I Wonder What Fred Armisen Would Think of ‘So Good’

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

As I understand it, SNL alum Fred Armisen is into punk bigtime — so much so that he was the drummer in a punk band for a long time — so when I heard So Good today, I instantly thought of him.

The only thing about So Good is the one song I really like “I Hate It Here” is so on-the-nose that it sounds like a song from the fictional punk rocker he created who was the only punk who liked Margaret Thatcher.

But, the I Hate It Here track has a very punk edge to it and it has a beat and you can dance to it. And, yet, it definitely seems I’m the only person in the world who loves it.

It’s a great song!

Did Video Games Kill The Rock Star?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Consider the curious case of rock music. There was a moment in time when male driven rock was pop, by definition. But no more. Sisters are doin’ it for themselves and most pop music is sung by young, hot women. Which makes you wonder, what happened?

While I really enjoy female singers, I also think there needs to be some balance. It is eerie how most popular male singers are either troubadours or rap singers. There’s just not a lot of male-sung rock and punk music that is popular these days.

Which makes me wonder why the change? I think there are plenty of historical, economic and cultural reasons for why this has happened. But I also think it’s at least POSSIBLE that a lot of the creative energy that young men would have otherwise thrown into rock and punk are now used to play video games. I’m not saying video games are bad, just that it’s possible they have changed society in some unexpected ways.

I mean, whatever happened to some snot nose boy getting his heart broken, picking up a guitar and writing an angry song in his room? Now, I suppose, he would just shrug and play an extra 100 hours of MineCraft. Or something. Something like that.

This discussion makes me feel very, very old for a number of reasons. But who knows.

‘Pete Davidson’ #Lyrics to a #Punk Song


I’ve done a punk song about Pete Davidson before, but he continues to be an interesting public figure, so I thought I’d try again. He seems perfect for a meta-punk song.

Pete Davidson
lyrics by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner
Please give credit if you produce or perform

he’s got a big cock I swear
he must to get the play he does
you already know his name I’m sure
see him on your TV set every Saturday
it’s

Pete Davidson
Pete Davidson
HEY!
HEY!
HEY!
Pete Davidson
Pete Davidson
Pete Davidson

things could be better
they could be worse
but keep your baby away
from Pete Davidson
’cause he’s got BDE
when the winter becomes the spring
he’ll be on the prowel
ready to steal your girl

Pete Davidson
Pete Davidson
HEY!
HEY!
HEY!
Pete Davidson
Pete Davidson
Pete Davidson

(bridge)
he’s sweet as can be
give your girl’s mom flowers
what can you do he might even
seduce you
’cause he’s Pete
Pete Davidson
HEY!
HEY!
HEY!

Advice To Miley Cyrus


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner


Ok. Here’s the thing. I noticed that Ms. Cyrus covered the New Wave classic “Heart of Glass” recently. Which is great. But here’s what I would have done if I was, say, the producer involved.

First — New Wave is simply Punk for straight edges.

I would suggest she go to something a big more punkish like Romeo Void’s “Never Say Never.” Then, I would tell her not to belt out the song at the top of her lungs. She’s missing the point. She has a uniquely textured voice. No need to scream.

Once she was singing Never Say Never, I would figure out a way to fuse what people know — Adult Contemporary — with something that sounds like Neo-Pop Rock (Rona Rock.) Or, put another way, it needs a little bit of edge to it. It needs some bite.

To get that bite, you need a backbeat. A strong guitar. A strong “wall of sound” provided by someone thrashing around on the drums. Anyway, absolutely no one listens to me.

But the novel seems to be going well, which makes me happy.

‘Dystopia in the US’ — #Lyrics To A #Punk Song

Dystopia in the US
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
Please give credit if you produce or perform

I live in a dystopia
I’m told lies everyday
by the people in charge

I don’t wanna be
in
the dystopia in the US
the dystopia in the US
the dystopia in the US

we’re better than this
or at least I thought
that’s what I was taught
this shame is going to leave a mark

no going back I’m afraid
they’re going to come for you and me
once they get done crushing the immigrants
gunna make us all live in a cage
it’s all the rage!

I don’t wanna be
in
the dystopia in the US
the dystopia in the US
the dystopia in the US

(bridge)
how did things change so fast
leaving all our hope in the past
now it’s stand and fight
or just be another dog in a cage

I don’t wanna be
in
the dystopia in the US
the dystopia in the US
the dystopia in the US

Jack Black — #Lyrics To A #Punk Song.

