We Live In Surreal Times

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Everything is so dumb. And one of the dumbest things to happen in a long time — and that’s saying something — is how MAGA is absolutely determined to attack Taylor Swift, to make her the focus of the culture wars.

Insane. Totally, completely insane.

All I can think of is that maybe that think that because of what she looks like — and her background in country — that she’s something of a “traitor” to the MAGA cause. So much so, that they totally ignore how popular she is and how the base of her support is liberal white women, not a group known to be swayed by the ranting of malignant ding-dong Trump.


I fear this is yet another example of how the greatest nation the world has ever seen could very well collapse into chaos because of…vibes. It could be that just because we don’t like each other that the US will implode into revolution and civil war a lot sooner than you might think.

I continue to worry about what might happen as part of the 2024 presidential silly season. It will be interesting to see what happens when we meet a Moment of Truth when Federal elected officials have to decide if they’re going to jump ship to some rebel forces.

Anyway. At the moment, that’s kind of bonkers to even speculate. But the point remains — leave Tay-Tay alone.

Leave Tay-Tay Alone, MAGA

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I continue to find it very surreal how much hostility there is towards Taylor Swift on the part of the MAGA Right simply because — she wants people to register to vote?

But, here we are, with a wide-range of notable MAGA “thought leaders” screaming at the top of their lungs all sorts of vicious and hateful things about Tay-Tay at very opportunity.

Simply because she wants people to vote.

Very, very strange.

It’s as if MAGA people take the idea of voting as, by definition, a personal offense. They know that the more people vote, the more they lose elections because they simply will note, can not change their policy agenda because of racism and misogyny.

And it seems like it’s only going to get worse as we enter the 2024 political silly season. At this point, I’ll just be glad if we can make it through the election without collapsing into chaos or turning into a MAGA themed autocracy.

Is Tay-Tay A Secret Rock Star?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m so desperate for regular old pop rock that I find myself listening to lesbian rock interpretations of Taylor Swift songs and loving them. G-Flip’s cover of “Cruel Summer” is great.

G-Flip

Now, if only we could get Tay-Tay herself to come out with a straight rock album. There is a rumor that she’s recorded a rock album called Karma. But, who knows.

It could be that I’m just old and pop rock will never, ever come back for economic reasons. But it is interesting that Tay-Tay songs lend themselves to be interpreted as rock songs.

Why Tay-Tay Will Never Be ‘Great’

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The thing about Taylor Swift is she’s good, but she will never be great. And there is one specific reason — she never takes any risks. One of my favorite genre of song is when the moody, melancholy ballad singer freaks the fuck out for one song.

Tay-Tay

A prime example of this is the Tori Amos song “Raspberry Swirl.”

I just can’t imagine Tay-Tay doing such a thing. She will occasionally pop out a pop-rock song, but the long-rumored rock album “Karma” is just that — a rumor. If she were to freak the fuck out for one album in a way that scared the ever living shit out of her liberal white women fanbase, then she takes things to the next level.

I mean, think of The Beatles. They started off as One Direction…and ended up as Radiohead. If it makes Tay-Tay feel any better, if she DID freak out in her music, it would be a great way to steal a creative march on a young upstart like Olivia Rodrigo.

Proof Tay-Tay Fucks? — ‘He Looks Up Grinning Like a Devil’

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m neither a Swifty nor am I thinking up any new idea about “Cruel Summer” that I’m sure hasn’t already been discussed before. But it definitely SEEMS like Tay-Tay is talking about cunnilingus being performed on her from her POV when she sings, “He looks up grinning like a devil.”

As in, the guy is between her legs eating her out and he looks up from his cunnilingus to give her a big “devil” grin. For a long time, I thought maybe Tay-Tay was a virgin…but not more. As commented on a Tik-Tok done by a middle aged comic who went to an Era Tours show, it’s clear that Tay-Tay “fucks.”

You go, girl.

Anyway. No one cares. But it’s fun to smirk and think about Tay-Tay “writing blue” a little bit in a way that totally goes over the heads of the tweens who so often love her.

Is Tay-Tay Gay?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Any debate about the sexual orientation of Taylor Swift usually starts with the wrong question. The issue is NOT if Tay-Tay is “gay” or “queer,” the issue is — how else would one of the most famous women in the world act?

