Category: From The Editor

Day 45: That Didn’t Last Long

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I had gamed out the rest of the week so carefully. I was going to chill out until Saturday afternoon this turn around and throw myself into turning my private beta into a public beta.

But, surprise!

This morning I sat down and started editing the private beta. Things are moving really fast, but there is also a real risk that I’m going to get bogged down rewriting a lot of scenes that just aren’t good enough to be in the public beta. But, who knows.

I still have a lot of hope that I will be able to wrap a public beta by no later than July 4th. And, yet, who knows, you know? A lot of the rewriting that I’m doing is how different things read when you actually play pretend try to read the novel as an objective third party.

I had two sexxy scenes right next to each other that I was totally oblivious about how bad doing so looked, so I had to throw everything up in the air to fix. The problem is fixed, but the whole thing caused a cascading series of events that changed the nature of the novel in ways big and small.

The whole thing was totally unexpected.

But, anyway. Some longer term quibbles I have is my female characters migtht be seen as too emotional. And my heroine doesn’t have enough agency (at the moment.) She gets saved in deu ex machina ways too often and I really need to fix that.

And, yet, in general, things are going really well. My biggest concern is in my attempt to make things “perfect” I will get bogged down to the point that a year from now I’ll still be futzing with things.

‘Putting On The Rizz’ — #Lyrics to a #pop #rock song

Putting On The Rizz
lyrics by @sheltgarner
please give permission if you produce or perform

when you get a little drunk
or maybe drunk as a skunk
there’s no stopping your spunk
you’re ready to roll
be a high roller it’s true
’cause you’re putting on the rizz

putting on the rizz
what else are you going to do
putting on the rizz
what else are you going to do
putting on the rizz

girls and boys may enter your life
(at least for a night)
but we all know it’s yourself you love
with that glint in your eye
that tells us your a mile high
’cause in the end you’re
putting on the rizz

putting on the rizz
what else are you going to do
putting on the rizz
what else are you going to do
putting on the rizz

(bridge)
when you sober up
you’re not longer yourself
just another hungover loser
who gets hung up on
no love to keep
your date just wants to flee

putting on the rizz
what else are you going to do
putting on the rizz
what else are you going to do
putting on the rizz

‘Baked Into The Cake’ — #Lyrics to a #pop #rock song

Baked Into The Cake
lyrics by @sheltgarner
please give permission if you produce or perform

everything you do
everything you say
never gets in your way
you can be an ass
say things with a lot of sass
but in the end

it’s all baked into the cake
baked into the cake
baked into the cake
baked into the cake

I try dismiss
the rizz that is your mess
but there’s little I can say
much to my dismay
that isn’t just another way
to explain that

it’s all baked into the cake
baked into the cake
baked into the cake
baked into the cake

(bridge)
one day soon
you’ll meet your doom
things will unfold
and you’ll no longer be on a roll
until that day
I have to say

it’s all baked into the cake
baked into the cake
baked into the cake
baked into the cake

David Spade, Hollywood Short King

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I was listening to the “Fly On The Wall” podcast with David Spade and Dana Carvey where they interviewed Spade’s’ ex Julie Bowen and I have to say it was kind of hot. Bowmen is a very, very funny woman — and seemingly something of a beautiful handful — and there definitely was some “rizz” between Spade and Bowmen.

The reason why I bring this up is Spade and I share some personality — and physical -traits. We’re both kind of short, in other words. He, of course, is far, far funnier than I am, but if you get me liquored up I do tend to talk a mile a minute about some very thought provoking, interesting things.

My problem I have is may have “rizz” but it’s not very focused and, as such, I can’t score with chicks on as anywhere a near a regular basis as Spade does. But there was a brief moment in time in Seoul where I was something of a man about town and some…interesting…things happened to me.

Now that I’ve entered a new phase of the process of writing a novel, I do again find myself wondering if I blow up with my novel money if I might go back to my old drunk fast talking ways.

I have my doubts.

Even if I really blew up as a first time novelist, I would be so fucking old that the experience wouldn’t be anywhere near as much fun as it was back in Seoul. It would be extremely creepy to hang out with women in their 20s or 30s, no matter how badly I might want to. (Ugh.)

So, it would be totally different than what happened with Seoul. I would be so fucking old that even if I did what I want to do — become a very conspicuous, thought provoking “bi-coastal” celebrity that does humble brags about taking the Red Eye….it just would be different than if I was, say, a normal fucking person and became a success in my early 30s.

In other words, even if I get what I want, I don’t get what I want.

I keep writing about this because I have to manage my expectations.

Time To Daydream

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Now that I have completed a “private beta” of my first novel, I’m going to spend the next few days trying to go outside my creative comfort zone. Once I start the process editing the private beta to turn it into a public beta, I’m going to have a limited amount of time.

I’m going to have to push myself once I start the public beta process. I’ll only have a month to pull this particular stunt off. But I know I can do it. I’m just going to have to be really aware of my deadline. I can’t keep drifting towards my general goal anymore.

And once I finish the public beta, things are going to not be in my hands anymore. I’m going to have to wait for people to get back to me about the novel. AND, what’s more, all of this will happen in the context of me beginning the querying process AND looking into saving up for a professional editor to look over the novel to improve it, take it to the next level.

My current goal is to start the querying process early next year, just after the holidays wrap up.