Jack Black
Lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
Please give credit if you produce or perform

Sometimes it’s jack and sometimes it’s black
But in the end we all know it’s whack
If you don’t love me in the end
All we got is

Jack Black
Jack Black
Jack Black
Be mine or let me leave
To force me to choose is too much
Believe me

Girls come and go
Some are hot and some are not
They can be good in bed or not
But all I know is I want you
If you leave it will be black as night
Jackshit is to much for me to bear

I’m ready for you to be mine one way or another
You’re going to to love me I know for sure
If you don’t then I am unaware
If the end of this will be all that fair

If you don’t love me in the end
All we got is

Jack Black
Jack Black
Jack Black
Be mine or let me leave
To force me to choose is too much
Believe me

(bridge)
No need for this bridge to exist
Jane or June is just as fine
But you’re not telling me the truth I can tell
Let me tell you what I know
You’re just as fun, just as fun, just as fun

When are we going to straighten things out
So I won’t have to scream and shout
All I need is just a taste of your love
To know if you’re going to be the one for me
Otherwise, I’ll just scream

Jack Black
Jack Black
Jack Black
Jack Black

‘Carter Page’ — #Lyrics To A Punk Song

I know nothing about music, but this is meant to have a punk beat to it. I’m just writing stories in verse. Someone else will have to do something with them.

Carter Page
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

a FISA warrant was issues for him
but he don’t mind
he’s got a big old grin on his face
we all know he’s an agent of a forign power
but he just wants us to know his name

Carter Page
Carter Page
that’s his name
Carter Page
being an agent
is his claim to fame

don’t you fret
don’t you worry one bit
Carter Page doesn’t give a shit
his shit eating grin is on CNN
it seems like every minute

he knows all the secrets
knows all the lies
one day it’ll all come crashing down
but you’ll know his name
his name is Carter Page

Carter Page
Carter Page
that’s his name
Carter Page
being an agent
is his claim to fame

[bridge]
Carter Page
just wants his moment in the sun
feeling the spotlight on his face
is its lone saving grace

Carter Page
Carter Page
that’s his name
Carter Page
being an agent
is his claim to fame

‘Where Are The Babies’ — #Lyrics To A Pop Punk Rock Song

This would be one of those pop punk rock fusion songs that was really fast, but you could hear the lyrics well enough that you could sing along. At least, that’s my vision. But no one listens to me and this is just relaxing.

Where Are The Babies
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

turn on my TV eat my dinner a
what do I hear but the screams of children torn
from their mother’s breast
what do I have to do to attest my rage
that my country is engaged in this shame

where are the babies
I scream
where are the babies
I want to question the powers that be
where are the babies
where are the babies
where are the babies

those in control are quite droll
tell me we’re on a roll
making America great again
but I hang my head in shame
lulz, nothing matters but
where are the babies

when will I get the answer
will Jeff Sessions stop lying to me
thousands of children are in a void
I’m supposed to ignore their fate
even at this late date

where are the babies
I scream
where are the babies
I want to question the powers that be
where are the babies
where are the babies
where are the babies

[bridge]
when this is all over
we can go back
to talking about the weather
but for now we have to rage
until we get the answer to my question

where are the babies
I scream
where are the babies
I want to question the powers that be
where are the babies
where are the babies
where are the babies

‘Martha Mitchell’ — #Lyrics To A Punk Song

In my imagination this would have a beat like a Clash song.

Martha Mitchell
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

we’re all telling the truth
he was rich
she was pregnant
end of story
ignore what you know
just move along with a new song
Martha Mitchell

we’re a fool to drool about this
it’s all figured out
without a doubt
stop casing about with your views
we know exactly what you don’t
won’t tell you any facts
don’t you fret

Martha Mitchell
she’s a loon
Martha Mitchell
you know we’re all doomed

now I’ll tell you
that you’re in the best of names
the fame won’t go to your head
’cause it’s all a lie
you’re not allowed even a smile

stop your speculating
we told you the facts
keep it up
we’ll think you’re a lout
with out a doubt

Martha Mitchell
she’s a loon
Martha Mitchell
you know we’re all doomed

[bridge]
there’s going to come a time
when everything spins on a dime
all we’ll let you is sigh

what’s your thing
why do you care I declare
you’re a nobody it’s obvious to see
why are we even talking to thee

‘Woke Bill Kristol’ — #Lyrics To A Punk Song

These are just a silly lyrics I’ve written so I don’t do anything else that might be considered productive.

Woke Bill Kristol
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

woke Bill Kristol
he’s here to break it down
woke Bill Kristol
hasn’t sold his soul to Trump
he’s ready to rock
breaking it down for the masses
don’t get confused he on a short fuse
woke Bill Kristol
he’s able to defend his views
from all you fools

may have been an neo-con when it was cool
now he’s woke as can be
talks about MeToo on TV
making my eyes bug out with his positive views
what has happened to the rules

woke Bill Kristol
woke Bill Kristol
woke Bill Kristol

[bridge]
don’t sleep on the truth
get woke real quick
woke Bill Kristol is waiting
for you, you fool

we’re all in trouble
that no one can deny
Trump’s in town
wreaking havoc in the land
when will it all end
I don’t know
but keep an eye on woke Bill Kristol
he’s putting on a show