The thing about the huge death toll that is now being reported out of Seoul from a very tragic Halloween incident — 146 at last count — is if I was still in South Korea, I could have been among those who suffered. Itaewon was one of my go-to haunts back in the day.
When I was in South Korea, of course, things were a lot different — Itaewon was pretty sleezy, like 1970s New York City. But things had begun to change by the time I left for good.
The whole thing gives me pause for thought. It reminds you of how fragile life is on a day-to-day basis. I really miss South Korea and Seoul and I worry there are people I may know from my time there who were involved in this tragedy.
That’s probably one of the most jarring things about leaving South Korea — it’s pretty value free, in its own way. You can go, spend a few years there and when you come home, it’s like it never happened.
Though, I will note that there was a time there a few years ago when I somehow managed to continue to influence events on the ground in Seoul. That was kind of surreal.
Anyway, keep South Korea in your thoughts and prayers. They’re going to need them.
I wrote a post called, “I Was Famous Once, And Young” and it’s been getting an unusual amount of traffic for a site that gets, well, gets almost no traffic. All the post is about is my lingering grief — way too many years after the fact — over a failed “English journal” in Seoul called ROKon Magazine.
My favorite ROKon Magazine cover.
Now, I have a very — VERY active imagination, so obviously I think someone is going to use that fleshed out outline I gave a manuscript consultant who ghosted me as the basis of a screenplay. Or something dark and dire like that. Or, I don’t know…maybe Jennifer 8. Lee is somehow interested in what happened with the magazine and that is generating chatter in her huge friend group and they look for “ROKon Magazine” and find that specific post which a “ROKon Magazine” tag attached to it?
It’s all very curious.
If someone is actually interested in that bonkers story, well, that would be great. Just don’t steal the story so much that I can’t use it as the basis of my six novel thriller project I’ve been working on for years now.
Only time will tell, I guess. But, as I keep saying — make decisions on what you do know, not on what you don’t know.
I’m working on a six novel project that is greatly influenced by what happened to me in Seoul many moons ago. It’s not set in Asia, but I’m using a lot of my experiences from that period in my life to flesh out the universe I’ve come up with.
But, while I have the good / bad old days of ROKon Magazine on the brain at the moment, is there any argument for, say, New York Magazine or The New Yorker to do a history of what happened with the magazine?
Well, yes and no. Let’s list the “noes” first.
It was a long time ago This is just not a timely subject anymore. It all happened so long ago — an everyone but me got closure — that it just doesn’t make any sense to do any sort of character study on what happened with the magazine. The whole thing would devolve into a very long therapy session with ME.
Who cares? It was a long time ago. No one cares and it happened in Seoul.
How would you get anyone to talk? You probably couldn’t get anyone to talk to you, even if you had the good name of a major publication like The New Yorker behind you.
The “Yeses.”
The story is crazy! What happened with ROKon Magazine — and specifically between me and Annie Shapiro is totally bonkers. Insane. Hard to believe if you know the full story. It’s a real story for the history books of publishing.
Some very colorful characters There are so many colorful characters that I’m using many of them (in a very Romanized manner) to popular six novels I’m working on at the moment.
Lots of twists and turns — even if the endgame is obvious Even though it’s obvious that my version of ROKon Magazine was going to fucking fail, the over all arch of the story is very, very interesting. Lots of twists and turns.
Anyway, no one cares. I just needed to get that off my chest.
The idea that someone from one of the major English newspapers in South Korea searched for my name on LinkedIn is really beginning to worry me. I am well aware that there are many, many innocent explanations for this happening, but I know how big of a drunk, crazed asshole I was as an expat in Seoul and the more ominous scenarios write themselves — at least in my mind.
What I wonder is why now? What could possibly have changed recently that would make people think of me again? Or is my notorious legend so potent that people never really forgot me?
I love South Korea and Koreans and even hope to return at least once more before I shuffle of this mortal coil. But the idea that anyone would care about me all these years later is really unnerving. I’m very embarrassed by some of my drunken escapades in South Korea and I’m a dramatically different person. Again, at least in my own mind, I didn’t do anything THAT bad, but I was drunk and kind of nuts most of the time — especially in late 2006, early 2007. There are some stories to be told about what I was doing at that point in my life.
And, to be honest, there is a very interesting story to be told about what happened with me and Annie Shapiro when we were building up ROKon Magazine while I was also DJing at an expat bar in Sinchon called Nori. In fact, I spend way, way, way too much time dwelling on that story and how I could tell it literally.
