it might have been a decade ago. And, of course, enough South Koreans remember me that I’m SURE I would run into at least one of them while I was in country and they would all but demand that I stay in South Korea for this or that job that think I would be perfect for.
Ugh. I guess that would be a good problem to have, though.
And, yet, at the moment, the only way I would have the funds for such a thing would be if I stuck the landing on the novel, sold it and it had enough success that I could travel to Asia. But even under the absolute best of conditions, that would be probably a few years from now.
So, I could be in my mid-50s before I could return to Seoul. And it would just be very, very, very, very creepy for me to party with people just out of college once I got there. I hate that. But that’s my reality now.
Thankfully, to date, I’ve not had to have any awkward discussions with the grown-up versions of the little kids I attempted to teach English to back in the day.
I tried my best, folks.
I was very — colorful — back in the day and I can only imagine the weird memories they have of me. And as I grow older, I am reminded over and over again about how the smallest thing when you’re a kid can have a huge impact in later life.
I did my best to teach those then-children English, even if I constantly failed.
I suppose I’m over thinking all of this. I will probably be a few more years before the children I taught English will be willing to put the energy into a quest to talk to me.
Though, I will note that that very thing would be a great movie for a Korean-American to write, produce and direct. Think of it as a successor to Past Lives with a bit of Lost In Translation and To Sir, With Love mixed in for good measure.
Barring something I simply can not predict at the moment, I’m not going to South Korea or Asia anytime soon. But that doesn’t stop me from really wanting to return for a few weeks.
Me, (background), in the bad old day of Seoul.
I think, in all honesty, what’s going on is I just want to visit A Real City and I’m either too broke (NYC) or it’s too far away AND I’m broke (LA). So, I idly muse about going to Asia again.
It’s been so long since I was in Asia that I think the whole thing would be a rather meh experience. There are a few people in Asia that if I specifically tracked them down there would be drama…but it’s just not worth it. I just want to swoop in for a few weeks, see some of my old stomping grounds then head home.
That’s it.
There is, of course, always a risk that some people will demand that I absolutely stay for this or that great job opportunity they would love for me to fill. That would be…existential…for more reasons than one.
But that’s a serious amount of hopeful daydreaming on my part. I think I could probably sneak into Seoul and leave without too much drama. Of course, there would probably be at least one Korean who would stop cold in their tracks if they saw me and freak the fuck out.
Many moons ago, when dinosaurs ruled the earth, I was a lowly hawgan teacher in Incheon. It was my first year in South Korea, so it had to be at some point between late 2004 and late 2005. Anyway, I learned that the World Association of Newspapers was having a conference in Seoul.
Arthur Sulzberger Jr
So, I did what every failed journalists who doesn’t realize his career is over does — I engaged in a bit of light fraud and, using some credentials faked via my membership in the Society of Professional Journalists, got myself into the event.
This is where I mention that, in general, I’ve had fairly good interactions with New York Times people to date, those few times I’ve actually interacted with them. But I don’t know how much of that graciousness was simply humoring a drunk loser and how much of it was genuine.
I will note that Jennifer 8. Lee was superficially gracious to me when I met her in Seoul, but I fear that to this day she may mention what a freaky loser I was to her high end cocktail party friends — to this day, occasionally someone will show up in my Webstats wanting to read my account of meeting Lee and her friend Tomoko in Seoul. (I presume to gawk at what a fucking loser I am.)
So the day of the event, I traveled all the way from Incheon to the center of Seoul and went to the WAN event. It was all a bit overwhelming. I think it was at this point that I saw the President of Korea. I would be a lot more calm and collected now if I went to such an event, but then, about 20 years ago, I was a ball of nervous energy.
Anyway, I went to one event and kept staring straight at Arthur Sulzberger Jr and, to his credit, rather than having the guards escort me out for being weird, after the event was over he made a beeline to me. That was a very memorable event for me.
I was supposed to spend, like, an hour with him and a small group of people talking about Very Important Things, but I had to go back to work in Incheon. I think that was probably for the best. I kind of dodged a bullet on that one, I think. That could have been very, very ackward.
Anyway, no harm no foul. It was a one of the more surreal experiences of my time in South Korea.
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