As such, I think I’m going to really take seriously the idea of working on the SECOND novel in this projected six novel project. Or something. I’m going to keep writing something, anything, to keep my momentum going.

All of this is going to happen in the context, of course, of some sort of fucking Fourth Turning / civil war happening in 2024 – 2025. “Hopefully” we become an autocracy so at least my novels about how much I fucking hate MAGA will have the opportunity to resonate with millions of other people who feel the same thing as our already dead frog continues to cook and cook.

Day 44: A Milestone

by Shelt Garner
@shetgarner

I have finished a “private beta” of my first novel.

Now to pause the process for a few days so I can collect my thoughts, do a lot reading and watch at lof shit on NetFlix and Amazon Prime that I should have watched some time before.

I hope to start things up again this weekend, probably in afternoon of May 20th-ish. I am still on track to wrap up a public beta of my novel as early as summer solstice or as late as July 4th.

Day 43: I Sometimes Hate Being An Extrovert

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m now into the third act of the “private beta” of my first novel. I continue to feel pressure internally to just shut the fuck up. I have a strong compulsion to just go dark and wrap up this novel without saying a peep about it.

But, alas, I’m 100% extroverted.

I just can’t help myself. I love to gab and talk about whatever’s on my mind and at the moment — as it has been for some time — writing my first novel is at the forefront of my mind so I talk, and write, about it.

It’s character flaw…I guess?

It’s just not my nature to not talk — and write — at great length about something like writing a novel. In fact, if I manage to blow up with my novel money I’m probably going to be a public eccentric in the style of Andy Warhol or Thom Wolfe. I’m going to be someone that anyone with any taste knows and I’m going to be one of those people who humble brag about how bad the Red Eye between NYC and LA is.

I’m not joking — the moment I have the means to do that, I’m going to do it.

Now, obviously, this is all happening in the context of a potential Second American Civil War. I don’t think there’s going to be one — at least, I hope there isn’t — but there is definitely a greater-than-zero chance that one might happen.

Anyway, I’m very pleased with what I’ve managed to come up with at the moment when it comes to this novel. It’s an easy read, very accessible. And if you’ve read The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, you will definitely see this novel as something of an Old Brown Shoe, even though it’s very much not only it’s own thing but an American Story, as opposed to Swedish. It’s very American in that it’s not just a bunch of white people talking to each other.

I hope to wrap up this private beta by the end of the week.

Wish me luck.

Day 42: End of The Second Act

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m kind of playing fast and lose with the quality of this “Private Beta,” but I’m hoping that if I don’t worry about quality so much at this point that I will preserve momentum. The goal is to wrap up the Private Beta of the novel so quick that I may have roughly a month to go through and fix everything necessary for it to be a really strong Public Beta.

I have to admit that occasionally I find myself remembering how long post-production of this novel could be should I stick the landing and have a relatively short querying process. It could be as long as a year! Or More! A lot — A LOT — can go wrong in that amount of time.

But I’ve decided that I want to go the traditional route when it comes to getting this thing published, so, lulz. Sometimes, it seems like absolutely no one shares my vision for this novel but me. Of course, if it turns out this novel is good enough to get traditionally published, THEN everyone will suddenly act like they were there for me, every step of the way.

Anyway. There’s a reason why successful artists are often bitter as fuck.

The next move is to wrap up the third act. I think, I hope, that I can do that fairly quickly — maybe about a week? If I’m lucky?

America Is In Deep Trouble

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I talked to my conservative relative — who I love dearly — about the fact that Democrats, after being out of power for 12 years, were able to return in 1992 because they changed their policies. I said this in the context of suggesting to my conservative relative that rather than supporting fascist policies and hating democracy, that maybe Republicans could change their policy agenda.

“You mean you want us to turn into Democrats?” was their response.

It’s this type of thinking on the part of stalwart Republicans that I find very troubling in the context of the 2024 presidential campaign. At the moment, at least, it seems as though the 2024 election will be existential to our democracy. It’s going to be a total shitshow one way or another.

The only question in my mind at the moment is if we have a civil war or turn into an autocracy. I definitely think that because it’s most likely that the onus will be on Blues to leave the Union because Reds are politically ascendant that we NOT going to have a civil war, but rather simply slide peacefully into a MAGA Nazi themed autocracy.

About 1 million smug Twitter liberals will leave the country starting Election Day 2024 and that will be that. America will leave NATO and soon enough there will be a MAGA-run Constitutional Convention that will slap some sort of MAGA Enabling Acts onto the Constitution.

At the moment, here in 2023, that particular nightmare scenario seems a foregone conclusion.

Day 41: I’m Working On The Assumption There Won’t Be A Civil War

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Well, things continue to go well with this novel. So well, in fact, that I find myself idly thinking about what happens if I actually sell the thing. Now, some context — it could be a loooooong time between when I start to query and when I get any sort of book deal. And, what’s more, from the point that I get a book deal, it could be 18 months before the novel is actually on bookshelves.

As such, for all my “hysterical doom shit” about there potentially being a Second American Civil War, on a personal basis, I’m definitely acting as if that isn’t going to happen. There wouldn’t be much of a market for a novel such as mine if we’re all too busy dodging explosions to go to the bookstore.

At least if we slip peacefully into autocracy the general gist of the series, which is all about how much I fucking hate MAGA Nazis and extremism in general — will grow very, very relevant.

So, there’s that, I guess.