That moment has passed, however. Though, I have to admit that I am drawing upon much of what I know about what happened between Shapiro and me while I was DJing at Nori bar as the basis for the six novel project I’m working on.
I’m so rattled about a newspaper reporter in Seoul searching my name on LinkedIn, I half feel like calling them up and asking, “Are you doing a story on me or something?”
Of course, if I wanted to put a positive spin on things, I suppose I might speculate that I managed to turn on of my student into a journalist and that’s why there is interest in me. Or something. Something not so dark and dire as I’m going to get roasted in a major Seoul newspaper for my bad behavior nearly 20 years ago.
Hopefully, all of this is a false alarm. Hopefully.
I left South Korea a long, long time ago. There are young children nearly about to drive who were born around the time I left Seoul the last time. And, yet, South Korea can be something of a blackhole in the sense that once you pass its Event Horizon, you never really can ever leave.
Back hen I was fab in Seoul.
Now, let me be clear — I have a hyperactive imagination and I often spin some pretty wild tales from very, very little information. So, when I saw that I appeared in three searches on LinkedIn and one of them was from someone with the Korea Joongang Daily, I immediately thought the absolute worst. And by absolute worst, I mean maybe some sort of expose on me being a crazed drunk asshole when I was still in Seoul. Or something equally ominous.
I was kind of a huge drunk asshole for much of my time in South Korea and while I didn’t do anything that bad, I definitely did a few things that probably would get me “canceled” if, for some reason, I became a public figure.
I’m a very different person than I was when I was in South Korea. I have a lot more humility and, in some respects, it’s like I have had a brain transplant. But in this hypersensitive world, where apparently everything you’ve done in your entire life can be held against you until you die…well, you know. I can be a severely flawed person and times and being “pickled” in South Korea only aggravated that particular situation.
But I have a lot of wisdom now. There’s not much I can do about who I was nearly 20 years ago. You just try to be the best person you can be now.
Some other interesting things — another person to search for my name in the last week was an “author.” It makes me wonder if maybe my qusi-defense of J.K. Rowling maybe caught the attention of her — or someone like her. And, lastly, one of the pictures Google references in its Image Search for me is DEFINITELY NOT ME. I have retweeted too many of the guys sexxy pictures on Twitter, and the algorithm decided that the two of us looked enough alike to use his picture with my name. Ugh.
I’m not getting any younger. And, in fact, something pretty dramatic will have to happen pretty soon for me not to simply continue to drift in oblivion until I shuffle off this mortal coil.
Me, when I was a man on fire on Seoul.
But stranger things have happened, as they say.
I could sell this novel I’m working on and it become a huge success so I finally have the cash I need to make some of my many dreams come true. Or, I could fall into some cash and finally have enough to buy the photographic equipment I need to start a career in fashion photography. Or, far, far, far, far, far less likely, I could win the lottery one day. (Talk about dreaming being free!)
Anyway, in a sense, it’s just sad that I’m 20 years too old to make my dreams come true. Because I know that if you plopped me in New York City or LA that I would become quite well known pretty quick. NYC would be a lot more difficult than LA because the metrics by which success are measured are so brutal. You can’t simply schmooze your way to success in NYC like you can in LA. You need actual success, a lot of money, good looks and, in the case of being a man, a huge cock. (They called him Mr. Big for a reason, don’t you know.)
My late partner in crime while in Seoul, Annie Shapiro and me back at the height of ROKon Magazine’s success.
But the thing that for a number of years has made me very unhappy is I learned a lot about the “meta” of running a publication when I did ROKon Magazine in Seoul. I know, just know, that given any sort of opportunity that I could change the world.
This type of talk is boring now, after all these days. If I think I’m so great and wonderful, why don’t I simply save up the money to go to NYC or LA and put my theory to the test.
That, of course, is what I should do.
The first issue of ROKon Magazine.
But I suppose there are a number of different reasons why I haven’t — to date — done this. One is, I would want to land in NYC on my own terms. So, trying to be a fashion photographer in NYC is something I think I could probably pull off — but I also would want the proper equipment to do it right. Add to this that I’m 20 years too old to start any of this and I’m something of an eccentric when it comes to what I’m willing to do for money and…well, there you go.
I suppose if you were being a dick about it, you could say that all my talk about pulling of another ROKon Magazine, only in NYC or LA says more about me continuing to grieve over what happened with the magazine than any statement on my ability.
I just know that I learned so much about the meta of running of media company while in Seoul that it’s a shame that I probably will never get to use it — ever. And if that happens, it’s going to be my own damn fault.