As I keep saying, because we Poors can’t wrap our little poor minds around how things work in the rarified heights of celebrity, a lot of people like Tay-Tay just keep their same-sex bed hopping on the DL because it’s not worth the trouble.

Now, things have changed a great deal — at least for celebrity women. The general public just shrugs most of the time when this or that celebrity starts a same-sex relationship. Though, I have to admit that if the rumor I’ve heard about Shailene Woodley being married to a woman turned out to be true, it would give me pause for thought.

The point is — given her wealth and cultural power, it’s almost a given some, if not all, of the chatter about Tay-Tay sharing a bed now and again with a woman is probably based on some grain of truth. She just doesn’t feel like having to deal with The New Yorker writing 10,000 word think pieces about What It Means For White Liberal Women That America’s Sweetheart Is in a Same-Sex Relationship.

This, of course, brings up the issue of what happens when Tay-Tay finally does settle down and get married and have kids. Those events, unto themselves, will be cultural supernovae.

Anyway. Whatever. Lulz. Nothing matters.

Keep An Eye On Millie Bobby Brown

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’ve already done a Twitter video on this, but lulz, here goes. The thing that getting older gives you is perspective. And I definitely can remember how strange it seemed to me in the 1990s when all these “older” women were in Playboy. But now, as someone in my early 50s, it makes total sense.

It’s a prime example of how you can get what you want after you really don’t want it anymore. I mean, if someone like Britney Spears was in Playboy, I would totally buy it. She was always rather elusive when I was younger and seeing her Playboy would be pretty hot.

Anyway, the point is — for a lot of younger people, Millie Bobby Brown is a cultural touchstone because they were going through adolescence when they first encountered her. So, the idea that Brown might let slip a little T&A (or more!) for the sake of her career would be A Big Deal for them.

I’ve seen a number of signs that she’s about to break out the nudity pretty soon. Remember, I’m saying this not as a Creepy Old Man, but as someone who knows what it’s like to be young and then get older.

I will note that young people are so fucking prudish compared to earlier generations. They have all this access to hard-core porn…and they are shocked SHOCKED by a little T&A in their mainstream movies.

Ugh. It’s so fucking annoying.

While we’re talking about such things, there is one person who would break the Internet if she did ANY form of T&A — Taylor Swift. It would be jaw dropping if she decided to change her image just a little bit and be a normal human being to the public by showing a little T&A here or there. She’s done faux nudity in a video, but, really, she’s been very chaste.

She’s managed to get away with it because her audience is mostly liberal white women. BUT there will come a point when she kind of reaches a fork in the road if she wants to EGOT. If she wants an Oscar, she’s going to have to gift us some T&A in some way. And that doesn’t even begin to address the issue of her needed / wanting to get married and have a baby or two.

Her base is growing older and doing fucking normal things like settling down, there’s going to come a point where Tay-Tay is going to have to figure out if she’s going to follow suit or not.

Taylor Swift: A Modern Day Lesley Gore?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Let me be clear, despite all the breathless speculation on the part of any number of Swifties on Tik-Tok, I’m just not willing to take seriously the idea that Taylor Swift is some sort of modern day Lesley Gore.

Gore, as you my recall, was a huge ‘mo back in the Bad Old Days. She had a brief, spectacular career in the 60s.

Before I continue, I’m not any sort of Tay-Tay superfan, so I’m going to just give you what I know off the top of my head. This whole subject just isn’t that important to me.

Here goes nothing.

My current theory of the case is, given the available lyterical evidence, it’s reasonable to assume that it’s at least possible that Tay-Tay is “queer.” She’s not gay, but she has, on occasion, fooled around women and formed significant emotional bonds with these women that she has, in turn, written about.

Tay-Tay, being a heartfelt artist, uses these feelings to power her art. The reason why Tay-Tay keeps what’s going on so oblique and obscure is she wants be just another high powered, wealthy member of the elite who fucks who she wants to fuck without 10,000 word think pieces in The New Yorker about “What Does It All Mean That America’s Sweetheart is Gay?”

I don’t think we Poors properly understand how blase and accepted same-sex relationships — especially between women — are among the Elites. To even make note of it is gouache. As such, I suspect that within her small circle of friends, her “Squad” if you will, her bi-sexual proclivities are well known and never spoken of.

I will note a few things from Tay-Tay’s lyrics. One, it definitely SEEMS as though the song “Dress” is written about her wanting to fuck a woman — probably Karlie Kloss if I have my sequence of events right. Also, it is very interesting that Tay-Tay would make reference to “Lavender Haze” when the term “Lavender Aunt” is well-known euphemism for a gay aunt.