Ugh. Whenever random hits from South Korea pop up in my Webstats I get nervous. I was a wild animal in South Korea and I did some things I regret. Nothing too bad, but bad enough to give me pause for thought when they come rushing into my mind as I try to get to sleep.
All of that was a long, long time ago. And I’ve changed. I really have. I’m not saying I’m not still larger-than-life and eccentric at times — I definitely am still all that — but I’m far more wise than I once was. And I don’t drink nearly as much as I used to and when I do drink, I don’t drink so much that I’m “pickled.”
As I’ve written before, I only even think about any of this because I worry that should I ever find any success that I’m going to have some unexpected ghosts from my past pop up. But as I like to say, you have to make decisions on what you do know, not on what you don’t know.
So, it’s definitely possible that I will be “canceled” as soon as I find any successful, but it’s also possible that…maybe I’m overthinking things? Most of my bad behavior in the past was nearly 20 years ago and was the result of drinking too much.
It’s like I’ve had a brain transplant — I’m a far better, far wiser person than I once was. I just hope I’m forgiven.
Last night, as I was falling to sleep, I found myself thinking about South Korea yet again. I don’t how it’s ever going to happen, but I vow to myself to return to my old Asian stomping grounds before I drop dead.
The late Annie Shapiro and me way back when.
Well, today I was looking at my Webstats and, lo and behold, someone from Seoul looked at this site. I have no idea why, or who, but it is interesting that they did so. And, given that they accessed the site from a messaging app, it seems as though I might have been the subject of conversation between two people and a link to this site was sent as part of it.
I honestly don’t know what to make to make of this.
I’m not a perfect person. And at the height of my emotional war against the late Annie Shapiro, I lived a rather outrageous life. It got so bad, in fact, that they put me in a book about crazy expats.
One thing I do occasionally think about is how all those Korean kids that I taught over the years remember me. I was a pretty weird (and bad) teacher. I wonder if they ever remember what a kook I was in class and if they ever talk to their fellow hagwan students about me.
I suppose it’s human nature for that type of thing to happen. And the older they get, the more they may think about me. I was — an am — a pretty unique individual.
Anyway. Not much I can do about it. I do, however, hope and intend to return to Asia at some point in the reasonably near future.
The thing about teaching English in South Korea is you’re thrown into the development of young children who find you just as alien as you find them. And at the time I was teaching English in South Korea way back when, I was kind of burning my candle on both ends.
My fear is at some point in the future, one of my students will track me down as an adult and want to catch up or something. While that would be flattering, it would also force me to address how maybe I wasn’t the best teacher (I wasn’t, I sucked.)
I was such a doofus.
But that hasn’t happened yet and maybe it never will. This website will, on occasion, get random pings from Seoul which makes me wonder if there’s some sort of discussion about me taking place there still. I was lit back in the day. I was so nuts when I was in Seoul I got put in a book about crazy expats!
I’m so different than that now, however. I’m far more laid back and relaxed than I was back then. It helps that I don’t have access to cheap soju like I did back then.
But I do plan on going back to Seoul and other parts of Asia briefly before I drop dead. At some point in the future, I would like to go to Japan, South Korea and Southeast Asia one last time before coming home and preparing to shuffle off this mortal coil.
On or about July 24, 2004, I arrived in South Korea for the first time. I was a down on my luck drunk American at the time. Little did I know the adventures that would await me.
It’s fast approaching 20 years since that fateful day, and I find myself wanting to return to South Korea (specifically Incheon, Seoul and Busan) one last time before I shuffle off this mortal coil.
While I think I can pull it off, the whole issue of when it might happen is still very much up in the air. I’d like to do it in 2024 as close to 20 years to the date as I could get, but that’s highly unlikely. More likely, I’ll be happy if I can accomplish this goal a few years on either side of the exact anniversary.
My favorite ROKon Magazine cover.
If I did do such a trip, it would be part of a Japan – ROK – Southeast Asia trip of about two weeks. Now, one issue I’m well aware of is there both a lot of love and a lot of hate for me floating around Asia, even to this day. For every person who would flip out seeing me for a good reason, there would likely be two or three who would do the same but out of anger.
I was a very interesting person in Asia.
Anyway, it’s all very up in the air. I just have a general desire to return one last time to my old stomping grounds in South Korea. I’ve changed a lot — a whole lot — and know that but for the mutual distaste between myself and little Korean kids, I would still be there.
Sometime in 2004.
But there is always the very small chance that I will sell these four novels I’m working on and will make enough money that way that going to Asia won’t be that big a deal anymore for me. That, of course, is at the moment just another instance of me being very, very, VERY delusional.
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