Very curious.

So, I think what’s going on is the whole “Gaylor” issue comes from a “lost in translation” situation between the Elites and the Poors. We rubes want to ascribe to Tay-Tay some of the meta elements of her potentially sleeping with the occasional woman which simply aren’t really applicable. There’s no deeper political or cultural element to what’s going on with her and women. She’s just a wealthy, culturally powerful woman who, on occasion, shares her bed with a person of the same sex.

If it’s even happening.

Forget Pete Davidson, When is Taylor Swift Dating Cara Delevingne?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m enjoying some whiskey this quiet Sunday evening and so, lulz, I find my inebriated mind pondering the question of the ages: so, is Tay-Tay going to date Cara Delevingne now?

The thing about Tay-Tay is she is the exact center of modern white heteronormative pop culture. An entire generation of (white) (liberal) women have projected all their hopes, dreams and aspirations onto Tay-Tay to a ridiculous degree.

As such, there is a lot to unpack about what Tay-Tay might do next with her romantic life. I’m fond of Tay-Tay because from her lyrics — she’s obviously sex-positive and loves to drink — just like me! So, obviously, she’s just another human being like all of us.

So, all things equal, she should be allowed to go through a “slut era” like Emrata. But, alas, because of all those liberal white women feeling broody it may be that Tay-Tay just doesn’t feel she can go around banging a series of high profile men like Emrata.

If she did something which would be perfectly understandable, the Wall Street Journal (or The New Yorker) would be writing long tirades about how the woke cancel culture mob and feminism is turning even Tay-Tay into a slut. What does it all mean? The headlines would scream if Tay-Tay was seen conspicuously bouncing from man to man for a few months.

But, wait, it gets worse.

If Tay-Tay decide to make her long-rumored “queer” side official, the amount of verbiage written by “thinkers” in the mass media would be astonishing. It is very easy for center-Right people to assume Tay-Tay is one of them because of, well, the way she looks. This is true to the point that Tay-Tay has to go way, way, way out of her way to MAGA fascists they have it all wrong.

So, but for how MAGA fascists would freak the fuck out, I could totally see Tay-Tay dating someone like Cara Delevingne. I think it would be sweet and fun if she did, and given how many songs St. Vincent wrote about Delevingne, maybe we might get some music out of the whole thing. And, what’s more the two women are already pretty close — Delevingne was a member of Tay-Tay’s “squad” back in the day.

I still don’t know what might — or might not — have happened between Tay-Tay and Karli Koss. There was a moment there when it definitely SEEMED like they were fucking. But at the same time, whatever they were doing, they did in a way that gave them the plausible deniability of just being “good friends.”

And, remember, the idea of a same-sex relationship between two women being something to even notice is a construct of we Poors. Within the elite worlds of fashion and Hollywood to even raise an eyebrow about two women dating is considered extremely gouache and low class.

Anyway, the point is — while it would be cool and all if Tay-Tay went a little nuts and bed hopped with both men and women, I suspect that’s just not going to happen. The poor woman can’t even get married and drop a few kids without it being THE CENTER OF DEBATE on editorial pages across the world.

Anyway. Thankfully, no one cares what I think.

I Hope Taylor Swift Dates Pete Davidson, Just So We Can Finally Get Her To Release a Rock Album

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Jesus Christ, does modern pop music suck. I don’t know how much of this observation is I’m old and how much is it that the economics of modern pop music combined with changes in youth culture mean that music is, in fact, demonstrably worse.

We are overdue for a third wave of Punk music. But to date, at least, it definitely seems, lulz, that’s never going to happen. We’re just going to drift into a sea of bland, meh pop music for the rest of my life.

It definitely seems as though if anyone is going to save us from decades of bland music it’s Taylor Swift. Rumor has it that she produced — but shelved — a rock album called “Karma” for some reason. It definitely seems as though if Tay-Tay dated a bad boy like Pete Davidson that maybe he would inspire her to freak out and do a really great pop rock album.

Or not.

What do I know.

It could be that the economics of pop music — along with all the would be punks being Incels on Reddit — mean not even Tay-Tay could save ourselves from ourselves. It’s all rather curious. It’s as if something I don’t know is warping pop music to the point that rock will never, ever be pop again.

Ugh.